Sweet Contradiction
by just-beginning
Summary: She wasn't what he expected; she was the first surprise he can remember liking. Natalie's life isn't like Billy's - she's just trying to get through college- but she takes a chance on him. But is his life too much? If it's too dangerous, can he let go?
1. Chapter 1

**Here's the first chapter in my new story that's been a while in the making. I have a good number of chapters finished so hopefully I'll be updating soon. Please review.  
Enjoy!  
**

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Take Notice  
"_Something is always happening, but people when it happens people don't always see it, or understand it, or accept it." -__**Fallen**_

Billy Darley definitely had a presence about him wherever he went. Sitting in the hospital waiting room, everyone was giving him a moderately wide berth, which was just as well since he was highly annoyed. Heco just had to go and fall down a flight of stairs cuz his drunk ass couldn't even see straight. Usually they took care of their injuries, but an arm with a compound fracture was a little out of their expertise. At least it wasn't a leg…he'd be less useful with a temporary gimp. Still, this was going to put a hitch in their work for a bit.

'_Fuckin Heco…'_

At least he wasn't high on anything, then he'd actually be in trouble. This way he got to leave as soon as they stitched him up and got him a cast and some pain killers.

_'Shit; if he gets hooked on some pills I'm killin' him…'_

He should be all set soon, so Billy got up to see if anyone could tell him. The nurse looked up at him to see what he needed, but concern swept her face before she could even say anything as she looked past him. Annoyed, he turned to look over his shoulder to find what got her attention only to see someone being wheeled in with a knife in their side.

The sight did nothing to shock him, as he'd seen far too many similar things.

"Left," the nurse directed.

"No, that's full," another nurse chimed in.

The bed ceased movement for a moment as they figured out where to go, and Billy's eyes skimmed up to see who'd been unlucky enough to get stuck tonight. He found a young woman, but she didn't look from the streets like he was expecting. Her jeans were clean and her shirt looked like it was clean, too, back before the left side got soaked with blood.

He remained detached and relatively disinterested until he looked into her face and their eyes met for a moment.

Her look was a little frantic from the shock of adrenaline and her eyes were pained. Pained and scared, but they looked to be growing a little weak and her face a little pale.

Out of nowhere, it occurred to him that was how Joe must've looked, and then he couldn't look away.

She closed her eyes, unaware of the fascination that suddenly overtook him. Still, he watched what he hadn't been able to see Joe through. Even as they got themselves organized and wheeled her away, his eyes watched her and he was completely distracted.

"Can I help you?…sir?…sir!?"

Billy snapped to attention and whipped back towards the nurse so quick it startled her, making her almost cower under his stare.

"…nah, I'll just keep waitin'," he decided, slowly drifting back to his seat, taking a last glance down the hall the stretcher has disappeared down.

He dropped back into the stiff chair heavily with a sigh, mind drifting to his little brother. Joe had made it through, but unfortunately through no help of Billy's; it was little more than blind luck. Actually, if anyone was to thank it would be the police but Billy would never actually admit to that aloud. That little fucker Nick Humes had stuck Joe after Joe had killed his son in that gas station. Billy and the boys had taken-off by then, thinking they were leaving Joe to foot it home, or maybe take the subway, but they'd really left him to be stabbed in the gut with his own damn knife. When the police showed up, Nick was holding his dead son and Joe was bleeding on the sidewalk while a bystander had called 911. The killer was there, stuck at the scene of the crime…slam dunk case and Joe was in jail, though he'd lucked out immensely with only a couple years to serve.

Billy groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. If they'd just stayed a minute longer then Joe could've gotten in the car. Billy and the boys had hunted down Nick Humes straight away after the conviction…they should've done it before the hearing.

Joe had patched up fine but Billy hadn't been there for any of it…hadn't been there to see that panicked, pained look on his face…hadn't heard those painful gasps escape his mouth. But he'd seen that girl…heard her, and it brought the memory back, though the incident was over a year old now.

It wasn't like he didn't know blood was part of the lives they'd gotten themselves into; he knew it better than some people…he'd experienced more than most, spilling others' and having his own spilt. Everything was a little different when it was his brother, though; though he might as well be family with all his boys, Joe was his actual family, his brother who he'd protected ever since they were kids. Every time he thought of Joe toughing it out in a cell, he wondered if Bodie's warning had been right…maybe they'd initiated Joe too soon for his own good.

He was the leader; he was supposed to have his hand on everything, keeping it from hitting the fan.

He was glad to be pulled from his thoughts by a commotion through the waiting room. A tall man with a receding hairline and a woman with short brown hair bustled in and straight up to the nurse's station; the woman looked panicked, the man clearly meant business as he addressed the nurse sternly.

"Where's Natalie Shepherd?"

"Who are you?" the nurse checked.

"We're her parents…was she really stabbed? We were told she was hurt at a party…"

That got Billy's attention and he gave the couple a once over. The woman's slightly disheveled hair is what gave away that they'd been woken in the night. They wore simple clothes, clearly whatever they'd first laid hands on, but the coats they donned were nice and were the one thing about them, besides the lady's purse and the dignity the man held himself with, that told Billy they had money. So princess had found herself in trouble.

"Alright, you're going to have to wait for a doctor to come out, just like anyone else…"

"Listen, I'm Christopher Shepherd; I'm a lawyer. I'm sure I know some people I could call around here…. can we save the time and get a move on?"

The nurse looked a little aggravated that he threw that out there, but strode off to go check as per his request. Billy didn't catch exactly what she said when she returned but she directed the agitated parents to a seat to wait for the doctor. Well at least there was something happening to interest him now…

"Yo, dawg, lets get outta here," he heard Heco groan.

Billy turned and saw Heco trudging over looking like shit. His arm was in a white cast and his shirt and jeans both had blood on them. Sure; right when Billy found something interesting about the place was when Heco would be done.

"Alright; lets get the fuck outta here," he nodded, not letting it show than anything going on was of relevance to him.

"Gotta pick up some 'scripts, man," Heco added, holding up a paper.

"Perfect; ya know you're lucky I was even around tonight, right?"

"I know; I apologized for all this…"

Billy nodded and lead the way out to his car. The injury had sobered Heco up pretty quick and he knew it was lucky Billy had the time; he knew he'd fucked up, too, and apologized profusely on the way over for not thinking. Billy was highly annoyed and pretty pissed off, but they'd all had their nights of drinking too much

He took Heco to pick up his prescription and then dropped him off as his apartment complex. Then he had to go by the office and figure out how everything was going to go now. He wasn't sure how much he trusted Heco while he was doped on painkillers, so he sure as hell wasn't letting him run any corners or the underpass on his own. That meant re-allotting when people would work where, so he had to think it all through and then let everyone know.

He put in an hour or two doing some business and then went back to his apartment, where it was just him ever since Joe had been put away. He dropped to sit at the end of his bed and run a hand over his bald head, sighing deeply. His thoughts drifted back to the hospital…to that face and the look in those eyes.

So, in the middle of the night, he got back up and went back down to his car to go back to the hospital.

* * *

Nicole Shepherd slowly began to wake up. Again.

She'd been drifting in and out ever since her hovering, worried parents left. After the commotion of the evening she would've thought she'd completely conk out from exhaustion, but she couldn't seem to just stay asleep for the night.

Her eyes cracked open and she blinked slowly into the dim room. She had never really been in hospitals much, but she was deciding she wasn't a fan. She didn't particularly like something about the way it smelled…mostly she just didn't like the way she'd gotten there.

She blinked again and finally realized she was looking at someone. Jumping slightly, she stiffened in the propped-up bed only to cringe and bring her hand up quickly to cover her side.

"Who're you?"

Her eyes focused on a tall man standing just inside the door, leaning back against the side of the door jamb. A moment or two of silence lapsed and he didn't look inclined to answer. Slowly, recognition flitted through her mind the longer she looked at him. She knew him…no, no she didn't…but she'd seen him…

"You were here when I came in…"

He nodded affirmatively.

"..what're you doing in here?"

Billy opened his mouth and then shrugged, changing the way he was going to proceed.

"So what happened to ya?"

"Well I was stabbed; you saw," Natalie frowned, internally wondering if she was just dreaming this whole thing.

"But how? Ya don't really look like ya go around gettin' in fights…"

"Oh…just walked into the wrong room at the wrong party at the wrong time," she answered hesitantly, looking him up and down confusedly.

"Hmmm…"

"…who are you?" she asked again, straightening up and adjusting the oxygen tube under her nose; she wasn't really sure why she had it.

"Doesn't really matter…" he shrugged.

"Well why're you here?"

Billy gave a sort of half shrug to that and grabbed the chair nearest the door, twisting it around to sit in it backwards, straddling the back of it. He just sat there, so Natalie just sat there. She relaxed back and drowsiness began to take hold, making her fight for consciousness because she wasn't sure she wanted to fall asleep with him around to watch. She didn't know him, she didn't understand why he was there…but she also didn't feel like she was in danger, so she didn't press the call button to get a nurse. Still, she didn't want to sleep…but she slowly drifted off, anyway.

Billy watched this, wondering why he even stuck around. He just wanted to see…her? He didn't know what; just wanted to see. There wasn't much to observe but he stuck around until she fell asleep…he was even surprised that she fell asleep with him there. Maybe it was the lighting or maybe she was groggy and didn't really process the way he looked, but he'd sort of thought she was going to find some way to kick him right out. Yeah…she was probably doped up on some drug

____

The next time Natalie woke it was to an empty room. She'd actually slept a few good hours so it was a pretty appropriate time to be awake now. Visiting hours started up not long after that, but she had no more strange visitors, only her parents and her best friend Paige, who showed up hesitantly. The party Natalie had gotten hurt at was at Paige's cousin's house so Paige felt responsible for inviting her over and was nervous Natalie would be mad….worse yet, that her parents would be mad. As it was, Paige wasn't to be blamed and Natalie was glad she came by to help her pass the time before she was discharged. Her injury wasn't serious, despite the loss of blood, as nothing serious had been hit by the knife, so she'd only stayed overnight for observation before being released.


	2. Mystery

**Alright, i hope you liked the first chapter =)**

**Here's the 2nd; enjoy and review**

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**Mystery**  
"_As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." __-C.G. Jung_

Natalie Shepherd lifted the corner of her t-shirt to peek at the scar on her side. It was healing up nicely and the scar left should be a clean one, nothing overly gaudy. Her scary night was in the past, now, and she was pretty well recouped by now. She'd had to talk to the police, but doubted anything she'd said had really helped since she hadn't recognized anyone in the fight she'd inadvertently walked into.

But school had started now, and it was back to class, which was why she was up in the morning getting ready. Getting back in a routine of college almost made it seem like nothing out of the ordinary had happened to end the summer. The college wasn't that far from her house, so she was living at home and actually finding herself glad to be getting away from her still-worrying mother. Typically she had all the freedom she wanted -- she was an adult, after all -- but her mom was playing the doting-mother far too well, hardly giving Natalie peace.

She knew she was running a little late, so she righted her shirt and shoved her hairbrush and some other things back into her drawer before hurrying downstairs to grab her bag, purse, and keys on her way to the door. Both of her parents were already off to work, so she locked up behind her and was off.

She met Joel Tanner, a friend she'd known even in high school, where he was sitting in front of the building that housed the first class of that day, which they shared.

"Running late," he shook his head at her in a chastising way.

"I know, I know…I kind of spaced out this morning," she shrugged, ducking away from his hand, which was reaching out to ruffle her hair.

"Great, I have to deal you going crazy now -- like I'm not busy enough," he groaned.

"I'm not going crazy," Natalie chuckled, hitting him lightly in the side.

"Right right…"

They quieted down when they got to class, Joel opening the door to let her in ahead of him. They took their seats, and Natalie wished she was still in bed; history wasn't one of her favorite classes, it was just necessary to fulfill a Gen Ed. She must not have been hiding her boredom well, because Joel poked her a few times to jerk her back to reality with a knowing grin.

"Could you make it a little more obvious that you wanted to sleep through the whole lecture?" he teased after they'd packed up and escaped the classroom.

"Well I could've actually slept," she suggested.

"Right, right…what's gotten into you?"

"I'm just tired…and it's not like either of us _likes_ that class, so don't be so hard on me," she muttered.

"Sorry…I'm just trying to make sure my patient is adjusting well"

Natalie gave him a hard look for that one before looking forward and shoving the double doors open to stride moodily to her next class. Unfortunately, she shared it with Joel; after the little crack about her being in the hospital, she didn't really want to talk to him. It wasn't that she felt completely traumatized by it -- she got that it was all a coincidence, so she didn't think anyone was after her -- but it had still been scary and wasn't a memory she wanted to think about.

"Nat, come on. I was joking….I was joking; you know that"

"Mmhmmm"

Joel groaned, mentally kicking himself for the flippant comment, and just headed down the sidewalk alongside her without a word. He didn't mean to upset her…he was sure she knew that.

"Well that car certainly isn't subtle…"

Natalie looked up to see what he was talking about even though she wasn't into cars, but knew what car he was talking about right away. A black mustang with red-orange detailing in what looked like some sort of tribal design was parked by the sidewalk; Joel was right -- it didn't exactly just blend in. She didn't really care, though, and was going to look away until she saw what appeared to be the car's owner. He was standing next to the car, hand on it, talking into a cell phone that was pressed to his ear. As they neared they could hear as he began to raise his voice, sounding angry.

Then he turned around.

This didn't strike Natalie in any way at first and she looked away so a stranger didn't think she was staring, but she looked back again quickly. She cocked her head at the man a bit, recognition seeping through her. It was him, that guy from the hospital. Though she'd been a little drugged-up the last time she saw him in her patient room, she remembered that had happened.

Either he felt eyes on him or just happened to lay eyes on her, but he obviously recognized her too. He went quiet, faltering in his conversation for hardly a moment when he caught her eye.

"What? Yeah, I'm listenin'…just shut your mouth and do like I said…do it!"

He snapped his phone shut but they were passing him by then and Natalie glanced back at him before continuing on her way and trying to pretend that didn't happen.

Billy was pretty sure he could kick himself -- why was he even here? Why was he ordering around business from this college campus? For a while he'd been scolding himself for even spending time sitting there; that was until he saw her -- but now what?

He saw her. So what?

He didn't know why he was even bothering at all with this chick. He had a good idea he wouldn't like her…he was already almost positive he hated her. He'd figured out who her parents were at the hospital, so she was probably some spoiled, whiney brat. He couldn't stand rich assholes with their arrogantly perfect lives -- girls included. So it bugged the hell out of him, that he couldn't get this bitch off his mind…couldn't forget that look, couldn't shake it….

So he stuck around even after getting off the phone with Tommy. He wasn't sure how many students went there or exactly how big the campus was, so he didn't really know his chances of seeing her again. He had a while before he had to be somewhere, though, so he stuck around just in case.

In case of….what?

Billy Darley hated not knowing things, so he was going to figure her out. Something was intriguing to him about her, and he was going to figure out what it was. Usually if someone agitated him this much he'd just off them…or at least give them a good beating. This wasn't necessarily aggravating in a bad way, though…

He made some more calls, so he didn't completely waste his time, and watched college students mill past. College…one thing he didn't really get. Of course, college had never been in his cards, not even a blip on his radar. He'd gotten through his Junior year in high school but by then he was sixteen, so he dropped out. He'd hated it, only attending for as long as he did to keep truancy investigations off the map; that kept Bones happy, which kept Billy safer.

And yet here were thousands of people happy to keep going to school…and pay for it.

Strange.

_____

"Joel, okay -- it's fine. I promise; I'm not mad or anything, but I don't want to talk about it," Natalie insisted.

As soon as they got out of class, Joel was on her case apologizing for bringing up anything.

"Ah, you are too mad," Joel rolled his eyes. "I wasn't trying to be insensitive."

"I know"

"Then why aren't you even paying attention," Joel sighed, grabbing her elbow lightly to stop her since they'd passed his building.

"I am. I hear you, and I'm over it. Now let go so we can both get going…"

"Can I have a smile first…?"

"'ey!" --- they both turned to see the tall, bald mustang-owner straighten where he was leaned before moving the cigarette from his mouth. "I think she said to let go," he nodded at them.

"Oh, it's not like that," Natalie explained quickly even as Joel quickly dropped his hand.

"Look, I'll see you later, Nat…have fun with Paige"

Joel cast a wary look at the stranger and turned around to get to his class. That left Natalie there and she shifted her focus to this mysterious stranger.

She knew it was the guy from the hospital that night, but had a better look at him now than ever before. She could see, now, just how big he was, tall and broad. His tattoos were visible, too, sneaking up onto his neck, past the collar of his shirt. She'd been a little scared of his presence that night, but was only just seeing that he actually did seem a little scary.

Someone bumped into her as they hurried down the sidewalk, causing her to stumble forwards just slightly. When she looked back to him she looked up into his face rather than taking him in as a whole. She found that he was looking her over similarly and she cocked her head slightly, taking another step forward even though his presence was foreboding.

"So are you some kind of stalker?" she asked, pulling the corner of her mouth up into a small smile.

He just looked at her; he came off bored but his eyes were alert as he dragged on his cigarette.

"Nah, I ain't stalkin' anybody"

"…so are you waiting for your class?" she asked casually, though he hardly looked like he belonged there; maybe that was judgmental, but it was the truth.

"I don't do school," he told her flatly, keeping his detached gaze on her.

"Whattcha doin' here then?"

"Is it illegal to park here? Cuz I didn't see no signs," he shrugged, waving his hand at the street where other cars were parked.

"No, I guess not," she chuckled a little. "…do you have a name?"

"You ask a lotta questions; ya know that?" he raised an eyebrow at her.

Natalie bit the inside of her cheek and narrowed her eyes a little as she looked him over again. She wasn't mad, but she was certainly curious. He made her a little edgy and she had the distinct feeling that she should be a little more scared, but it wasn't like he'd tried to even intimidate her any time she's seen him…

"Sorry….well, I gotta go; it's lunchtime. So…yeah," she ended the encounter lamely.

He just tilted his head up slightly in acknowledgment and sucked deeply on his cigarette. Natalie forced herself not to glance back as she walked away to meet Paige for lunch.

That was easily one of the most awkward conversations she'd ever had. For a moment she felt like she's committed some faux pas by asking so many questions, as he'd been forward enough to point out, but then reminded herself they'd been legitimate questions since she was curious about this guy who kept popping up in her life lately. It would be one thing if she saw him around the city sometimes, or if she always saw him around campus…but he'd been at the hospital, clearly come back specifically to her hospital room, and then just been sitting there like that. She wasn't putting any real stock in her accusation of "stalker" because if that's what he was really doing, he surely wouldn't be doing it so publicly.

Maybe it was a coincidence; things like this did just happen sometimes, even in a big city.

"Hey girl; did your class go over or something'?"

"No, I just stopped to talk to someone; sorry Paige," Natalie smiled apologetically once she met Paige outside of campus center, like usual.

"No big deal; let's get moving"

They hurried down the street to a little café off campus. Natalie enjoyed the lunch as they chatted amicably about anything, but couldn't shake the thought of the man from the hospital. Was she going to see him again? Would he just keep showing up? Did he want something? Should she be worried?…was this the kind of thing she should tell someone about?

Part of her told her that if she was worrying so much about it then, yeah, she should tell someone what was going on…or what she thought was going on. A more calm part of her reasoned that nothing had actually happened yet, so what was there, really, to tell.

* * *

"Where the hell you been all day?" Bodie asked when he looked up to see Billy strutting into the lab to check on things.

"The fuck are you talkin' to me like that for, huh?" Billy frowned, looking him over; it's not like he hadn't been reachable all day.

"Just no one knew where ya were," Bodie shrugged, not too concerned with the snappy retort; Billy was his leader, sure, but they'd been brothers too long for them to really take offense to each other. "You didn't tell nobody nothin', man; you straight?"

"I'm good; just lookin' into somethin'," Billy waved away the question. "Everything good here? I'd like to think I can be gone for half a day and shit won't get fucked up…"

"Yeah, we're good, bro. Don't gotta worry 'bout nothin'," Heco grinned.

"Heco, half the time I gotta be worried about you bein' high," Billy reminded him, thrusting a finger in his direction.

"Nah, man, I'm clean. I'm straight. I'm good," Heco readily assured him. "Just my pills, and those are legit."

Billy rolled his eyes. Yeah, his pills were prescribed and Billy was just sure he was loving it.

He continued to the back and grabbed his canvas bag from the cubby he kept it stashed away in when it wasn't on him. He grabbed the wad of money from his back pocket that he'd just collected from Tommy and then sat down to count that, plus what was in the bag from the night before. He had a delivery to Bones soon, and it usually served well to be prepared. So, in light of his impending meeting with his father, he shoved away thoughts of Natalie Shepherd and concentrated on the cash he'd soon be parting with.

* * *

"Girl, who're you texting?" Paige asked, slinging her bag over her shoulder after their lunch sometime the next week; now they had a class together.

"Joel"

"Uh-huh…you guys getting together or what? "Paige smiled in a sly, knowing sort of way.

"No; no, I seriously doubt that," Natalie scrunched her face a little to shake her head, even as her fingers jumped around to text Joel back.

"We'll see --- oho, shit…I think somebody pissed off the wrong guy," Paige commented, sounding on the verge of amused.

"Hmmm?" Natalie looked up quickly, wondering if they were going to see a fist fight throw down on the lawn or something.

She saw nothing out of the ordinary, just students hurrying here and there to get to class.

"What're you talking about?"

"See that car there?"

Paige pointed down the street to a mostly-black mustang where it was parked next to the sidewalk. It happened to be a car that Natalie was familiar with by now but she couldn't understand why Paige would know the car, or care that it was there. She'd seen it parked on campus a couple times, but hadn't gone up to him yet since she wasn't sure what's she'd say to him that she hadn't already said, and he hadn't shown any intentions of answering her questions. She just wanted to know what he was; it might give her a better idea of whatever was going on.

"Sure. So?"

"_So_?" Paige laughed. "Honey, you need to leave your neighborhood and come to my side of the tracks more often. That's Billy Darley….heads up the Darley gang…please tell me you know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah, I've heard the name before," Natalie nodded slowly. "But I wouldn't recognize him."

"Well that's him," Paige nodded to where Billy was standing on the side of the car farthest from them, leaning against the door with a phone at his ear. "Might not have realized it from this far if it wasn't for the car, but I've seen him before. Never at school, but around home."

"You just see him waltzing around? Fun…" Natalie muttered.

How, exactly, had she managed to get some gang-leading criminal popping up in her life?

"Well it's not like I'm in some gang, so what problem does he have with me? I don't work for him, don't work against him, and I don' buy anything from him. To him I'm just another person walking on the street, and visa versa," Paige shrugged. "But still, he's one dangerous S.O.B…that's for damn sure. Come on, let's cut this way incase he's here start trouble…"

They cut off the sidewalk across the lawn and Natalie spared a glance back at the black mustang. Maybe it was a good think she hadn't approached him again…

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**Hope you enjoyed. Please reviews.**


	3. Tell a Friend

**Hey, i hope you guys have been enjoying the story so far. This chapter is a little short but i cut one chapter into two smaller ones because a few different things were happeneing and it seemed better to make it too. SOOOO the next chapter should be up really soon, i just have to check for spelling errors and wahtnot....so probbaly late tonight or tomorrow after i do some school work. **

**Reviews will probably make me update faster =) Don't they always? Anyway, on with the story**

**OH! Also, i was thinking about trying to put links on my profile for pictures of how i picture the characters...good idea? yes, no...**

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**Tell a Friend**_  
My life was just an old routine  
__Everyday the same damn thing  
_'_**High Cost of Living' by Jamey Johnson**_

**_-_**

"Booooo," the little tow-headed boy whined, stomping his feet and yanking on the hand he was holding moodily.

"Come on, Logan; just for a little bit and we'll go home. You have to behave"

"You have to be good," he echoed sternly, pointing up at his dark-haired aunt.

"No, _you're_ the one who needs to be good," Natalie grinned, bending down to scoop up her nephew.

He seemed more content with his place on her hip and twirled a lock of her hair in one of his hands. Natalie was pleased with his shift to tranquility as she pulled open the door of the corner store and walked in. It was a music store, so nothing greatly exciting for Logan. It wasn't exactly her dream afternoon either, but she'd just wander in there for a while before seeing if the park across the street was clear; if it wasn't, she'd just take him home.

The park had been fine at first. It was a little windy but she'd gotten Logan into his coat and he'd run around with all the other kids; she pushed him on the swings for a few minutes but he mostly just wanted to run up and around the playsets and then fly down the slides over and over. That was fine with Natalie, and for a while the only problem they had was that Logan wanted to play on the monkey bars like he saw a couple older boys doing, but he wasn't strong enough to hold himself up and Natalie didn't know if she could hold him up that high for very long. Still, he'd gotten over it quickly.

The real problem of the afternoon happened when **he** came.

Billy Darley.

He didn't walk right onto the playground, as he certainly would've drawn some attention, but she saw him hanging back near the street leaning one shoulder on a lamppost as he slowly worked his way through a cigarette. She tried to ignore it, but her newly acquired knowledge of exactly who he was ate at her. She hadn't seen him in a couple days, the day Paige had noticed him, so she'd been trying not to dwell on the disconcerting news. Once he was near again it wasn't so easy to ignore, so she elected not to stay.

The music store was the closest store that it made sense for her to go to; maybe Billy would just leave and she could let Logan play again.

"This is music," she explained, holding a CD case up for him to look at.

"Music," he repeated. "Like Disney music?"

"No," she chuckled.

For some reason she hadn't given much thought to Billy following her into the store.

"Well looky here…didn't know ya had a kid…" a teasing, deep tone drawled from just behind her.

She froze, CD held in midair. Slowly, she lowered it back into its place and turned, adjusting Logan at her side. She looked Billy over; he looked much the same in his brown coat, though for some reason she'd expected him to seem a lot scarier.

"…what do you want?" she sighed, tired of wondering.

"Want? …I'm just makin' an observation here."

He was completely calm, which frustrated her more because she knew she was freaking out a little.

"…so?"

"So he's my nephew; I'm doing my sister-in-law a favor," she supplied, eyeing him up and down like he might pull a knife out at any time or something.

"Hi," Logan cooed, waving sloppily up at the tall man.

Billy just eyed him in an unsure way, never really having dealt with kids much before. Natalie took his hand and lowered it; she ignored the pout that Logan then aimed at her.

"Look, could you just leave me alone?" she requested, keeping attitude from her voice because, well, he was a gang lord and she was just Natalie.

"Whoa…all I did was walk into a music store," he defended himself, some small bit of amusement dancing in his blue eyes.

"Whatever…"

Since he was blocking her way out of the isle, she turned back to the selection before her, thumbing through some titles. Billy moved to look through some rock albums next to her but kept quiet and didn't bother her any further. Unfortunately, Logan remained interested in him and twisted around in her hold to keep looking his way.

"Logan stay still," she admonished.

"Be good," he repeated himself from earlier.

"Yes, be good," she murmured.

Billy continued to linger around her and she tried to get herself to forget he was there. However, trying **not** to think of him only served to make her hyperaware of his presence. She glanced his way despite herself and caught his gaze on her; it was a look she couldn't comprehend so she looked away. Then her curiosity got the better of her and she looked back over; he was still looking at her even though his fingers idly flipped through CDs. She held this look longer but ultimately looked away and made the decision to leave.

She figured her wouldn't follow her and start anything. It was the middle of the day, so that gave her some security. With a steadying breath to calm her racing heart, she turned to head for the door. Unfortunately, Billy must've been watching closely because he anticipated this and stepped backwards into her way so she nearly ran into him. Logan squealed amusedly when she jerked back and reached up towards Billy; Natalie didn't know what he was trying to grab, but she pulled his hand away again.

"Excuse me"

"…not gonna buy somethin'?"

"No, I'm just gonna go…and, look, I know who you are…" she felt compelled to inform him.

"Ooooh," he grinned slowly, hands in his coat pockets, "so you're scared."

She was pretty sure he sounded amused with that.

"I'm not saying that," she negated, not really addressing how true that statement might be. "Just…if you're not going to tell me what you want, I have to go," she told him as reasonably as she could; no reason to be scared, they were in public….

"There a problem?"

They both looked over to a man eyeing them from behind the counter. He looked like he was ready to step in on her behalf but faltered when he locked eyes with Billy.

"No; no problem," Billy informed him casually.

"Yeah, I was just leaving. Sorry."

The worker nodded slowly and Natalie side-stepped Billy, trying to walk calmly to the exit. Once outside, she hurried to her car. She looked around but didn't see Billy come out, nor did she even see his car anywhere, so she got Logan situated in his seat and just took him back to her house. Her nerves were a little frazzled but she was proud of herself for keeping her cool; she felt she'd handled the situation quite well.

Billy left the music store shortly after Natalie did, having no real need to be there in the first place. Hell, he didn't have any reason for being at the park either, and he hadn't intended to be until he saw her crossing the street to the playground with that nephew of hers. This time it really was coincidence that he happened to see her, so he'd taken advantage and doubled back to the playground once he took care of some business nearby.

It was interesting that she now knew who he was; it added a little twist to the situation. It intrigued him even further that she hadn't completely freaked out. She was nervous, sure, but she'd kept it together instead of panicking like some sniveling, immature brat. So far, she wasn't what he expected.

It bothered him. The whole stupid thing would have been easier if she reacted like he thought she would and he could be done with it, able to convince himself that, no, there wasn't actually anything interesting about her so he might as well move on. Instead, the exact opposite; he just found another reason to be enthralled by this girl who he was starting to wish he'd never seen.

Well, he wasn't sure if he meant that. It had been a while since anything had really caught his attention. Life was always interesting, but in a way always the same shit. He typically figured that was good because that meant things were, for the most park, going smoothly…but it was also felt kind of good for something new and, for reasons not entirely clear, captivating, to make it's way onto his radar.

* * *

"Paige, I want to tell you something," Natalie blurted out at the end of the week over lunch.

"Okay," Paige looked a little taken aback at how abruptly her friend spat this out.

"Sorry, I just wanted to say that before I chickened out or something…" Natalie sighed; she'd thought long and hard over this and still wondered if she maybe wanted to take back starting the conversation.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked, concerned about what Natalie could possibly be scared to tell her.

"Alright, remember last week when you saw that car and you were telling me about Billy Darley?"

"…yeah…"

Paige was already pretty sure she couldn't like anywhere this conversation could go.

"Well that's not the first time I've seen him lately…"

"Oh, don't get too scared; I mean, he practically runs some parts of this city"

"But it's too much and, not to sound paranoid, but I'm pretty sure he'd been on campus a few times lately because of me"

"Cuz of **you**? What'd you do?" Paige frowned.

"Nothing! That's just it. It doesn't make sense. It started that night at the hospital…he was in the waiting room for someone when I came in; he was at the nurse's desk asking about somebody. So he saw me for a second, and then later on I woke up in the middle of the night in the hospital room, and there he was."

"Hold up -- in your room?!"

"Yeah, just standing there like it was no big deal. I asked him what he was doing but he ignored that and just asked me how the hell I ended up stabbed like that. I told him and that was pretty much it cuz I was doped up and fell back asleep. **Then** I saw him on campus…and I asked him if he was stalking me ---"

"You asked a gang leader if he was stalking you?" Paige gaped.

"Well it was before I realized who it was -- I told you I didn't recognize him on my own. Anyway, he denied it. So I saw his car around a couple times and then you told me who he was. I thought I could just forget all about it until Wednesday when he showed up at the park when I was with Logan, and followed us over to the CD store."

"Whoa, this is too much…what'd he do?!"

"Nothing, really…I told him I knew who he was and he seemed to think it was a little funny…"

"Yeah, cuz he's probably _crazy_," Paige muttered, rubbing a hand through her black hair. "Okay, has anything else happened?"

"No"

"….well it sounds kindda innocent then. I mean, weird, but mostly innocent…right?"

"I guess. I just had to tell someone. I kind of freaks me out that he's in a gang and stuff but I feel kind of like you said you do -- I don't go around associating with gangs or pissing off gang members, so another part of me isn't that worried….but I also feel like I should be. I don't know what I think."

"Yeah, it'd be stalker-ish if he was showing up at your house or something….wait, how did he know what school you went to?"

"Trust me, I thought about that, too. I was wearing a college t-shirt, though, that night in the hospital. Remember? I wasn't even dressed up cuz I didn't know we were going anywhere when I came to your place? So I figure that could explain that…I just don't get why…"

"Cuz he's Billy Darley and does what he wants? I dunno…has he threatened you?"

"No"

"Good…I want to say don't worry about it, but I definitely don't know a whole lot about him; just from the news and word on the street, ya know?"

"Yeah…I'm not panicking, I guess," Natalie shrugged. "I just wanted to get it off my chest."

"No way you're telling your old man, huh?" Paige grinned.

"Definitely not," Natalie grinned right back. "Or anyone, really. Can this just be between us for now?"

"Sure…you don't want lover-boy Joel knowing some guy's got his eye on you?" she laughed.

"First: Joel is not my lover-boy; we're friends now. Second…I don't even know if he "has his eye on me"….I could be making something out of nearly-nothing."

"Right…just see what happens; if you haven't pissed him off then there's not any reason to be too scared. If you feel uncomfortable, just walk the other way.

"Yeah, you're right…"

They slowly moved onto considerably lighter conversation, but in the back of Natalie's head she was still mulling over what this Billy seemed so interested in her. She was trying to think over anything she could've done to call attention to herself, but she was positive she'd never seen him around before that night at the hospital; he was kind of someone you don't forget easily. She didn't buy or sell drugs, wasn't some hooker, didn't go around carrying guns, and didn't do anything else she thought a gang leader would be interested in.

What could someone so incredibly different from her want from her?

* * *

**Okay, hope you enjoyed. Like i said, next chapter has a little more interest and should be up really soon  
Review =)**


	4. Visits

**Alrighty then, here's the update i promised would be coming quickly. Guess it wasn't quite as soon as i planned, but pretty quick anyway. **

**Enjoy and please review...  
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**  
****Visits**_  
If this is a test  
__I'm losing my shit  
_'_**The Test' by The Academy Is…  
**_**______**

Billy stood against the wall in the long line of people. Not much was going on, some people talked quietly, bust mostly everyone was just anxiously waiting. He wouldn't categorize himself as anxious, though he was starting to crave a cigarette; too bad there was no smoking in there. It's just that he didn't like being there, didn't like how many cops were around; most of them were eying him because, well, he was just infamous like that with law enforcement.

He didn't let it show, though, just lounged there waiting his turn like everyone else. He'd been there to the prison to visit before, so he knew that the name 'Darley' on the visitation forms meant he'd be made to wait just so the guards could be jerk-offs for a while. So plenty of people came and went ahead of him before he finally got his half hour.

"Can't take the coat; leave it here," the guard who had to check his ID informed him.

He shrugged it off and handed it over to be kept at the desk; he was sure the pockets would be searched.

"Got anything sharp on you, Darley? Anything you might start trouble with?"

"Nah, that'd be against the rules," he told them coolly.

"Uh-huh; forgive us if we wanna be sure. Hands on the desk"

He rolled his eyes but complied, splaying his hands on the desk as he was instructed; after all, he wanted to see Joe and he knew they could easily reject his visitation for a number of reasons. He wore a plain, black long-sleeve shirt and ordinary jeans -- nothing against the rules. His name was against the rules, though, so the treatment was really no surprise.

The pat-down began at his shoulders and down his arms to check his sleeves, down his back and sides, and then down to his pants. Hips, thighs, up into his crotch before skipping down his legs. A little violating, but otherwise quick and painless.

"Thirty minutes," the officer grumbled.

Billy smirked at his barely-disguised disappointment; he probably longed for a reason to kick Billy out on his ass. But Billy wasn't stupid; he knew their rules and he wanted in, so he was getting in.

'In' was access to a square room lined with windows. He took his seat where directed in a stiff chair at a small metal table. Other similar tables scattered the room and a number of guards dotted the walls. He sat forward, forearms on the edge of the table, and waited for his brother to be brought in.

Joe was only 19 when he'd been locked up and Billy wasn't sure whether prison made him younger or older; he'd lost some weight making him look scrawnier than before, but he also had a weathered look about him. As Joe headed over in his drab orange get-up, Billy looked him up and down for injury but didn't see anything noteworthy. His little brother sat down and flashed him a smile; it was actually genuine, which served to reassure Billy some that he wasn't getting it too hard.

When Joe went away Billy had worried, unsure if his namesake would keep him a little safer or give him more trouble. In letters Joe assured him he's fallen-in with a couple guys who owed Billy favors, so at least somebody had his back. Joe really was something else, smiling in a place like this….maybe Bodie was right, and he didn't belong in this life. The thing was, even if he didn't, Billy knew Joe wanted it, and now he'd killed so he was in if he still wanted it.

"How's slam treatin' ya?" Billy nodded once Joe was settled in his chair.

"Ah, ya know…three square meals and it made me kick my smoking habit," Joe shrugged; same answer as always.

"Cut that shit out. You okay?" Billy raised a serious eyebrow; he'd only consider Joe's "friends'" debts paid in full if his brother made it his full sentence relatively unscathed.

"I'm as good as I can be…little stir-crazy now and then is all," Joe shrugged.

"You just keep your head on straight…still behavin' so you can get books from the library?"

"Yeah, that passes time," Joe affirmed.

Billy nodded. That was good; it was a habit he, himself, had picked up in his handful of short stints in lock-up. He was no scholar but, when there were no other options, escaping in a book was therapeutic now and then.

"Shit here's boring; what's going on outside?"

"Same shit, different day. Running errands, keepin' on top of the boys"

"Aw, c'mon, nothing exciting? Who're you fighting, who're you fuckin'…give me somethin', man."

"Ya wanna perv on my sex stories?" Billy smirked.

"I don't give a shit; I want stories, man," Joe pressed, ignoring the jibe.

Billy thought over the past month, deciding what was noteworthy that he hadn't already told Joe about. He wanted to give Joe something to take his mind of orange jumpsuits, metal bars, and prison guards, but nothing really out of the ordinary had happened. Well, that wasn't completely true…

"Great. Now you're figuring out how to lie to me?"

Billy snapped his attention back to Joe and frowned.

"Ya itch above your ear when you're not tellin' the whole truth; you know that I know. Spill it."

"It ain't what you're thinkin'; nothin' big," Billy rolled his eyes. "…fine, it's some chick."

"Sounds interesting already," Joe smirked.

"Don't get a hard-on…it ain't like that"

Joe rose an eyebrow high for that comment; since when did his brother have stories involving a girl that wasn't "like that"?

"She's….I dunno. She's somethin', I guess…"

The amused, slightly awed, look on Joe's face told him he shouldn't have started the conversation.

"So…are you, uh, tryin' to say you like this broad? Like…but aren't hookin' up with? Fuck me; have you gotten in a _relationship_ since I been gone?" he grinned slowly.

"Shut up; that's not what I'm saying," Billy snapped. "No I don't '_like_' her…I don't even know her."

"So are you stalkin' her?" Joe teased.

"Fuck you. There's just something' about her. First it was….well, never mind," he decided not to tell him about the whole stabbing thing. "She's some well-off girl, other side of the tracks, ya know? I've seen her 'round, talked to her once, then she figured out who I am and didn't go runnin' the other way….ya know what, forget it. I don't even know what I'm talkin' about."

"Well, are you gonna keep "seein' her around" or what?"

"Haven't decided yet," Billy shrugged carelessly; he was ready for this line of conversation to be over.

"Must be nice to be carefree about pursuin' girls and shit," Joe muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Look, I just don't know, alright? Give me a break"

"Yeah, yeah….is she at least hot?"

"Yeah, she's got a hot little body," he smirked, continuing when Joe grinned. "Nice little ass--"

"You would notice that," Joe chuckled, as Billy was an "ass-man".

"And her voice is kindda raspy or somethin'… Sexy as fuck."

"So you **are** gonna see her around again, that's what you're sayin'," Joe decided.

"Hell if I know…she's just different."

"What's wrong with that," Joe shrugged.

Billy pondered that. Joe, of course, would see it that way; he'd always dated whoever he wanted, paying little head to socioeconomic status. Billy just never went there, never bothered with privileged chicks who thought they were entitled to something. Besides, the last thing he needed was some bitch nagging at him about drugs and guns and fights -- he didn't need a mom.

"I mean…haven't you ever wanted a relationship?"

Joe and his relationships. They weren't necessarily all long-lasting, but they were relationships nonetheless, exclusive and all that. Billy wasn't sure if the kid had ever even had a one night stand…maybe they _weren't _brothers; Billy had had fuck-buddies, but commitment any further than that just wasn't something he'd ever done.

"With some stuck up bitch? No," he hedged.

"Kindda nice, a chick actually carin'"

"Damn…I knew you'd have mommy-issues some day," Billy muttered.

He really wanted a smoke.

"Fuck you. Bodie has had girlfriends," Joe defended himself.

That was true; Bodie was even living with his girl, Angela, and had been for a few months now.

"Why are we talkin' about girlfriends?" Billy frowned.

"This girl obviously isn't someone you can fuck-and-toss, or you wouldda done that already. Do you know her name?" "Natalie"

"See? You're already a step ahead; ya don't even know the names of some of the girls who hang on you at the bar"

"You're a shit, ya know that?"

"Whatever. I'm gonna find this girl when I'm outta here, and **I'll** hook up with her," Joe decided.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes and Billy finally sighed and leaned forward.

"I just can't get her outta my head…she's interesting," Billy frowned over at the wall, as if the wall were the source of his problems.

"And here you tried to tell me nothing was happening…fuck, I wanna get outta here. I gotta meet this chick…ya better write me and tell me about her."

Billy rolled his eyes.

"You're like a fuckin' girl looking for gossip"

"Ain't much else around here," Joe shrugged.

Billy nodded slowly, regretting the comment. Of course Joe wanted any news from the outside, especially anything that had to do with Billy. The kid had always looked up to him, for unexplainable reasons, so of course he'd want to keep up with whatever was going on.

"Right…I'll keep you updated," Billy promised dryly.

"So how're the boys?"

They talked about the guys for a while; now that he had Natalie off his mind for a bit, he could actually think of things worth telling, like Heco's trip down the stairs.

"Okay, wrap it up. Say your good-byes," one of the guards announced.

Joey was visibly disappointed and Billy felt the same.

"Alright…keep your head down"

"Right"

"You're could be lookin' at early parole as long as ya keep in line"

"Yeah…thanks for comin' man," Joe nodded, rising from his seat.

"You're my brother; of course I'd come," Billy told him sternly, reaching across the table to grab the back of his neck and pull him forward so their foreheads touched. "Ya just take care of yourself."

Joe nodded and Billy clapped his shoulder before straightening up. That was the end of that.

Billy walked out of the room and back down the hall to the visitor's entrance, grabbing his coat with a cocky grin specially for the desk-jockey.

Once he was back to the city, he continued to drive around as he decided where to go and what to do. He'd given Bodie the reigns for the day, unsure how long it would take to get in to see Joe, and Bodie was actually someone he trusted so he counted on him to keep business running for the day. So when he ended up out in an area he certainly did _not_ live in, he wondered how surprised he was that he'd decided on the action.

It wasn't hard to find the address; after all, he knew the owners name was Chris Shepherd and judges were well-known and easy to find information on, anyway. He did a drive by of the house and was supremely lucky to see an open but empty garage and the only car in the drive was the white one that he's seen Natalie drive away from the park. He parked a few blocks away and, since it was getting dark, walked without real worry of being noticed and cut through some backyards.

Talking about Natalie, actually verbalizing some of this thoughts on the topic of her, made her much more real. Plus, Joe just had to go and be Joe and not truly make fun of him in any way; now he felt encouraged to drop in on her.

He trotted across the evenly cut grass of her back yard and actually caught a glimpse of her through the back kitchen window. He had a feeling she wouldn't be all too pleased with this, and the thought didn't stop him. He made it to her stone patio, with it's clean outdoor furniture, and knocked on the back sliding-glass door. He knocked a second time so she could figure out where the noise was coming from, and looked around, pleased none of the neighbors were out. He heard movement and knocked a third time.

The look on her face when she saw him standing there casually, as if they rendezvoused every day, was about as surprised as he'd imagined it would be. She just stood there, frozen, jaw a little slack and eyebrows raised. He knocked again, slowly for emphasis, with the back of his knuckle, and then pointed down at the lock.

Natalie blinked slowly, sure that this just couldn't be happening. **What** was he doing there? And why was he just pointed at the lock like she was going to just let him in like it was no big deal. She couldn't just let him waltz into her house.

Well…she **could**. She was home alone so its not like her parents were there to freak out. Wait, no; she was home alone and that should be a reason **not** to let him in. Except the idea of it pissing her dad off was very interesting at the moment, because they'd just been arguing before he and her mom went off to a friend's for dinner. She'd been invited but declined because she didn't really like the Hunts, which got her dad started on how she didn't have enough of the "right friends" now that she'd gone away to college and away from her local friends. Not that he "had anything against the inner-city" but she should be making more of the "right kinds of contacts and connections" and should "take advantage of the opportunities his status in the community provided."

That didn't change the fact that the Hunts annoyed her so she still declined, which just bugged him.

Now, here she was, staring at a gang lord on the other side of her door. Great night.

He wasn't taking her hesitation as an invitation to leave and, for reasons she hadn't completely thought through, she edged forward and slowly unlocked the door and nudged it open.

"What?" she asked quickly, arms cross in front of her chest as if she thought she could intimidate him or something.

"Ya always leave guests out in the could?" he asked, smirking.

He let himself in despite the fact that she'd purposefully left little room to do so, which resulted in him brushing against her. She quickly took a step back.

"Guests usually use the front door"

"Details," he waved his hand carelessly at her observation.

As he dismissed her latest piece of logic, he looked around the clean kitchen. It was a large house, though not really the mini-mansion he'd created in his mind's eye; it was nice but not excessive for the size of the family.

Natalie was still watching him, arms crossed to show her displeasure with the situation….or at least discomfort. It was heard to tell if she was actually mad given that she wasn't yelling or trying to make him leave…maybe she jus knew she couldn't'. Why had she even let him in?

Natalie had no idea what she was thinking, or what to do next now that she'd stupidly let him in. What if someone had seen him? He would certainly stick-out in her neighborhood, so he'd definitely rouse suspicion. Worse yet, what if someone had seen him and recognized him?

"What do you want?" she finally broke the quiet.

"You're pretty paranoid…always thinking I want somethin'…" he pointed out, taking a seat on a stool at the kitchen island.

"Well why else would you be here?"

He shrugged and pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

"Uh, don't smoke in here…please," she added, since offending a gang member wasn't on her list of things to do.

Billy sighed deeply but shoved the pack into his pocket and out of sight nonetheless.

"So what stuck ya here all alone?" Billy asked, looking around some more to really take in the room, un-phased by the circumstances -- it may be her house, but he knew he had control in the situation.

"…my parents are out with friends; I was just going to make something for dinner… … do you want anything?"

Her mom had always taught her to be hospitable. She wasn't sure if that etiquette was supposed to extend to making a street thug feel welcome, but he was there and she was hungry. In that moment, she told herself to treat him normally.

Billy rose an eyebrow at this in genuine surprise.

"…yeah, if you're offerin'."

Natalie nodded slowly and began to look through the kitchen for something easy to make. What did drug dealers like to eat…?'

She smiled at that a little and reminded herself that he was a human person and therefore probably liked to eat whatever most people liked to eat. Pizza seemed safe so she took one from the freezer and put it in the oven, willing it to cook fast. Then, instead of taking a real seat, she sat on the counter just to give them some space since she still didn't know what to think.

"Can I ask you something?" she finally spoke-up again after a few long minutes of them just sitting and studying each other.

"Ya gonna ask 'what I want?' again?"

"Not right now," she shook her head, through she wasn't done wondering that. "Why'd you stop in my hospital room that one night?"

Billy exhale heavily through his nose and rolled his eyes; she really didn't know how to lay-off the big questions.

"I dunno," he shrugged -- it wasn't exactly a lie.

"…I don't believe that" Billy frowned over at her.

"Well believe it -- it didn't make sense to me either."

"What didn't make sense?"

He frowned at her some more and Natalie wanted to shrink away under his look, but forced herself to think of him like he was just another everyday person, not some gun-totting hardass. Wait -- did he have a gun?

"My brother was stabbed a while back. Ya made me think of that --- I dunno why," he finally spat out.

"Oh"

"Yeah. Oh"

"…is he okay?"

"Uh-huh," Billy nodded, running a large hand over his unshaven chin.

"That's good…"

He seemed a little more human to her now; he had a brother, like she had a brother.

"Do you have a gun?" she asked her previous thought without thinking it through.

"Yeah," he smirked, letting a small snort escape. "Why? Ya wanna see?"

"No," she answered quickly, kicking herself and blushing slightly.

"Figured. Now, let me ask **you** somethin'… … the hell ya thinkin' lettin' me in here?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes in her direction.

"I guess I wasn't really thinking… …I don't know why -- you haven't caused trouble or anything, so…I can give you a chance," she replied slowly.

Billy didn't look too convinced with the answer; after all, it was rare that someone not have an agenda. But, then, neither did he, really…this was so abnormal.

Natalie was highly unsure of her answer, thinking maybe it sounded accusing or something, but he didn't comment on it, just gave a short nod after thinking on it for a minute.

"My turn. Why'd you come here? Or to my school?"

"Cuz I can," he shrugged. "And this ain't Twenty-Questions."

"Right," Natalie nodded, though she had many questions jumping around in her head that wanted to be asked.

The situation didn't have Billy nearly as wound-up as Natalie. He was confident there despite never being there before, and the silence that now fell didn't unnerve him.

"How'd you find out where I live, anyway?"

"Phone book and the internet. Ain't rocket science, college kid," he ribbed.

She blushed a little again.

"So no big deal? It's okay with you if I look you up and show up like this?" she asked, half joking.

"…_sweetie_, you don't wanna go wanderin' down my street alone at night," he smirked in a predatory sort of way. "Anyway, I'm unlisted."

Natalie really had no doubt she wouldn't want to be in his neighborhood alone at night…or maybe ever.

"So what's the name of that friend of yours…that leggy chick?"

"…why?" Natalie asked suspiciously, not wanting to get her wrapped up in this…whatever "this" happened to be.

"She lives in the same building as one of my boys," he shrugged.

"Oh. Her name's Paige," she supplied, still a little hesitant.

Billy filed that information away for any use it might be in the future. What kind of use? Well, he wasn't sure; he was just pleased that he'd placed where the tall, dark girl had looked familiar from. Baggy, apparently, had been eyeing her for a while; she looked a little exotic and Baggy was into it. Personally, Billy was finding he could go for the hottie-next-door look Natalie had going on, so he didn't particularly mind the short cloth shorts she was wearing at the moment.

Natalie wasn't exactly calm enough to fully appreciate what Billy's looks had to offer, but, like at the music store, she was once again looking over his size. Tall and relatively broad…not to mention he held himself confidently and embraced his size, which made him seem more formidable. Were she looking at him for more aesthetic reasons, she might've noticed that his piercing blue eyes could be quite mesmerizing, or that his face (when he wasn't glaring around) was quite attractive with its sloping angles, or might've considered more giddily that his size suggested a muscled physique, especially when considering his rough lifestyle.

But her thoughts were more along the lines of wondering how long he planned to stay. And, maybe more importantly, what they were going to do in the meantime. She was thankful she'd been getting ready to eat, which gave her something to take care of and something for them to do.

She could see that Billy seemed comfortable with the quiet, so she tried to be, too.

Shortly, the timer on the oven went off and she slid off the counter, content to be distracted with something. He remained quiet on the stool where he sat while she retrieved the food from the oven and began cutting it for them. She glanced over her shoulder and caught his eye before turning away quickly. When she looked again he was still staring. Staring and waiting.

"Well help yourself," she ushered him.

As the host she wouldn't have minded getting a plate filled for him but she wanted him to move, to do something other than just sit and watch.

She didn't turn to watch him get up but she heard the stool slide against the tile and then his booted feet carry him around the counter. Without looking up, she handed him a plate and went to the refrigerator to grab pop cans for them while he served himself.

They ended up seated side by side at the counter, eating quietly. It unnerved her slightly because she wondered what he was thinking, what he thought of the situation.

He must've felt less awkward about the situation since he got up after finishing and drifted towards the living room. Natalie watched and waited a moment before slidding off her stool to sort-of follow behind to see just what he thought he was up to. She found him merely giving the place a slow once-over. He spotted some of her school work sitting on the footstool in front of the couch she'd previously been occupying. He thumbed her sociology text book with a frown, completely disinterested.

"Looks like quite the evening you've got goin' here…" he commented dryly.

"It's just another night; I have class tomorrow," Natalie shrugged.

"Homework…" he shook his head with what she deemed to be a mocking grin. "Guess I'll leave ya to it; I've got shit t' do…"

"Right…"

Billy made for the back door again to slip out quietly the way he'd come in.

"Ya hole-up at home every night? Even weekends?" he checked, stopping just as he slid open the door.

"No," she shook her head, crossing her arms and standing back in the kitchen; she wasn't totally ready to relax and let her guard down until he was really gone.

"Good…come out with me and my boys Friday….The Four Roses. Your tall friend will know it."

"Why don't you come to a party with **me** and **my** friends?" she challenged, unsure what to make of the invitatino in the first place.

"To some frat party?" he scoffed. "Fuck that."

"Well going to a bar with some strange men doesn't seem so smart…"

"Girls," he shook his head. "I'll see you," he told her confidently with a nod before finally leaving.

Natalie stood there with a frown. What was he even supposed to mean by that? He probably thought she'd be coming by this bar but she wasn't having it. Nope, she wasn't going; it wasn't smart and it definitely wasn't her idea of fun to go out with strange men to drink. **Especially** when she knew who Billy was…she knew who his friends must be, or at least what they should be like.

Billy was seriously delusional if he was expecting her. What was with him showing up like that and expecting her to go out with him and his guys…..stupid. Confused and exasperated, she made sure to lock the doors. Just in case. She locked the windows, too, just for good measure.


	5. Invitations

**Invitations**_  
Let's step out into the night  
__Darling don't you dare think twice  
__I know all about how hard it is to trust someone  
_"_**The One to Hurt You" by The Becoming  
____**_

Music played semi-loudly, but the talking and occasional shouts from the many occupants of the house were enough to drown it out. Everyone was talking to someone and the beer pong games were starting to get a little rowdy, a sure sign that the alcohol was taking it's effect.

Natalie wasn't taking part of the game, choosing to drink a little less and socialize with her friends in a more civilized way. She might have taken more advantage of the free-flowing beer if it weren't for the fact that she had to drive later, but also knew it was important to not to get too carried away at parties like this.

"Hey, Andrea was just telling m--- oh hell no…"

Paige trailed off and her eyes looked away from Natalie, so Natalie turned to look over her shoulder and found what had caught her friend's interested.

The answer was obvious.

Across the room, standing just inside the door now, was Billy Darley; he was flanked by a shorter man with a dusting of facial hair and a beanie pulled down over his head. To Natalie they stood out like a sore thumb but no one else really seemed to notice except for a few people closest to the entrance who were eyeing them up to see if they were familiar.

"Tell me that didn't just happen," Paige muttered, still shocked.

Natalie's eye caught Billy's across from the room for a moment and she quickly turned back to Paige, who'd just said what she was thinking. How as this happening? What was he doing here?

Well, she supposed she **had** technically invited him…but she hadn't expected him to actually show. She also didn't remember telling him where the part was at…although it might not be hard to find out where the bigger parties were if you asked around on campus. But seriously, what was he doing here?

"Natalie, tell me this isn't happening," Paige repeated, shaking her head confusedly.

"It is"

"…have you seen him again since the thing that the music store?"

Natalie hadn't told Paige about him stopping by the house, though she still wasn't sure why.

"I guess but that doesn't mean I know why he's here," Natalie tried to dismiss the incident.

"You _**guess**_? What does that even mean?"

"Ugh, I don't know…just…pretend they're not here…"

"Like that's going to work," Paige scoffed, but she did let the subject drop.

They went off to find some more friends to mingle in with, and Natalie didn't dare to look around to find Billy again. If they made eye contact that could be taken as an invitation to come on over and chat it up.

As Paige predicted, it wasn't possible to pretend they weren't there. Natalie remained acutely aware of the fact that Billy was there somewhere, but tried to keep tunnel vision and not let her eyes wander. She'd almost forgotten that he had arrived with a friend until she noticed Paige in the kitchen with the guy he'd shown up with. To her surprise, Paige didn't look too uncomfortable about it; she didn't look all that excited, but definitely not freaked out…it looked casual.

But then where was Billy?

"Lookin' for somebody?"

Natalie jumped when there was a deep voice just behind her. She'd been scanning the place for Billy only to whip around and find him right there. Great.

"No," she lied with a short shake of her head.

He nodded slowly with an unbelieving look.

"So this is your Friday night, huh?"

"Sure, why not," she shrugged.

She felt slightly more comfortable with him there than she had the last time they saw each other since there was a house full of people around now, many of whom she knew. She felt a little more secure about that, even though she was sure Billy wasn't scared of anyone who was there.

"So what're you doing here?"

"Ya ever notice that ya always question my motives like that? All I did was walk into a house on a Friday night…." he told her as he innocently shook his head, his smirk giving away that it wasn't as coincidental as he'd have her believe.

"Right; I thought you were the guy whose first reaction to a frat party was "fuck no"…or something like that."

"What? I've always been a supporter of Sigma Delta Sigma…" he shrugged.

Natalie shook her head but was starting to think that the couple beers she'd had were keeping her from getting as worked up about this whole encounter as she probably ought to be.

"Ya want a beer?" he asked after a few quiet moments passed.

"Nah, I'm good"

"Come with me to get another one"

It wasn't a question but wasn't exactly a demand either….more like he was just stating a fact. She followed along anyway, glancing around to see that Paige was still in the kitchen with the man Billy had shown up with.

"Who's that?" she asked, but Billy didn't hear her.

Frowning, she grabbed his jacket to tug on the sleeve for his attention and asked again, speaking louder to be heard over everything else.

He frowned down at her, unable to hear, and leaned down closer.

"What?"

Natalie hesitated a moment at the proximity and because of the way his hand slipped around her lower back as he ducked close to hear.

"Who is that?" she asked once again, nodding towards the kitchen where their friends stood.

"Oh," he smirked, straightening up and motioning for her to keep following him to the basement to the keg and quieter space. "That's Baggy."

"Baggy?….seriously, that's his name?"

Billy rolled his eyes.

"Yeah…he lives in that chick's apartment…what'd you say her name was? Paula?"

"Try Paige"

"Right, right. Paige…he's seen her around; thinks she's hot"

"Great…she has a boyfriend; maybe you'll want to pass that information along."

"That's never stopped him before," Billy smirked.

"Ew," Natalie groaned and swatted his side simply because that's how she typically interacted with guys.

Billy started and lost the playful/naughty look he'd had while insinuating that Baggy was going to bed Paige. He looked down at Natalie with a semi-hard look, as if he couldn't decide whether or not that move had pissed him off. '

Natalie's joking face dropped slightly, too, and she looked away sheepishly. She'd gone and let herself forget for a second just who Billy was. Upon actual consideration, she realized people who he didn't know probably didn't typically off and hit him, even if it was meant as a friendly gesture, and get away with it.

When she glanced back up he was just rolling his eyes, apparently deciding to just be annoyed with the event. He moved forward and helped himself to more alcohol without incident, just a few calculating looks from guys who didn't recognize him. He didn't look as though he cared.

The left the basement and almost ran into Paige and this Baggy character in the hallway.

"We were comin' lookin' for ya…Paige was getting' a little worried," he informed them with a grin and a quick wink.

Paige shrugged, unconcerned that he announced this in front of Billy, who was looking amused along with Baggy.

"She's fine…now about that dance…."

"Fine," Paige chuckled.

"Wait," Natalie grabbed her wrist and pulled her against her with a playful smile. "Have you told him about Lance?" she whispered.

"I'll tell him later," Paige smiled, biting her bottom lip in a way that suggested she knew maybe it wasn't right. "Whatever. He's flattering and it's fun. You okay?" she whispered back.

"Yeah"

Natalie released Paige with a small laugh and watched her friend be lead away by this man who she assumed, along with Billy, was a gang member.

A few moments later Joel entered the hall.

"Hey, who's that guy with….hi," he faltered in his questioning, noticing Billy next to Natalie.

Billy nodded a bored acknowledgement.

"Who's Paige dancing with?" he asked, still keeping a side-long eye on Billy.

"Just some guy; she's fine," Natalie shrugged.

"Okay…and who's this guy?"

"I'm right here. Why don't ya ask me?" Billy snapped, frowning at Joel.

"This is Billy and we were just about to grab me something to drink…so, catch you in a few," Natalie told him quickly, grabbing the cuff of Billy's coat to pull him along.

She was surprised he actually acquiesced and followed, but realized he had quite a smug look on his face. He held Joel's confused look until they rounded the corner, clearly trying to rub it in to the younger man that he'd been bested.

Once to the kitchen, Natalie grabbed a Pepsi she didn't actually want and opened it.

"So that's the boyfriend then?" Billy raised an eyebrow, pretty sure he had the pair figured out.

"No," Natalie shook her head; personally she was a little exasperated that everyone assumed that.

"…do you **have** a boyfriend?"

"…pretty much," she decided to answer; it seemed safe to let him assume she had someone.

Billy nodded, not all that surprised…actually, he wasn't surprised at all. She had her looks going for her for one thing. Then he'd originally assumed that, as she was in an affluent family, she was probably paired up with some preppy rich boy who was as snooty as she was. After further deliberation and observation, he realized he'd been wrong about his initial appraisal of her.

She wasn't just some spoiled bitch who thought she could have any and all guys wrapped around her little finger, ready to bend to her will. Instead she was pretty relaxed and down to earth. She hadn't refused to let him in and called the police when he showed up at her place, and she wasn't making a fuss about his presence now, so she couldn't be too pretentious. She had quiet but nice…didn't push and pry and try to be bossy…

Yeah, it wasn't surprising she had a guy. Even he could see her appeal.

Not that it mattered; he didn't do nice little relationships with nice little girls…okay, he'd never done any kind of relationship before regardless of the chick

"So why'd you come; which frat boy do you know?"

"I know you; you invited," Billy reminded her. "Who do **you** know?"

"Just some guys I have class with," she shrugged dismissively.

"No sorority for you?"

"No," she shook her head, scrunching her nose up a little at the unappealing idea.

"…so you're here as somethin' pretty to look at," Billy nodded understandingly.

Natalie was a little taken aback but then decided she was a little flattered that Billy thought she was pretty.

"I guess…" she decided. "I don't care; it's fun so it doesn't matter"

"Shepheeeeeeerd!"

Natalie turned to a drunk Seth Peerson calling her name sloppily from what was normally the dining area.

"Yeah?"

"Come play!" he demanded, gesturing to invite her to the beer pong game that was set up.

"No, I'm good," she called back.

"Scared to play the champ, huh?!" he laughed. "I'm not gonna leave you alone til you come play…"

"…only if he's my partner," she grinned, jerking a thumb at Billy; she was sure he wouldn't play and that got her out of participating, too.

"Forget it," Billy declined.

"DO IT!"

A chant rose quickly amongst the drunk crowd and Billy glared at Seth heavily.

"Will they stop?" he muttered.

"….probably not, no."

"This is why I hate frat boys," he shook his head darkly, stalking over to the table.

"I thought you were a fan of Sigma Delta Sigma," Natalie tried not to grin.

"Shut up," Billy snapped.

Billy not wanting to play didn't mean he hadn't seen his way through a few beer pong games in his day, mostly back in his early teens when he'd first started drinking and couldn't get it at most bars. It showed and the game was quickly over, more for Billy's effort than Natalie's mediocre one.

Rather than stick around they both slipped out through the side hall quickly before they were annoyed into another game.

"Sorry," Natalie offered sheepishly for having got him roped into it.

He merely grunted in response and fingered his lighter in his pocket….it was going to be time for a smoke pretty damn soon after that.

"Yo….does she really have a little sister?"

Baggy and Paige found them, Baggy looking a little put-out.

"Yeah, why?"

"Ah, I thought it was a lame excuse ta ditch. Ya gotta go pick her up?"

"Oh, is it that late already?" Natalie frowned. "Yeah I guess we do then…"

"Great I'm ready to get the fuck outta here," Billy muttered, now completely cognizant why his first reaction had been that he wasn't going anywhere near the party if it was at a frat house.

"Ah, it wasn't so bad," Baggy shrugged as the group trouped outside.

They made it to the street and split up to go to their respective cars without much of a grand farewell.

"Shepherd"

Natalie turned when Billy barked her name in her direction to see him paused in the middle of the street.

"Four Roses. Tomorrow."

"Is he talking about the bar?" Paige asked quietly once he turned back around.

"Yeah…consider us invited I guess," Natalie sighed, still not convinced she should go.

____________

"Man, whattcha think of Paige. Fine, right?"

"Sure she's fine…she's got a boyfriend"

"And…?"

"Just fillin' ya in," Billy shrugged, firing his car to life.

"So how'd it go with the other one?"

"Shut up, Baggy," Billy grumbled.

"I'm serious, man…ya gonna fuck her or what? You're into her, I see it. Right?….right?"

"She's just a chick. Who gives a shit"

* * *

Through the next afternoon, Natalie contemplated Billy's invitation. She thought about different possibilities and how it might go down if she showed up. Each scenario played differently than the next. Ultimately, she decided not to go.

So it was a wonder why she and Paige were parked at The Four Roses at 10:00pm that night.

"Is this a good idea?" Natalie sighed as Paige shut off her car.

"Probably not," the other girl chuckled.

For as leery as Paige had originally been about Billy, she seemed pretty easy going about the whole thing now. When Natalie pointed this out, Paige just pointed out that since she was from this part of town, she'd know how to be careful. She'd been caught off guard seeing Billy at the school, fearing he was only there to start trouble.

"Don't look like that, Nat; **you** agreed to this"

"I know, I know," she nodded, getting out of the car with her friend. "…so you've been here before? "

"Yeah, it's nothing swanky but I've been in a few times with friends," Paige affirmed, grabbing the door for them.

'Not swanky' was an adequate way to describe the place. It was dully lit and nothing about the place looked like it had been refurbished anytime recently, but Natalie could see the comfort in that. She suspected that most of the men there were regulars and had been for years; it just seemed like that kind of place.

"Back there…always the same place," Paige muttered.

Natalie followed Paige's gaze to a large round booth near a back corner. She, too, caught sight of Billy; Baggy was across the table from him and the other men with them were similarly dressed and looked as rough as the next.

"Always? How often do you really come here?" Natalie asked with mock suspicion.

"It's a little too unsanitary to be a regular hang out for me," Paige laughed. "Remember how I said sometimes you just pick up on things being from this area?"

"Right right"

Natalie glanced to the table again and saw Baggy catch sight of them. He grinned and reached across the table for Billy's attention, nodding their way. Billy looked over his shoulder and his lips twisted into a smirk as much as they could around the cigarette perched between his lips.

"Now what?"

"What do you think?" Paige rolled her eyes, nudging Natalie with her hip. "We're at a bar…"

And with that she led the way down the bar to the bartender to get a couple beers. Two bottles were set in front of them after a few moments.

"These two are drinkin' on our tab tonight, Sammy," Baggy popped up to announce just before the man behind the bar could tell them the total.

"You got it," the man nodded accommodatingly.

"Thanks," Natalie smiled appreciatively.

"No problem. C'mon," he nodded back, throwing his arms around their shoulders to steer them to the large booth table. "Don't worry, I don't smell; I showered today just in case the two of ya showed up," he laughed at his own joke.

Natalie laughed softly only because she didn't expect light hearted jokes from gang members who did drugs or whatever else.

Whoever had been sitting next to Billy must have left because Baggy nudged her to the space next to Billy before sliding in to sit next to Paige on the other side of the table.

"Woo-wee, look what we have here…ya here to start trouble?" Billy teased, exhaling a line of smoke.

"Me? All I did was walk into a bar," Natalie shrugged innocently, repeating his simple words he used every time she accused him of being up to something or following her.

"Touché," he muttered while rolling his eyes.

"Who're your friends?" the black man on the other side of Billy asked, though the way he asked suggested he already knew.

He leaned forward and extended an arm past Billy and out to her, which she shook quickly.

"Name's Bodie"

"Bodie. I'm Natalie"

"Nice to meet you, sweetie," he nodded, sending a wink her way before sitting back again.

"Right, where's our manners, huh?" Baggy chuckled. "Alright this here's Paige; she's too pretty for all of ya, so don't even try. And that's is Natalie…she's alright, too," he laughed. "Ladies, this is Spink, Heco, Tommy's over there next to him suckin' face with blondie, Bodie, and ya already know Billy….Dog's around somewhere and the rest of our boys are at work….maybe you'll meet 'em sometime."

"Nice introduction," Paige scoffed, elbowing Baggy lightly in the side.

"Aw, gettin' physical already….l like that," Baggy winked down at her, giving her hair a light tug in return for the jab to the ribs.

Paige just giggled and did nothing to dissuade the attention even though she had a man. Natalie laughed on the inside; she was such a flirt.

….. ... ...

"Ya want another one?" Billy leaned in slightly to ask when a barmaid came over.

It really wasn't necessary for him to lean down since they were sitting close enough. She'd noticed some girl walk by earlier and give her a dirty look, at which time Billy draped his arm over the back of the book behind her. No more dirty look.

"No, I probably shouldn't…"

"Shut up, girl. I drove; you can go crazy," Paige kicked her under the table. "She wants one."

The waitress nodded and left to get the whole table another round. In the time they'd all been sitting around chatting idly and shooting the shit, there were already a couple empty bottles in front of her. Granted, there were considerably more built up in front of Billy and the other guys; still, she should probably watch it.

"Okay, so you guys go to college," Heco sighed, leaning forward to drop his elbows heavily on the table and point to each girl.

"Yeah," Natalie answered for them this time since this was far from the first time Heco had repeated this; apparently he was still trying to wrap his drunk-mind around the fact that college girls were in the Four Roses.

"Okay but why? I mean…what's the point? Fuckin'…ya don't need it," he threw his hands up as if it were obvious. "Am I right? Yo, Tommy, you hear me right? Am I right on this one?"

Tommy was far too wrapped up in his whispered conversation with his blonde friend to care and swatted Heco's hand away that was tapping him for his attention.

"Well fuck you too then," Heco frowned, throwing his arms back onto the table in frustration and knocking over mostly-empty bottles in the process.

"The fuck!"

"Heco, ya fuckin' idiot," the guys around him cursed, flipping the bottles back up before they got spilled on.

Heco hardly seemed concerned but also seemed to have forgotten what he was ranting about in the first place.

"Fuckin' halfwit," Billy muttered.

Natalie heard and glanced up. He was taking a drag on his cigarette but looked down at her from the corner of his eye when he saw her movement, daring her to contradict the utterance. She just smiled and turned away.

"I feel a little put down, how about you, Nat?" Paige laughed.

"Oh yeah; breaks my heart"

"Well lets escape Heco and play some darts," Baggy decided, nudging Paige out of the booth to lead her in the right direction.

Natalie watched them go, Baggy plucking two beers from the barmaid's tray as he passed her. She felt slightly less comfortable without Paige there but reminded herself that things were going just fine so far. Everyone was fine and having a good time….it didn't even seem like they were hanging out with gang members. Despite some good natured name calling, they weren't even mean; it was like they were all brothers and it was actually kind of nice.

Some girl took the space Paige and Baggy left as an opportunity to sidle up and get Spink's attention. They were holding some hushed, coy conversation and from the angle of the girl's arm disappearing under the table, Natalie was sure the red-head's hand had to be somewhere on, or tantalizingly close to, his groin. No one else seemed to notice or care, so she tried not to think it was a little awkward.

It was about then that she started to take a different stock of the situation. Why were she and Paige there….why were they even invited? Besides the waitress, the only other girls around were light on the clothes and heavy on the make up. Tommy and his girl were all over each other, this new girl with Spink was clearly out for sex, and if some of the girls who'd come over to the boys, leaning over the booth for a kiss or to whisper in their ears, weren't hookers then Natalie was the mayor.

If girls were just sex objects around here then it started getting Natalie a little worried what she and Paige were doing there. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea…

A tall man with short blonde hair slid into Paige's previous seat, completely ignoring the red-head, and grabbed Spink's forgotten beer.

"Tate took over for you?" Billy checked.

"Yeah. Money's at the office," the man nodded.

This man, who she had yet to be introduced too, did nothing to ease her new thoughts about the female situation of The Four Roses. He was openly eyeing over, maybe trying to decide if he'd seen her around before, but his eyes definitely weren't innocent. She made the decision that she didn't like this guy and shifted in her seat, wondering what would be a plausible excuse to leave relatively soon.

Nothing much ever slipped past Billy; he was too observant of people, he had to be. So it wasn't beyond him to tell that Dog was making Natalie uncomfortable. He tapped her with the hand that was around her and grabbed his beer.

"Let's go play pool"

It wasn't a question and he downed the end of his beer before nodding her towards the nearest table. On his way past Dog he smacked up upside the back of the head.

"Ya know how to play?"

"Sure but I'm not very good"

"We'll see 'bout that….excuse you; you're ass is in our way"

Natalie hadn't known what to say to the skinny little blond who'd parked herself in front of them, leaning on the pool table with a saucy grin pinned in place, but Billy apparently wasn't so shy.

"Aw, I just got back in town and that's all you have to say? Didn't you miss me?"

"Like I miss a fuckin' hangover. Move," he told her firmly.

It was either a testament to the woman's courage or stupidity that she didn't do as he said right away. Instead she straightened from the table and planted her hands on her hips, staring him down as if waiting for him to change his mind. Her barely-there skirt and low-cut top that bared her mid drift fit in with what many of the other girls around were wearing but made Natalie thankful for her cute but simple jeans and black top.

"Let's make it clear," Billy sight, taking the cigarette from his lips. "Whatever ya got down there these days," he spat, waving his hand at her crotch, "I don't want to catch it."

She frowned deeply and finally made her exit, stopping only when was about to pass Natalie.

"What made him start settling for you?"

A smart retort was on Natalie's lips, one that likely came from the bravery of some alcohol, but Billy grabbed the woman's arm and pushed her away before she had a chance to speak.

"Don't talk to her. Go."

She narrowed her eyes at Billy and turned with a dramatic flip of her hair.

"That was…interesting," Natalie observed.

Billy merely grunted and a hand on the small of her back propelled her up to the table. He racked up the balls quietly and Natalie watched contentedly, unable to complain about watching his body. He wore a fitted black long sleeved shirt and dark jeans. His sleeves were pushed up slightly over his forearms, showing the end of his twisting tribal tattoos, the opposite ends of which peaked up past his collar. A chain hung around his neck and she only now noticed it was a cross, dangling away as he got the balls in place.

"Alright, here's a stick," he told her, handing her one before continuing slowly. "And these are the balls. They gotta be broke, then we try to get them in one at a time and--"

"I'm not stupid," Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Don't I know it…only heard about ten times that you're in college," he scoffed.

They played through a game quietly, accepting beers a barmaid offered them. Natalie lost without putting up much a fight compared to his habit-wrought expertise. It was discouraging but she refused to be embarrassed; she **had** warned him.

"Ya need someone to show ya how to really play?"

Natalie noticed Dog had ventured over and was standing next to the table now, arms crossed and a smile in place to make his offer more tempting.

"…I might be beyond help," Natalie chuckled, trying to decline politely.

"Nah; I got your back"

"I think we got this; how about ya fuck off," Billy suggested otherwise.

Dog held up his hands in defense and sauntered back off before riling up any real argument with Billy. Once Dog was gone, Billy racked up he balls again to get them started a second time.

"You break"

"Oh this will be great," Natalie laughed lightly at herself, stepping up the end of the table.

"Wait, wait; shitty form," Billy paused her once she lined up her stick.

"Don't tell me you're surprised…."

"Alright. First of all ya hold the stick too damn tight; ya don't have to choke it," he instructed. "Now line up a shot real quick."

Natalie did so, very aware of the fact that Billy was still close behind her.

"Aim for the side a little so ya don't hit straight on," he corrected, leaning over her to point her pool stick at a different angle.

Natalie froze, conscious of Billy's body molding closely to hers as he bent over her. Once he'd adjusted her shot he straightened slightly, propping his arms up on the edge of the table. His hips were still fairly tight behind her, though, so it was hard to concentrate on the game.

The shot broke the balls nicely but none reached a pocket.

"That sucked…"

"Couldda been worse," Billy shrugged before sinking a few shots in a row.

Natalie was now much more attune to his body, and she felt a little flustered about it. So when their barmaid stopped by with shots Bodie had asked for, she took hers without complaint. She took another a few minutes later when the haggard woman was back, ignoring Billy's chuckle when she coughed, again, after it went down.

"Hey, umm….where's Paige?" Natalie frowned, finally realizing her friend was no longer playing darts.

Billy's head swiveled back to the table, but she wasn't there either and neither was Baggy. A grin spread across his face and Natalie had a good idea what he was thinking.

"That's my boy," he laughed.

"No way…can I use your phone? Mine's in her car…"

"Leave 'em alone," Billy waved the request away.

"There's no way they're hooking up right now. Can I please use your phone?"

Billy still thought it was pointless but fished his phone from his pocket for her. He'd seen Baggy charm girls before and wasn't too surprised the two were curiously missing.

_'Uh….hi?'_

"Hey Paige….where are you?"

_'My sister called so I had to go pick her up….'_

"Without telling me? What were you thinking?"

_'You were having a good time and….I wasn't thinking. Look I drank a little too much, Baggy's driving. Sorry….are you okay?' _

"I guess….annoyed you just bailed though…" Natalie sighed; she knew she should be much more upset and maybe panicky about this, but she attributed her mellowed feelings to alcohol.

_'Sorry….I'll come get you once we get Tanya'_

"No I can just catch a cab here in a few minutes. Don't worry about it…"

_'Okay, if you're sure….are you going to come here or go home?'_

"I'll come over soon. Bye"

_'Later girl_'

"Forgot about ya?"

"She had to go pick up her sister again…I'll just catch a cab after this game."

Billy nodded and they finished yet another game, which Natalie promptly lost.

"Can I use your phone again to call a cab? Sorry…"

"Nah"

"…okay, then is there a phone behind the bar I can use?" she asked, finding that a little awkward.

"No, I mean I'll give ya a ride over to Paige's place"

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that; I have cash on me for a cab"

"Good for you," he rolled his eyes. "But it's nothing'. C'mon…"

Natalie could see she didn't have much of a choice so she accompanied him back to the table to grab their jackets and then followed him out the front door. To her surprise, he bypassed the parking lot.

"I drove in with Bodie," he explained, seeing that she'd started to turn towards the shabby lot next to the bar. "I don't live far; gotta run into my place to get the keys."

She nodded and pulled her jacket a little tighter because she was once again becoming very aware of where she was. Simply, she wasn't in her part of town where she could admit she was more comfortable.

It was dark and she was out on the streets, and this part of the city didn't die down when it got dark. There were still a lot of people milling around, guys loitering around corners and people bumming around on stoops and in doorways. She didn't know what they were doing and probably didn't want to know. She felt a little safer knowing she was with Billy, a fact that strangely contradicted itself; who the hell felt safe with him? But she made sure to kept his pace and let herself drift over to walk a little closer to him. As with most everything else, he took note of the movement.

"Ain't nothin' to worry about"

Natalie blushed a little, but Billy didn't see any reason for her to be bashful about the way she'd reacted; she'd have to be stupid not to be cautious.

Natalie followed him into what she assumed was his apartment and they stepped into a small elevator. He punched the "3" button a few times in annoyance when the doors didn't shut right away, but they started to ascent smoothly after only a short wait. They ting-ed past the second floor before shuddering to a stop.

"Whoa," Natalie's eyes darted around and grabbed the wall in a quick panic.

"Don't worry; it happens sometimes," Billy muttered, leaning against the back wall to wait.

"It just happens sometimes?…why don't you just take the stairs?" Natalie asked worriedly.

"Well it don't **always** happen," he shrugged. "It'll fix itself."

"Wonderful," she sighed with some sarcasm, turning to lean against the railing; she hoped they wouldn't have to wait long.

"What? Ya scared?"

She looked at him and he was smirking.

"Of hanging in a metal box a couple stories up?….yeah, sortta," she nodded with a sardonic smile.

"Don't over react… … calm down," he shook his head at her.

"I am, I'm fine"

Billy rose an eyebrow because her fingers tapping like crazy on the railing told him differently; she didn't seem to notice she was doing it.

"…or is it me that makes ya nervous?" he asked smugly.

Natalie looked over cautiously when he straightened up from the wall.

"…no…" she decided.

"Maybe I _should_ make ya nervous," he proposed, crossing the elevator in two long strides to stand in front of her and tower over her. "…guess I do make ya edgy; you're tappin' more."

Her fingers immediately stopped their drumming and he seemed to find this humorous.

"…or maybe you're claustrophobic…" he suggested, tracing a finger down the neckline of her silky top, finger brushing her skin slightly.

"…I'm not," she denied, voice soft as her eyes searched his face.

He smirked some more and she noticed when his eyes flickered down to her lips. That told her what was coming and she wasn't convinced she was ready for it when his lips did crash into hers.

He didn't even bother starting slowly, working her lips open in no time. His hand left her neck line and circled around her waist while his other hand shoved into her hair. She grabbed his side but tried to lean her body away so they weren't pressed together so much, but her back met the wall and he leaned with her so she couldn't get away. His hand was splayed over the small of her back and slowly began to pull her shirt up to push his hand past the hem onto her skin.

Natalie's mind was reeling but she was saved from having to decide how far she'd let him go by the elevator jerking back to life. They stumbled slightly but Billy caught himself on the wall and straightened up quickly. He continued to stare down at her but she averted her eyes and bit her lip, nervous about what they'd done now that they'd stopped for a moment.

Billy found this, too, to be amusing and he stepped away when the doors pinged open on his floor.

"You leave the door unlocked?" she asked, surprised, when he simply pushed the door open for them.

"Sometimes," he shrugged. "People know who I am; they back off."

"Right…can I use your bathroom?"

He nodded and pointed across the living room and she hurried in to take care of business. She was pleased and somewhat surprised to find that the bathroom wasn't hideous… maybe not immaculately clean but it wasn't a sloppy bachelor pad. She straightened herself in the mirror a little and left, pausing outside the door to take in the apartment.

The bulk of it was one large spacious room, though it contained both the living room and the kitchen, which was spaced off by a tall table with several stools around it. The living room had a fairly large TV, a couch, and a few armchairs, all of which looked comfortable in a worn-in sort of way. Off of the living room and straight across from the kitchen there were two other doors, which she assumed would be bedrooms.

"You want another drink or somethin'?"

"No, I shouldn't," Natalie declined, running a hand through her hair.

Billy was standing over by the table with a cigarette in hand, staring her down across the apartment. She suddenly felt a little awkward and on-the-spot; the scare of the elevator stopping had sobered her up, and she realized now that Billy may be expecting something of her.

"Alright," he nodded slowly, dragging in. "Best get goin' then."

He grabbed his keys off the table and ushered her out ahead of him. They opted for the stairs this time and Billy didn't have to point his car out to her because by now she'd recognize it anywhere.

He fired up the engine and Natalie jumped, even though she knew this beast of a car was loud. He turned the radio down, mostly for her benefit, and raced off in the direction of Paige and Baggy's building. Natalie looked over and watched him sitting there casually, one hand propped up on the wheel confidently. She felt a rush of gratitude towards him for not pushing anything physical after they'd gotten off the elevator. She knew the message she may have sent by kissing him back and never once giving him indication to stop, but she was pretty sure it had been good to stop.

Billy wasn't particularly shocked. He figured she'd probably just reacted without thinking in the elevator; her reaction also might've been helped along by alcohol. In retrospect, maybe he was lucky that he hadn't gotten slapped. It was worth it though, he decided, after taking a quick glance over at her.

"Thanks for the ride"

"Don't mention it," he wave away her gratitude. "See ya."

She nodded and reached over to squeeze his arm again in thanks before opening the door to get out and hurry up to Paige's apartment to buzz up. Once she opened the door to get in she heard the engine behind her roar and fade away down the street.


	6. Interesting Truth

_**Interesting Truth  
**__I took my bruises, too my lumps_  
_Fell down and I got right back up_  
_But I need a spark to get psyched back up_  
_'**Beautiful' by Eminem  
____________**_

_"Maybe you should just sleep with him. Ya know, at least just once."_

_"What?" Natalie raised an eyebrow, double-checking to see if her friend had just encouraged what it sounded like she'd encouraged._

_"Just once to get it out of your system," Paige grinned evilly. "He obviously gets you flustered…"_

_"No he doesn't"_

_"Bull. I won't judge if you do it…it'd be hot, ya know…kind of dangerous"_

_"Exactly -- __**dangerous**__. That's why I shouldn't even be talking to him…"_

_"…uh-huh, and when's the last time you talked to him?"_

_"He stopped by the other day…" Natalie rolled her eyes._

_"At your house again? Girl, you've been holding out on me. Just do him. Have fun -- It'll just be blowing off steam," Paige shrugged. _

_"Right, then maybe you should sleep with Baggy and get __**that**__ out of your system," Natalie rolled her eyes._

_In the past couple weeks they'd seen the guys some more and Paige and Baggy were always flirty. Natalie usually oriented herself around Billy when those two were too focused on each other. He was far more stoic than Baggy, so she'd also found Heco to be good, light conversation --- she also soon found out that he was under the influence of something most of the time. _

_"I have a boyfriend but __**you**__…you can do what you want. So get yourself somethin', mama."_

_"Paige…he's Billy Darley. Billy. Darley."_

_"Eh, semantics. He's made it pretty obvious he's not out to hurt you. He could be a good ally, actually."_

_"Ally? Is this war?…is that what Baggy is -- an ally?_

_"Baggy is….Baggy," Paige shrugged. "I'm just saying…maybe it's not so bad having a gang lord on your side?…"_

* * *

On her side…more like in her bedroom.

Natalie looked over her shoulder to find Billy still sitting on the edge of her bed, elbows resting on his knees and a book opened in his hands. He'd shown up while she was doing homework and though he'd tried to persuade her to quit, she'd refused. In turn, she'd tried to persuade him to go, but he hadn't wanted to. Instead he settled for the book -- "Lord of the Flies." He claimed to recognize it as a book he'd been supposed to read in high school -- an assignment he'd promptly dismissed.

He looked up and met her eye but she just smiled and turned back to the notes in front of her. She had a test the next day and it was hard to study with him there. It made her nervous, not knowing what he wanted. She'd gotten more used to being around him, but there was always something about him -- about never knowing what he was thinking -- that kept her on edge. It was probably the danger, too -- like she'd told Paige a week or two ago -- that made her alert and hyperaware of him.

"What're ya studyin' again?"

"Genetics...it's a second lab class"

"…fuck that," Billy shook his head and she found herself amused with that.

"Don't go Heco on me and tell me college is no use," she teased.

"Nah, I'll leave that to him," Billy scoffed, thinking of his more dimwitted friend. "How long are ya gonna be at that shit?"

"Probably until I go to bed, so whenever that is," she shrugged.

"Exciting night"

"Well my test is in the morning, so I want to get through this tonight"

"Yeah, yeah," he waved his hand, shedding his coat before resuming his previous position.

Natalie returned to her work as well, skimming through the readings again and thumbing through notes concurrently.

"I'm gonna run down stairs; are you hungry or anything?" she offered, rising from her seat.

"Nah"

She nodded and ran down, cutting through the living room where her parents were watching TV and would soon catch the news before they went to bed. She felt a little guilty, having someone up in her room unbeknownst to them -- especially since it was a guy they would never in a million years approve of -- but there wasn't much for it.

"How's the studying, hun?" her dad asked, glancing up from a book he was reading -- always multitasking.

"Alright I guess. The test should go okay."

"That's my girl"

"You got your dad's brains and my looks; just the way I wanted it," her mom chuckled.

"Whatever; you're smart"

"But I had to work a whole lot harder for it than this brain here," she pointed to her dad. "Your brother was the opposite; looked just like your dad and hated school."

Natalie smiled a little at the memory and continued to the kitchen. She grabbed some chips and a pop; on second thought, she grabbed a beer, too, to slip upstairs. Her parents wouldn't care but she kept it discrete anyway in case they thought it was odd grabbing two drinks.

"Heads up," she said quietly after shutting the door behind her.

She tossed Billy the beer, which he caught with a wordless nod of thanks.

His phone beeped a while later but Natalie ignored it; he'd gotten a few messages throughout the evening but he'd answered them calmly so there must not have been any real emergency.

"Shit. I gotta go…"

She turned to see him stand and dog-ear his page before dropping the book back where he'd found it.

"Okay…be careful," she added as an after thought as he was grabbing his coat; whatever he had to leave for, it probably wasn't very good.

He paused a moment to look at her semi-harshly before simply giving a curt nod to acknowledge her sentence before shrugging his coat on. Natalie was never sure why he acted like that, as if he didn't like her concern or something. But he never picked a fight over it, so it must not have annoyed him too much.

"See ya around," he threw over his shoulder after cracking the window open and up, ducking through to the overhang just outside her room.

From there, he'd apparently found that he could maneuver himself down at the corner of the house. She walked over to the window after him and saw him skirting along the property line before easily hoping the back fence and disappearing from her view and off into the dark.

She shook her head as she latched the window. She had no discernable idea what she thought she was doing with a gang leader in her house. What was she doing consciously spending time with some drug dealer?

She returned to her studying and went to bed later than usual feeling prepared for the next day's exam.

After said exam, she received a text.

_**So did you make Genetics your bitch?**_

She grinned, knowing who it was, though she wasn't so clear on when he'd gotten her number out of her phone. Until now, he'd preferred to show up and invite her along, or whatever, face-to-face.

_**Of course.**_

_**Figured since youre out early**_

Natalie stopped walking. She had indeed walked outside before the class period was over since she'd finished her test relatively quickly. It being between class times, there were maybe a handful of students wandering in the cool fall air. She scanned the area slowly and her eyes topped on a now-familiar, tall frame.

Smiling a little to herself, she cut across the grass to where Billy was leaning against the corner of the building.

"Hey…aren't you cold just standing around?" she asked.

He shrugged and shook his head as he took a last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out under his boot.

"Wanna get outta here now that that's over or what?"

"No, I can't"

He just narrowed his eyes at her in annoyance.

"What? I have other classes today"

"Blow 'em off," he solved for her.

"I can't…at least not today. I have a presentation later this week and I have to meet with my group."

"Fuck," he rolled his eyes.

"Don't be mad," she told him calmly. "We can grab coffee if you want; I was about to get one from the café…"

"Do I look like I hang 'round coffee shops?'

He certainly didn't.

"…it's not a coffee shop," she argued anyway. "It's just the student center. Don't be scared; college kids don't bite."

Perhaps it was the insinuation that he was scared that got him to follow her, but follow her he did.

"Do you want anything?"

"Nah"

"You don't want a coffee? Are you sure? You left kindda late last night and you don't look like you slept much," she informed him, reaching up to indicate the dark bags at his eyes.

"Fine," he brushed her hand away. "I'll take a black."

She happily put his coffee on her student ID, which had credit there, and they soon both had coffees. Natalie found them a seat at a table in the back corner, where she figured he wouldn't feel like he was "hanging around a coffee shop" if they just tucked themselves away.

"So how much **did** you sleep?" she asked him, really taking-in how his bright eyes were contrasting with the dark circles under his eyes.

"Last night? I got to crash for an hour or two…same thing night before," he shrugged, slowly starting his coffee.

"Well that's not enough -- you should be sleeping right now"

"It's not a big deal"

"You shouldn't live so hard on yourself"

"Right," he rolled his eyes. "Tell ya what; I'll go catch up on some sleep right now if you come with me," he bargained.

"…I have class, I told you."

He nodded slowly and took another drink.

Natalie wondered at the somewhat-suggestive lines he liked to drop now and then, like suggesting she come to his place. They were always presented innocently enough but he was Billy Darley and if he was innocent she was a Queen.

"So this is college life," he sighed, leaning back and looking around. "Can't say I feel like I'm missin' a whole lot…"

"Mmm…I guess it's not exactly glamorous"

"So why bother?"

"Well because I want to get a job," she chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah…some shrink, right."

"School psychologist," she corrected.

"…so you're gonna keep kids like me in school?" he asked, eyes amused.

"Oh, exactly," she grinned.

He rolled his eyes at the answer but still looked amused so they stayed there for a while before she had to get going to class.

"Last offer of freedom," Billy told her when he made to depart for his car.

"I can't today," she told him again.

"Aiight. Later."

He threw a hand up for a wave as he turned around and trudged off to his car. He always did this, gave her some rendition of "see you later." It was indefinite; committal, but not exactly in a structured way. It was…Billy.

This time, "later" ended up being late that night. Natalie was ready for bed and was actually in bed with a book when she heard fumbling at the side of the house. It scared the crap out of her until she processed that's how Billy got up and in. She heard him at the window and could imagine the curses on his lips when he found it locked. She was out of bed before he knocked, turning the bolts and hosting the window up.

"Move," he grunted, lifting himself in with an easiness that made her question how many windows he'd ever broken-in through.

"Hey…I'm actually going to bed," she told him, hoping he wasn't there to get her to go somewhere with him.

But he was shedding his coat so maybe he didn't have plans.

"Alright. Perfect."

He toed off his boots, too, and all-but fell into her bed on the side she hadn't been occupying.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm gonna sleep," he told her, laying on his stomach and wrapping his arms up around the pillow. "Shit, this bed's comfortable," his voice was partially muffled by his arm.

"Oookay…"

"That fuckin' easy? You're just gonna let me stay?" he eyed her, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"Sure"

"That boyfriend of yours wouldn' have a thing or two t' say? Where the hell is he all the time anyway? You're always around with Paige and this guy don't have anything t' say?"

Natalie tried not to smile and she sat down and pulled the covers over her lap.

"I don't have a boyfriend…"

He immediately narrowed his eyes at her.

"You said --…fuckin' liar"

"…it seemed like a safer way to go at the time and you never asked again, so it's not like I kept lying," she reasoned smartly.

He eyed her shrewdly for a few more moments before dropping onto the pillow again.

"What're ya readin'? he eyed the book in her hand.

"Into the Wild"

"…why?"

"…why not?" she posed back; her dad had always been a big reader, something she got from him, so they had all the popular classics around the house and she enjoyed them --- they broke the monotony of school reading.

Billy just scoffed and turned his head away so her light didn't bother him as much. His breath evened pretty quickly and she smiled when he jerked in his sleep, apparently in the strange in-between-sleep-and-awake stage. A few minutes passed and he twitched again, this time groaning and resituating himself.

"How long're you keepin' that light on? Can't fuckin' sleep…"

Natalie chuckled softly but set her book down. It wasn't her light keeping him awake; it seemed like he'd gone and let himself get a little too tired.

"I can turn it off now"

She twisted to turn her lamp off and was quickly caught around the waist and pulled down properly onto the bed.

"I can't believe ya fuckin' lied to me," he mumbled, his deep voice even more gravely from fatigue.

"You're tired. Go to sleep."

"Yeah…fuckin' whipped…"

"Then go to sleep"

He was rolled onto his side and she stayed where she was on her back, his arm draped over her. She could feel his breath on her collar and it soon steadied. He twitched another time or two and his breath would catch but he mostly stayed asleep. It took Natalie much longer to fall asleep, as she was acutely aware of him, so she didn't doze right off.

When she woke in the morning he was still sound asleep. She didn't want to wake him up but she didn't exactly want to leave him alone in the house so she decided to skip her AM class and turned her alarm off to get some extra sleep. When she woke again he was sill sleep so she got up carefully. She realized, then, that he'd never gotten under the covers, so she grabbed a blanket from the papasan chair and spread it over him carefully. That done, she went about business quietly.

It wasn't that much later when Billy finally woke-up and by then Natalie was on the computer sending her professor an excuse for her absence.

"Time's it?" he ground out when he finally located her, rubbing his eyes.

"A little after 11:00"

"Shit"

"Your phone didn't go off -- I think you're okay"

He mumbled something unintelligible and plucked the blanket off of him, eyeing it curiously since he didn't remember it. He then proceeded to snag his coat and dig for his phone.

"Didn't believe me?" Natalie asked when he slipped it open to check for missed calls.

Billy just shrugged -- he just had to be sure.

"Don't ya have class or somethin'?"

"So I skipped one," she shrugged.

"Did I hear right? Never thought I'd see this…" he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I've skipped before," she defended herself.

"Woo-wee; I guess I got a real rebel on my hands then, huh?" he smirked.

Natalie rolled her eyes and turned back to her laptop to read-over the e-mail before she sent it.

"I have time to make you breakfast if you want," she informed him.

"A place to sleep and free breakfast….didn't know I was at the Holiday Inn. Damn."

"I don't have to," Natalie threatened to take back the offer.

"Ya already offered," he argued.

"I'll take that as a "yes, please" then," Natalie decided in a sarcastic manner, sending the e-mail.

Billy smirked and finally stood, crossing the room to lean over the back of her chair. He extended his arms down beside hers, taking the mouse from her to Exit out of her inbox.

"Yes, please," he mocked, turning into her neck, breath ghosting over her neck.

Natalie tried to hide the shiver than raked her when his breath brushed the nape of hew neck.

"Since you asked nicely," she nodded quickly to cover-up her reaction.

She heard a short chuckle from him and she got up once he moved out of the way.

"Your parents **are** gone, right? Cuz I don't need t' deal with that…"

"They're gone," Natalie assured him, leading the way down the curved stairs.

"What do you want?' she asked, searching the refrigerator.

"Anything -- whatever"

"That's not helpful," Natalie sighed.

He just shrugged and he remained there quietly while she started eggs and sausages that she found; he usually had shitty cereal or some kind of leftover pizza or something when he bothered with breakfast, so he'd take what he could get form her. If he ate "real" breakfast food it was when he and the boys stopped at a diner now and then.

"Help yourself to coffee," she waved at the pot once it was done.

Billy did so and without really even thinking about it made a cup for Natalie and slid it across the counter to her. Natalie had already had some but she accepted another cup of it since it had been a nice gesture on Billy's part. Billy didn't think much about what he'd done except to remember the last time he'd had to fill two mugs was back before Joe went away. Their long-standing, unwritten rule was that whoever touched the coffee first better pour enough to go around.

Joey…

"Shit -- time's it again?"

"11:30ish. Why; can you not stay?" Natalie asked, a little annoyed he'd let her start.

"Huh? No, I can…just have a thing this afternoon," he waved away the question.

He was visiting Joe again today. It was the first time in about a month now, so it was time to make sure the kid was okay and catch him up about life outside.

"Oh some street gang thing," Natalie nodded.

"Careful," Billy rose an eyebrow at her in a sort of warning; he didn't want her asking the wrong questions or making the wrong jokes.

Natalie made no further comment on the matter but went back to getting the food going.

"…and I haven't forgotten about your lie," he added.

"How do you want your eggs?"

"However. Don't go changin' the subject."

"You have a preference," Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Over easy if there's toast comin' my way; over medium if there ain't."

"See that wasn't so hard…and I don't think it's a big deal. When you asked, I didn't know you," Natalie defended.

"And ya know me now?"

"Better than I did then," Natalie decided; she doubted if there weren't still many things that were a mystery to her …okay, she **knew** he was still a mystery to her, but she didn't think he was there to hurt her.

"Did ya lie because I scared you?" he asked slyly.

"…I guess," Natalie answered honestly, eyes on the stove.

"…do I still scare you?" he asked this time, crossing the kitchen to slide up next to her, whispering into her neck again.

"…not in the same way," she shook her head, tensing and craning her neck away a little bit.

Billy thought this answer over and seemed satisfied with it. He kept his close proximity and slid his hands onto her hips, hooking a finger in belt loops of her jeans to pull her back against him. Natalie wasn't sure where this was going, nor was she sure she wanted to think about it just then.

"Umm…you can make your own toast," she decided pulling herself away even though part of her didn't want to.

Yup, this situation definitely wasn't one she wanted to figure out right now, right there in her kitchen. But with all this extra time together and Billy showing up more often, she was going to have to figure out what this thing was pretty soon.

* * *

"The fuck do ya want me to say, Joey? That's all that's happened," Billy told his brother exasperatedly.

"Well someone's lost their touch since I've been here," Joe tried not to actually laugh at his older brother's frustration.

"Fuck you"

"Alright, alright. I get she's not some hit-and-split kindda chick," Joe nodded. "But you're into her and it's funny…"

"Yeah it's been a hell of a laugh," Billy muttered.

He'd put-off this part of the fill-Joe-in talk, but knew his brother was dying to know.

"I mean you hang out at this girl's house for Christ's sake…it's been, what, a month -- just go for it."

"Yeah, yeah"

"…man, this is too good. I gotta get outta here…are the guys catchin' on that you're gone over her?"

"I ain't gone over nobody," Billy protested. "Bodie and Baggy call me out on goin' to her place so much," he conceded.

"Could be worse -- could have 'em **all** on your case."

"Right; I got you and that's enough," Billy complained.

"So what is it about her?"

"…I don't like talkin' about it…"

"Well this is as close to a soap opera as I'm gonna get for at least another month or two. Besides, I'm your brother -- tell me, damn it," Joe pressed stubbornly; he knew he was one of the few people that could talk to him this way….Natalie probably could, too, and that thought made him grin.

"…she just wasn't what I expected, so that caught my attention. And…I dunno; she just treats me like I'm there, ya know?" Billy shrugged; he'd gotten over wanting to hate her and accepted that he didn't, but to hell if he knew how it's happened.

Joey nodded slowly; he got that. They didn't get that much. Their mom had split when Billy was in middle school, making sporadic, non-beneficial appearances once in a while, their dad would just as well shoot them than pay attention to them if it weren't for them brining in money, and the rest of the world, well…it ignored them, trying to pretend they didn't exist. All the guys dealt with it. That's why Bodie held onto Angela, why Tommy still brought groceries to his mom as often as he could, why Jamie helped his pops at the garage across town whenever he wasn't running a corner….they needed someone to notice them.

They all had each other, sure, but they needed something more than that--- not a lot, just something outside of basic functioning and getting by. Bodie loved going home to Angela who was a hard city girl but was a sweetheart for him, and Tommy liked feeling like he took care of his mom and have a little bit of time to grab a home-cooked meal and pretend he was a mama's boy. Jamie still liked shooting the shit with his old man, who had Jamie around in secret because his mom didn't want him around after he joined "that good for nothing gang," and Joe had always been looking for love with girls. It blew up in his face sometimes, but he was used to it so he moved on.

They all did it in their own ways; found other things to love for, things to look forward to in order to keep them going.

Except Billy never seemed to. It worried Joey, so to hell with it if he wasn't going to push him towards this Natalie chick as much as he could.

"…shit, maybe we both got mommy issues," Billy sighed, trying to bring the conversation back up to a place where it wasn't so touchy-feely.

"Nah, it's human nature," Joe dismissed.

"Been readin' too many books," Billy muttered.

"Shut up, man; I'm just saying.

Billy nodded and stretched, sending a scowl in the direction of a guard who he knew was eying him; they were always eyeing him around here.

"Okay, great, now you're pissed," Joe complained, slouching down in his chair after a quiet minute or two.

"No I ain't; I'm just thinkin," Billy assured him.

"About Natalie"

"About a lot of shit," Billy corrected. "Look, time's almost up…you need anything that I can get ya?"

"Nah, man, just keep comin' when ya can…I gotta be reminded there's shit outside of here," Joe sighed.

"Don't start gettin' depressed, alright? That's what the books are for," Billy reminded him quietly but sternly; Joe just had to hold on for a couple more months but Billy knew it wasn't easy to not go stir-crazy.

"I know"

"Alright…I'll ask some of the boys to call, maybe entertain ya with their bullshit for a while. Yeah?"

"Yeah," Joe grinned. "And give me another point of view on this Natalie."

Billy ignored his ending comment.

"Ya keep your head down, hear me?"

Joe nodded as all the visitors started to get up.

"Okay, I'll see you soon"

"Right. You better be with this Natalie by then."

Billy grinned and shook his head as he stood.

"Ya ever read _Into the Wild_?"

"Nah"

"See if they got it here -- I hear it's god."

Joe nodded, a little confused, but made a mental nose of it. He watched Billy go before trooping back to his damn cell.


	7. He'sSomething

**Alright, next chapter! Thanks for the reviews so far; i completely appreciate them -- they're very encouraging. I'm glad people are liking this story. I'm far along with it so reviews def encourage met to add updates sooner =)**

**Keep enjoying!**

* * *

**He's....Something**  
And no where else has every felt like home  
And I can't fall asleep when I'm lying here alone  
I replay your voice, it's like you're here  
'**Retrace' by Anberlin  
___________________________**

"He's thought you had a boyfriend this whole time?" Paige laughed while she and Natalie grabbed lunch on campus.

"Yeah but he knows the truth now"

"That explains why you haven't gotten together yet……actually, no it doesn't," Paige frowned.

"Maybe he knew I'd get upset if he tried and I had a boyfriend?…I dunno"

"But you did kiss him that one night," Paige reminded her.

Natalie shrugged, sure she'd never understand what went through Billy's head at any given time.

"Yeah…I dunno"

"Girl, he likes you…"

"Don't say that"

"You like him"

"Don't say **that**"

"Why?" Paige laughed at her again .

"Because…because I can't"

"Like him? You can and you do…what is it -- wrong side of the tracks?" Paige dared with a grin.

"No, wrong side of the moral campus maybe. Besides, part of me is afraid of being some conquest. Like…some college chick to bang and laugh about … … is that weird?"

"Nah, it's legitimate…but he's put too much time into it now for it to be that, I think. Besides, he could always just be a conquest to you, too. A walk on the wild side just to say you've gone there," Paige suggested once again even though she knew Natalie wasn't buying that line.

She never considered Natalie a prude or anything, but it was fun to watch her squirm and get flustered when she suggested this of her and Billy.

"I can't just do that"

"Why?" Paige dared her to admit.

"Because…I know I'll get all emotionally invested," Natalie sighed.

"So you do like him," Paige beamed at the idea -- it was **so** untraditional it might as well be forbidden, and Paige found it exciting.

"Sometimes I don't think I know him well enough to like him…there's just something about him…"

* * *

There was something about him alright. Something a little scary about him knocking on her window in the middle of the night.

Natalie jerked awake but couldn't decide right away what had woken her. A quick look at the clock told her it was 2:52 and she rolled back over, writing her wake-up off as a fluke dream. That is she considered it a dream until there was a knock on the window.

She'd come to assume that sound to be Billy, but at nearly 3AM she was none too pleased to hear it. Couldn't he see that her light was off and assume she was asleep? She considered ignoring it but doubted he'd leave.

Frowning all the while, she clicked on her lamp and shuffled to the window.

"What?" she asked dully after pushing it up.

He didn't say anything and just pulled himself in.

"Billy, come on, it's three. Did you really --- are you okay?"

His face was half-darkened and she wasn't sure if she was seeing what it seemed like she was seeing. She turned her full light on, making both of them squint.

"Oh my gosh --- what happened?"

He had a black eye forming and blood was running from his nose.

"Nothin'"

"Nothing?"

"It's not a big deal," he shrugged, peeling his coat off.

"Oh, right, you're just bleeding…"

"Ya worry too much"

Natalie shook her head at his attitude and took his arm to lead him to the bathroom.

"Come here"

Billy let her direct him to sit down on the side of the tub and he feigned annoyance with her even though he didn't care that much.

"Is this your blood?" she frowned, pointing to the back shoulder of his shirt.

"Yeah," he sighed, carefully shedding the shirt before the instructions left her mouth.

"Jeeze…what happened?"

"Scraped it on some brick"

"But what _happened_?"

"Tommy and me got in a fight with some wise-asses," he shrugged.

"Is **he** alright?"

"We're both fine"

The scrape wasn't bleeding freely but it was raw and Natalie dug around for a bandage that was the right size and spread ointment on it before carefully putting it on to keep it clean. She didn't seem to know what to do then, just that she wanted to do **some**thing, but she eventually wetted a wash cloth to just clean away the dried blood.

Billy had really paid no heed to his bleeding so it was run down from his nose and some had dripped on to his chin. His nose itself was still tender, so he instinctively shied away at first but Natalie gently pulled his head back and kept it there, carefully wiping blood away with the damp cloth. He remained still and silent then, except to move his arm to slip his hand around the back of her knee and slowly rub the soft skin with his thumb. Her legs were bare to him since she was wearing shorts with her long-sleeved shirt. With his hand now on her, Natalie had to work hard to ignore how close she was standing to him and the fact that he was currently shirtless in front of her.

"Take better care of yourself the next time you're out," she sighed, finishing up with him.

"I gave worse than I got. Trust me."

She nodded slowly.

"Do you want ice for this?" she asked, running a light finger under his eye.

"Yeah, that'd be good," he nodded, eyes on hers.

His hand slid away from her slowly as she stepped way and she descended the stairs as quietly as she could to get some ice in a bag and a dish towel. Upstairs, she found Billy back in her bedroom and she set the ice in his waiting hand.

"Are you okay?"

"I told you -- ya worry too much," he grinned, staring down at her.

She stared right back and his gaze was soon on her lips as they unconsciously gravitated slightly closer. He ducked to kiss her quickly, but they both knew it was coming. He dropped the ice carelessly and wrapped his arms around her. He was pulling her to him and moving to kiss her jaw but she caught the grimace when his nose brushed her cheek.

"Wait…I don't want you to bleed or something…" she pulled away, brushing a finger gingerly over the tip of his nose.

"I'm fine," he tried to insist.

"It's too late anyway. We both need to sleep; you woke me up"

"Right…ya look sexy with your hear all messed up like this," he smirked.

"Go to bed, Darley," she ordered, hoping she wasn't blushing; she bent to grab his ice anyway incase she was.

He didn't argue, kicking off his shoes to fall into bed on his back and place the ice carefully under his eye so it was also resting on the side of his nose.

"Now I can't move the covers," she sighed, tugging on them to get him to move.

He groaned in annoyance but maneuvered so the covers were draped over him so that she could get them over herself the way she wanted.

"You need to start getting into fights at more convenient times," she informed him.

He laughed a little at that since nothing about his life was particularly convenient.

Natalie settled in on her side of the bed and, since she wasn't sure if it sent the wrong message to cuddle up to him while he was half-clothed and hurt, she didn't make an effort to move closer. She did fall asleep easier than his last unexpected visit, and when she woke up it was to find she **had** cuddled into his side a little sometime during the night.

She turned her alarm off immediately and carefully removed herself from him. He cracked an eye open but when she waved a hand at him to go back to sleep he didn't try to argue, just rolled over towards the place she'd been laying and dozed back off. She took all the things she needed with her to the bathroom and tried to stay as quiet as she could.

"Woo-wee, look at you…"

Natalie blushed a little when she reentered the room and he was awake, laying on his back with his hands tucked behind his head. She was wearing a pencil skirt and a tight red dress top with her hair pulled back in a high, business-like ponytail.

"I have to give a presentation today," she explained.

He looked her over again and nodded approvingly. Some kind of librarian fantasy was forming in his mind from the look of her and he liked it.

She took a seat on the edge of her bed and surveyed him with a sigh.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Don't worry about it," he grunted, sitting up.

"What about your shoulder?" she nodded, trying not to notice his naked chest, which was bared to her now that the blankets had fallen.

"Don't worry 'bout that either"

"You can't show up at my house bleeding and expect me not to worry"

"I've seen a lot worse nights," he shrugged.

"…that doesn't make me feel better,' she smiled a little.

"No surprise there…"

He cupped her chin and kissed her without a lot of warning, mostly to distract her and shut her up. Her lips were soft and he slid his hand around to the back of her neck to pull her head forward to deepen the kiss. He wished her hair was down so he could bury his hands in it, but those thoughts were distracted by her own hands touching his skin, smoothing over the back of his head slowly and down along his neck to rest on his shoulders. After a few long moments she retreated slightly to look over his face. She was looking for answers, some kind of assurance, but she wasn't sure what she saw behind his black eye.

Her eyes landed on the scar beside the corner of the abused eye and she reached to trace it with a careful finger, then the one on the bridge of his nose. They were old but clear.

"What happened?"

"Bar fight; I got a bottle busted across my face," he told her evenly.

"…a bottle on your face," she echoed quietly, trying to imagine it.

She rested her forehead on his chin, closing her eyes to think that over because it probably wasn't that out of the ordinary for him. If she was letting him further into her life, could she handle that? Fights, dealing, guns, and whatever other street things she'd never paid heed to before…that was his life and it was starting to look like she needed to decide if she wanted any part of that --- and soon.

Billy took her face in both hands impatiently and brought her face back to his, kissing her surprisingly softly. Her thinking halted and she responded to the kiss, leaning in and not even stopping to protest when Billy pulled the band from her hair. He pushed his hands into her long, dark tresses and she wound an arm around to the back of his head in return. There was no hair for her fingers to find purchase in but her nails raked over his scalp lightly and he groaned. His hands left her hair and grabbed her hips instead to lift her over to straddle his lap. His hands then splayed over the soft fabric of her shirt and tugged at the sides of it to get her closer.

"Shit," she mumbled when she heard her phone ringing in the bathroom and dragged her mouth from his.

"Ignore it"

"I can't; it could be Joel…he's in my presentation group," she added with Billy frowned.

She kissed him lightly and then got off of him, hurrying to catch the call. Billy heard her talking and she didn't return when the call was over so he got up to investigate. He found her working to fix her hair, huffing when it wasn't cooperating like it had before.

"Leave it," Billy simplified for her, shifting to lean a shoulder on the door frame.

"It's a mess," she shook her head.

If it was a mess then Billy thought it was a pretty hot mess, but he just stayed quiet and watched. He made no secret of watching, either, eyeing the way her shirt rose with her arms and almost exposed her stomach. She glanced at him a few times but even then he didn't look away; he had no shame and he'd watch her if he wanted to watch her.

She, however, looked away shyly. He'd never been around a girl who was shy and modest. All the girls he was ever around anymore were very blatant about what they wanted -- be it drugs or sex -- and were quiet about neither, so he wasn't totally sure what to say. What he was becoming more sure of, though, was that it was sexy as fuck. Frustrating, maybe, but sexy all the same to get the hint she wanted him but to turn around and not have her right away. He knew where she came from so he already considered her pretty innocent -- maybe naïve in some ways -- but this shy role made he exponentially so. And if he didn't already want her in his bed he definitely did now.

And he decided he liked that she was concerned for him even though a part of him was annoyed that maybe she thought he couldn't handle it. She'd taken care of him for nothing and in his case that was, to say the least, rare. It had taken him a while to get used to the way she treated him -- like a friend and not a means to an end. He didn't really get that anymore, especially from girls who were either scared of him or wanted something from him (to be fair, he'd always gotten what _he_ wanted from them, too), and he liked it of her. It made him want to make her his…

"What?"

He snapped out of his daze and looked up into her face. He saw her hair was now pulled back satisfactorily again.

She had a small smile on her face, perhaps she was amused he'd zoned out like that. How long had it been since someone had smiled at him that way? With innocence behind it, not seduction or deceit? It was a smile that didn't want anything from him…

He just shrugged in response to her question.

"What're ya doin' tomorrow?"

"Babysitting Logan after classes…we'll be here if you want to come over; my parents will be out most of the evening…"

Billy made a face; he wasn't exactly a pro with kids. Jamie had a kid with an old flame, so Billy saw her once in a while when Jamie had her, but that was his only recent experience and it's not like he was actually playing with the little mini-person.

"Friday?"

"I don't know"

"You and Paige should come to the bar…Baggy probably misses her anyhow…"

Natalie rolled her eyes at the mention of Baggy, who really did have a soft-spot for Paige.

"Fine, come without her if ya want," Billy shrugged.

"No, we should be able to come"

He nodded approval and she looked away to smooth down her shirt before trying to leave; as he was in her way, she didn't get far. He took the proximity as an advantageous time to run a finger over her lips, then down her chin, neck, and over the front of her shirt down her stomach. She grabbed his hand when it got near the bottom of her shirt, unsure just where he'd go, and he smirked. She smiled back and rose up on her toes to kiss him softly, licking his lower lip before lowering and stepping around him to go find shoes.

"You gonna get dressed?" she asked, nodding at his state of half-dress.

"Why? This bother you?" he asked with a smug look. "It does, doesn't it," he hummed in amusement when she just scoffed and kept looking for the shoes she wanted.

Billy crossed to her closet and turned her to face him and grabbed her hands to pull them to his chest. Natalie felt something…felt a little aroused by it and wanted to feel more but she tugged away.

"Billy, I have to go soon,' she reminded him, taking a small step back.

"Ya don't want to," he informed her, gazing down at her.

She averted her eyes and shrugged before looking back up to him.

"But I have to. School's waiting and class won't wait forever"

"So you're sayin' I can wait," he sighed, resigned to losing this.

"Pretty sure," she nodded. "You're a big boy."

He seemed to find this amusing as well and sauntered off to grab his shirt. He'd win this battle some other time, he knew, but whatever this presentation was, it sure sounded like it was going to be important.

"You have no idea," he murmured, tugging his shirt down over his head.

Natalie pretended to be ignorant to the suggestion of that statement and gathered her things for class.

"Don't have time to make breakfast this time. Sorry."

"It's fine. I should get to the office anyway t' check on the boys," he waved away the apology.

"Gonna stay out of trouble?"

He narrowed his eyes and snapped his teeth at her and let himself out the back door while she checked for coffee her parents might have left over. She didn't feel too bad about his departure and filled up a cup with coffee that she could take in the car.

* * *

"Cartoons! Cartoons!" Logan cheered.

Natalie watched his blonde hair flop around while he jumped from cushion to cushion on the couch and smiled. She liked having him around to watch and since her parents weren't around tonight to watch him, too, she didn't feel bad putting-off school work to play with him. Julia, her sister-in-law, had a work dinner and Natalie and her parents were first-call for free babysitting.

"Yes, we're going to watch cartoons. We can watch all night if you want to."

He just smiled happily and kept jumping. She figured her parents would make him stop but his shoes were off so she didn't care. Besides she was his aunt so she could spoil him if she wanted.

He finally sat down after a little bit and they watched a few cartoons and played some games. She was helping him build a little block house when there was a knock on the door.

"Somebody's here!" Logan announced happily, though he didn't move to get up from playing to go investigate.

"Yeah, I'll get it," she grunted, pushing herself up.

She spun around when she got halfway to the door because there was another knock and it was from the back, not the front. Sure enough, Billy was at the sliding door.

"Hi"

He grunted and leaned down to kiss her when he got in.

"Hey"

"You alright?"

"Sure"

"…you look upset."

"Just a long day…"

"Dinner time?"

Both adults turned to see Logan peeking around the breakfast bar.

"You want dinner…how about Mac n' Cheese?"

"Yum! …can we now?"

"I have to make it first. Do you want some fruit snacks?"

He nodded his head so she left Billy where he was, eyeing Logan calculatingly, and got a little fruit pack from the cabinet.

"Hi," Logan waved up at Billy.

"Logan this is my friend Billy"

"Hi Billy," Logan smiled, trying out the new name.

"Say hi," Natalie whispered, wondering if that was too much to ask; she doubted Billy ever saw much of kids.

"Hello"

It was a little forced but it was alright; if nothing else, Logan accepted it.

"Alright, I'm going to make dinner"

"Billy, wanna see _Nemo_?" Logan asked since they'd put in _Finding Nemo_ a while ago.

Predictably, Billy made an unfavorable face.

"…could you?" Natalie asked carefully.

He gave her a look that practically screamed "what the fuck."

"Maybe I should just leave," he sighed deeply, feeling agitated and slightly uncomfortable.

"No, it won't be long…I'm not asking you to play with him, just sit out there and make sure he doesn't break anything…or himself."

"…ya got a beer in that fridge?" he nodded to the refrigerator.

She smiled and grabbed one, holding it out to him for him to snatch on his way to the living room.

"Help, Aunt 'Lee," Logan pouted, tugging on the packet erratically.

"What do you say?"

"Will you help, **please**?" he asked sweetly, so she bent to tear the corner off.

He scampered off to the living room and she got macaroni and cheese ready to go. Once it was boiling, she peered into the living room.

Billy was sitting on the couch with his arms spread out to rest over the back of the couch. Logan was standing on the cushion next to him but Billy was facing forward, probably hoping he'd go away. Logan made a grab for his beer, but Billy just yanked it away and switched it to the other hand.

"Not for you," she heard Billy instruct.

Logan didn't seem phased and popped a fruit snack into his mouth before holding one out to Billy. Billy sighed and eyed the snack, finally taking it once he decided it would be simplest -- God forbid the kid start to whine. Logan hopped happily once or twice and then reached out for Billy's face. Billy leaned his head away a little bit but Logan still reached his goatee, scratching the facial hair curiously. Billy brushed his hand away but Logan hummed and reached back, rubbing his jaw. With an exasperated sigh, Billy quickly snatched Logan's wrist.

Logan started in surprise and Natalie began to move forward but then Logan just started to giggle a little. Billy rolled his eyes and let him go.

"Maybe you should sit down, kid"

Logan quickly dropped to sit and Natalie smiled at the pair and went to finish the food.

"Yayyyy," Logan cheered, running in when she called him in to eat.

"Hold on; I just have to find your fun bowl," Natalie told him, rummaging in the lower cabinet for the bowl with Spiderman on the bottom.

She heard Billy trudge in, too, and felt him slap her ass -- rather hard -- on his way by. She stood quickly and meant to glare at him but could only stifle a grin at the hot look he sent her.

"Nat-lee!" Logan chanted impatiently.

She got his food in front of him and let him eat all he wanted before he excitedly went to finish _Finding Nemo_ while pretending to be a scuba diver.

Natalie cleaned up while he did all that and Billy was close to bailing, but Logan was tuckered out and instead of wanting to play he requested _Monsters Inc._ Logan cuddled-in on the couch under a blanket and Billy pulled Natalie down into an armchair with him so she sat across his lap.

"Billy…I like you," Logan announced.

"Oh, well, that just makes my fuckin' day right there," Billy muttered to Natalie sarcastically.

"Shhh," Natalie snickered, putting a finger over his mouth. "That's nice Logan," she told him.

She watched him lay back down and turned back to Billy when he bit the finger she'd been silencing him with.

"You have to be nice," she whispered, leaning in and slowly pulling her finger back.

"I been nice all damn day," he growled back, tightening his arm behind her to pull her closer and cover her lips with his.

"Mmm, yeah you have," she agreed after a few moments, dragging a finger along his jaw, which was covered in short stubble.

"So ya should be rewardin' me," he encouraged, cupping the back of her head to pull her back to him for a longer, deeper kiss.

"Are you giving kisses?"

"Fuck," Billy breathed.

"Yes," Natalie chuckled, resting her forehead on his.

"What's so funny?" Billy groaned.

"Logan; he's cute"

"Adorable," Billy rolled his eyes, relaxing back against the chair.

Natalie ignored the sarcasm and settled in against his chest and watched the movie, which she'd seen before.

"You can't change it?" Billy asked quietly after glancing at Logan and thinking he was asleep.

"No," Logan whined sleepily, kicking his feet against the cushions.

"What he said," Natalie nodded with a smile. "You don't like it?"

"I haven't really been watchin',"

"Then how do you know you don't want to?" she teased.

"It's little fuckin' monsters runnin' around"

"Don't swear so loud," Natalie reprimanded lightly, trying not to be annoyed since Billy lived a life that clearly involved few to no children.

Billy ignored the chastisement and kissed her, burying his hand in her long hair. He kissed her slowly, dragging his eyes open to take a glance at Logan to make sure he wasn't paying attention. He kept once hand at the back of her head and slipped the other up the leg of her jeans, caressing her calf lightly. Natalie wrapped an arm around his neck and smoothed her other had over his scalp.

Billy skillfully moved his mouth to trail kisses along her jaw and behind her ear, and he removed his hand from her jeans, pushing it up her leg to sneak it up her shirt and skim her side.

"Billy, Logan's in here…"

"He looks asleep," Billy told her, voice muffled by her neck. "Hmm…doesn't he have a crib or somethin'?"

"No, he doesn't sleep in a crib…anyway, Julia will ---" she broke-off for a moment as he went back to suck on her throat when she'd started to move her neck. "She'll be here soon to pick him up."

"Not soon enough…" he whispered, lips brushing her ear.

"…and my parents will probably be back soon."

"…you're tryin' t' kill me," he cursed.

"You can come back later if you want…"

"Can't. Heco's been fuckin' around lately. I ain't trustin' him to not fuck up a night on his own," Billy scowled, sitting back again.

"…is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah -- I just gotta hold his hand," Billy sneered. "He's been pissin' me off, so tonight I'm makin' myself his shadow."

Oh…well be careful," she felt compelled to add.

"Yeah it's nothin'…routine"

"Still," she urged, continuing to rub her thumb over the back of his head.

He nodded ruefully and pulled her hand from his head.

"I should get goin' before your folks get back…and I could use a smoke soon…"

"Alright"

She hopped up and walked him back to the back door.

"Tomorrow?" he checked, a lighter already in hand.

"Yeah"

"Good"

He gave her a last, hard kiss before slipping out into the night.

It was good timing, really; Julia was there about 20 minutes later to get Logan.

"Was he good?" the tall blonde asked.

"Yeah, we played some games and watched a couple movies."

"Good…did you have fun?" Julia asked the sleepy Logan in her arms.

"Uh-huh," he nodded slowly. "And Nat-Lee made lots of kisses."

"Oh, she gave you kisses?" his mom laughed.

"No, not to me," Logan giggled at the idea, much to Natalie's displeasure.

"Natalie Elizabeth Shepherd…did a boyfriend stop by?" Julia rose an interested eyebrow.

"I'm sorry -- I didn't know he was coming; he just stopped over…and I wouldn't really call him a boyfriend," Natalie added quickly.

"Don't apologize, just give me the details. Is he hot? Come on," Julia laughed.

"He's…I don't know what he is," Natalie sighed. "Hot?…yeah," she smiled a little; granted it was in a rough, dangerous kind of way instead of a traditional way, but he was hot nonetheless.

"Nice…and the parents?"

"They don't know," Natalie told her quickly.

"Got it…keep me updated?" Julia waggled her eyebrows.

"Sure"

"Alright --- hope you see him again soon. Good night."


	8. Broken Plans and What Comes Next

_**Broken Plans and What Comes Next  
**_  
I slipped down the stairs..  
...I slid down the whole way  
Right into the web you've woven  
**'J****ust Like Me' by Paramore  
_____________**

As it was, Natalie didn't see Billy again as soon as she'd counted on. He'd called her Friday afternoon to tell her he wouldn't be at the bar and rescheduled, but he'd called Saturday afternoon to do the same thing. He cancelled Sunday, too, and grumpily asked her to come out on Wednesday instead. She was never able to get much out of him as far as details of what he was doing that was getting so hectic, though, which was annoying.

* * *

When Natalie woke up later Monday night (or early Tuesday morning, depending) she wasn't expecting it to have anything to do with Billy. Her phone was ringing and she had to fumble around to find it in the dark, still partially asleep.

"Hello?…Hello?….Billy?" she asked after pulling the phone away to squint at the caller ID. "Billy?" she asked again after clearing her throat.

"_Yeah, hey--- you're 'wake"_

"Now, sure…are you drunk?' she mumbled, flopping down onto her back.

_"…yeah, pretty much," _she heard him grunt, imagining him stretching. _"I was gonna call ya t' come out but I know ya gotta go t' that early class…"_

"So you're calling at 2AM?' Natalie sighed while burrowing under the covers.

_"…guess it ain't the smartest way t' go, but you're up now," _he decided easily.

"And why am I up?"

_"'Cause I called"_

"Why did you call?" she asked in exasperation, too tired for this if he was just doing to talk about nothing.

_" 'Cause I wanted t' talk t' ya -- why the hell else would I call anyone…"_ he sneered. "_Bodie, what?…fuck off."_

"Where are you?"

_"Back room o' the bar"_

"Oh…so what did you need to talk about?"

_"…I dunno_"

"Billy…"

_"What? 'kay, hockey? We can talk 'bout that"_

"You like hockey?"

"_Sure I like hockey"_

Natalie mulled that over, picturing Billy and the guys crowded around a TV with the game on. She liked the visual; it was nice and normal.

_"…you 'wake?"_

"Yes"

_"Good… surprised ya haven' hung up on me yet…"_

"Well I can if you want"

_"No!"_

"I was just kidding"

_"Right, right…ya wouldn' hang up cuz you're nice…you're too nice t' me, ya know that?" _he decided.

"Am I supposed to be mean?" she managed to ask around a yawn, just to humor him.

_"No, then I wouldn' like you…which I do, but ya already know that…"_

Natalie grinned at he drawled out the confession. She'd found that Billy was typically a nice enough drunk unless he was drinking specifically because he was pissed off. He could still bark orders at the boys but for the most part drinking loosened him up, at least from what she'd seen.

"I suspected, yeah"

_"Suspected," _he mocked. "_If ya only suspected then ya ain't very smart for a college chick…I don't usually even hang out with chicks…"_

"And what did I do to deserve that honor?" Natalie asked curiously.

_"…t' hell if I know…ya just ain't like other broads 'round here."_

"I've seen of the girls that hang around you guys, so I'm going to take that as a compliment."

He laughed over the line and Natalie suddenly wished she were there; Billy didn't really laugh a whole lot.

_"It was one, cuz girls 'round here are bitches. Like…just like the other night when I came over. They never wouldda helped me, these broads….they wouldn' give two shits an' clean me up. You did though…for nothin'…how weird's that?" _he prattled on.

Natalie wasn't sure she knew just what he was asking so she just made a hum of agreement over the line, thinking about what he said. About how no one cared for him…

_"…ya tired…fuck, I shouldntta called this late_," he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. _"I'll go….Bodie's still lookin' 'round like he wants somethin' so I'll take care o' that and leave ya alone."_

"Alright. Go home and go to bed soon"

_"Sure, mother,"_ he mocked.

"Bye," she laughed softly.

_"Later,"_ he grunted.

The next time she talked to him on the phone it was Wednesday and just long enough to tell her and Paige not to come to the bar because none of the guys would be there…

"Again!" Paige complained.

"Yeah…I guess something came up…I don't know what's been going on lately"

Paige continued to scowl and Natalie didn't disagree; this was pretty last minute. Paige had come over after classes and they'd hung out and done some work. They'd just been changing to go meet the guys when Billy called.

"Well, look, no reason to waste a night when neither of us have an early class; let's go out for dinner. We'll come back and watch a movie or go out in the hot tub…"

"I like the sounds of the hot tub," Paige approved.

So a night out turned into a girl's night, but that wasn't so bad. They got some good food and came back for the hot tub and gossip before going inside to watch a movie. Paige declined the invite to sleep over and went home for the night. Natalie still felt awake so she got her bathing suite back on to get in the hot tub again. She flicked through a magazine for a while before resting her head back and closing her eyes.

"….look what we have here…"

Natalie jumped but maybe she shouldn't have been so surprised that Billy would show up when least expected. Head up and eyes open she could see him leaning on a beam that held up the awning that covered half of the back patio.

"Hey…"

"Hey yourself," he responded, eying her sitting there in her black bikini.

Natalie was flattered but also annoyed. Annoyed at how many time she'd been cancelled on.

"Don't be pissed," Billy rolled his eyes, reading her face all-too easily once his eyes fell there. "You look good."

"…gonna come in and join?"

"Do I look like I brought some kindda bathing suite along?" he asked sarcastically with an edge to his tone.

Natalie was about to ask if he really needed one but then decided she wouldn't put it past him to climb right in naked and she wasn't sure she wanted that…did she?

Besides, he didn't seem like he was in the best mood.

"So what were you busy with tonight?" she asked casually.

He gave her a warning look.

"What? I'm just asking," she defended herself. "You've been busy lately…"

"We're short and we've been pushin' to make up for it…then we owed some more for bein' late…"

"Short?'

"Yeah. Short. Short on money; we've got people t' pay," he told her tersely.

"…I thought people paid **you**?'

"A certain percent of the money always goes up," he explained, breathing deeply to remind himself not to get annoyed because all this was foreign to her.

"…how far up?"

Natalie wasn't sure if she was pushing her luck with all she was asking, but if he was talking she'd take it in.

"…goes up t' the boss," he explained after eyeing her for a long moment. "I'm the boss on the streets, but there's always a fat fucker away from the heat that reaps some of the damn profit. Bones."'

"…bones?"

"It's a name"

That was the end of his offered explanations and she nodded and relaxed back. It's not like he was secretive about what he was and what he did but he usually left things in general terms and let her imagine the details since she knew what the guys did…for the most part.

"What'd you do tonight then?" Billy asked to get the focus off of himself, leaning against the edge of the hot tub.

"Well Paige and I were all dressed up with nowhere to go, so we went out to dinner and sat out here and then watched a movie. She only left a little while ago."

"Good timin' on my part then…"

"Why? You like Paige," Natalie frowned.

"She's alright," Billy shrugged dismissively.

"…you like her," Natalie repeated, raising her hand out of the water to take his hand and lace her fingers in his to get his attention.

"Sure, sure"

She shook his hand to get his attention again, and he sent a sidelong glance down at her and he took a step behind her to bend down and tilt her face up to kiss her from behind. Hard.

His hands rested on her shoulders, fingers dancing up the side of her exposed neck.

"…how about you come in here?" she grinned invitingly.

"Nah, **you** get out here," he grunted, grabbing under her arms to straighten and lift her out.

He sat her on the edge and tugged on her leg to get her to turn around.

"…no, I don't want to get you wet," she hesitated to wrap her arms around him.

"…I think that's gonna happen the other way around," he told her smugly.

He stepped closer and grabbed her knees to pull her closer. She smiled back and circled her arms around his neck, and he delved into her mouth and splayed his hands over her damp skin. The water was cooling against her skin and she shivered, leaning into him more. He helped her and pulled her closer, tight against him. His arms stayed flexed around her, desperately pulling her to him.

She broke the kiss for a second to catch her breath and Billy immediately zeroed-in on her neck, biting at her racing pulse. His hands danced over her sides and he sucked on her earlobe, chuckling into her ear when she gasped softly. His mouth quickly came back to hers and she ran her hands down his chest inside of his coat and down over his stomach. She found the bottom of his shirt and he pulled back to watch her hesitantly slip her hands pass the hem to feel smooth, taut skin. He was pretty sure a girl had never touched him hesitantly before, but her soft touch roused a groan from him and he grabbed her wrist and pushed her hands further up his shirt, grazing a few short hairs, and pulling her close again.

His hands pressed into her skin, keeping her closer as he ravished her mouth. She moaned as his hands caressed her lower back and tugged her hips closer to his and his abs twitched under her light touch.

Billy dragged his hands up her back to her hair to try to free it. As she'd pulled it up in a sloppy sort of bun, he couldn't quite get manage it.

"Get it out," Billy groaned impatiently, chest heaving.

Natalie stifled a giggle at his annoyance and undid the band to let her hair fall around her shoulders. His hands were immediately in it, twisting his fingers around the dark locks. His mouth left hers again after a bit and Billy gave her hair a pull, exposing her neck to him so he could suck on and lick her throat. Her hands grabbed his shoulders and she bit her lip and moaned softly.

"Billy…"

He hummed his acknowledgement and nuzzled her neck, biting the soft skin lightly. She could feel her pulse still racing and her breath was ragged. She wasn't sure how well she was keeping up with him but she pressed her hips forward and felt a little rewarded by his groan. Slowly, she slid from the side of the tub and Billy let his lips part from her as she lowered herself to her feet. Her body slid against his and he hissed softly, gazing down at her calculatingly.

"It's cold out here," she explained.

He nodded and let her step around him to lead the way inside but he caught her arm and looked over her. He hadn't gotten the best look at her sitting down in the water but he let his eyes travel her now, slowly tracing the soft curves and lean physique.

"Ya really do look good…"

Natalie smiled and shivered, both from the cold and from watching his eyes shamelessly take her in.

"Come on; it's cold"

"We even allowed in there?"

"We can get to my room if we're quiet…"

His mouth hitched up in a half-grin, letting himself be led in through the sliding glass door. They entered the kitchen and Natalie turned off lights as they went. Once the first floor was dark Billy grabbed her and lifted her up so her legs were wrapped around his waist and he had to silence a small squeal of surprise with his mouth.

A light was on upstairs in Natalie's room so he managed the stairs fairly well. Natalie could feel him through only the thin fabric of her suit and tightened her legs around him to nearly grind against him. Billy knew he had to be quiet so he swallowed a groan, but he faltered and stumbled, grabbing the rail to steady himself. Natalie's arms tightened around his neck but she giggled softly and when he straightened up he put a few fingers over her lips.

"Ya wanna wake your old man and deal with that mess?" he hissed.

She shook her head but her eyes were still crinkled in amusement. He stared into them…carefree…innocent…

He slipped his hand from her face around to the back of her head to pull her back into a deep kiss. Natalie gladly melted into it and removed a hand from his neck to caress his arm, which was flexed to hold her up. He headed into her room and pushed the door closed quietly with his foot. He crossed to the bed and laid her down, propping himself up on his arms.

"…look at you. Sexy," he informed her.

Natalie blushed and slid her hands into his jacket to push it off. Billy complied, raising to stand on his knees and shrug his coat off hurriedly. He dropped back down to his hands and ducked his head to kiss her and trail kisses down her neck. Natalie moaned softly when he lowered himself onto his forearms and more of his weight settled on her.

He was soon cupping her breast in a large hand, and her mouth was on his neck, licking the sensitive skin and grazing her teeth there gently. It wasn't long before he was moving lower, his mouth working his way between her breasts, sucking on the side of her breast hard enough she was sure it would leave a mark. She squeezed his shoulders, then, which only prompted him further. His mouth hovered over the damp material over her breasts and covered the area over her nipple, biting at the area quickly. Natalie gasped and arched her back to press closer to his mouth. He chuckled but traveled away from her chest, heading lower once again. He explored her flat stomach, his facial hair tickling the soft skin.

Natalie ran her hands over his head and neck as he did so, swallowing a giggle now and then when he found a sensitive area that started to tickle. She watched him bite at her belly button, and then just lower he bite the top of her bikini bottoms and tugged a little. Her hands twitched on his head because her first reaction was to stop him, but she recognized that she didn't actually want to.

His fingers hooked around the fabric of her bottoms after she didn't stop his initial attempts, and he slowly, tantalizingly, pulled them down her legs and away. Natalie watched with bated breath and sighed contentedly when he wrapped his hands around her ankles and, still slowly, pushed them back up her legs. It had been a long time since she'd really been touched this way and she shivered in anticipation.

Billy kissed her thigh, nipping at it as well just to tease her, and gently prompted her legs a little further apart.

He touched her softly, exploring, and looked up at her with a satisfied grin when she inhaled sharply and bit her lip. He brought his mouth back up to hers, kissing her hard as he slipped two fingers inside of her. He continued to go slowly, though his kiss was anything but. Natalie bent her knees a little further and he felt her toes curl against his calf. Her soft moans were lost in his mouth and her hand snuck up the back of his shirt, fingers digging at his back.

Billy groaned when her nails grazed his spine and he pulled his mouth from hers. He again moved down her body and bit at the inside of her thigh again before turning his head to suck on her most sensitive skin.

Even though she'd expected it, Natalie cried out softly before she could stop herself and Billy's hand shot out to cover her mouth. He looked amused, though, when his face hovered above hers again.

"Shhh…"

She nodded and he removed his hand to rest his elbow beside her head. She immediately bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut to muffle a groan when his fingers curled up inside her. He grinned.

Billy tugged her lip from between her teeth with his thumb and slid his finger inside instead. She bit it lightly with an amused glint to her eye and he retaliated by curling his fingers again and moving them faster as his thumb rubbed her. She sucked at his fingers a little harder and did her best to keep quiet.

Billy watched her intently while he worked her, watching how her lips closed around his finger, her tongue playing over the end of it. His mind immediately went to the thoughts of her mouth on other important parts of him, and his jeans tightened.

A twinge of regret hit him for starting all of this at her house with her damned parents around. He didn't want to keep her quiet, he wanted to hear the moans she had to muffle and keep her mouth shut for. Her soft sounds were getting to him and he really wanted to take her somewhere else so they could do what they wanted and be loud if they wanted.

He got her to her finish before his jeans could become painfully uncomfortable, delving into her mouth again as she came beneath him and grabbed at the back of his shirt.

Natalie was still breathing heavily as she began to relax and kiss him back a little more passionately now that she was thinking straight again. She pushed him back and got him standing tall on his knees before squirming out from under him. She, too, stood on her knees and wasted no time getting his shirt up and over his head to drop it aside. All of his tattoos were visible to her and she was actually in a position to take the time and appreciate them, so she traced one of the swirling designs from his neck over his shoulder.

Billy leaned in towards her touch but wasn't sharing her patience and wrapped his arms around her to pull her against him. He gave her bare ass a squeeze just because he could and was pleased when she smiled against his lips. He was just deciding to get to work untying her top when one of her hands skirted past the waist of his pants and cupped him through his jeans. He groaned lowly and broke the kiss to rest his forehead on hers, hand still fisted loosely in her hair.

She pressed her palm against him a little more firmly and he exhale sharply, letting his eyes fall closed. Natalie grinned and kissed him slowly, twisting to get off the bed and stand on the floor. Billy followed suit and, with a finger on his chest, Natalie nudged him back to sit down on the bed and she squatted down between his legs, pushing her hands from his knees to the inside of his thighs.

Billy watched her though half-closed eyes, reminding himself over and over to keep quiet through all of this. He wondered how well he'd fair with it since this had all been on his mind for quite some time, but to hell if he was going to stop her.

Natalie could feel him hard in his jeans and slowly worked his button and fly open with one hand while the other slowly rubbed against him. She was starting to pull down his jeans, his boxer briefs would be next, when his phone rang.

He snatched it quickly to stop the noise and answered with a gruff "what?"

"This better be fuckin' life an' death, Tommy," he growled, voice low and tight.

He allowed Natalie to keep stroking him through his underwear as he listened to Tommy quickly go on.

"So?" Billy spat.

Natalie gave him a soft squeeze but this time his free hand shot out to still her.

"What?" he managed to get out between his teeth.

She chuckled to herself and leaned back on her heels slightly to wait.

"He fuckin' did what?! Where the hell'd he go?"

He waited a second for a response, glaring at nothing.

"Right," he bit before closing the phone with a snap. "Fuck. I gotta go."

"Oh…"

Natalie was annoyed but could also recognized this seemed important, so she stood up without more of a say. Billy raked his eyes over her again and watched her find a pair of sweatpants on her dresser and pull them on, along with a white tank top over her suite. When Natalie turned back around it was to see Billy with his head in his hands, perhaps willing away his erection. He remained that way for only a second before leaning to grab his shirt and pull it back on. Then he stood and before he got his hands on his jeans, Natalie was there to redo them for him. She looked up at him with a small smile and gave him a quick kiss before handing him his coat.

"I'm gonna see you soon," he told her pointedly, shrugging the jacket on.

She nodded and he grabbed the back of her head to kiss her hard and then get to the window to hurry away and to the latest mess he had to help square-away. Natalie watched him until he disappeared from sight and then let her curtain fall back over the window and backed up to her bed. She sat down and her thoughts raced over the night's events. It had all happened so fast…she felt like she hadn't had a chance to even think about it, to decide if it was even what she'd wanted….

But after a moment a slow smile spread across her face. She knew, rationally, that there were plenty of reasons to not have done what they'd done…but she didn't care so much. She couldn't honestly deny that she was some feelings for him, however misplaced they may be, and it was also undeniably nice just to be touched that way by a man and to touch him. She felt a little bad about the abrupt way he'd had to leave but, then again, that was more his own fault and not hers.

Still smiling, she got around for bed; after all, she still had to go class the next day even though she was guessing falling asleep wouldn't be all that easy tonight.

* * *

Friday night, Natalie and Paige were at the Four Roses; the plans had finally all panned out. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. Paige had driven the girls over from her apartment, which was probably good because the way things were going Natalie didn't know if she'd be going back to her friend's to crash for the night.

Billy had his arm slung around her where they were currently sitting at the booth with some of the others. Paige was out of sight playing pool with Baggy, not that Natalie really noticed. She was more interested in Billy and his mouth, which was currently working hers. He kissed her deeply, a show of PDA that would have most people looking away but the other guys sitting with them hardly cared either way. Billy moved his mouth to her neck, sucking the delicate skin behind her ear because by now he knew that'd get a reaction out of her, and passed his hand up her side to grope at her breast.

"Billy," she whispered, brushing his adventurous hand away.

"Somebody's shy," he teased, breath washing over the shell of her ear.

"Guess so," she shrugged him away, sitting back more properly against the booth.

"Ya know nobody cares," he muttered, straightening up himself.

"Well I do," she responded, sliding a hand up his thigh carefully just to make sure he knew she wasn't mad and to insure he wouldn't hold the retreat against her.

"…maybe not so shy," he tensed for a moment before she backed off with a playful grin. "Maybe you're a fuckin' tease," he accused quietly, ducking his head again so she'd hear.

Natalie leaned towards his lips when he tilted his head as if to kiss her but he pulled away just before their lips met.

"Maybe **you** are," she accused back, amused.

He just smirked and bummed a cigarette off Bodie, using a small, otherwise pointless, candle to light up before taking a drag. Natalie reached for her beer to take a drink and a few minutes later she excused herself to go to the bathroom; she barely got both feet back out of the bathroom afterwards when she was grabbed around the waist. She tensed, scared for a moment, before she recognized Billy by his body and his smell…and then by the way he kissed her.

He pushed her against the wall and ground his hips into her while his lips forced hers open to access her mouth. She sighed contentedly and wrapped her arms around his neck. He was pulling her against him urgently, mouth hard and demanding.

"You smell good… … feel good," he murmured, grabbing under her ass to lift her up and make her wrap her legs around him.

After a minute or two he pushed a hand past her jeans and underwear to grab at her bare ass, and he started to pull at the front of her pants, too, trying to find the button blindly since he was still kissing her.

"Billy, Billy, stop…"

"Why?" he panted, face against her neck.

"Because we're still in the bar," she answered like it was obvious.

He lifted his head and annoyance mixed with agreement on his face and in his eyes.

"Then lets get outta here, huh?"

She nodded agreeably and he slowly let her slide to her feet before taking her hand to lead her none-too patiently to the front exit.

"My jacket," she remembered before they got to the door and would hit the cold air.

"Paige'll get it," he responded simply.

He drove quickly and it was a short distance anyway, so they were back at his apartment shortly. He threw the car in park and killed the engine, reaching across the divided front seats to kiss her while he fumbled with his door. Natalie laughed inwardly and once he opened his door and pulled away to get out she quickly got out as well, joining him around the car as he led the way into the dingy apartment building.

He bypassed the elevator -- the last thing he needed was for it to break down for a while and have her insist that, too, was a "public place." He'd been aching for this something awful since that night at her house and now she was there. He'd enjoyed relaxing with her **and **the boys for as long as he could but now he could care less about shooting the shit with his brothers.

He grabbed her hand as they hurried up the stairs, pushing the door open to his floor unceremoniously and knocking his door open just as quickly before shutting and locking it behind him.

Billy grabbed her up again and, now in the privacy of his apartment with all the time and space they wanted, Natalie didn't have to keep either of them in check. She happily let him rid her of her shirt and pay her chest as much attention as he wanted. She rid him of his as well, and the rest of their clothes soon fell to the floor along with their shirts.

Billy groaned, reveling in her touch and silently congratulated himself for finally getting her alone so they could both do whatever the hell they wanted. There, with no friends around for Natalie to be bashful in front of -- he'd have to wean her of that insecurity -- and no parents to have to pussy-foot around, they could do what they wanted and be loud if they wanted…she was his tonight.

* * *

**Aaaaand there's that. Hope you liked. I've really liked seeing that people are still reading and enjoying, so shoot me a review and let me knwo what ya think =)**


	9. The Reality of It

**HEYYYY thanks for the reviews and i've liked seeing how many people have checked out the story. here's the 9th chapter; let me know what you think =)**

* * *

**The Reality of It**  
Don't you know by now  
You can't turn back  
Because this road is all you'll ever have  
'**Fences' by Paramore  
_______________________________**

Natalie's eyes cracked open the next morning but closed quickly when they perceived the light. She didn't want to get up and she stretched tiredly, letting loose a soft sigh as her muscles pulled comfortably. As she shifted she became aware of the dull ache between her legs; she was a little pleased with it.

She heard a deep exhale next to her and felt something move around her waist as Billy flexed his arm around her. She mentally recounted the night, lingering over the highlights, feeling rather happy about the whole thing. Billy moved around a little more; his arm left her waist and she felt a finger on her eyelid.

"I know you're awake"

His deep voice was slightly rougher from just waking up and she obligingly opened her eyes, smiling a little.

"Good morning"

"Mornin'," he grunted back, smoothing some hair from her face to give her a short but deep kiss.

He laid back, then, to just look at her. He didn't typically ever wake up to a girl still in his bed after a night of sex. They weren't usually looking to sick around and he certainly wasn't looking for that either. But it wasn't as if he'd expected to kick Natalie out of his bed…this was nice. She'd become once face he didn't mind seeing.

"What?" Natalie asked curiously, an extra softness to her voice courtesy of drowsiness.

"Nuthin'," he shook his head, tracing her lower lip with his finger.

They laid there another couple minutes before Billy rolled over onto his back and slowly sat up to throw his legs over the side of the bed. He ran a hand over his bald head and opened a small drawer on the table next to his side of the bed, fishing out a cigarette and a lighter.

"Fuck," he muttered when the lighter wouldn't spark to life and he threw it into the small wastebasket with a clang. "Coat….shit," he groaned as his eyes scanned the room.

"Coat's out there I think," Natalie pointed out the door to the living room.

Billy sighed and hauled himself to his feet, stepping into his jeans and hitching them up on his way out. Natalie watched his back, muscles moving as he stretched, and smiled.

He reappeared into the room lighting-up and he dropped something white on the end of the bed with his other hand. Her shirt. She smiled again as she remembered it being shed.

Billy stood by the window, shoulder resting against the frame, and just looked out at nothing. Natalie was now laying on her back and she watched him, longing to know what he was thinking. He looked back at her over his shoulder with a scrutinizing kind of look and turned his gaze back to the window shortly.

Natalie had an abrupt notion of "this was it." What if he wanted her to leave now? It was morning, which meant it might just be time to get the hell out. The thought woke her up a little more and she sat up, resting her back against the plain headboard and took care to make sure the sheet was pulled up over her chest. She drew her knees up towards her and bit her lip, thinking.

She wanted to say something but his body language suggested he was already agitated so she didn't want to needle him. Maybe she should just get dressed to go…

But his behavior the last few weeks or so didn't really suggest that he was going to kick her out as soon as he could. He kept coming around, told her she was different…

Maybe she just didn't know anything about him…but she liked to think she did, at least a little bit…

"So… …you my girl or what?" he finally asked, breaking the silence.

"… …I don't know," Natalie responded after balking at first.

"Fuckin' great…"

"Well what am I supposed to say?" Natalie asked as her heart raced and she fidgeted slightly. "We haven't talked about that and…well, I mean it would have to be a real relationship or I can't. Ya know…monogamous…"

He nodded slowly and rubbed his chin before looking over to stare her down.

"I can do that," he decided and announced.

He didn't actually know from experience that he could, but if he wanted to he was sure he could. Besides, if Bodie could do it, so could he -- Bodie didn't have anything he didn't have.

Natalie soaked that in, knowing without him saying that it wasn't a declaration he typically made.

"Have you done it before?" she checked -- after all, she'd seen the women the guys were usually around.

"… never tried," he shrugged.

"Never?"

"Nah, never had a need -- I'm clean, if that's what you're thinkin'," he scoffed.

She hadn't actually been thinking that, although it was nice to know. She'd been more concerned thinking about how he'd never had a deeper connection beyond friendship. She didn't know if this would be easy for him…she wondered if it would even be able to work…and his lack of knowing how to commit wasn't necessarily even half of it.

"Billy…we're so different…"

"Ya think I don't fuckin' know that?" Billy snapped.

"No, of course you do," Natalie sighed, leaning her head back to stare up at the ceiling and think; she supposed this had been a longtime coming but she'd been avoiding thinking about it.

She rolled her neck to look over at him and he was staring hard out the window.

"…I mean it…no other girls."

He turned his head slowly and raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her.

"No other _guys_," he told her lowly.

"Obviously"

Billy nodded and looked back outside. This conversation was so **un**like him; it just wasn't the kind of talk he had, but he knew it was the kind of talk **she'd** have to have if this was going to go anywhere…and he needed it to go _some_where.

He couldn't just let her waltz on out of his life as casually as she'd accidentally fallen into it. He didn't want to have to think about that…didn't want to go without the calm and comfort of her. After some observation he decided that was much how Bodie and Angela were, so if this "committed relationship" relationship was how he got to keep her, he could do that. As he'd decided, if Bodie could do it then he, Billy Darley, could. Come hell or high water, he could make something as common as a relationship work. Right? Right.

"…could this even work?" Natalie asked softly.

They were so different, so theoretically incompatible…hell, maybe incompatible period. Their lives were so different.

"Why the fuck not?" Billy shrugged.

If he wanted something, why couldn't he just get it?

Natalie could think of reasons, including his unpredictable temper -- she'd certainly seen that flair up before -- or his possible inability to commit, her unfamiliarity and possibly naivety to his life, her parents...but she was drawn to him and that she couldn't deny…

"No reason…"

He turned fully towards her now and dropped his cigarette forgotten into the ashtray on the dresser. He stalked over to the bed and bent to kiss her, hands on the top of the headboard. She wrapped an arm up around his neck, her other hand holding the sheet in place still, but he was soon tugging that away. He stood up to shuck his pants right back off and then climbed back onto the bed and pulled on her ankles slowly until she slid down onto her back, legs parted beneath him.

In the end it was her on top this time and afterwards she slowly lowered herself to lay down, still on top of him. His hands skimmed over her back while they regained their breath. Once their breathing evened out, Natalie lifted her head to kiss his neck and then rested her head over his chest. She could hear his now-steady heartbeat and let herself be lulled by it into a light doze.

She was gently roused by a quiet noise, which she momentarily figured out was a vibrating cell phone. Only because she'd never known Billy's phone to **not** be on ring, she assumed it was hers and lifted her head. Billy was awake and looking back at her, one hand now playing in her hair and his other hand tucked comfortably behind his head, but he didn't look overly concerned.

Natalie pushed herself to sit up, shifting so she wasn't directly over his hips. She raised an arm unconsciously to cover her breasts and ran her other hand through her tousled hair to decide where her pants were. Billy bent a knee up to nudge her and point to the right side of the bed.

Sure enough, she twisted to lean over the edge and saw her pants, which her phone was stashed in the front pocket of. She dug it out and moved back to the bed, curling onto her side. Billy groaned and rolled over, too, wrapping an arm around her to pull her closer.

Natalie found two messages, both from Paige. One was from about a half hour after leaving the bar and the other from just then. The first was asking her where she went and the recent one was a more simple: _**Hello?**_

Natalie grinned; she was pretty sure Paige knew where she was. If she hadn't assumed it then Baggy had likely guessed, complete with colorful visuals.

_**I'm at Billy's apartment**_

Moments later:

_**Haha. I knew it. Was it good?**_

Natalie bit her lip not to laugh.

_**I'll talk to you later when I get back**_

"Fuck that -- why didn't ya tell her it was better than ya couldda imagined?" Billy chuckled.

"You don't know what I can imagine," Natalie teased.

"Oh? That right?" Billy growled; she twisted her head to see he was amused, though. "Cuz I couldda swore you were lovin' it…pretty sure ya loved it enough ya came once, twice, t----"

He began to count down what he'd done to her since bringing her home, but her phone rang so she twisted around fully, laughing, to cover his mouth.

"Hey Paige"

"_You bitch,"_ Paige's laugh came over the line. _"You'll talk to me later?! When's later going to be anyway?"_

"I don't know…this afternoon. Whenever. I have to come get my stuff."

_"Right…make it soon!!"_

"Yeah, bye"

"Well someone's got a perverted friend who wants details," Billy snorted. "She not gettin' any herself?"

"She's just joking and her boyfriend doesn't live around here"

"So why don't she just fuckin' get with Baggy. He goes on about her enough -- Christ," Billy complained, rolling onto his back.

Natalie shrugged and sat up and looked around for her underwear and moved to the end of the bed to grab her shirt Billy had brought back in for her.

"The fuck," Billy groaned, sitting up and twisting onto his knees to be able to reach her arm and pull it from her chest. "Why do ya do that -- cover up?"

Natalie blanched, unsure how to answer since she hadn't really thought about the fact that she'd done it. It had just seemed right…

"I…" she shook her had, shrugging.

"I've already seen…and I like," he added.

"I noticed," Natalie nodded, blushing.

"I'm not coverin' **my**self up," he added to his argument.

"I noticed that too," she chortled.

"…alright. So what's the big deal?" he twitched his shoulder in a small shrug, considering the point made, and dropped back against the bed again.

Natalie finished gathering her clothes anyway and slipped out to go use the bathroom. She redressed in her clothes from the previous night and pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail since it was tangled a little and she wanted it out of her face. She rubbed at her slightly-smudged make up and walked back out into the apartment, finding Billy in the kitchen with another cigarette in his mouth and clad only in jeans, which were hanging low on his lips.

"…don't gotta whole lotta food around right now," he informed her without turning around, scratching at his stomach as he surveyed the open cupboard.

Natalie opened the refrigerator to check that and found it, too, held relatively little food.

"Lot of alcohol, though"

He nodded , unconcerned, since to him that was completely normal.

"Cereal seems safe," she suggested, spotting a couple cereal boxes on a shelf when she stood behind him and slipped her arms around him.

"…dunno if the milk's good," he warned, grabbing the cheerios and wheat chex.

"Dry cereal seems safe," she amended, resting her chin on his back while her fingers traced his abs blindly.

"…there's a diner a couple blocks over if ya want," he decided to offer since she was probably used to better breakfast; he remembered the food she'd made him the first time he crashed at her place.

"No, I don't care; I'm just hungry"

"Yeah? Ya work up an appetite?" he asked, turning around with a smug smile.

She smiled back up at him coyly, much to Billy's amusement. He had a box of cereal in each hand and held them up, letting her pick the Chex.

They ended up on the couch and Billy turned on Sports Center.

"…wanna catch the hockey scores," he explained, catching her surprised look. "Don't like hockey?"

"No strong opinions either way," she shrugged, reaching into the box for another handful of cereal.

He nodded and turned back to the TV, scanning the screen and catching any bits they did about the games. Natalie watched but she wasn't really invested in any of if so her eyes were soon on Billy instead. She scanned his solid profile and, certainly not for the first time, wondered what went on in that head of his. Not then, precisely, just at any given time.

She wondered, sometimes, how and what he felt…how did he connect to other people? She could only imagine the things he'd done…the things he'd continue to do, and she wondered what doing things like that did to people. She knew he must've done some horrible things -- her eyes stopped on the scar by his eye and remembered horrible things had also clearly happened **to** him, too. He'd closed off, that much was obvious. But how much? When he watched a movie, could he empathize to characters? Could he understand her life and empathize with the things **she** went through when almost everything he'd ever known was so much different?

"What?"

She jumped a little when he addressed her, head turned in her direction, but she brushed it off and turned back to the TV for a little bit. He appeared to forget about it easily so she turned back to him again soon enough, after a moment reaching up to ghost a finger over the scar.

His eye twitched in surprise and he grabbed her hand to lower it. He narrowed his eyes at her curiously, but she hedged explanation again and kissed his chin before relaxing further into the couch and keeping her eyes on the screen this time.

She didn't have to feign interest long because he checked his watch pretty soon and sighed, running a hand over his head.

"I gotta go soon. Shit t' do…"

"Okay," she nodded, not completely surprised.

"…I can run ya over to Paige's if ya want, I'm just gonna take a shower first. Wanna join?" he invited.

"…I don't want to make you late," she teased.

He frowned but conceded the point, taking a quick shower. When he was finished, clean and in new clothes, he found her watching some local news and saw she'd put away their cereal '_Real romantic meal, Darely,'_ he laughed at himself; she hadn't seemed to mind, though, so he didn't think on it any further.

"Alright, let's go; I'm sure Paige is just dyin' t' see ya," he announced, grabbing his keys.

The ride to Paige's apartment was short and before she got out he grabbed the back of her head to tug her into a heated kiss. He didn't let go of her right away, eyes skimming over her and landing on the hickey he left on her collarbone. He ran a finger over it and Natalie thought he looked awfully pleased with himself, not that she was displeased with him herself.

"…see you."

"Bye"

She slipped out of the car and rounded it onto the sidewalk, hopping up the front steps to buzz-up. When she got the responding buzz she pulled the door open and flashed a small wave to Billy, who was still at the curb and on his phone. She turned back and almost literally ran into Baggy.

"Well looky here…"

"Hey"

"Hey yourself…those clothes look familiar," he laughed playfully. "Good timing me callin' him when he's droppin' you off after a long night, huh?" he asked, gesturing to Billy who was now off his phone and Natalie put it together.

"Hurry your ass up!" Billy called to him, waving Baggy on.

"Comin'…nice hickey," he parted from with her a wink.

She reached out to swat his side but he dodged out of the way with a bark of laughter and jogged down the stairs to the waiting mustang. Smiling, she caught Billy's eye and he nodded her way before she turned to enter the building.

Paige's door was ajar and Natalie let herself in.

"Well helloooo there," Paige sing-songed, stepping to stand in the kitchen doorway, hands on her hips. "Good thing my Aunt's gone, cuz I want every single detail."

Natalie joined her in the kitchen, perching on the counter, and filled her friend in, though she hardly gave every detail.

"He's big then?"

"Yes," Natalie chuckled.

"Nice…his girl, huh?" Paige recapped, testing out the sound of that.

"Yeah…don't approve?" Natalie winced.

"I wouldn't have egged you on if I was just gonna do a 180 when you guys finally got it on…it's still just surprising…"

"Right…Billy Darley has girls but he doesn't **have a girl**," Natalie nodded, resting her head against the cabinet.

"But you like him, what else matters…you **do** like him right?" Paige checked. "I'll take that bashful smile as a yes…then so what? If it makes you happy right now, then what else matters?" she decided.

Paige couldn't deny that the actual reality of her friend with some gang lord did cause an inkling of doubt and uncertainty, but then again Natalie felt the same small doubt. It was natural, given the nature of things. Still, they'd managed this long with the guys and gotten a feel for them; nothing had gone wrong yet so she was optimistic. Besides, she'd seen the way Natalie looked at Billy and the way she got flustered when she talked about them…it was worth a shot.

* * *

**Okay, hope you enjoyed.  
School's out so maybe/hopefully i'll be able to update pretty quickly and regularly. yay.**

**Anyway let me know what you think**


	10. What Did Happen and What Didn't Happen

**What Did Happen and What Didn't Happen**_  
Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself_  
_From saying something that I should have never thought of you_  
_'**I Caught Myself' by Paramore  
_________________________________________________________**_

Natalie stood in the door of her closet in just dark, worn jeans and a black bra, flicking through shirts to wear out to the bar. I'd been a few days since they'd been out to see the boys, so they were going to the Four Roses again, a fact that Joel was starting to get irritated with. He didn't know exactly where they went off to, just that they did not invite him when the three of them used to go out a lot. According to Paige, he was just antsy because he was putting the pieces together that it meant one or both of them had a guy and he didn't want to get left behind. Guilty over not spending as much time with him as they always had in the past, they promised that they would all go out for dinner soon.

"You alright?" Paige asked from where she was sprawled on her stomach on Natalie's bed with a magazine.

"Mmhmmm," Natalie nodded, thumbing through a few more hangers.

"…are you upset about the whole thing with Joel? Don't worry about it," Paige advised. "It's just because he has a little crush on you…"

Natalie sighed and turned to lean her back against the door jamb of her closet.

"It's just that I do feel bad about leaving him out in the cold, ya know? We've just been doing our own thing half the time; he doesn't even know about me and Billy…"

"Which is good," Paige laughed. "He'd never let you hear the end of it about what a bad choice you were making. Don't you remember how he acted when Billy and Baggy showed up at that party on campus? He practically interrogated us for days, making sure we were okay. No point in giving him a panic attack, yeah?"

Natalie nodded; that was true. She turned back to the closet with the same uninterested look and finally plucked a black tank top off the shelf and thin, little teal shirt to pull on over it. Maybe it wasn't exactly typical bar-attire, but she wasn't even fully convinced she wanted to go out tonight. She checked her brown hair in the mirror and left it as it was, straight with her bangs swept aside, and touched up her make-up a little. She was always concerned with what Billy would think of her, but she was typically confident in her appearance and Billy had made it pretty clear he was liking.

"Smile a little more girl; aren't you excited to see Billy?"

"Naturally," Natalie answered over her shoulder, trying to decide what shoes she wanted to wear for the night.

"Things are still good, right? …still, _hot_?" she sniggered, waggling her eyebrows suggestively when Natalie glanced backwards at her.

"Yeah," Natalie blushed, biting her lip to hide her wide smile.

Paige just laughed. It had been weeks since Paige had first gotten any dirty details and Natalie had tried to be discrete since then. She could put up and play along with the guys' razzing her some, making suggestive comments about her and Billy, but she didn't talk about it herself a lot, save for a few comments to Paige. Things really were going pretty good, though; they'd been able to work around their schedules, though it was difficult to do so with Billy's since his was much more unpredictable.

"Finally ready to go? I couldn't believe I showed up and you weren't ready yet," Paige teased, rolling off the bed to get her shoes back on once Natalie grabbed her purse.

"Yeah, sorry"

"It's okay…are you sure you're alright? Cuz we could cancel on the guys if you want; ain't like they've never done it to us," the taller girl suggested wickedly; they both knew the guys would be peeved.

"No, maybe a few drinks will cheer me up. I don't know…"

"Out we go, then," Paige ushered her out of the room ahead of her.

They scampered down the stairs softly and cut through the kitchen to leave through the side door so Natalie could grab her jacket on the way.

"Later Mr. S," Paige waved.

"Bye dad"

He didn't respond, just gave Natalie a look before turning back to the refrigerator to get something.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?"

"I got it today," Paige waved her offer away.

"Thanks"

"Soooo…what's up with your dad?" Paige asked with a high eyebrow when she started the car.

"Eh, we just got in an argument…it's not a big deal," Natalie tried to minimize it, tapping her knuckles on the window lightly.

"Well that explains your mood…is it bad?" Paige asked carefully; she knew there were times when Natalie wasn't a huge fan of her dad for being more concerned about work than anything else a lot of the time.

"….umm…I'll let you know in a few days," Natalie decided; she herself was wondering how long this would go on for and just how angry he was.

She couldn't exactly blame him, but she wasn't prepared to elaborate on what had happened the previous evening…

_Natalie was curled up in one of the armchairs in the living room skimming through the reading for one of her classes. Her dad was going through some files and her mom was in the kitchen cleaning up after their later dinner -- they'd waited for her dad to get home from office before eating. _

_There was a knock on the door and though Natalie moved to get up and go answer it, her dad waved her away and went to answer it himself, dropping the papers he'd been reading onto the footstool. Natalie couldn't really care less, turning back to her book before the door even opened.._

_"…Detective Wallace?"_

_That caught Natalie's attention; her dad's work didn't usually come home with him. _

_"Judge Shepherd, we're sorry to bother you…we actually need to talk to your daughter, Natalie-- is she home right now?"_

_Her heart began to race._

_"Natalie? Why do you need to talk to her?"_

_"We just need to know if she's here, sir…"_

_"Of course she is. Natalie!" her dad called from the door, making her jump. _

_Natalie hopped right up and approached the door, finding a tall, pretty black female standing on the stoop and a more portly man standing on the walk way behind her. Both were dressed nicely, badges on display since they could safely do so when approaching a judge's house. _

_"Good evening, Natalie…" _

_"Hi"_

_"Natalie, what's this about?" her father demanded. _

_"I don't know," Natalie promised, eyes darting back and forth between the two cops. _

_"Judge Shepherd, we'd really like to talk to Natalie alone…"_

_"Wait, what's this about?" her dad repeated._

_"We just think she might have seen something, sir; it's nothing to worry about, but we do have to ask her a few questions."_

_"It's okay, dad…"_

_His eyes were narrowed as Natalie stepped past him outside, pulling the door shut lightly behind her to join the detectives on the walkway in front of the steps. _

_"Natalie, I'm sure you know why we're here," Detective Wallace told her with a knowing sort of look._

_"No, not really," Natalie shook her head, frowning._

_"Alright, then what's your relationship with Billy Darley?"_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"I asked you, what is your relationship with Billy Darley. You've been seen around with him and his gang…certainly more than once."_

_"Well, I don't know…I just…I mean, we just hang around. It's not a big deal; why? I can't be friends with who I want just because I'm a judge's daughter?" Natalie asked, trying to stay casual._

_"Mmhmm," Detective Wallace rose a skeptical eyebrow, eyeing Natalie up and down. "So what is it? Rebelling against daddy? Taking a walk on the wild side for a little bit?"_

_"What?" Natalie frowned, feeling highly uncomfortable; she still didn't know why there were any detectives involved in who she was or wasn't spending time with. _

_"You've always been a good kid, right? Never done anything too crazy. I checked; you've never had any kind of record that your dad had to sweep under the rug, so I assume you've been a pretty good kid. That's why I'm assuming that __**you**__ haven't been involved in any trouble with Billy and his boys…"_

_"Trouble? No, of course I haven't," Natalie shook her head. _

_"Right, then I'll ask you this once. Did you see Billy on Monday night?"_

_Natalie thought back through the past few days; yes, Monday had been the last time her and Paige had met the guys out, so she told Wallace so._

_"What time were you with him until? Or was it all night?"_

_Natalie ignored the older woman's implication; she had, indeed, intended to go home with Billy but he'd gotten a phone call that pissed him off so he had to go and she and Paige had split early._

_"I…I don't really remember. It was late, but I'd had a few drinks so I don't know the time."_

_"Before or after midnight? Do you know?"_

_"….I think before; I had class the next day."_

_"Okay and did you see him over the weekend?"_

_"Yes -- can I ask why you're asking all of these questions?"_

_"There's been a small crime spree and some signs are pointing to his gang…"_

_"There's a body involved, so you better be telling the truth, kid," the older detective piped-in._

_"…what?" Natalie blanched._

_"Let's just stick to the questions," Detective Wallace got her attention back. "How much did you see of him over the weekend?" _

_Natalie's mind reeled back; she'd seen him periodically around helping Julia with Logan on Saturday and later him needing to fix something because the "boys dropped the ball on some shit." She knew she'd seen quite a bit of him but then Detective Wallace was asking for times and she couldn't be sure if she got it all right. She asked what they did and Natalie was vague. She asked if she'd always saw him that often, if there'd ever been large chunks of time she hadn't seen him, when she started to hang around him, and Natalie answered as best she could. _

_Then she asked Natalie if she'd ever seen Billy lose his temper; this was a question Natalie hedged a little because, yes, she'd seen him yell at Heco before but she didn't think that was the kind of thing Detective Wallace meant. Had she ever seen Billy do anything illegal? Did she knew Billy carried a gun? Did she know he/his guys had been suspected in assaults, robberies, and murders all over the city? _

_She went on, drilling Natalie with questions that she started to not understand the relevance of. _

_"What's all of this about again?" Natalie sighed, arms crossed around her middle uncomfortably._

_"…I think we have enough answers. We'll be in touch…and you call me if you think of anything you want to tell us," Detective Wallace decided, taking a small business card from her coat pocket to hand over to Natalie._

_"Okay," Natalie snatched it._

_"Have a good night"_

_"You too," Natalie mumbled, turning around to go back inside. _

_She found both of her parents waiting just outside the foyer in the little hall leading to the kitchen. _

_"Natalie, are you alright?" her mother asked, bustling right over. _

_"Yeah," Natalie nodded, slipping Wallace's card into her sweatpants pocket. _

_"What did she want? What could she possibly have to talk to you about?" her dad drilled. _

_"A classmate was involved in some stuff…maybe, I don't know. She just wanted to ask me about it," Natalie lied, feeling a little guilty about it. _

_"Involved in what? That's no beat cop, Natalie; she's a detective. That's serious; what did she want?"_

_"Dad, she didn't give me a lot of details; she just kept asking questions. She wanted to know if I saw him at a party"_

_"Who the __**hell**__ do you party with?" her dad snapped. "First you get stabbed, now you might be partying with someone who's done lord-knows-what."_

_"Dad…"_

_"Natalie, did this have anything to do with when you were attacked?" her mom asked. _

_"No, I'm fine, I'm safe. Look, I don't really appreciate the 20 Questions, alright? I didn't do anything wrong; she just wanted to know if I'd seen a guy around a certain time. I'm not the only one she's asking; it's not a big deal…"_

_"You were out there for quite a while…" her dad challenged._

_"She asked the same damn thing ten different ways--"_

_"Don't raise your voice to me"_

_"-- and then she just wanted to know how well I knew him, if I knew any of his friends. I don't see why you're so upset; it's not my fault my name came up in a list of people who were there. __**I**__ didn't do anything; he might get in trouble but I don't care -- I barely even knew him," Natalie defended herself before going to the living room to grab her book to take her work upstairs._

_"We're sorry, Natalie; we just weren't expecting a detective to show up," Her mother sighed._

_"Me either"_

_"Are you sure you're alright?" _

_"I'm fine, I just don't want to talk about it"_

_"Did you answer her honestly?" her dad checked, eyes narrowed and face hard._

_"Yes, I answered her honestly. Geeze," Natalie shook her head, stomping off up the stairs. "Good night."_

Her dad hadn't said a word to her since then. Natalie didn't blame him, but she was also annoyed with him. It's not like she hadn't expected him to be curious but it still annoyed her.

Then she'd gone up to her room and fretted around about what she'd said and what Detective Wallace had meant. What had Billy done? Was it even him? She didn't doubt Billy did illegal things, but what had he done this time…?

"Earth, to Nat…we're here"

Natalie blinked and realized they were, indeed, at The Four Roses already.

"Oh…"

"You really do need a drink," Paige laughed. "C'mon."

They walked in and saw the guys at the back table; Paige threw up a wave but directed Natalie straight to the bar for a shot and then beers for each of them to take with them to the table.

"Not wastin' any time, huh?" Baggy laughed.

"Never," Paige quipped right back.

"Hey," Natalie greeted, sitting at the end of the booth next to Billy.

"Hey yourself," he responded in usual fashion, slinging an arm up over her shoulders easily.

"Be good to her tonight, Darley; she's had a bad day," Paige laughed at the annoyed look Natalie gave her.

"That right?…I can think of a few things I can do t' fix that," Billy murmured quieter to her, head leaned down towards her.

Natalie gave him a small smile that was less than heartfelt and he narrowed his eyes at her. He might've pushed the subject if they were alone but settled for trying to stare her down. She didn't want to ruin the evening so she assuaged his concern or curiosity with a soft kiss. He cut the staring-bit but made a mental note to hound her later about what was eating her; Billy Darley didn't like not knowing everything that was going on around him.

The night progressed enjoyably despite Natalie's less-than-stellar mindset. She wanted to talk to Billy about this but she just didn't know how; besides, this wasn't really the place.

As for Billy, he'd clearly given up on trying to figure out what was going on in her head, at least for now. He could tell she was distant to him, so he'd ditched the booth to shoot some pool with Bodie. Now she was sitting talking with Paige, Baggy, and Tommy. Billy was watching them carefully, scowling deeply when Natalie started laughing at something Tommy must've said, swatting his chest lightly. Tommy just smirked and shrugged in a good natured way about the whole thing, finishing off his beer. Annoyed, he glared at the pool table since he had no one else to really take it out on.

It took Natalie a few minutes to notice the woman hanging around the pool table, practically hanging on Billy. He wasn't exactly showing interest, but he wasn't ignoring her either. He was looking at her, talking to her a little bit, and let his hand fall onto her hip when she slid herself between him and the pool table.

"So are you going over there?!" Paige urged her; Natalie hadn't realized she'd been staring quite so much.

"He can do what he wants…" Natalie drug her eyes away just as he was glancing over; this wasn't improving her day, that was for sure.

"Run over there, woman; claim your man," Baggy encouraged cheerfully.

"What am I supposed to even do?" Natalie shrugged; she'd never had to do this before and she was so agitated today all she could think to do was punch the girl in the face…that would probably fly here, actually.

"Go plant one on him," Tommy laughed. "Go, girl; get him!" he cheered, pushing her out of the booth.

"Hey guys, having fun?" Natalie asked, joining the guys at the table.

"We _were_," the tall blonde frowned, eyeing her up and down slowly.

"Ya know what, why don't you get lost?" Natalie snapped, loosing the casual tone and speaking more firmly that she probably normally would.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. We don't want to catch whatever disease you're carrying," Natalie waved her hand at the woman, remembering Billy using a similar line on a woman the first time she'd ever gone to the Four Roses.

"Bitch ---"

"Aw, no name calling," Bodie laughed, leaning on his pool stick.

"Yeah, you heard her," Billy piped in, too, eyes saying trained on Natalie.

The blonde rolled her eyes at the trio, pissed because she thought maybe she'd had him, and stalked off.

"Took ya long enough t' get over here," Billy muttered, boxing Natalie in against the table and ducking to kiss her.

"Took me long enough…great," Natalie rolled her eyes after breaking the quick kiss.

"I'm kidding…nice to see you stand up to her though…"

"I thought ya mightta popped her one for a sec; you looked pissed," Bodie laughed.

"…thought about it," she admitted a little sheepishly.

Both men chuckled and Billy looked a little amused and somewhat proud as well. Natalie got that maybe Billy had just wanted to see what she'd do about it once the skank and come over, but she didn't really have the patience for the game at the moment.

"Have fun with the game, guys…"

"Aw, Nat…" Billy groaned but she didn't stay; she slipped away and went back to the table, dropping into the seat she'd abandoned.

She sat down and the other three were all laughing an approval; they'd seen the look she gave the blonde. Tommy patted her on the back in a congratulating sort of way. Annoyed, Billy dropped his stick on the table to quit the game -- it wasn't for money anyway -- and stomped back over to the table to drop himself in the open space next to Baggy, across from Natalie.

"Hey," she chirped with a relatively real smile.

"What? All the laughin' stops when I come over?" he asked, eyeing her and the other three.

"What? No…"

"The hell's wrong with you tonight?" he nodded across the table at her.

"What? It's not a big deal…"

"Bull shit; I might believe that if I didn't have a fuckin' brain. Doesn't explain why you're being such a bitch."

"Billy, she's just fighting with her dad. Leave her alone," Paige ordered.

Billy ignored the tone she took with him.

"Oh, things are less than perfect with your old man," he cooed sarcastically. "Don't take it out on me _**sweetie**_ cuz it ain't my fault."

Natalie just rolled her eyes.

"I need another beer," she pushed herself up out of the booth.

"Yo, me too!"

"Shut the hell up, Tommy," Billy snapped, getting up to follow Natalie up the bar. "She's had enough, Sammy," he barked once he got there.

"Screw you, I'm not even drunk"

"Screw **me**? Ya better get this stick outta your ass, Natalie, and watch where the fuck ya talk to me like that," he told her lowly, bending towards her ear; they were in public after all, on his side of town and in his place.

Natalie searched his face, trying to decide if this was really a threat or just a reminder to think about where they were. Were they in his apartment or almost anywhere else he might've brushed off the casual slip of the tongue, but not here and, really, she knew that. She was starting to panic a little; clearly she wasn't good at hiding things from him, not when she was so antsy over it to begin with.

"I think we need to talk…"

"Gee, ya **think**?" he growled, grabbing her arm roughly.

"Ow, let go"

He did as she bid but put a hand on her shoulder to continue propelling her forward down the hall that led to a back room. It wasn't used for storage like it appeared from the door label, but for Billy and the guys conducting business away from "the Office." She'd seen him disappear back there before but he didn't take here there, keeping them in the dim hall instead.

"Well?…start talkin'…"

"…where'd you go Monday night? We were here and you had to take off; what'd you go do?"

"Since when are those the kindda of questions you should be askin'?" Billy asked her slowly, eyebrow raised in honest surprise.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"There's a lot of things I don't tell you and ya know it's for your own good. Now tell me why you're askin'…"

"Some cops came to my house yesterday, well…detectives," she told him, arms crossed around her middle again.

"Let me guess, askin' about Monday," he nodded. "The fuck did you tell 'em?"

"I told them the truth; that we were here until pretty late and then I went home"

"So what's the problem?" Billy shook his head.

"The problem is that there were detectives at my house asking me all sorts of questions. They wanted to know everything…"

"What'd you say?"

"I told the what I knew, a--"

"The fuck does that mean?" he snapped, butting in. "What does that mean, that ya told 'em what ya knew?"

"I just told her what time I saw you…well, about what time. I wasn't sure…what'd you do that night?" Natalie sighed.

"Don't fuckin' ask that sortta shit," Billy shook his head slowly, thrusting a finger in her face.

Natalie took a step back and found the wall.

"…so you did do something?"

"I do a lot of somethings so you gotta be more specific…you tell 'em somethin'?"

"Billy, I ---"

"Did you?!" he raised his voice. "C'mon, I ain't got all night if the cops are gonna come bust in my door on some bullshit, cuz that's the last thing I need right now" he ranted.

"Look, ---"

"No, **you** look," he spat, throwing his fist into the wall near her shoulder.

Natalie flinched away and turned to look at where his fisted hand still rested. She looked past his arm, eyes locking on a blonde barmaid frozen at the end of the hall, eyeing them in surprise.

"The hell are ya just standin' there for?" Billy barked at her when he followed Natalie's gaze.

"Sorry," the woman muttered, scurrying away back to work.

"Look at me," Billy took her chin to turn towards him, ducking slightly to look her straight in the eye. "Did you say something' ya couldn't take back? If you did, I need to know right. Fuckin'. Now," he growled, ignoring the tears that looked to be building up.

His voice was quieter now but held no less strength and anger in it.

"No," Natalie began to shake her head. "Nothing that'd get you in trouble. She just kept asking all these things…like what days I saw you and when, and if I knew you'd been to jail or if I'd ever seen you do anything illegal --- which I don't think I have. And she kept reminding me you carry guns and talking about some crime spree this weekend that they knew you were behind…then the fat one kept mentioning some **body**…" Natalie tried to explain, hands shaking.

Billy listened to her frazzled recap, slowly understanding.

"Body?"

"Yeah some guy who got shot"

"Uh-huh. And they say it was me? Wait," he cocked his head when she opened her mouth. "Their exact words -- did they say that?"

Natalie paused, confused, and thought that over.

"No…no, he just kept talking about it…"

Billy nodded slowly and straightened up, letting go of the wall.

"There's always some crime spree goin' on in this city, and there's always people droppin' dead. Bums get stuck all the time, guys gettin' popped and shoved in alleys," he explained cynically. "They can't pin all that shit on me, even if though they'd love to. Who was this cop?"

"Detective Wallace and…someone…"

"Right; she's got some kindda hard-on for me or somethin'. She wants my ass in prison…"

"Billy, I don't un--"

"They were workin' ya over. Found out some girl was hangin' 'round and figured you're a weak link. I don't doubt there was some sortta crime spree, but it ain't me this time. They were just implyin' shit and trying to confuse you and make you break. Ferguson, too, with his dead body bullshit….he was tryin' to scare ya, and obviously he did," Billy explained with a relieved chuckle.

"It's funny now -- great," Natalie nodded, blinking tears away.

"Nah, it ain't funny," he shook his head, heaving a sigh.

He tried to take her chin again and tilt her head up but she pulled his hand down, though she didn't let go.

"They came to my house, Billy; in front of my dad…"

"I told ya, they were just tryin' to scare you…get ya worked up so you'd say something," he assured her. "They wanted you t' start havin' doubts and shit; apparently you did."

Natalie's eyes snapped up.

"I just didn't know what to think. I mean I know you're no angel…I just panicked cuz they were there, and my dad…"

"Don't worry about it," he shrugged; he couldn't be offended she believed he'd done something -- he'd founded his reputation on truth, after all. "What'd daddy have to say about this you and me thing when he heard?"

He was surprised she wasn't under some kind of house arrest shit. Forget the fact that she was an adult…her dad was a judge and he was Billy Darley.

"I talked to them outside; he's just pissed I didn't tell him exactly what it was about…"

"He'll get the fuck over it," Billy shrugged, slowly leaning in to kiss her.

She responded to the light kiss but pulled away after a while when he tried to deepen it too much further. He rested his forehead down on hers, looking down to watch her finger the gold cross dangling around his neck. Her fingers followed the chain up and grazed up his neck, following a line of his tattoo, to cup his jaw. She wasn't meeting his eye, watching her hand instead; he could feel that they were still shaking slightly from their altercation.

"…did I scare you?" he checked, though he was sure he had, resting his arm on her shoulder to toy with her hair.

Natalie didn't respond right away, tracing a finger over the hair under his lip to his chin.

"...yes," she decided to answer honestly, thinking about his raised voice and his fist shooting through the air.

He exhaled deeply through his nose, mouth twitching in an "I figured" sort of look. He hadn't exactly mastered the art of apologizing -- as a rule, it wasn't something he did -- so even though he recognized an apology was likely warranted, he kissed her instead.

Natalie wondered if he'd humble himself and apologize, but the way he kissed her was an adequate substitute, she supposed. His mouth was slow, tender, and when he did circle his arm around her waist it was gentle.

"You alright in that head o' yours?" he finally pulled back to ask.

She nodded.

Billy kissed her jaw, her chin, finally her lips again. When he pulled away again he bit her lower lip, tugging at it trying to get her to liven up and be playful as usual, but it didn't work.

"…you wanna stay at my place tonight?" he offered; maybe she'd cheer up knowing she didn't have to go back to her dad's house.

"…I don't know if that's a good idea," she declined.

"…you sure?"

"Yeah, I think so"

Annoyance flickered across his face but he rearranged himself quickly and just shrugged.

"Ya want that drink?"

"If you're offering," she smiled sweetly.

He nodded and nudged her ahead of him to the bar. Sammy sat two beers down when Billy nodded his way.

"Give us two shots, too," Billy ordered, curling his arm around Natalie's shoulders.

She made a face at the shot but threw it back with him anyway. Billy had seen some older guy at the bar eye-up Natalie's ass, so he ducked to kiss her hard once her shot was gone, sending the asshole a message. He grabbed the beers with his free hand and steered Natalie towards their table before flipping the guy the middle finger.

"And just where'd you two go, huh?" Baggy smirked, kicking Natalie lightly under the table. "He loosen ya up?"

"Shut the fuck up," Billy ordered lightly, popping a cigarette in his mouth. "Might not've been a bad idea, though," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth before quickly lighting up.

Natalie nudged him softly.

"In the dirty bar? Ew," Paige muttered.

"Like you can talk," Natalie teased.

Baggy looked interested at that and Billy let out a couch of a laugh since he'd been inhaling.

"Someone's an exhibitionist? Ya learn somethin' new every day I guess," Baggy smiled happily.

"I've had moments," Paige elected to admit. "Sometimes it makes things more exciting."

"If it ain't exciting, maybe you're just with the wrong guy," Billy informed her smugly, tightening his arm on Natalie; she grinned.

"Yea," Baggy jumped on that bandwagon right away. "Maybe ya gotta test the water a little -- whattcha say?"

"I say you better keep your hands over there and to yourself."

Baggy didn't heed the warning and snaked his arm around her waist to tickle her a little and tease her happily. Natalie laughed softly. Part of her wanted Baggy to know Paige was having problems with her man, Lance, so he might actually have a chance if he was serious, but it wasn't really her business.

"At least you're smilin' now -- keep drinkin'," Billy commented, nudging her beer, which was hardly gone.

She smiled and straightened up to kiss him deeply and slowly.

"…you're sure ya don't wanna crash at my place tonight?" he asked/complained.

"…I shouldn't."

"Oh, shot **down**," Tommy laughed.

Billy looked up and raised his hand from around Natalie to smack the side of Tommy's head hard.

"Don't ya got somewhere ya better be pretty damn soon?'

"Yeah," Tommy cringed. "Later everybody."

He hopped over the back of the booth after throwing up a short wave, hurrying his way out of there. He was just thankful Billy hadn't given him extra work to do for his unwanted comment.

Natalie turned towards Billy and squeezed just above his knee softly. He spared a sidelong glance for her but after a moment he looked back to Baggy across the table, who was talking now, and dragged deeply on his cigarette.

"…I guess neither of us are in great moods," she muttered, leaning into his side.

"Guess not," he echoed in a bored manner, eyes still on Baggy as he rubbed her shoulder.

Paige and Natalie stuck around for a while longer but came to some kind of silent agreement to head home a little sooner than usual.

"Sorry …ya know, if I ruined your night," Natalie apologized quietly, stopping to talk to Billy when he and Baggy saw the girls out --after all, it was a dangerous place to be outside after dark.

"Nah, ya didn't"

"…you don't have to lie."

"I ain't lyin'," he told her levelly, making a conscious effort not to get annoyed with her since they'd already been down that road tonight. "Its been a shitty day; there wasn't nothin' to ruin."

"Well then I'm sorry I didn't make your day better"

"Don't apologize," he shrugged.

He dropped his head to kiss her, cupping her face in his hands.

"Get a room or lets go," Paige called to them, laughing.

Natalie threw up the middle finger with a smile.

"Alright, go get some sleep…cheer the fuck up," Billy ordered.

"You, too," she attempted to order back, poking him in the chest lightly; directions didn't have the same effect coming from her.

"Get outta here," he rolled his eyes, smacking her ass when she turned to go join Paige.

"It _**is**_ a nice ass, huh?" Baggy commented.

Billy narrowed his eyes at him, inhaling strongly on his cigarette before pointing a finger at his friend.

"Don't you say that shit"

Baggy just laughed and followed Billy inside.

* * *

**And there you have it. Chapter 10 is done and done. Let me know what you think with a review! =) Thanks for all the love so far!**


	11. Reconnection

**Alrighty here's another update =) I'm glad you guys have been liking, so enjoy and let me know what you think =) **_**

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**_

**_Reconnection_**  
_I'm too young to lose my soul_  
_I'm too young to feel this old_  
_For so long I'm left behind_  
_I feel like I'm losing my mind_  
_'_**_World So Cold' by Three Days Grace_  
________________________________________**

"Are you okay?" Natalie asked, squeezing Billy's hand.

"Mmhmm"

"…and **we're** okay?"

"As far as I know," he nodded blankly.

Natalie was still skeptical of his answers but just returned to tapping her foot, annoyed with how long this was taking, and keeping an eye on Logan.

They were at the store. She'd been watching Logan for the night when Billy showed up and she had to run to the store to pick up a few things for Julia like she promised. She'd told Billy it would be okay for him to stay at the house since her parents had been out of town all weekend and wouldn't be back until the next day, but he'd seemed annoyed at the idea so he went with them. His only stipulation was that he'd insisted to drive even if it was her car.

By now, though, standing in line to check out, he was wishing he'd stayed at her house. Natalie hadn't taken long to get what she'd told Julia she would, but he wasn't enthralled with this domestic shopping shit, nor was he any longer finding Logan's excitement about being out-and-about entertaining like he had for the first few minutes. Besides that, he was beat and wasn't having the best day to begin with.

Plus there was the fact that he hadn't even been aware that Natalie was watching Logan for the night…maybe that's what he got for not calling.

The last time he'd seen her, the previous night, they'd argued. For reasons Billy still hasn't asked about, Heco had been waltzing around in a nice part of town (so he definitely hadn't been on his corner, a fact Billy intended to address next time he saw the halfwit) and he'd seen Natalie with another guy. When he'd called Billy to fill him in he'd neglected to mention that Paige was there, too, and that the guy had been Joel.

Billy could admit, now, that he'd flown a little off the handle. But, after fighting with Natalie the weekend previous, they'd been a little quieter and hadn't spent a lot of time together. Anyway, he'd bombarded her in her room about going off with other guys and they'd bickered until she got him to stay quiet for two minutes so she could explain. That's when he found out Paige had been with them and "the guy" was Joel; Billy didn't like the guy because he'd deduced by now that he was attracted to Natalie, but he also wasn't threatened by him.

Fucking Heco.

Not that Natalie had accepted that excuse of blaming Heco for misinterpreting the situation. According to her, he needed to trust her and respect her enough to give her the benefit of the doubt and a chance to explain before jumping down her throat…..blah, blah, blah, like he didn't already feel like an idiot. He'd wanted to stay and make it up to her all night but he had shit to finish; he'd left the underpass after Heco's call -- waste of fucking time.

And now here he was, standing in line at a department store with his woman and the chirpy blonde munchkin. Fuck. He didn't want to be there; he was too tired for this... he just wanted to be with Natalie. He was having a rough few weeks; it was starting to look like some bastards were trying to sell on his turf which would explain why they were consistently short on their payments.

Billy shoved the thoughts away. The boys were running shit and keeping an eye out; he could relax for one damn night.

He sighed in relief when Natalie got up to the counter and set down the things she'd grabbed for her damn sister-in-law; now he could start counting down the time.

"No, Logan," Natalie nudged him away when he started to tug on her fleece sweatshirt. "Just be good for a couple more minutes."

Logan hummed and hopped over to look at the display of odd knock-knacks in the aisle. He started wandering like he might dash from the lane so Billy dropped a hand onto his head and steered him back closer since Natalie was distracted by the cashier. Logan clearly didn't know yet that it was best to take Billy seriously, and he darted towards freedom again and Billy, again, directed him back.

"No messing my hair," Logan tried to tell him sternly, fists planted on his hips with a faux-frown.

Annoyed, Billy cocked his arms to rest his hands on his hips and glare down at Logan sternly. Billy didn't care if he was just a kid; he'd stare him down. Logan appeared to falter for a moment, but he still just wasn't sure what to make of Billy so he shrugged and turned to make an exit again.

Throwing up his hands in exasperation, Billy caught Logan around the waist and lifted him up to hold him where he could control him. Logan settled on Billy's hip naturally; it felt strange to Billy but he didn't find him heavy and held him easily.

"Wow; this is high, Billy!" Logan cheered.

Natalie looked over her shoulder and smiled when she saw the two, even though Billy looked annoyed.

"Oh, oh, I want that, I **want** that," Logan began to squirm, spotting his favorite candy on the shelf now that he was up high enough.

"Forget it," Billy grunted.

"Aw! I want it; it's yummy," Logan whined, reaching for the _Reeses_ even though he was a few feet away. "Awww!"

Billy cursed under his breath. The last thing he needed in his life right now was a damned headache, and he wasn't convinced that Logan's whining wouldn't cause one. He couldn't believe he was caving to this half-person, but he snatched the candy and threw it on the counter as Natalie took the bags she'd already paid for. He dug into his back pocket and a few moments later tossed a $5.00 at the cashier women.

"Keep the damn change"

"Ooooh! Bad word, bad word," Logan chanted.

"Ya want this or not?" Billy asked, holding up the candy as they headed for the exit.

Logan clamped his mouth shut with a childish twinkle in his eye and Billy pushed the candy at him with a groan.

"You have to try to remember not to swear; he repeats things," Natalie said quietly.

Billy turned a blank look to her, just trying to keep his annoyance from making him snap.

"Help me, Billy," Logan pleaded.

Billy closed his eyes for a long moment before he turned back to the other male, seeing a candy in its wrapper being waved around near his face. Billy snatched it and used his mouth to rip the corner off before handing it back, Logan still perched on his hip merrily.

"That was really nice of you to get him," Natalie told him, slipping her hand in his and raising it to her mouth to kiss.

"I just wanted him t' shut up," Billy confessed.

"Still… …what do you say, Logan?"

"Thanks a lot, Billy!" Logan announced, wrapping his arms around Billy's neck.

Billy stiffened and leaned his head away a little, but Natalie could've died it was just too cute. Her heart swelled and she squeezed Billy's hand. Billy glanced her way when Logan finally let him go, and he caught the happy look on her face but he ignored it.

"Trade ya," Billy suggested when they got to the car, grabbing her bags and lowering Logan to her so she could get him strapped into his car seat; he wasn't going to bother attempting.

Natalie got Logan secured and then got into the passenger seat while Billy dropped heavily into the drivers' seat and fired up the engine. He rested his forearm on the center console and his other hand was propped high on the steering wheel, trying to direct them back to her house as quickly as possible. To do so he sped a little and he was actually surprised Natalie didn't chastise him, since she'd made sure to tell him to drive careful on the way out from the house since they had Logan; maybe she knew she'd be pushing her luck to ask much of him right now.

"No, I want Billy, he's tall!" Logan announced when Natalie tried to get him from the back. "Billy, are you out there?"

"C'mon Logan…hey, stop kicking!" Natalie scolded him, catching his foot before he could hit her but he stayed squirmy; maybe he was getting tired early…great, two cranky boys.

"Hey! Cut it out!" Billy barked from where he was ducked to grab the bags for Natalie.

Logan jumped and froze, simply blinking at Billy.

"Ya gotta make people think you'll actually hurt 'em," he muttered to Natalie's surprised look; she, too, had jumped.

Billy reached out and pulled off the booster seat strap that Natalie had already unlatched and scooped Logan out. Logan clung to his thick arm as Billy pulled him across the seat bench. He grabbed the bags in his other hand and kicked the door shut. Logan continued to blink at him for a few moments, unsure what to think, before smiling happily again; he was a very forgiving kid.

Natalie still looked surprised and closed the big garage door and opened the door into the house for Billy, who brushed past her.

"Are we gonna watch a movie?" Logan asked excitedly.

"Christ," Billy muttered, lowering the kid to his feet.

He ran his hand over his face once everything he was carrying was sat down and he watched dully as Natalie put her purse down and reached inside his pocket for her keys to set next to her purse before she unzipped her sweatshirt and tossed it aside.

"Hey, you can go upstairs to sleep in my room for a while if you want," she offered, slipping her arms around him slowly. "I can see you're tired…"

"Pretty beat," he combed his fingers through her hair.

"Then go use my bed," she urged again. "It's okay… I know this probably wasn't the night you wanted to have."

"Hardly," he rolled his eyes.

"You've been great," she thanked him, raising on her tip-toes to kiss his throat.

"…well I'm gonna go crash before I'm not-so-great," he sighed.

"Alright. Thanks for helping tonight," she whispered, kissing his lips before watching him trudge off towards the stairs.

"Where's Billy?" Logan complained when she entered the living room alone.

"He's taking a nap, so we're going to be really, really quiet," Natalie whispered with a playful face to make it seem like a game.

She got him changed into his pajamas while they played the "whisper-game" and put a movie in for him to watch. He sprawled around on the couch next to her quietly except to giggle now and then and point out silly things to Natalie even though she could see them for herself.

"Billy's nap is over," Logan hummed less than an hour later, swinging around his Woody Doll toy.

Natalie looking over her shoulder and, sure enough, Billy was at the end of the little hall leading in from the foyer.

"What's wrong?" she frowned; she didn't want him to have to leave and go work in his state.

"Nothin'…you're gonna have t' move though, midget," he grunted, walking in to bend and heft Logan up.

"Weeee"

Billy ignored the cheer and plunked him down in an armchair, pulling a blanket off the back to drop on him unceremoniously. Logan didn't mind and curled up with it quickly, tucking the blanket up under his chin. Billy dropped onto the couch and laid down, resting his head on Natalie's lap with his feet thrown over the armrest since he was too tall. His eyes closed immediately and his breath was pretty even; she had no doubt he'd be out quickly.

A few minutes later he groaned and rolled over, away from the TV, one leg curling a little so he could lay on his side and still fit. Natalie turned down the TV a couple notches and rubbed Billy's head and the back of his neck lightly. He sighed and rubbed his hand over her wrist lightly in thanks before letting it drop back onto the cushions.

When the movie ended Logan wasn't whining for a new one so she turned the TV on quietly for background for the two sleeping boys and opened her book back up. She should probably be getting Logan off to bed but she didn't want to wake up Billy so she left him; it wouldn't hurt him to stay curled up there for a while.

A few chapters and a couple crime-dramas later, Billy finally stirred.

"Always fuckin' reading," he grumbled, lifting a hand to block her view of the pages.

Natalie smiled and closed the book around her finger to mark her spot.

"It's a good book…"

He hummed just to show he'd heard her and turned his head into her leg further to get more comfortable, though his eyes were still open.

"Do you feel better?"

"Yeah," he nodded slowly. "How long was I out?"

"Couple hours I think"

He sighed and rolled onto his back, knees bent to fit properly, and scrubbed his hand over his face.

"You don't have to go do you?" she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful; she'd come to very much prefer nights together -- typically at his apartment anymore -- and having his presence there at night, but it had been a while since he was busy and they'd argued a couple times.

"Nah, not tonight"

She smiled. Of course there were no guarantees something wouldn't happen and demand his attention, but it was nice to know that at least he intended to stay all night.

"What's wrong?" she checked, tracing the frown his mouth was set in.

"Nothin'," he dismissed, rubbing his chin. "Just beat … … went and saw Joe today."

"Oh yeah -- how'd that end up going?" she asked brightly; she knew he looked forward to looking in on his little brother even though he tried not to let on.

"Good…he's doin' good. Keepin' his nose clean," Billy nodded.

"But…?" Natalie encouraged him to continue, as something was clearly o his mind.

"But…nothing. I just worry 'bout him."

"Of course you do; it makes sense."

He nodded slowly, staring up at the ceiling.

"I just want him t' be okay…it's the worse thing in the world t' be caged up; people ain't made for that, ya know? …I don't want him t' have t' change…"

Natalie listened silently, having the feeling she was the first to hear him voice these worries. She wasn't sure how much she understood since she didn't know much about jail, but she did know about loving your brother and worrying about him, so she could empathize. She looked down at Billy to see his eyes narrowed now, probably a conscious effort to not show emotion.

"Guess ya know what it's like, your brother bein' overseas and all," Billy nodded, mostly to get the focus off himself.

He'd seen the pictures on the mantle of her older brother in his marines garb. He was actually the spitting image of their grumpy-ass dad, but younger with lighter hair.

"Well yeah…he actually died, but I do know what you mean about worrying they'll come back different," Natalie whispered softly.

"Ah, fuck me," Billy groaned.

It was a fact that had never been brought up between them; Connor had never been a conversation topic, really.

"About two years ago now…"

"Shit; sorry…I'm a mood killer," Billy squeezed his eyes shut while cursing himself for mentioning it.

"No you're not…I'm usually okay talking about him now…Connor was a huge part of my life and I love him. And it's okay to worry about Joe -- it shows you love him…"

Billy nodded wordlessly and for a moment his eyes were unguarded. Natalie loved his eyes; they were beautiful, so bright and piercing…and expressive, though he rued her telling him that.

"You're hungry … want something?" she asked when she heard his stomach move; it also seemed like a good time to change the topic for him.

"Yeah," he sat up with a grunt, cracking his neck.

"Alright; I'll get Logan to bed and find you something"

He nodded and watched her get up and carefully gather Logan into her arms and carry him off. He watched and felt a little sorry for the kid being fatherless. Course, maybe it was better to have no dad than a shitty one like he and Joe had shared…

It was only a few minutes before Natalie was back downstairs and she found leftovers to warm up and bring out to him once he declared he didn't care what she had for him to eat as long as it wasn't expired. Natalie put away his dishes after he ate and picked up the room of Logan's toys since she'd forgotten to have him to it before movie-time. By then, Billy had laid down on the couch again and pulled Natalie down so she'd situate herself laid across him; she leaned against the back of the couch a little but for the most part she was on top of him because he took up most of the space.

She tangled her legs into his and laid her head over his chest where she could hear his heart, and there they laid for a while watching TV. Billy twirled her hair around and she tapped her fingers lightly on his side. She watched the TV in half interest, mostly just pleased to have him there instead of off exhausting himself on the streets, so she didn't realize Billy was hardly even looking at the TV; he was still thinking about Joe and shit going on….

"Keep a secret?" he asked out of the blue

"…yeah, of course," Natalie promised, surprised, as she lifted her head up to rest on her hand on his chest.

"…I didn't always wanna be in a gang…"

"…does anybody?" Natalie asked carefully.

"I dunno," he shrugged. "It's all I know now, so it seems natural…"

Natalie could tell he wasn't looking at her, just staring off at nothing in particular.

"…so what did you want to be?" she asked quietly, as if afraid being too loud would break whatever moment they were having that was making him open up.

"…a firefighter," he laughed cynically at his young-self.

"That's nice," she told him, even though she'd caught the tone of the distasteful way he'd said it.

"Nah…I think part of me always knew it'd never happen; I think I knew this is what I'd be doin'…"

Natalie cocked her head at him, but he seemed completely serious.

"…what do you mean? What kid thinks they're going to be a gang leader?" she asked, shaking her head.

He looked at her now and she was afraid maybe she'd pushed too far and sounded condescending, but he didn't look angry with her. He just seemed to be thinking and his arm around her waist slipped a little further around her, smoothing over her lower back.

"Ya know Bones I mention sometimes?"

Natalie nodded hesitantly. He came up once in a while when she was around and all the boys talked about him disdainfully, even somewhat fearfully. Billy himself got worked up when they came up short for paying Bones, reluctant to go to the man without all of the set money…she wouldn't say he was scared…but he kind of was.

"Yeah…that's my dad," he slowly admitted.

It wasn't a relation anyone mentioned; all the guys knew it but they just didn't talk about it. The only person who did bring it up was Bones himself…or maybe Joe sometimes, but he'd always backtrack cuz he knew it pissed Billy off.

Natalie's eyes widened visibly and Billy grinned humorlessly. There never was much of a choice for him. Bones had started him off young, running errands, and then it became all he knew. It became his life, and the streets became his world…and he was king.

"…I'm sorry," Natalie responded finally, at a loss for anything else to say; with the way the guys mentioned Bones, she could only imagine what it was like growing up with him.

"For Bones? …well, aren't we all," he sighed with a sort of a shrug, rubbing her lower back lightly as he thought.

Natalie watched his impassive face; she was thankful he'd shared but knew to mention it would be to ruin the moment. She'd wondered before what Billy's story was with his parents; if they were even around in his life and, if they were, what they thought of him and Joe. Now she was sad for him…sad he'd had to be born to a dad who he clearly hated; she obviously didn't have the story on his mom, but she didn't want to ask right now and she was imagining that couldn't be a happy story either. She wondered when things had changed for him, or if it had been a gradual twist…she was thinking she'd liked to have met young Billy.

Of course, once he started kissing her she was very glad to know grown-up Billy. He was kissing her softly tonight, taking his sweet time to work her mouth. Natalie pushed herself up to crawl up him slightly so he didn't have to duck to her so much. Her hair fell around them like a curtain and Billy pushed it away over her shoulders when she dropped to begin kissing down his neck. She kissed and lick down the side of his neck and started to suck lightly on his throat, nipping it lightly. Billy shivered when her teeth met his skin, and he wrapped his arms firmly around her and carefully rolled them without making them fall to the floor.

He settled her into the cushions beneath him and gazed down at her, carefully brushing some hair from her face to nuzzle her neck. He bit her back lightly to return the favor and grinned when she began pushing at his shirt, pulling it off when she got it most of the way up. Natalie stared at his lean, chiseled physique that she'd had as many opportunities as she wanted to memorize; he wasn't bashful about his body and it was easy to see why…sometimes his confidence was intimidating.

"Stop thinkin'," Billy ordered her, lowering himself back onto her to whisper in her ear.

His breath sent a chill running down her spine and she pulled his face back over to hers, kissing him deeply, still slowly. He set the pace and kept it languid, unrushed. Even when he shed the rest of his clothes and removed her pants to enter her, he moved within her slowly.

Natalie was falling in love with this night; he'd opened up to her and was now treating their time so tenderly, so intimately.

It's not that they'd been having nothing but rough sex, but it was typically more aggressive than this. They were more playful and fun most of their times together, but tonight was different, far more serious.

She moved her hands over his back and his broad shoulders slowly, rubbing her legs against his as she rolled her hips to meet him. He'd kiss her, nuzzle her neck, and slowly travel back to her mouth as his hands roamed her, traveling under her little t-shirt. His hands fisted in the thin fabric and be buried his face in her shoulder as she began to tighten around him. He groaned loudly, drowning out her soft moans, but rode it out for a while before he finished too.

He slipped out of her and pushed his hands into her hair to kiss her again, long and slow. He ran his fingers over her heated scalp, and finally rested his forehead against hers, moving his eyes to look down at her chest that was still heaving before she could catch her breath. He sighed in annoyance, now, that he'd never gotten her shirt off.

"C'mere," he growled softly, untangling his legs from hers to sit back and twist to sit right on the couch, pulling her up into his lap.

He wasted no time in ridding her of her shirt, dropping it away immediately. She traced his tattoos while he leaned forward and worked the clasp of her bra open dexterously. He threw that away as well and pulled her up tall on her knees, latching his mouth onto her soft breasts. She cradled his head to her and gasped, pulling herself closer to him as his teeth closed on the delicate skin. Feeling all of her bare skin against his pulled a groan from him, and even though they were both still panting he lowered her back into his lap to enter her again.

His large hands curled around her hips and guided her hips on him, pulling her the way he wanted. She rode him slowly, body pressed closely to him. His arms wrapped around her and splayed his hands over her back as she held his face to kiss him deeply. He curled his arms up behind her shoulders and leaned her back so he could bend forward and nuzzle her breasts as their hips continued to move in synch.

He straightened back up to pull her down further so he reached into her deeper. He groaned and continued to pull her down deeply but kept it slow and steady.

Natalie was moaning with each deep thrust and Billy pushed her away some, though she tried to pull herself back to him. He drank in her body as she rode him with half-closed eyes. Her hair was tousled, her face somewhat flushed, and her lightly tanned skin stretched as she arched her back. Natalie squeezed his shoulders and sighed contentedly when he pulled her back tight to him.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear, biting at the shell of it, earning a gasp. "...you're perfect…perfect…so sweet…" he panted into her shoulder.

Natalie rested her cheek on the side of his head and began to whisper his name between the moans he roused out of her. Still she could hear him murmuring against her heated skin, telling her she was pretty and telling her how good she felt. She was pretty sure he mumbled out an apology for being an ass, but she may have been too lost by that point.

"Billy…"

Her gasps of his name were becoming shorter, her moans more desperate as her body tightened.

"Natalieugh"

Her name was followed by his guttural groan as he lasted only a few long moments after her.

He relaxed back against the couch and she rested forward to lean on his shoulder. Slowly, they regained their breath and Billy traced the line of her spine with a finger. Natalie burrowed into the crook of his neck with a sound of contentment, kissing the skin softly.

Looking at Billy one wouldn't guess he was even capable of being that gentle. She'd been sure he had gotten her hooked on rougher, more romping sex, but she bit her lip in pleasure, mentally reliving what they'd just done.

When they booth cooled off and calmed down they gathered up their things and quietly went upstairs. Billy emerged from the bathroom and unfortunately found Natalie in underwear and pulling on a tank top.

"Aw, Nat, c'mon," he sighed, annoyed.

"I have to," she sniggered. "If Logan needs something tonight or runs in, I can't be naked."

He wasn't sure if a "and neither can you" was implied there, but he found his boxers and pulled them on anyway. Natalie pulled on some shorts, too, so at least there was still a good amount of skin.

They both crawled into bed under the covers and Natalie curled up to his side. They didn't talk much more, both tired.

Just as third grade Billy Darley had known somewhere in him that he'd be working the streets someday, something deep down in him may have known that night that he loved her. But of course love wasn't something he thought of much, nor was it a concept he personally knew much of outside of the love he had for Joe and the love he'd thought his mother had for them before she split. He didn't know much of love; all he knew was Natalie was becoming someone he missed, the someone he looked forward to and wanted. He hesitated to say needed because Billy Darley didn't need nobody.

And yet Natalie had still made it closer to Billy Darely than most anybody else. He could recognize that, would admit it to himself before quickly ignoring the notion

He laid awake a little while longer after her, fingers playing with the ends of her hair idly. He soaked in the unfamiliar feeling of such intimacy…he wasn't sure what had gotten into him that night, but he'd wanted every part of her, wanted them together. It felt good…but he knew it was his calm before the storm, his place to be sane before getting bombarded. Tomorrow would be another long day, grinding it out to get by until they figured out **exactly** what the fuck was going on and fixed it.

He sighed deeply and rolled onto his side to face Natalie, pulling her to his chest and slowly falling asleep with her.

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**End of Chapter 11. Let me know what you thought; hope you've enjoyed. **


	12. A Way to Celebrate

**Alright here's chapter 12. Didn't get it posted as soon as I'd planned because I was busy with work this week. Lame, i know. haha. **

**But hopefully i'll be able to update again over the weekend. So hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think. Thanks for all the support so far -- i'm glad to see people are liking the story! =)**

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**__**A Way to Celebrate**_  
_I'm supposed to set an example_  
_I need to be the leader, my crew looks for me to guide 'em_  
_If some shit ever just pops off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em_  
_'_**_Like Toy Soldiers' by Eminem_  
______________________________**

A few days later, Natalie was in a good mood and had been for most of the time. She and Billy had been free of misunderstanding in arguments, though it could have been because they hadn't been able to spend a ton of time together. Billy was really busy a majority of the last several days but with what she didn't know; she'd asked him a few times what was wrong but he'd just calmly -- okay, sometimes annoyed -- told her she shouldn't ask. Even though he was busy, he'd managed to come over every night. They'd fooled around a little but he mostly stopped by just to crash and catch at least a few hours of sleep; he couldn't usually stay a full night so he'd wake her and whisper a quick goodbye, slipping out before she even fully woke.

He was over now; Natalie had let him in through the kitchen. Her parents were only out for a while and Julia had dropped Logan off for a little bit while she ran to get some last minute Halloween things, but Billy didn't even care -- he'd said on the phone he just wanted a place to relax for a while.

"Logan, where did you get that?" Natalie asked, stopping by the end of the couch when she saw Logan sitting cross-legged on the couch munching on _Reeses_.

"Billy gave me it; I said thanks," he smiled.

Natalie smiled with him and looked over at Billy, who was sitting in the armchair with her dad's newspaper open in his hands. He didn't look up at his name or make any gesture to show that what'd he'd done was any kind of big deal, just kept skimming all of the pages quickly.

"Thank you… …are you looking for a certain story?" she asked, leaning of the back of the chair to glance at the pages.

He just grunted.

Natalie was worried about him, worried he might run himself straight into the ground; she hadn't even seen the other guys lately to know how they were fairing. Of course, for all she knew they'd pushed this hard before, but still…she didn't like to see him so stressed.

She let her hands brush his shoulders and slowly started to massage them, pushing her fingers into the muscles there. He really was too tense, and she slowly kneaded his shoulders and upper back. He leaned forward to give her hands more room to roam and dropped his head with a haggard sigh.

"Are you sure you have to go soon?" Natalie asked patiently, leaning forward to kiss the back of his head, which was growing harsh stubble since it had been neglected a few days.

"Yeah, I got a delivery"

Natalie didn't push after that statement.

"You got plans tonight?"

"I'm trick-or-treating!" Logan announced.

"Good for you," Billy tried to sound like maybe he cared a little.

"Aw, don't ya wanna know what I'm gonna be?"

Billy sighed and Natalie squeezed his shoulders encouragingly, trying not to laugh.

"What?"

"Woody the cowboy…from Toy Story. Cool, huh?"

"..that's great, kid," Billy nodded for his benefit. "What about you? Ya doin' anything?"

"Just going to a party with Paige and some friends."

"Great," he rolled his eyes.

"You can come," she swatted his arm.

"Somethin' tells me costumes are involved, so hell no…"

"So you're not doing anything?"

"Just hanging around. I guess a holiday gives us an extra excuse to party…ditch your thing and come over to my place? All the guys'll be there…I'll be there," he tried to entice.

"…I already promised I'd go. But Paige and I can leave early and come join you guys."

"That the best I'm gonna get?"

"You'll survive; we won't be too late," Natalie promised, moving to sit on the chair's arm; Billy tugged her down so she dropped in his lap.

"Billy, why don't you want a costume?" Logan questioned.

"Cuz that'd be stupid"

"…then why do I have one?"

Billy frowned at the question, unsure what to make of it.

"He's joking, Logan. Billy can't wear a costume because he has to work," Natalie mediated.

"On Halloween?"

"Yes"

"That's sad," Logan decided before getting up to scurry off to the hall closet where the two bottom shelves were full of toys for his visits.

"Try not to call things he does stupid -- you're an older boy so he thinks you're cool. He'll take it to heart," Natallie informed him.

Billy scowled at her.

"How the fuck am I supposed t' know that? I'm still trying t' figure out how to talk to the kid…shit…" he shook his head, shutting up when Logan tottered back in obliviously.

Natalie saw how agitated he was and knew he was getting anxious about delivering to Bones.

"It's okay," she promised, cupping his cheek to brush her thumb under his eye. "I'm sorry I brought it up…"

He just shook his head and pulled her hand away from his face.

One of his arms was around her back but she pulled the other into her lap to rub his forearm gently and trail the back of her nails over the skin. Her mom used to do that for her when she was younger and couldn't sleep so she hoped to relax him. When he left a little while later it was hard to tell if she had.

* * *

"You ready to get out of here?" Natalie asked Paige, finding her watching a keg stand.

"Oh yeah; we telling Joel or just sneaking out? The girls already know"

"Tell me what?" Joel asked, popping up.

"Oops; we're heading out," Paige told him.

"Out where?"

"Out to not here. It's Halloween; lots of parties"

"Well I'll go with you; you shouldn't be wandering around dressed quite like that."

"We're getting a cab," Natalie assured him. "But thanks."

"Okay…see ya tomorrow"

"If we make it to class," Paige laughed, grabbing Natalie to call a cab and get to Billy's.

"You twos sure ya wanna be here?" the cabbie asked, pulling up to a stop.

"Yup; it's not as bad as it looks. Thanks," Natalie promised, handing over their money.

They got inside and opted for the stairs rather than the janky elevator, and got to Billy's door; music and loud voices were behind it.

Paige bore a beaming grin.

"What?" Natalie asked before Paige pounded on the door obnoxiously.

"Noise complaint! It's the cops; open up fellas!"

Natalie doubled-up in surprise but clamped a hand over her mouth so she wouldn't laugh.

"Fuck, bro, turn it down," Heco threw an empty can at Tommy, who dialed it back a notch and guests hushed.

Billy frowned; just which of his neighbors got stupid and made a call? They weren't even that loud…

"C'mon Darley" -- more pounding -- "Get out here."

Right. Probably an excuse to bust his balls -- good thing Natalie wasn't here yet. He headed o the door, Bodie at his shoulder, and yanked open the door to see two not-cops; if cops did dress that way then interrogations wouldn't be half bad.

Natalie was standing there with her hand over her mouth to hide her laughter and Paige looked pretty pleased with herself …she looked buzzed. Bodie laughed and Billy's anger evaporated quickly as well, morphing into surprise and appreciation. Natalie's feet were clad in black heels and then it was all leg as she wore only painfully short shorts on her lower half. Her shirt was open to see some cleavage and her hair was a little wavy and messy. Nice.

"Gonna let us in?"

"We have to see some ID first, officers," Bodie laughed.

"Nope, we have a warrant to search for and consume the booze," Paige joked right back, wedging between the two men to get in.

Bodie soon followed her away.

"Think you're funny?" Billy muttered, stepping aside to let her in.

"Hilarious"

He smirked and pulled her to him after he shut the door. He kissed her deeply and drug a hand over the back of her thigh to cup her ass. Her heels brought her closer to his height and even though he liked to think of her as delicate and small like usual, he liked it.

"Still think costumes are stupid?" she teased.

"Not this one…a lot of other people see ya like this?"

"Yeah, but don't worry, it's just for you"

"Got that right…how much you been drinkin'?" he chuckled when she began to nibble at his neck despite al the people.

"Not **that** much…I'm just in a good mod. Are you?" she asked, leaning back to stand straight and ask.

"Better…it went alright"

Nothing was particularly good with Bones, but all things considered it had gone well.

"Good…can a girl get a drink around here?"

He nodded and went with her to the kitchen, watching her help herself before hopping to sit on the counter with Angela, Bodie's girl. They'd met a few times already.

"So how come I wasn't invited along?" Angela asked, gesturing to Natalie's get-up.

"Yeah, I want my girl dressin' up like a dirty librarian and comin home to scold me," Bodie laughed.

"That's a good idea…I should've gone as a school girl -- already have the uniform."

"Wait you had uniforms at that private school gig?" Billy asked; mention of the school had already come up and he'd rolled his eyes, but this part was new.

"Yup"

"…where is this uniform?"

"I dunno…somewhere in my closet. Why? Do I need to bring it out of retirement?"

"Hell yeah"

"Was that even a question?" Bodie and Angela laughed.

…. … ….

"What do you think they're talking about?" Natalie wondered aloud, eyeing Billy and Bodie in a huddled, serious conversation in the corner with Jamie and Spink.

"Girl, I don't know," Angela shrugged, handing her another beer.

"Maybe trying to figure out the basic division of splitting their money," Paige suggested jokingly before going off to find Baggy again since he'd finished his round on his corner and finally showed up.

"Something's been going on," Angela sighed.

"I've noticed"

"Has it been harder finding time together then since you don't live with him?" Angela asked sympathetically.

"Umm…probably, but it's been okay. He's been coming to me just because he doesn't know how much time he has or if something will come up but it's worked. I just haven't been over here in a while…"

"Bodie said you live with the parents still? How are you managing that…I can only assume they don't know," Angela smirked.

"They have no idea," Natalie shook her head adamantly. "And it really needs to stay that way…but yeah, we're managing it carefully I guess. They're gone a lot doing this and that; I'm an adult so it's not like I need them taking care of me all the time."

"Right, sweet deal"

After little more chatting Angela wandered off to join Bodie, but since Billy was still in the corner pointing his finger agitatedly between Spink and Jamie, Natalie settled for joining Tommy on the couch. He was a pretty cool guy; he was always pretty nice and he was funny, too…usually crude, but funny all the same.

A while later Billy stomped past, making a beeline for the kitchen and more beer. She watched him go and turned back to Tommy with a questioning look; he just grimaced and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't know how to advise her what to do because Billy didn't treat her like she treated him; she'd probably be able to get away with bugging Billy when Tommy wouldn't.

Natalie sighed and shoved herself up off the couch, wishing this could be just a nice, peaceful evening. He was standing with his back facing the room, hands spread out and flat on the table.

"Hi," she alerted him to her presence quietly, leaning her back against the edge of the table and using her elbows to prop her up.

"Hi," he responded tightly, tapping his bottle on the table.

"...you alright?" she ventured, moving her hand to squeeze his forearm.

"…do I _look_ alright?" he raised an eyebrow.

She cocked her head at him, point taken.

"…well whatever it is, don't get mad at me."

She wasn't actually upset with him but if he was going to be testy the entire night, it was sort of a waste of a trip out.

"I ain't," he defended himself.

"…do you need another massage?" she suggested with a grin.

"…you offerin'?" he asked, pushing business out of his mind to side step so that his hands were once again on the table but this time trapping her. "Cuz I can think of a few things that could improve the way this night's been treatin' me…"

She grinned and hooked a finger around the chain of his gold necklace, tugging him down to her. Their lips met and she bit at his bottom lip in a feisty way, smiling when he finally pulled away to rest his forehead on hers.

"Ya know I ain't mad at ya, yeah?"

She nodded.

"Good"

He opened his eyes back up and smirked when he realize he was looking straight down the valley of her shirt.

"Well looky here," he murmured, raising a hand to undo another button.

She grabbed his wrist to stop him, throwing her head back in a laugh.

"Behave"

He scoffed at that and stooped to grab her and tip her over his shoulder and turn towards his room. She squealed and grabbed his waist even though she was confident he wouldn't drop her on her head.

"Where do you think you're goin' with her?" Paige laughed turning to peer over the back of the chair she and Baggy were occupying.

"Officer Shepherd's gonna teach me a lesson," Billy continued to smirk, beer in one hand and his other keeping her in place.

Some of the guys cheered as he kicked the his door shut behind him, and once they were in his room he bent to set her back on her feet.

"Now what am I gonna do with you…" he wondered aloud, tilting his beer up for a drink.

"I thought I was the one teaching **you** a lesson?" she grinned wickedly.

Intrigued, Billy allowed her to take his hand and lead him over to the bed to sit on the end of it. She then proceeded to strip suspiciously well. She wasn't just pulling clothes off, it was a full on strip tease complete with a little dancing. Once she was down to the her black undergarments -- both were black and lacey -- her hands were on his knees and she was grinding her ass against his crotch, rolling it in circles. He groaned, jaw slackened as he sat back and enjoyed in surprise and pleasure. A slow hiss escape him as she moved her hips then in a slow circle before standing again.

She turned and winked at him and he carefully adjusted his constraining jeans as she shimmied out of her panties. She tossed them at him and he caught them against his chest, nodding his head approvingly as he twirled the black scrap of cloth around his finger. He dropped it away, however, when she slowly sank to her knees in front of him and started to undo his pants.

He lifted himself off the bed so she could get his jeans off and then did the same so she could shed his boxers and begin to touch him.

"Yo Nat," there was a knock on the door followed by Paige's voice. "Baggy's takin' me home; I trust Darley to give ya a ride. Have fun!"

Billy finished his beer in one long drink in order to swallow whatever angry words he'd been prepared to shout at Paige for interrupting and stilling Natalie's hands.

Natalie didn't see reason to respond to that and shifted forward.

"Shiiit," his voice ground out hoarsely, since he'd had to swallow quickly in order not to spit his beer back out when her mouth closed around him.

Natalie hummed in amusement and he groaned, able to feel the vibration. He let her continue for a while before tossing his empty bottle aside to grab her shoulders to pull her up and into his lap. He kissed her roughly and she moaned, able to feel him against her.

"Where the fuck did ya learn all that?" he asked, waving his hand towards her discarded clothes when the pulled apart.

"I've met some interesting people in college," she laughed softly, arms still draped around his neck.

"Apparently," he nodded, eyeing her up and down.

"I'm gonna need a little help with this," she requested in a whisper, running a finger over the edge of her bra.

He eyed it and grinned, pulling her tight against him to circle his arms behind her and work the clasp open, eyes never leaving hers. The bra was soon thrown to the floor somewhere and Natalie pushed on his shoulders so he fell flat on his back.

"Somebody's confident when they drink," he murmured when she bent over him to kiss him, her hair falling around him.

"Sometimes," she whispered before kissing him soundly.

He grabbed her waist and flipped them over, thrusting into her with little warning. She cried out and lifted her legs to wrap around him. He felt her heels against his thigh as she moved her legs and remembered she still had them on. He found that kind of hot and increased his pace, slipping an arm under her to tilt her hips further.

Perhaps partially because it was loud out in the other room, neither went to any real lengths to be quiet even though there were people out there. Billy mostly because he didn't care, and Natalie because this felt amazing and it had been a little while…okay, and possibly because she'd been drinking a little. Billy reveled in it, letting her sounds of pleasure wash over him, letting his own groans escape him when she'd tighten around him or dig her nails into his shoulders.

"Better than a massage," he sighed, laying on his back later, his breath regained.

"Much," Natalie chuckled.

She turned on the bed to look at him, pleased some tension had fled from him…at least for a while. She frowned when he levied himself up and crawled towards the end of the bed. She thought maybe he was going back out to the party and that annoyed her a little, but he just bent over the end of the bed to fish around for something. He could've been looking for anything but she was just laughing quietly to herself; his ass was up in the air as he bent over and he didn't care.

"You like it," he muttered, unconcerned, as he pushed himself back up and flopped onto his back in the same place he'd been.

She saw now that he was holding the cheap set of cuffs that she'd gotten to hang from her belt loop to complete her costume. She laughed and tried to grab them, but he held them out of her reach.

"Uh-uh…these are stayin' here…we're havin' fun with those someday," he declared, tossing them onto his table.

"Like with my old school uniform?" she grinned.

He growled at the thought.

"I can't believe ya didn't tell me you had a fuckin' uniform," he told her, rolling on top of her to look at her sternly.

"Maybe it was going to be a surprise"

"Good fuckin' surprise," he nodded, dropping his head to run his tongue over the small bit mark he'd left on the side of her breast.

"Yo, we can't hear nothin' no more, dawg! Whattcha doin' in there -- playin' checkers?"

Tommy's voice was followed by a bang on the door and Billy growled.

"Fuck off, Tommy!" He fumed, glaring over his shoulder and contemplating going out there. Natalie cupped his cheek and turned his head back down to her.

"Forget it…he's just being Tommy…"

He threw a finger over her mouth, narrowing his eyes.

"Don't fuckin' say his name when we're in bed"

She smiled around his finger and pushed on his shoulder and rolled them over. This time she was able to stay on top, though Billy's hands held her waist firmly; he typically had to be the one in control.

.... .... ... ...

"Hey…hey…"

Natalie slowly shifted and peeked her eyes open when she felt teeth softly graze her shoulder. It was still dark in the room save for some light that seeped in from streetlamps below on the street and a sliver of light under the door, but she could make out Billy's outline fairly well. He was laying on his side and now that she'd woken he rubbed the curve of her back lightly.

"Mmmm…what?" she asked sleepily.

"Wake up"

"…why?" she complained, burrowing her cheek in against the pillow.

"Because I want ya to," he told her simply.

She stretched a little where she lay there on her stomach and lifted her head to look over his shoulder at the clock.

4:26

"Thought ya weren't goin' to class tomorrow"

"I'm not"

"Then don't worry 'bout the time"

Natalie curled onto her side and studied him, running a finger over his bare chest.

"Did you sleep at all?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Just woke up and can't get back to sleep."

"So I have to suffer with you now," she teased, shifting onto her back to stretch again. "Why can't you sleep?"

He just shrugged and pulled the sheet away from her upper body, even though he knew she was probably blushing. He didn't think she was ashamed of her body -- if she was, she shouldn't be -- she just wasn't used to people seeing her naked; it pleased him that it was only for him.

He let the sheet rest around her waist and roamed his hand over her, caressing her stomach, grinning to himself when she twitched because it tickled. He traveled the valley of her breasts and back down, tracing circles over her stomach and side.

"…are you okay?" she asked, catching his hand in hers to lace their fingers together.

"Yeah, sure…"

That was about the time the door burst open and the light clicked on immediately.

Billy jumped into a seated position at once.

"What the fuck Bodie?" he bellowed, hand blindly searching behind him to throw the sheet back over Natalie.

She grabbed it for herself and tucked it up under her arms.

"Something's goin' down at Heco's corner, man; might be one of those fucks we've been askin' around about, but it's goin down now, dawg," Bodie rattled off quickly.

"Fuck!" Billy spat, flying out of bed to collect his clothes.

"Billy…" Natalie sat up, making sure the sheet was still held securely to her since Bodie was still in the doorway.

"Just stay here," he ordered harshly, yanking his shirt back down over his head, digging into the small table drawer for an extra gun to shove in the back of his pants and then grabbed his other one from the dresser where he'd set it when they entered earlier.

"Just…be careful," she sighed helplessly as he shoved his feet in his shoes.

He met her eye for a moment, showing he'd heard, but didn't say anything.

"You too," she added to Bodie quietly.

He nodded.

"I shouldda been out there with them t'night -- fuck!" Billy seethed as they practically ran out of the apartment.

There was silence after the door slammed shut.

"…you okay in there?"

"Angela?" Natalie called out quietly, fumbling out of bed to pull on her undergarments and her tank top before peeking out into the living room.

"Yeah…me and Bodie crashed on the couch for a couple hours and we were gonna clean up for you guys when he got the call.

"Okay, one sec…"

She went back into the bedroom and poked around until she found a pair of sweats. The girls turned the radio on softly and picked up empty beer contains and other shit from the living room and kitchen, and even the bathroom.

"Slobs," Angela shook her head. "I always make Bode help me clean whenever the guys come over to our place; I may be the hostess but they're _his_ friends damn it," she laughed.

After cleaning up some half-eaten food left to lay around, Natalie agreed with the slob comment. She sank into the couch and rested against the soft, worn cushions with a sigh….she didn't know if she'd be getting back to sleep soon after Bodie barging in line that had gotten her heard racing.

"These are the worst kind of nights…when he leaves in a rage and not just a curse or two," Angela sat with her sympathetically.

"Does it get better?"

"Not really," Angela smiled, though she didn't find it funny. "But I guess maybe ya just get a little more confident he's able to take care of himself…in case you're not already."

Natalie nodded slowly.

"Besides, if Bodie gets himself hurt I'll kill him myself," Angela laughed.

Natalie joined her laughter, though nervously.

"Do any of the other guys have girlfriends?"

"Nah…Jamie had a really serious girl for a while but that was before Bodie and I were even really seein' each other…some of 'em got their regular girl they fool around with, but it ain't what anyone would actually call a relationship."

"Right…that's kind of sad"

"Can't say it's easy with any of the boys, not with the lives they lead," Angela shrugged in a "what can ya do" kind of way.

"Yeah, I'm understanding that more and more…"

"Look, you love the guy first and learn to like the gang…or at least tolerate it as part of his life and who he is," Angela shrugged. "Easier said than done, but one don't come without the other, not with these boys."

Natalie nodded, mulling over these words, and the two women stayed up chatting for a while as neither were inclined to go back to sleep quiet yet.

* * *

**There you ahve it =) Throw me a review**


	13. Someone Cares

**Hey! Alright - thanks so much for the reviews so far; i really appreciate them. It's good to hear what everyone thinks =)**

**And here's chapter three...a little montage of memories and then a little something-something that builds up to...something =P**

**Hope you like; let me know **

**

* * *

****Someone Cares  
**Help me come back down  
From high above the clouds  
I'm know I'm suffocating, but I blame this town  
'**Adore' by Paramore  
_**

_"…think he's tellin' the truth?" Bodie asked, walking up behind Billy as his leader crossed the room. _

_"Yeah…dunno if he'd even know how t' tell a lie right now," Billy commented, flexing his hand carefully as he looked back over his shoulder at the bloodied man who was tied to a chair, panting with his beaten face dropped forward. _

_"…it's some good work," Bodie nodded, glancing back too. _

_"This shit's been buildin' for weeks an' I'm sick of it," Billy reasoned; he really had taken out all of his frustrations on this guy. _

_"So we doin' him then?"_

_"….no. We send him back to his boys t' let 'em know we don't deal on their terms," he decided, stalking back over to the man and yanking his head back by the hair. "These are my streets, you fuck. We make the rules here, ya got that?"_

_He nodded weakly._

_"Ya can't just step into the ring with Ali cuz you think you can box…__**we**__ run this shit, not you. Look at this mess ya made for yourself, just for being a dumb mother fucker," Bodie laughed at him. _

_"That's right. I'm the fuckin' king here…take that message back to your pussies. If me or any of my boys see any of ya on our corners again, you're dead. Ya don't know how lucky you are you're even walkin' outta here with your life. Jamie!"_

_Jamie came it from the hall, looking quite calm and casual about the whole ordeal._

_"Sup Billy?"_

_"Get this fucker outta here; dump him 'cross town."_

_"…alive?" Jamie raised an eyebrow._

_"For now…" Billy nodded, spitting in the man's face before letting go of his head to let it fall back forward again. _

_Jamie shrugged; he was surprised but indifferent. He grabbed the black cloth sack off the floor and shoved it down over the stranger's head roughly before untying his hands. _

_"Take Dogg with ya to give ya a hand"_

_"I hear ya," Jamie nodded, pushing their captive up from the chair to frogmarch him from the room._

_"Ya think that's the end of that?"f_

_"I dunno…we'll see what happens; if shit don't look up we'll start takin' 'em out one-by-one - I don't care. I don't have the patience for this shit anymore, comin' up short. If we have to stay posted 24/7 to catch them when they're sellin' then we will…I dunno where these punks are comin' from…"_

_"We'll all keep lookin'…" Bodie assured him; he was ready to have this over, too. "This is almost over, man."_

* * *

But it wasn't quite over yet. Halloween was a week in the past and at first business was back to usual, but now they were falling short on some corners again. They chalked this up to this new gang, or wanna-be-gang, deciding what to do…their decision was apparently to stay.

_'We need their leader- cut off the head of the snake and hopefully it'll slither the fuck away. What'd that asshole say…Riley, who'd he say was heading up their shit? Ethan, right? Has no one got the word on this guy? None of you halfwits?'_

Billy had shouted plenty more than that once he got all the guys together at the office after being short…again. Bones was getting impatient, making Billy even more impatient and upset. He did **not** like having guns thrust in his face, especially by someone as fucking off-it as Bones.

_'If ya see anybody around who shouldn't be around - if you even __**think**__ you see something' outta place - you fuckin' call me. I'm runnin' the underpass at the end of the night, but I need to go crash for a few hours or I'm rippin' the head off of the first person I see…"_

Now he was headed over to Natalie's to crash, and Natalie was waiting for him, flipping through some pictures she'd printed off. Some were old from the summer, but some were newer.

She stopped on one from just a few night ago, one that made her heart melt just a little. Billy was laying on his back in her bed, and Logan was laying on his chest with his blue blankey draped over himself. Billy's large hand was on his back and head lolled drowsily to the side. Billy hadn't been too excited about the events that had lead to the picture, but chose sleep over whatever was probably more compatible to his reputation.

_It had been storming out pretty bad, and Billy drove to Natalie's and let himself in the back door; he'd told her he was coming so she must've left it unlocked for him. The downstairs was dark so he dragged himself upstairs and found her laying in bed with the TV playing quietly. _

_She made to get up to greet him but he waved at her to stay where she was and shed his coat and then his shoes before climbing under the covers with her. He'd have taken the rest of his clothes off but he knew he couldn't say all night so he didn't care. _

_"You're late…."_

_"Don't give me shit tonight," he groaned._

_"I'm not I'm just saying…is everything okay?"_

_He grunted and closed his eyes, rolling towards her. _

_"That's not an answer," she told him quietly._

_His eyes peeked back open only to give her a dirty look._

_"You've been askin' me that since Halloween; when everything's fuckin peachy, you'll know," he ground out through clenched teeth. _

_"Why do you get so mad when I just want to know that you're okay?" she shook her head, turned over back towards the TV, which meant her back was facing him. _

_The room was quiet for a few long minutes save for the TV show characters. Billy laid there and had made up his mind to just ignore her and take advantage of the bed to just crash. He was even beginning to drift off when a clap of thunder peeled the air and he felt her jump in the bed, then heard her exhale a shaky breath._

_"Jesus," he muttered, rolling over to circle his arm tightly around her. "I don't get mad at __**you**__…I just don't come over here to talk about that shit, alright? I come here to get away from it for a while, and then when ya don't let me it's fucking frustrating."_

_Natalie sighed and rolled onto her back, twisting her head to kiss his cheek. They stared at each other for a while and he pretended he didn't see the fact that she'd been quietly crying before that rip of thunder. _

_"I'm sorry…"_

_"Ya fuckin' apologize for everything," he scoffed and shook his head at her. _

_"And you don't apologize for anything," she added quietly. _

_"I always make shit up to you, don't I?" he narrowed his eyes at her._

_"Yeah," she agreed, kissing him again softly._

_"Nat-lee!" a whine came from down the hall._

_"He's still here," Billy cursed, flopping onto his back. _

_"Julia is still picking up shifts for that same lady all week," Natalie bit her lip, smiling as she flipped the covers off of herself. _

_Julia had picked up some night shifts at work that week, so all week Logan had been at the house in the evenings and Julia usually wasn't there to pick him up until after he'd fallen asleep. Natalie had been going to Billy's a few times that week because her parents watched Logan, but they were gone like usual for the weekend so Natalie took the responsibility. _

_Billy decided that maybe it wasn't so bad; he should be getting to sleep not talking or fucking. He'd been taking the mid night rounds at the underpass while all of this shit bad been going down, so he had to make sure he'd be awake for that._

_"Billy?" Logan chirped._

_He opened his eyes again and rolled his head to the side to see Natalie walk in with Logan on her hip with some little blanket tucked under his arm. His eyes were wet from crying but he looked a little better now as he squirmed to get down. _

_"He's scared of thunder," Natalie whispered, watching Logan scramble to get up on the bed. _

_He crawled across the covers and right over to lay on Billy's chest. He nestled his head in comfortably and closed his eyes, oblivious to the surprise and uncertainty on Billy's face._

_"Logan, no, come lay on my side if you're going to sleep in here," Natalie ushered him quickly._

_"No, I want Billy. He's bigger and stronger! Noooo!" he squealed when Natalie tried to pick him off. _

_"If he's gonna whine, just leave him," Billy rolled his eyes, deciding it wasn't worth the fight this time if Logan was just going to make that high-pitched noise again. _

_Natalie's eyebrows nearly rose right off her forehead in shock. She couldn't quite believe Billy was really going to allow Logan to stay there, but he really wasn't making a move to push Logan off. He wasn't touching the kid, either, but it was nicer than Billy having nothing to do with it. Logan arranged himself comfortably, spreading out on Billy's broad chest and rested a hand on his neck, fingering his necklace sleepily. That's when Natalie quietly grabbed her digital camera and snapped a picture because she couldn't help herself. _

_"Tell me you didn't do what I think ya did," Billy grumbled. "Get back in bed."_

_She did so, slipping under the covers. She looped her legs in with Billy's, since she couldn't cuddle up to his chest quite so much as usual. She took Logan's blanket and spread it on top of him since he hadn't gotten under the covers, and he jerked violently with the next clap of thunder. He did so again, whimpering and pulling the blanket over his head. _

_"Quit movin' kid," Billy muttered, half asleep, resting his large hand on his little back to keep him in place. _

_"It's scary," Logan sniffed._

_"It's just noise," Natalie whispered. _

_"It's big!"_

_"It won't hurt ya," Billy insisted when Logan fisted Billy's sleeve in his hand. _

_"Cuz __**you're**__ here?"_

_"Mmhmm"_

The next picture she flipped to was one of Billy sleeping from his own apartment, taken before the one with Logan.

_She'd woken up early and couldn't sleep, so she'd propped herself up on her elbow to watch Billy sleep. She wasn't being creepy about it, it's just that he looked peaceful today. Some nights he frowned in his sleep, his hands sometimes fisted in his pillow or around a blanket, but then there were times when all tension was drained from his face and he looked like he didn't have a care in the world. He looked younger, his light skin slack rather than pulled to attention. _

_She'd smiled to herself after some time and slid stealthily off of the bed, tip-toeing to get her purse. She stepped up onto the bed and stood over him, clicking a picture carefully._

_"Ugh…did you just take a picture?" he asked, cracking his eyes open to look up at her, eyes screwed up in confusion. _

_"…how did that even wake you up?" she pouted._

_"Nah I felt you get outta bed…what're ya doin'?"_

_"I couldn't get back to sleep…"_

_"Well ya couldda woke me up," he grinned, grabbing her knees quickly so she fell down straddling his waist; she set her camera aside and it was the last thing she thought about for a while._

The only other picture of them in her stack was from Halloween, and Natalie hadn't even known it was taken until she went to print it. She suspected Paige had taken it; it was zoomed in on the pair of them when she'd been talking to Billy at the table and he'd trapped her against the table and their foreheads were touching.

She had no other pictures of him; he wasn't exactly the kind of guy to happily strike a pose for you. It was okay, though; it just made these pictures special. She knew they weren't anything he'd appreciate her passing around, especially showing the guys, but they were for her and that counted enough.

She heard him climbing up the veranda awning and got up to open the window for him.

"My dad only just went to bed," she told him, whispering to send the hint.

"That's fine; I just came to sleep. I can't stay too late," he told her once he was inside.

"I'm glad you came," she held his face to kiss him.

"Course I fuckin' came," he murmured against her lips, scooping her up to turn off the light and lay her gently in the bed before laying next to her.

She cuddled up into his chest, her arms around him to rub his back lightly. He wanted to relax at her touch but his muscles seemed to protest. He groaned slightly and pulled her closer, willing sleep to come soon. After some time Natalie knew he wasn't asleep and she coaxed him onto his stomach so she could straddle his back and slowly but surely massage his shoulders. Her hands kneaded the thick muscles and methodically worked their way down his spine. His muscles were bunched but she slowly got them to loosen up, pleased when he groaned as some of the physical tension was forced from his body.

When she felt his body slacking she leaned forward to kiss the back of his neck lightly.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I want you to know I worry about you," she whispered, nuzzling his neck when she felt like he was about to say something. "Shh, I know you think I shouldn't…I just wanted you to know someone worries what happens to you, that someone cares."

He didn't actually have a response for that, just laid there and soaked in her declaration. The room was silent and still for a couple minutes before he turned slightly and hooked an arm back behind him to get her around the middle.

"C'mere"

He pulled her down next to him and fit her in against the curve of his body. She relaxed into him and he was able to do the same, body slacking around her for the few hours that he had until he had to go.

The next day, Natalie was constantly nagging on the back of his mind. It had been that way the past few days, as he continued to be impressed with how she'd accept him for the time he could be around. He found that the more she **didn't** nag for him to be around all the time, the more he wanted to be around her. He looked forward to the time when he knew she'd be out of school and he could try to be with her or have her come over.

She was something else, and there had been a few times over the last several days that he'd had to consciously push her out of his mind. He couldn't spare time to be distracted.

Today, however, it was going to pay off...

"Jamie, what the _fuck_?" Bodie spat, staring at the fact that Jamie's girl Abigail was clinging to her dad's hand.

"I know, bro; her moms split for a bit…ya know how she is," Jamie rolled his eyes, at a loss for what to do.

"Can't ya take her to your pops?"

"He's outta town, dawg…I was gonna call ya Billy, man, about workin' tonight…"

Jamie hadn't planned on Billy and Bodie showing up, but now they needed him and no one was around to watch his kid. He didn't trust any of his neighbors enough to watch her; hell, he didn't even trust himself sometimes.

"Get her over to my place," Billy decided, staring down at the today's newest and smallest pest. "I'll get Nat to come over and watch her; she loves kids. C'mon, start movin'…"

Jamie hesitated a moment but ultimately decided that Natalie was probably actually one of the few people he knew that would be competent with kids; plus, he'd heard Billy mention she had some kind of nephew.

Luckily Natalie was still on campus studying so she was even closer than she would've been at her house. She readily agreed to come over; she'd never met Abigail but she'd known that Jamie had a daughter and was one of the only guys in the gang that had a kid.

She knocked on the door lightly and Billy yanked open the door to reveal her with her bag slung over her shoulder.

"Thanks for hurryin'," he muttered, kissing the side of her head briefly as he quickly ushered her in.

"Oh it's okay…is there a problem?"

Billy gave her a warning look.

"I don't mean like that," she backtracked quickly. "I'm just asking because you needed a last minute babysitter, so I wondered if something happened to her"

"Nah, her mom's just a flake…even flakier than me," Jamie joked, standing up and coaxing Abigail off the couch. "And I need to help 'em last minute…"

"Aw, Jamie, she's the cutest…..hi," Natalie smiled bending down closer to her level.

Abigail was just a little thing with short brown, curly hair and bright green eyes. Her hand was above her head because she was short and she was holding Jamie's hand, and when Natalie addressed her, she turned to hide her face in his legs shyly.

"Don't do this," Jamie groaned, bending to lift her easily. "Abby, this is Natalie."

"Hi," she cooed, hiding her face in her dad's neck now.

"Sorry, it's nothin' personal"

"I know," Natalie laughed.

"Jamie, we ain't got all day," Billy managed to get out through his clenched teeth; he didn't want to get mad in front of Natalie if he could avoid it…or in front of Abby, mostly because that would annoy Natalie.

"Okay Abby, what do ya say we hang out just us girls? We can play some games? Maybe watch some cartoons? Daddy will be home soon," Natalie spoke to her as softly and cheerfully as she could.

Abby seemed to perk up slightly when she recognized some of those words as fun things she liked.

"Sounds like fun, doesn't it?" Natalie smiled. "So how about it? Wanna come play with me?"

She reached her hands out to take her but she got a little fussy.

"Abby, I gotta go," Jamie sighed.

Abigail started to whine once Natalie got her hands under her arms.

"It's okay, Jamie," Natalie assured him once she got the girl into her own arms.

She was crying and Natalie knew Jamie had to feel conflicted to go even though his obligations lied with the gang and his loyalty to the two men in the room.

"She'll stop; we're going to have fun, don't worry"

He nodded and waved to Abby.

"Be back soon, pretty girl"

"You're a life saver," Billy thanked her again when the other two trooped out, bending to kiss her quickly.

Abigail swatted his chest to get him away as she cried; she didn't want to be with **him** either. Billy glared down at her, not that she noticed, and flicked her tiny hand away.

"Be careful," Natalie murmured against his lips.

He just stole another kiss and turned on his heel to go. The guys all hurried down the stairs, feet thudding dully.

"Alright, Abby, what're we gonna do now, huh?"

She cried some more but Natalie just kept holding her and talking to her. She found some cartoons to leave playing on the TV and did her best to find things for them to do that would amuse her. It was hard to do in Billy's apartment which was not exactly an environment that was 2-year-old friendly. Jamie had brought her stuffed elephant along with them, though, so Abigail kept that clutched by the tail the whole time.

Abigail did get settled down, though, and they played a few little games and when evening started to roll around the only thing that was really okay for her to eat was cereal; the milk was good, though, so that made it better and more agreeable for the poor girl. Natalie felt bad that they didn't have anything to do; she should've asked Jamie if she could bring Abigail to her house where there was stuff to do. Fortunately, after eating, Abigail was already starting to get tired and was able to sit still and just curl up on the couch against Natalie under a blanket Natalie had gone in and stole from Billy's room.

When Billy and Jamie finally came back, Natalie was going through some of the reading she'd been trying to do in the library when Billy called. Abigail was fast asleep and the TV was on quietly, but was now off of the cartoons.

"She was cool?" Jamie asked, carefully working the blanket off of her to lift the sleeping girl into his arms, arranging her dead weight accordingly.

"Yeah, she only cried for a little while. We watched cartoons and played a little bit…there just wasn't a lot for her to do here"

"Alright, thanks a lot, girl"

"No problem; she's a cutie and we had fun," Natalie promised.

Jamie nodded and thanked her again, leaving after bidding Billy farewell.

"A 'cutie' huh," Billy sighed, stubbing his cigarette out.

"Don't be jealous; she's not as cute as you," Natalie winked.

Billy snorted and got into the refrigerator to grab some orange juice and drink it straight out of the carton. He watched her sink back into the couch to flip back through her text book that she had out. He stalked over to join her, slinging his arm over the back of the couch and tilting his head to slowly begin kissing her neck. He worked his way up to her ear and sucked on the skin just behind it.

"Stop pretendin' to still be reading," he hissed in her ear.

"Billy…I'm trying to finish. I didn't get it done because I was doing **you** a favor…" she sighed, though she tilted her head to expose her neck to him as he continued to kiss her.

"And don't you want me to repay ya for the favor?" he breathed, his breath hot on her neck.

"…maybe I want you to owe me so I can call in the favor when I need something…" she teased.

"Jamie can owe ya; it wouldda been his fuckin' ass if he couldn't come," Billy growled. "You can finish that later," he decided for her, blindly pushing her book from her hands.

She laughed and let him pull her into his lap and after a moment he stood to walk her to the bedroom. He stopped short and pushed her against the wall outside his room, pressing their bodies tightly together. He grinded against her so she'd feel him through her jeans and she moaned breathily, squeezing her legs around him in response. He pulled her away from the wall with a groan and made it to his bed, dropping her down onto the bed.

Natalie smiled, watching his muscles pull as he stripped his shirt off where he stood and threw it away. She bit her lip and playfully continued to scoot back on the bed until she fell back against the pillows while he got on the bed to crawl up her body slowly. He slipped his arms under her and lowered himself to nuzzle her stomach.

"Ya really are some kindda angel, ya know that?" he sighed. "I don't even know why ya care," he added.

His voice was muffled somewhat against her stomach but she heard him and she was taken aback, face twitching in confusion. She was about to speak but he quickly pushed himself up onto his knees and pulled her to sit up so he cold rid her of her top. He cupped her face then and kissed her deeply to stop whatever she was going to say. He didn't really want to talk about it; it just came out - he meant it, but he didn't need her prying into it.

They stayed up late, despite both being tired. Billy was in no rush to get to work that night so he kept her up but distracted from the homework she claimed to have to finish. They were playful, teasing each other, but he took her slowly and coaxed her to keep her eyes open more so they could watch each other.

* * *

It was a late night, but well worth it to Natalie even though she was tired the next day and didn't have all the reading done she'd meant to accomplish for one of her classes. That fact hardly even bothered her and her good mood lasted throughout the day. She didn't hear from Billy much during the day so she just hung out with Paige for a while after classes and then went home to actually try to be studious.

It was working well until a while after 8:00.

"Natalie Elizabeth!"

Natalie jumped when she heard her dad yell and frowned - whenever her middle name was brought into the equation it meant she was in trouble. She got up just in time for her phone to beep.

**The coast clear for me to come over or not til later?**

It was Billy, but she just put her phone back in her pocket to go see what her dad was worked up about; she knew Billy wouldn't show up this early until she told him it was okay. She padded down the stairs softly but neither of her parents were in the living room.

She found them in the kitchen. Her mom looked confused and her dad was standing there, too; he was fuming so much so that his face was beat red. Something was sitting on the counter next to him but she wasn't sure what it was.

"Dad…?" she frowned, unsure why she as on the receiving end of his glare.

"You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do," he forced out, lips tight.

* * *

**Hmmmm...what could be on the counter. **

**Drama to come? likely.**

**Hope you enjoyed - let me know.**


	14. Found Out

**And HERE'S chapter 14! Hope you enjoy; let me know what you think when it's done. I left you with a cliffhanger...heehee. There was a close guess as to what her dad had on the table (and in hindsight ddn't accidentally set it up to make it seem like that MIGHt have been right haha) but no one got t QUITE right. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Found Out**  
Maybe we're too young,  
And I don't even know what's real.  
But I know I never  
Wanted anything so bad  
'**Adore' by Paramore  
_**

_"You've got a hell of a lot of explaining to do," her forced out, lips tight._

Natalie frowned at her dad; he was typically pretty stern, but he didn't normally talk to her like that, and this was honestly the angriest she could remember seeing him.

"What?…mom?" she appealed, looking for an explanation.

Her mom looked a little startled as well when they shared a look.

"Chris, before you get so angry maybe you should tell us what this is about. Maybe it's a misunderstanding…"

"Oh, I'll tell you what it's all about," her nodded angrily, snatching a manila envelope off of the counter and fishing something out. "I took it upon myself to do some investigating of my own after Detective Wallace's little visit, and hired a PI."

A private investigator? Natalie's heart sunk.

"What?" she sputtered, hoping he was joking.

"Now you know," he nodded. "Now you know how shocked and fucking **appalled** I was to have these delivered," he threw down a small stack of pictures, which splayed over the counter.

Natalie eyed the pictures with wide eyes, scanning all of these moments of her life that she hadn't even thought anyone of importance would ever witness. Really, part of her felt sick that she'd never even known someone was following her.

"What are these?...Natalie, who is this?" her mom asked, trying to catch up with what was going on around her.

Natalie couldn't even speak; she felt much more like throwing up.

"Tell her, Natalie," her dad barked.

"…that's Billy," she whispered.

"Billy who?" her dad prompted her to continue.

Natalie chewed on the inside of her cheek and fingered through a few pictures. There were a few pictures taken in sequence of her walking out of the Four Roses with Billy, him walking her to her car, and a few of them kissing before she got in to drive away. There were pictures of just Billy by his car, one of him talking to Bodie, a couple of her and Billy walking past the student union on campus.

She turned around to look away and pushed her hands back through her hair trying to think.

"…Natalie?" her mom waited.

She opened her mouth to speak but shut it again when nothing came out.

"It's Billy Darley, Jennifer," her dad finally killed the suspense.

Her mom frowned in confusion, thinking over the name, but comprehension finally seeped into her face and she looked shocked. She looked at the pictures with new eyes, then, slowly thumbing through every single one.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" her father demanded to know. "Do you?"

"It's not a big deal…"

His eyes bulged angrily.

"Not a big deal! Do you know who he is and wh-"

"Chris, when did you do this?" her mom interrupted, still wowed as she studied the part of Natalie's life she'd had no inkling of.

"As soon as I realized she was never really going to explain what the cops wanted and…"

Natalie zoned out of his quick, venomous explanation and plucked her phone from her pocket, fingers dancing on the buttons rapidly.

**Definitely not. My dad KNOWS and he's losing it. He had a PI.**

Mere seconds after Billy must've gotten the text, her phone was ringing.

"I can't talk right now," she breathed shakily into the speaker before hanging up immediately.

"Who was that?" her dad narrowed his eyes at her, looking away from her mom.

"Just Amber," she dismissed; she certainly couldn't tell him it was Billy.

"Now I want to know how the hell you think this is all _no big deal_. Billy Darley - really?"

"Dad…"

"No. Do you know Alex Matthew Harrison?"

"What?…no," she shook her head.

"Billy Darley was convicted of assault when he was 15 for beating the shit out of him. How about Parker Aarons?"

"…no"

"Billy was suspected in his murder, but the case is still open. Suspected in the murder of Travis Lawrence, too, but witnesses left town. There've been a lot of assault charges thrown his way, but a lot of people withdraw charges - I wonder why. Wanna see how many cases his name's come up in? I made a list," her dad flung a paper at her. "I'm sure there's more…"

"Stop," Natalie shook her head, ignoring the paper.

"Then explain it to me," her dad ordered, slamming his hand on the counter as he circled around the counter in front of her. "Because I can't fathom what the hell has gone through your head on this one…have you thought at all in the past couple, what, months?" he asked when she remained quiet.

"Dad, it's not what you think…"

"Oh? Cuz this…this, is what I think it is," he told her, finding a picture of her and Billy kissing to hold up for her to see. "Am I wrong?"

"No…"

"Who the hell are you?" her dad shook his head slowly. "Going to a party where you get stabbed…you hang out with murderers and gangbangers…"

"Natalie did this have anything to do with you getting attacked?" her mom asked, shocked.

"No…no, I didn't even know him then…"

"Well you certainly know him now, don't you," her dad shook his head in disgust.

Natalie ran her hands through her hair again nervously, overwhelmed by everything…all of the pictures and the meticulous evidence he had to back up his anger. Of course if anyone would layout an argument so clearly, it would be him.

"Dad…I…'

"Spit it out," he waved his hand for her to continue.

"I…I just really feel like I don't have to explain myself to you," she finally told him quietly, watching his eyebrows rise.

"No?"

"…no," she shook her head. "I mean, it's my life and my…relationship," she said this slowly, wondering if he was just going to combust he looked so pissed, "and it's my choice…"

"But you know who he is…and you know my job. How the hell do you think that looks? I paid this guy extra just in case to try and ensure he wouldn't go telling anyone about this…"

"This doesn't have anything to do with your job… …and you shouldn't have hired him in the first place," she added, addressing the disgusting invasion of her privacy.

"Excuse me?"

"That's my privacy and you had no right -"

"No right? You're my daughter. You live in **my** house, and I have no right to know what you're doing with your life?" he raised his voice.

"But you had someone stalk me; it's sick," she shook her head. "Geeze," she shook her head, glancing at all the candid pictures. "This is disgusting…how dare y-"

_Crack_.

Her dad's hand had flown through their air before she even realized it moved and he backhanded her across the cheek. She had to catch herself on the counter so she didn't stumble into one of the stools and her neck stung from the force of her head snapping to the side.

"Christopher!" her mom snapped, grabbing his arm to pull him back.

"Don't turn this on me, Natalie! You're the one being stupid…how much of your life are you throwing away, huh? You running drugs? Carrying guns? Huh?"

Natalie shook her head slowly, eyes welling with tears.

"…I'm glad you think so little of me."

She took a deep break and let her hand fall from her throbbing cheek before mustering the nerve to just walk away. She grabbed her purse from the living room and hurried to the front door.

"Natalie!" she heard her mother call after her and light feet were following behind her but she ignored it.

She also ignored that it was chilly and she hadn't grabbed a coat and just got in her car, flinging her purse into the passenger seat. She saw her mom standing in the open front doorway but she didn't care and turned her car on before throwing it in reverse and backing out. Some tears fell freely from her eyes but she didn't care and just let them.

She was maybe halfway to Billy's when she passed a speeding, loud black car. It took her a second but she comprehended it was Billy's car and she looked in the rearview to see if he'd noticed her car. She saw him start to pull a U-Turn but he had to swerve back into his lane when a truck pulled out in his way. At least she knew he'd seen her, so she pulled into a parking lot a few dozen yards away; she parked under a light so he'd hopefully see.

She sat there waiting and wiped furiously at her tears; she didn't want him to see that she was being stupid and crying. She was shaking, too, but that couldn't really be helped at the moment.

After maybe a minute or so she heard the rumbling of his car and looked over to the road in time to hear tires screech just as he started to pass by. He just reversed into the lot and into a wide turn to jerk to a stop right next to her car. She saw him get up out of his car and fumbled with her latch before she was able to shove her door open and slowly stand up.

"…I'd ask how it went, but I'm guessin' not well," he observed, taking her in.

"…no," she shook her head with a short sob, which she tried to hide behind her hand.

She thought over the abrupt conversation and everything her dad had said, everything he'd thrown in her face. Her hands shook as she wiped away her tears. Billy had never seen her truly cry, nothing more than a few silent tears or something, so he didn't know precisely what to say. He tugged her to him instead, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She caved into her emotions, then, and rested her head on his chest and let herself cry.

Her shoulders shook and Billy just stood there and held her, resting his chin on the top of her head. It bothered him that he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do here. Were her dad anyone else, he probably would've waltzed right in and told him Natalie was his now so he better just suck it up and get the fuck over it, but he'd already decided that he wasn't going to start a mess with Chris Shepherd if he could avoid it. He just didn't need that cluster-fuck, especially not right now.

When she cleared her throat and straightened up properly he cleared away a smudge of make-up with a light finger. He stared down at the area and slowly narrowed his eyes, grabbing her chin to tilt her face towards the street light. The area around both eyes was red from crying but this cheek was puffy and when he touched it she winced.

"Mother fucker…"

She averted her eyes quickly and dropped her head a little.

"So what the hell happened?" he questioned, catching the hem of her shirt and pulling it towards him since she tried to step away.

"He came home and he just had all these pictures…of you, of both of us together, and a couple of the guys were in some of them. And then he just yelled at me and asked me what I was thinking…"

"What made him hit you?"

"I was telling him he didn't have a right to have someone follow me, and he got pissed…" her voice wavered and she stopped with a shrugged. "I don't know what happened," she exhaled shakily, combing her fingers through her hair nervously.

Billy nodded slowly, jaw clenched tightly.

"I'm sorry," she announced.

"What for?"

"That he did that…it was your privacy too and he had someone following you," she explained herself.

"Don't apologize for shit you didn't do; blame your old man"

"…I can't believe he did this…I can't believe someone's been following us…"

The thought still creeped her out, knowing someone had been watching her.

"You're stayin' at my place," he declared, brushing past her to lean in her opened door and take her keys from the ignition. "I'll send one of the boys to get your car and we'll grab some shit from your place tomorrow."

She didn't argue and got into his car, scrubbing her hands over her face and taking a deep breath to try to calm down and get a grip of herself. It helped to be away from her dad, but her hands still shook and her lip quivered.

"You're gonna bite a hole in your lip," Billy sighed, reaching over to pull her lip from between her teeth with his thumb; she was only supposed to do that when she was trying not to scream his name.

She curled into the seat and tried to just calmly watch scenery flicker past the window outside. She slowly mellowed out and by the time they got to Billy's apartment her shaking was basically under control, save for her hands; it was just shock, she was sure, at the way her day had abruptly turned.

"You alright?" Billy asked once they were upstairs and he was shedding his coat, throwing it over the back of the couch.

He eyed her over, silently hoping she wasn't going to start crying again.

"Yes," she nodded, although she didn't look so sure.

"Cuz it's gonna be fine; hear me?"

Natalie nodded; him saying it aloud really did make her feel a little better. Her dad would get over it…..okay, maybe he wouldn't; she wasn't so sure. But even if he didn't, it's not like she had to go back; she was an adult after all. That thought didn't exactly settle her though, either.

"You're thinkin' too much; forget about it for tonight…ya want a drink?"

"No thanks"

He got one for himself then instead and led her to sit with him on the couch. Natalie curled up against him willingly but didn't focus on whatever show he'd settled for. She just sat there replaying the conversation - if you could call it that - with her dad. She thought about everything he'd said, about how he'd tried to make his point…about the list she hadn't wanted to look at.

"Still okay?" Billy checked, shaking her shoulder after a while.

"Mmhmm…just overwhelmed," she rested her head against him tiredly. "Still can't believe he did that…"

Billy wasn't sure if she was talking about him hitting her or him hiring a private investigator…or maybe both. Yeah, probably both. He supposed he understood; he'd long since stopped expecting anything of Bones, but he knew it wasn't the same for her and her family. She was calming down, though; and he realized he liked that's she'd come here to get a grip instead of him always going to her. He knew how much he needed to get away and be with her sometimes; he liked it if he was that for her, too.

Spink came over and Billy grabbed Natalie's keys, throwing them at him. Billy told him where here car was and told him to get one of the guys to drive him over and bring the car to Billy's building. Spink didn't ask questions and just did it and Billy and Natalie went to bed a few minute after he'd left.

When Natalie woke the next morning she was waking to an empty bed. She stretched and groaned when she thought over the previous night, and she rolled out of bed moodily. She could hear the shower running so she started in surprise when she saw someone on the couch.

"Sup girl?"

It was Tommy and she smiled, glad she had clothes on, and joined him on the couch.

"Billy told me 'bout last night…kindda twisted, right? Your old man havin' somebody follow you…"

She nodded uncomfortably.

"He pop you, too? Cuz Billy didn't say anything," Tommy frowned at her.

"Yeah…why?"

Tommy nodded at her and pointed his finger towards her face. Natalie frowned and got back up, letting herself into the bathroom.

"Tommy, what the fuck you want; ge - oh, hey; you're awake…"

Billy peeked his head around the curtain, not sounding so annoyed once he saw who it was. Natalie just nodded while looking in the mirror and traced the line of her cheek with a finger. Her cheek bone under her eye had a brownish yellow bruise covering it now.

"Yeah, I shouldda put some ice on that for ya last night…I didn't know he'd hit ya that hard…."

Natalie swallowed thickly and nodded; she hadn't realized either…or maybe she just hadn't wanted to think about it.

"You wanna hop in here?" he invited.

She smiled playfully but declined.

"Tommy's here"

"I'll kick him out," Billy shrugged.

"You don't have to. I'm hungry, I'm gonna find something to eat"

"Fine…when I get out we'll go to your place and get some stuff so you can lay low here a while…"

"You don't have to do that," Natalie didn't want to impose, pulling her tousled hair up into a ponytail.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes, pulling the curtain back into place.

She knew she was dismissed so she went back out and into the kitchen to scrounge up some breakfast; if he was going to let her stay then maybe she could buy him some actual food to keep around.

Billy didn't seem as concerned with eating and just grabbed her keys and ushered her out the door once he was done in the shower; she often got the impression he was accustomed to soldiering on though lack of necessities like food and sleep. She wasn't sure how he didn't get sick more often…she'd definitely be stocking the kitchen.

Billy drove her car over to her house as his car would look far too conspicuous pulling up to the house. He circled the block once before pulling up, just to ensure that her parents were gone - they were. Natalie wasn't that surprised; she'd silenced her phone because her mom kept calling the night before, so she hadn't expected anyone to wait around - they probably knew she wanted time.

"Alright, I'll be quick…you should get breakfast," she instructed, running off upstairs to pack up some things.

Natalie threw clothes into a duffle bag and packed-up the school supplies she'd need as well as whatever else she thought she'd need. She stopped in the bathroom and threw on make up as well, skillfully covering up the bruise on her cheek as much as she could.

Once back downstairs, she didn't see Billy anywhere. Not in the living room or kitchen, and she couldn't hear him in the house.

"Billy?"

She scanned the kitchen and saw down the hall that the door to her dad's study was open. She had the vague visual of Billy somehow messing it up but she walked in to simply see him standing behind the large mahogany desk, flipping through the pictures from the PI.

So he'd gone on a little scavenger hunt.

"Hey," he looked up when she walked in. "Your old man happen t' mention a name t' go with these photos?" he asked.

"No…why?"

"Just wonderin'," he shrugged, checking the back of each picture, too. "If I had a name, finding' the guy would be easier…"

"Finding?"

"Yeah…tell him t' leave us the fuck alone and get outta my side of the city."

Natalie would've told him to leave it alone but she knew it wouldn't work on this one. Somebody had been on his "turf," on **his** streets, messing with his life. He wouldn't just let that pass.

"What?" he frowned when she came to stand next to him and glance at the pictures awkwardly, too.

"…I just feel awkward with you seeing what he did. I feel bad."

Billy snorted.

"Don't worry - Bones has done worse. Plenty worse."

Natalie nodded but that didn't cheer her up; if anything it probably made her feel a little more sad. Billy caught the look and cursed under his breath for just making her feel worse, so he grabbed her in a kiss to make her forget about it. The kiss quickly became heated; Natalie wanted to put the previous night behind her and focus on something good just as much as Billy wanted to give her that something. He began groping her breasts and pulling at her shirt but she suddenly pulled back.

"Billy…we're in my dad's office," she breathed.

"Yeah, I know," he smirked; a rousing idea had been formulating in the last several minutes.

She looked skeptical but he kissed her again before she could say anything.

"Turn around," he whispered slowly in her ear, coaxing her with his hands on her shoulders.

He kissed her neck while he reached down to unbutton her jeans. She could feel his hardness pressed into the small of her back and when he pushed her pants and underwear down her thighs she shivered unconsciously. He straightened back up and stepped her forward to the back of her dad's office chair and carefully guided her to bend over it.

She heard him undoing his belt and zipper and couldn't quite think straight. There was something thrilling about the whole thing but was she really doing to do this? Right there at her dad's desk…

But then he was touching her and she couldn't really think, and he slid into her and she knew she wouldn't even dream of telling him they needed to stop. He tilted her hips up to accommodate his height and her toes left the floor, feet left to hang just above the ground. He started slowly for just a moment but was soon harder and faster, holding her hips in place.

Her breathing was labored but her gasps and moans were too soft for Billy's liking while they had the leisure of her entire house to themselves. He began to pull her hips to meet his, hitting into her harder, and she cried out in pleasure, panting as her heart continued to race. He grinned; her louder vocalizations seemed to be exactly what the moment called for, and he grunted in pleasure and her breathy moans caught for a second at each deep thrust.

When he knew she was close, Billy pulled away completely. He heard her whimper of frustration but quickly pulled her upright to stand on shaky legs once her feet met the floor again. He turned her around to face him again and Natalie looked up at him in confusion, hair a mess, breath uneven, and eyes hazed from pleasure - he knew she had to be aching for him back in her as much as he was.

He kissed her hard and fisted his hands in her hair and she fumbled to match the long step he took to get around the big office chair. He kicked away her jeans, growling in frustration when she laughed as his own foot got caught in them. He sat down in the leather chair heavily and pulled her into his lap. Her smile wasn't lost as he reentered her; they groaned simultaneously in satisfaction before kissing heatedly again.

Natalie recognized this was a great "stick it to the man" gesture towards her dad but maybe that's exactly what she needed - even though he'd likely never know - so she let herself get lost in it.

The notion that they were doing this right there in Chris Shepherd's home office, the figurative throne of the Shepherd castle, wasn't lost on Billy either.

_'Whose fuckin' throne now?'_ Billy vaguely thought to himself.

There he was, where Christopher was always king, and he was deep inside Shepherd's daughter. The good judge thought he was going to lay down the law and tell Natalie what she could do…tried taking her from him, but guess who was taking her right now, right there in Chris Shepherd's room.

Billy tightened his hands on Natalie's waist and pulled her down harder, trying to push her over the edge when he felt her tightening, moaning his name. He watched her lose it in his arms and continued, eyes locked on her face, memorizing it and concentrating on the feel of her around him, of her hands grabbing at his shoulders and arms.

Chris-fucking-Shepherd thought he could touch what was **his** …Billy cupped Natalie's bruised cheek and pulled her face to his. Billy Darley didn't fucking things so, and he was staking a final claim taking her right there where her dad sat everyday…probably where he'd sat when he hired a private investigator…

_'See how well that worked out for ya, fucker?'_Billy thought to himself.

Natalie had chosen him.

Not daddy-dearest - **him**. Billy fucking Darley.

She'd chosen to stay and that was his last coherent thought before a deep groan ripped from his throat and he pulled Natalie down over him a last time.

After they stayed sitting there with each other for a while, Natalie went off upstairs to straighten herself up, and after consideration she grabbed one of her own pillows to bring.

Billy lingered in the office and, deciding he actually hoped Christopher noticed and wondered, he took a picture. It was of Natalie and himself standing next to his car, arms around each other and faces almost touching. It left no doubt what they were just about do to, and there was something about it that hit him …maybe their unguarded faces…the intimacy…he didn't fucking know. The picture was good quality, he noted; zoomed nicely and the black and white was clear, not grainy…too bad he was going to find the mother fucker and break his camera…maybe break more than that.

He grinned and tucked the picture into a coat pocket when he head Natalie coming.

"…ready?" she asked.

"Yeah…you alright?"

She smiled brightly and nodded. She certainly did seem much brighter so he silently congratulated himself for that. He'd also been asking to make sure he hadn't really hurt her; though he was sure he hadn't, she'd said something about being sore but clearly it was the good kind of sore…so he mentally congratulated himself for that too on the way out of the room.

"You didn't eat," Natalie sighed when they got out into the kitchen and she didn't see dishes anywhere for her to clean.

He didn't seem to care but he was hungry…he didn't want to stick around there, though.

"I know you already ate but it was just cereal; I'll take ya out to breakfast," he decided, grabbing a bag off the floor for her.

She was pleased with this idea so she grabbed her school things and followed after him to her car. She didn't feel bad about leaving her house behind for a while; she knew she'd go back and she'd have to face the music and probably discuss Billy with them sooner or later, but she was content to put it off for now. Hopefully the time would calm everyone down.

They drove quietly, each comfortable in the silence as each was caught in their own thoughts.

Natalie turned her head where she sat and watched Billy, just looked at him. Even though she knew there was some logic to what her dad said and that this could all be a mistake…any relationship could be a mistake. It felt good now, it felt right, so she was sticking with it. She knew being with _Billy Darley_ wasn't the smartest choice in many ways, but she felt confident in it.

There was something about him…about who he was and more importantly how he was. He made her nervous but confident at the same time because **he** was so unbelievably confident. Because he was that way he demanded a certain kind of respect, but she knew that anything went with him…nearly everything was fair game. Maybe he wouldn't tolerate her treating him a certain way, but they could **do **anything and **be** anything…and it was opening her up in a lot of different ways - not just sexually, as the guys liked to tease.

It was scary sometimes, sure, but it was also enticing. It a way she'd never have expected, he knew how to live.

He tempted her with life itself.

"What?" he grunted when they sat down at a local diner and she kept looking at him even as he slid into the booth next to her. "I got somethin' on my face?"

"Nothing that shouldn't be there"

He raised an expectant eyebrow at her then, waiting, but she just shook her head and smiled.

"Thanks…"

"For what?' he questioned, still looking at her as he fished out his lighter.

"Everything," her shoulders twitched in a small shrug.

He frowned and puffed his cigarette to life. He turned his head to blow the smoke the other way, which she appreciated even though she'd gotten used to his smoking; she hardly had anything other choice because he smoked more when he was agitated and the past couple weeks had been agitating to say the very least.

"Everything what?" he continued to interrogate.

"Nothing," she laughed, stretching up to kiss him softly.

A warmth filled her a little as she considered their relationship and how much better it was than she could've imagined. There were downs sure, some quite low and frustrating, but there were ups, too. Time when she felt perfectly happy, and she was always content with the relationship…even when he made her want to cry. She felt safe with him, which she recognized was curiously contradictory to everything he was, and free…

The word love floated in her mind, as it had a couple times before, but she couldn't say it. Maybe it was too soon, maybe she thought it was scare him….maybe **she** was scared to admit she loved him, even to herself.

* * *

**And that's that =)**

**Shoot me a review and enjoy your holiday weekend! =D**


	15. A Couple Little Surprises

**Okay, first of all i just want to say that i'm sorry this took so long to get up. I was on vacation and then got back home only to promptly get sick. So I've just been sleeping a lot lately and haven't thought about updating on here. **

**But now here it is: the 15th chapter. Enjoy and review. =)**

* * *

_**A Couple Little Surprises**  
I had to find you,  
__Tell you I need you,  
__Tell you a set you apart.  
__**The Scientist' by Coldplay  
_**_

"Your mom?" Billy asked from the refrigerator when Natalie's phone vibrated and she promptly clicked the button to ignore it.

"Yeah," Natalie nodded before continuing to type away on her laptop.

She was sitting at the high table in the kitchen with her computer out and some books set out on the tabletop around her.

It had been a few days since Natalie had come to stay at his place and her mom called a couple times each day but Natalie didn't answer. She'd listened to the voicemails her mom left the first few times, so she knew her mom wanted to at least meet her for lunch or something just to see if she was okay. That sounded all well and good but Natalie knew her mom would probably be able to convince her to come back home, and she didn't feel ready to do that yet.

Billy wasn't trying to push her to talk to her mom and hadn't put a time limit on how long she could stay with him, but he knew it bugged her to not talk to her mom. He didn't know what it was like to be close to a parent, so he didn't really know what to say; he'd grown accustomed to a completely dysfunctional family dynamic so he wasn't sure what to say about more normal family spats.

"Alright?" he murmured, cocking his head at her.

"Yeah, she'll be there when I'm ready to talk to her. It's okay," she decided.

"Okay…ready for that study break?" he grinned.

"What study break?"

"The one you're about t' take"

He was eyeing her in a hot way, circling around the table.

"Billy, I'm trying to work…I have to go to Julia's later…"

"Then c'mon with me now; you can study with Logan…" he told her, twisting her chair around.

"Billy…."

"…I've been patient," he whispered against her skin, pushing his hands up from her knees to her thighs.

He had. He'd been pretty great while she had to do studying there at his place; granted, he wasn't around all the time when she was there because he had work to take care of. Still he'd been good about letting her get stuff done, and had even snapped at Baggy and Tommy when they came over to catch part of a hockey game and started pestering her instead, flipping through her books and distracting her with sarcastic questions. Now they, too, let her study mostly in peace if they came over and she was working; she had a research paper due Friday, so she appreciated it.

"You have," she agreed with a smile.

"So c'mon…don't I make it worth your while?" he enticed with a smirk, sliding his hands under her to pick her up off the stool.

She just kissed him; her chance to really protest was over and it wasn't as if she'd wholeheartedly wanted to anyway. He tossed her onto the bed before crawling on top of her. They made quick work of all their clothes and then Billy proceeded to tease her relentlessly, touching her everywhere but where she really wanted him.

"Billy," she practically whimpered, her heart racing.

She wanted to reach up and pull his face down to hers, but he had her hands pinned to either side of her head, fingers laced between hers, and he wasn't letting go. That was all fun and hot, but it would be more so if he'd just get on with it. He'd gotten her worked up only to leave her hanging. She couldn't touch him or urge him on; she knew he was more than ready, too, so she just wanted him to **do** it already.

"Tell me you want it," he whispered in her ear.

"You know I do," she insisted breathily.

"Hmmm," he sucked on her neck and she groaned.

"Billy, please…" she whispered, tugging her hands in his and tilting her hips towards his to try to feel more of him than he was allowing.

He chuckled and lifted his hips; she relaxed again with a frustrated sigh.

She knew he loved the control, and she was happy to give it to him. He longed to be in control whenever possible, and in bed she'd gotten to the point where she didn't even think twice before letting him have it. He liked seeing her becoming more confident and willing to initiate things with him, but she was starting to get the feeling that one of the reasons he liked it most was because it gave him more to dominate in the end.

She didn't care, she was happy to have him lead…except for right now. She could admit that it was hot, the anticipation building, but her body wanted him now.

"Please what?" he asked lowly.

"You _know_ what," she breathed. "…shit, I want you so much it hurts," she breathed, the ache in her swelling as he settled himself properly between her legs.

A sort of growl emanated from Billy's throat, and in a different situation Natalie would've blushed at such a bold confession but she couldn't help it. Her legs were shaking and feeling Billy's bare skin against hers while he ducked to suck on her throat sent a shiver down her spine.

"No one else sees you like this…or feels you like this," he murmured, biting her soft skin.

She shook her head quickly to assure him this was true and pleaded with her eyes for him to continue when he propped himself up again.

"I don't even want anybody else. You know that's never fuckin' happened before…"

She nodded and didn't move even when he freed one of her hands to trace her lips. She didn't want to distract him from whatever he was saying; he seemed to have adopted a more serious demeanor about their relationship since she'd come to stay with him. Maybe her staying there hit it home for him again that they were for real... she didn't know.

"You're mine," he told her quietly, brushing his thumb over her bottom lip before sliding his hand around to the back of her neck.

"Of course I am," she confirmed, wrapping her free arm around his neck to meet him in a kiss just as he entered her in one strong movement.

Maybe he'd intended to play that out a little longer... he wasn't sure and he didn't care. He couldn't stop himself after that, thinking about her as his and only his and having her confirm it. He hadn't said it back, wasn't sure if he'd have been able to actually vocalize it, but part of him recognized that if he accepted her as his then he was essentially hers, too. She had him, even if he didn't like to think about it, and he was sure she knew it. She had him in a way he'd never allowed before.

Natalie knew they wouldn't talk about those words again, not really. They'd been saying some passionate things lately, especially there in the privacy of his room in the perceived safety of the sheets they curled up in, and though they were serious about them they didn't discuss their conversations casually later while moseying around the apartment. For all of his confidences, Billy just wasn't comfortable talking about deep or private issues very often; at least the bedroom consistently provided a physical intimacy to coincide with the emotional intimacy, to mask it a little.

Billy slowly rolled onto his back once Natalie lowered her legs from around him, sighing deeply.

"I was thinking about what you said," Natalie began after they'd been there laying for a while. "I mean about how you've been patient while I'm working," she clarified when he arranged his face into an impassive look. "And you really have…so I just wanted to say thanks."

"Eh, you'd just get cranky if ya didn't get shit done," he shrugged. "Or you'd hide away in that library and I'd never see ya."

"Fair enough," she laughed. "But it's been really nice to know I can be here and still do what I have to do…low stress."

He rolled his head over to look at her and the corner of his mouth twitched into a sort of smile before he nodded.

"Ugh, now I don't want to go work on my paper," she groaned, rolling over to hide her face in his side.

"Sounds like you have to," he chuckled, rubbing her bare back lightly.

"Shut up"

She nipped his side without warning, causing him to jerk away slightly in surprise and she laughed as she rolled out of bed.

"Just keep laughin' while you're workin'…I'll be in here resting," he rubbed it in, tucking his hands behind his head comfortably, watching her get dressed.

"You **could** get up and come to watch Logan with me later while Julia runs errands …." Natalie suggested, buttoning her jeans.

"I doubt she'd like that," Billy snorted; they'd come face to face once and he knew he'd made her really nervous, and even if she was trying to be supportive of Natalie he was pretty certain she didn't approve.

"Logan would"

"Cuz I live to please him," Billy scoffed, rolling his eyes sarcastically.

"Aw, he just doesn't have a lot of men in his life," Natalie chuckled, defending his idolization of Billy before picking up her shirt and pulling it over her head on the way out.

Billy watched her go and groaned once she slipped away out of site, rolling over to grab her pillow and bury his face in it. It smelled like her and he used it whenever he crashed and she wasn't around. He only stayed in bed for a short while though before hauling himself up and retrieving his clothes to walk out in his jeans and a white beater.

"You look sexy when you're working all hard and getting all frustrated," Billy announced to her, leaning on the table.

She looked up and smiled, shaking her head a little before looking back to her book and flipping around for the page she wanted.

"I'm serious," Billy repeated before looking for something to eat; true to her initial intensions, Natalie had gone and gotten some groceries with Paige's help to stock up the place on edible food.

"Well thanks"

Billy eventually found something and ate at the table with the newspaper out, scanning headlines for anything interesting or anything that seemed like he should know. He cast a few glances at Natalie.

He'd meant it; it was a kind of sexy when she got all business-like and serious to get her work done. He had decided he didn't mind that she was in school, technically making her smarter than him. He was well aware that there were different kinds of smart.

Natalie was off to Julia's about an hour later to watch Logan while Julia ran some errands that she didn't want to have to make Logan tag-along to. She was there the next afternoon after her classes, too, but that was just because she wanted to visit with Julia for a while.

"…well, I know why you're really here," Julie sighed after a little while and Logan had scurried off because the excitement over Natalie's arrival had worn off.

"Hmm?"

"I bought them this morning," Julie announced, grabbing a bag from the cupboard.

She pulled out a small box and Natalie recognized immediately that it was a pregnancy test. She just stared at it for a second, blinking rapidly.

"You told me a on the phone you were late, and I figured you'd need a nudge in the right direction to actually get tested. I know I was nervous when I was pregnant with Logan; I waited weeks before I finally drug myself to the store. I think initial denial is normal because it's overwhelming unless you were specifically trying" Julie explained understandingly.

Natalie **had** been in denial for the day or two, completely ignoring the fact that her period was a day late…then two, and then three. She'd done a pretty good job of acting as though it just wasn't happening…

"But Jules, I got it already and it's done….I told you about that almost two weeks ago," Natalie chuckled.

"Oh my gosh! Jeeze, I've been worrying for you for that long; why didn't you tell me!" Julia exclaimed, tossing the box away.

"I guess I forgot I told you…I was just so relieved myself that I didn't think about much else. I'm so sorry; you should've said something."

"Ugh…well there's a weight off my shoulders; shit"

"Bad word!" Logan giggled, overhearing from the next room.

"Sorry bud!" Julie shouted out to him. "I can't believe this whole time I thought you might be…well, knocked up by Billy Darley," she grinned to put it bluntly.

"Yeah I was freaking out too there for a while…" Natalie smiled weakly; it hadn't been funny at the time when she actually sat and thought about it and didn't actively push it aside.

"…you do use protection, right?" Julie sighed, resting her hip on the kitchen counter since Natalie had settled herself there to eat a late lunch.

"Yeah; I'm on the pill and we use condoms … …mostly"

"Mostly? That means….?"

"We do most of the time…I mean almost always," Natalie cringed.

"Ahh, oh-no," Julie laughed, though it wasn't with humor. "What were you thinking, Nat, c'mon…" she groaned.

"I just…I mean there's been a few times when we just…didn't…"

Natalie could think of two or three times they got so caught up in a passionate moment that they didn't stop to care about whether or not they had condoms.

"So there was a **really** real possibility you were pregnant, Nat….wow…"

Natalie sighed and tapped her fork on her plate in an unsettled way; she didn't really want to talk about it because she'd never taken the time to think of what she'd have done if she had indeed been pregnant. How would she have told Billy? What would they have done? She didn't want an abortion, but what if he hadn't wanted it? What would she have done then? Even if he had been prepared to keep it, how would they have gone about that….?

"Yeah…whoa," Natalie nodded in agreement.

"Did you tell Billy about it at all?'

"No," Natalie shook her head quickly.

They sat there silently for a little while and the only sound was of Logan playing in the room over, prattling on with his toys with whatever imaginary game he was playing.

"…what do you think Connor would think?" Natalie asked, eyes on her half-eaten lunch in front of her.

"Of Billy?…he'd probably go out to find him and kick his ass," Julia laughed at the visual.

It was almost absurd to think of someone purposefully picking a fight with Billy, but Natalie knew she was right. Connor had never been scared of anything and he'd always been fiercely protective, especially when it came to Natalie and guys.

"But, Nat, he'd do that with any guy…you know that," Julia reminded her.

"But what would he think of **Billy**…of me being with him…"

"Well….you're happy aren't you?" Julie asked after a moment; she didn't understand the pair but she was trying.

"Yeah…"

"And he protects you?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, then what more could Connor really have wanted for you in the long run?" Julie shrugged.

She knew this wasn't completely true. She knew Connor would have a hell of a lot to say; he'd curse up a storm at the very least and he'd rave about it any chance he got. She knew Natalie knew it, too.

"He'd hate it," Natalie slumped in her chair.

"…he'd hate you with anyone less than a safe trust-fund boy," Julie rolled her eyes. "And he'd be a hypocrite because that's not what he was. We both know that."

"Yeah…"

"Nat, what's wrong?"

"…I don't know; I'm just feeling overwhelmed sometimes…like, conflicted. I don't like what's up with my parents but I can't do what I know they want; I lo- things are great with Billy and I'm not going to just walk away because they want me to…"

"Have you talked to your mom?" Julia checked again, letting her head tilt sympathetically.

"…no."

"Well just call her, Natalie," Julia pushed her. "You can always hang up if you don't like what she has to say, but I think you will. She just wants to know that you're okay; I think you might be building it up worse than it is."

"Oh, I think it's plenty bad…"

"With your dad, sure, but your mom is more reasonable…ya know, like always"

They both chuckled a little at that.

"I guess you're probably right…."

Natalie hung around for a few hours before heading back to the apartment and when she got to her car she dialed her mom, though her fingers were hesitant. Her mom had answered immediately and Natalie could just picture her snatching it up as soon as she'd read the caller ID.

_"Are you okay?…I've been so worried," _her mother sighed into the receiver once they'd greeted each other.

"Yeah, of course I'm okay; it's not like I'm living on the streets. Geeze," Natalie tried to laugh to lighten things up.

"_…are you staying with him, then? This Billy? Julia said you weren't living with her, but I told your dad maybe you were staying with Paige…"_

"I'm staying somewhere, mom; I don't want to talk about it," Natalie decided; the last thing she wanted was her dad to show up or something.

_"Natalie, you can tell me…"_

"Mom…"

_"Okay, okay, never mind," _her mom backtracked quickly. _"I just want to talk to you…it's been days…"_

"I know," Natalie sighed, pulling out onto the street. "I just needed time to calm down after the other night; I think we all did. And I didn't want to meet you to eat because I don't want you to talk me into coming back, not yet."

_"…you don't want to come back?"_

"Not right now. Everyone's too emotional about it and I honestly don't see us agreeing…"

_"You really can't be surprised; obviously you expected it or you wouldn't have hidden it_"

"That doesn't mean I'm wrong," Natalie defied.

_"…not necessarily, but are you sure you're right? Natalie, you know who he is…"_

"Yeah, I do; do you? I'm pretty sure I was taught not to judge people that I didn't know," Natalie reasoned sarcastically.

_"I think this is a little different, don't you?_"

"It's not like I meant for this to happen, I didn't plan it…sorry it doesn't fit in with whatever white-collar dreams you had…"

_"That has nothing to do with it…I'm scared for you. This man is dangerous, that's just plain as day…._"

"Mom, don't…"

_"I just want to understand, Natalie. I know you're not stupid, so I know you have to have reasons…"_

"… …I just can't help the way I feel," Natalie answered slowly, navigating traffic. "I just…I can't explain to you. You're not going to understand anyway - not just you," she added to be nice.

_"…so you're safe?" _her mom asked, voice cracking.

"Yes, of course," Natalie promised, hoping she sounded reassuring.

_"Because all I can think about is who he is and the things he's done…say he is whoever you want, Natalie, but his record speaks for itself…I've been so worried…"_

"I'm sorry I haven't picked up your calls…"

_"Well I'm glad you called today…I'll tell your dad you called"_

Natalie was silent, then; she was pretty sure she didn't want to talk about her dad.

_"Natalie, are you there?"_

"Yeah, sorry; I was just driving," she half-fibbed.

_"Okay….you know, he's been worried about you, too"_

"I figured…"

_"He's sorry for overreacting"_

"Did he say that?" Natalie frowned at the car in front of her, as if this was its fault.

"_…not in so many words but you know he is… … …. are you still there?"_

"Mmmhmm"

_"You do know he's sorry for hitting you, don't you?"_

Natalie shrugged but then remembered her mom couldn't see that.

"I don't know what I think right now…"

_"Oh, honey, if that's why you're not coming back…"_

"It's not like I think he's going to hit me again, really, I just don't want to fight about it. That's not the only thing he did wrong, mom; he invaded my privacy and it's weird. In fact, I'm not all that convinced there's still not some guy following me for him. Dad didn't have any right to do that; I meant that when I said it."

Never before had Natalie lectured one of her parents. Either this situation had just pushed her a little too far or Billy's confidence, and perhaps bossiness, was rubbing off on her.

_"He was only worried," _her mom tried to defend him, wanting to present a solid parental front.

"That's now how you worry about someone; he never tried to talk to me again after that day Detective Wallace came…"

_"Would you honestly have told him anything? Honestly, when I think about everything you've kept from us…I can't believe you think what you're doing is right. Why would you hide it if it was?"_

"Just because you don't understand doesn't make it wrong; you're approval doesn't always dictate what's right or not," Natalie told her, frustrated. "I really don't want to have this argument with you; how can you be surprised I don't want to come home?"

"_This conversation has to happen eventually, doesn't it?"_

Natalie just sighed; she knew that was true. She'd known it would have to come sooner or later; probably had from the very beginning of everything with Billy. At first there had been the chance it would fizzle out and wouldn't be anything, but once it only kept escalating…she knew something would come of it with her parents eventually.

"I know that….it's just that I also know we'll never agree," Natalie pointed out, raising a hand to wave at Billy and Bodie, who were outside the apartment talking; the heavy conversation had lasted the whole ride back.

"_We care about you; we only want to make sure you're doing what's best for yourself. I know you're young and can have as many menial flings as you want but you have to be smart about it…"_

"Menial fling….great…."

_"Well is it more than that?…do you __**love**__ this guy, Natalie…"_

"….I don't know," Natalie said quietly, watching as Billy and Bodie rounded the corner of the apartment to see what was taking her so long. "Look, I kind of have to get going…"

_"Please don't," _her mom sighed. "_I know this hasn't been the best talk, but I want to try to understand._

"I know you do," Natalie nodded to no one again; her mom always tried to understand and be empathetic but apparently this was one situation where it wasn't really working.

_"I want to see you…" _her mom told her again.

Natalie bit her lip. It wasn't that she didn't want to see her mom - they'd always been close - but she didn't want to argue face to face. She didn't want to see her mom fretting over her or see disappointment in her eyes when Billy came up because of course he inevitably would.

"I don't know," Natalie repeated herself again softly, eyes watering as she watched Billy approach the car.

"_Why not? Natalie, you know I love you … ..if you don't want me to ask you to come home, then I won't. Well…okay, I'll try my very best not to push that subject, I promise," _she edited, since she wasn't positive she wouldn't mention it because she **did** want Natalie back at the house.

Natalie sniffed and wiped at her eyes quickly when Billy was getting close enough that he'd see she was tearing up .

"_Are you crying?…honey, what's wrong?_"

"…I just know you're disappointed in me and…I don't know. I really wish I knew how to make you understand…"

She turned away when Billy ducked to peak through the window to see just what she was doing, but when she heard him grab the door handle, she knew he'd realized she was crying…or going to cry…she wasn't sure if she was going to or not.

_"Oh, sweetie…I'm worried about you and confused and concerned….I don't know if I'm disappointed. Sad that you had to lie to us, but…it doesn't matter. I still love you; I just want to see that you're okay, to know you're okay and spend some time with you…_"

"Who the hell's that? What's wrong?" Billy scowled, squatting down in the now-open doorway; he reached for the phone to see the ID.

"Stop, it's my mom," Natalie hissed, swatting his hand away.

He nodded slowly in understanding but didn't leave, just stayed there where he was to watch what happened.

_"…was that him?" _her mom asked, having heard a male's voice.

"Yes…"

Jennifer contemplated that, mildly-impressed that the first words she'd heard from this drug-dealing, gun-toting delinquent were words of concern for her daughter. Still, that didn't skew the facts.

_"So you have to go…"_

"I probably should, yeah….I have to finally finish a paper and stuff; if I send it to you will you read through it for little mistakes or something?" Natalie asked, offering a lifeline or normalcy, since she often had one of her parents skim through her papers for little errors.

"_Of course_," Jennifer accepted. _"Am I going to see you soon?_"

"….umm, I don't know. I'll call you tomorrow or this weekend, though."

"_Alright….I love you"_

"I love you too… ….tell dad I said hi, I guess," she added, as not to completely leave him out.

_"He loves you"_

"I know"

Surely, though, he put his job first sometimes; still, that wasn't a conversation they had to have then…or ever.

_"Bye"_

Natalie hung up and turned to Billy with a small shrug and a small smile.

"How'd that go?" he raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Well, it went," she answered simply. "No, it was okay…she's just worried."

She took a deep breath to calm herself because, really, it could've gone a whole lot worse.

"She afraid I'm gonna eat her only daughter for breakfast," he smirked.

"Kind of, yeah," Natalie told him honestly, twisting to grab her bag from the other seat.

Billy found amusement in that but knew he shouldn't outright laugh about it in her face, so he just straightened up and stepped aside to let her get out.

"You're okay then?"

"Yeah it went better than I was afraid it would…"

"Going to meet up with her?"

"I don't know…maybe next week"

Billy nodded; he was alright with that. When they met up with Bodie the conversation was over and they talked for a few minutes before he took off to his own place.

"You have to finish that damn paper right now?"

"Sometime this evening; it won't take long…"

"So that's a no on the 'right now' part," Billy grinned happily, grabbing her around the waist and falling onto the couch with her.

After some time, Natalie's shirt was off and Billy was going for her pants next.

"Wait," she grabbed his hands. "Umm…aren't we out of condoms?" she asked hesitantly.

"….yeah," he nodded after he thought about it. "I'll get some later, who cares?" he shrugged, getting back to work.

Natalie cringed and grabbed his hands again to push them away from her jeans zipper.

"What the hell? We've done it before and it ain't like your pregnant," he groaned.

He must've seen some kind of look pass across her face that caught his attention because he straightened immediately.

"…it ain't like you're pregnant," he repeated.

"No, no, definitely not," Natalie responded appropriately this time. "But I maybe sort of had a little scare, so…condoms are good."

"Maybe sortta?" Billy repeated with a frown. "Aren't you on the damn pill?" he asked, flustered.

"Yeah, but I was late…."

"Ya didn't fuckin' tell me that…"

"I didn't want to scare you if I didn't know…look, I'm not pregnant, I promise. But today I got the "what the hell, use protection" lecture from Julia and now it's in my head and I'm nervous," Natalie explained, twisting to get off his lap since the mood was clearly ruined.

"….so why the hell were you late?"

"I don't know," Natalie scoffed, turning her hands up in innocence because she definitely hadn't planned it that way.

Billy shook his head and calmed his heart, which had skipped a beat when he saw the look of awkwardness pass across Natalie's face at the first mention of pregnancy. He was pretty sure he couldn't handle that shit right now. For a moment he harbored the vague thought that Natalie would probably be a good mother, but he imediately dismissed the mental vision; she wasn't pregnant so there was no reason to think about what they would've had to face if she was.

He found it easier to change his focus when she got down on her knees between his legs and slowly took care of him, no condom needed.

"Uh-uh, don't start that shit yet," Billy scolded a short time after she'd finished and they were both getting back to shit around the apartment; he saw her going for her school work and grabbed his keys, pointing to the door.

"We're leaving?"

"Getting condoms; that stopping halfway into it shit ain't happening again- I wanna be able to do whatever I want with you whenever I want. C'mon, get moving; I'll get ya dinner while we're out"

Successfully bribed, Natalie grabbed her coat and followed him down the stairs. She felt confident she'd have time to get back and finish and still e-mail her mom a copy before it was even late.

"Hey, Billy. Hey man…"

They got out of the building to the sidewalk and were stopped when Billy heard his name and turned around. Natalie turned, too, to find a young man holding up a hand to have Billy wait up as he jogged over. The man was older than her…maybe a year or two older than Billy, even, but there was no way he could even be thirty yet, and what surprised her most was that he was dressed in a nice clean suite with perfectly kempt hair - he didn't look like he belonged.

"The fuck are you doin' here?" Billy narrowed his eyes.

"I just need something, man; you know"

"Well what're you doin' **here**? Get the fuck over to Heco and get whatever you need," Billy spat.

"Aw, come on; you know I don't like that guy," the dark haired man shook his head in an annoyed way.

"Yeah, well, that's who ya get t'day - you'll fuckin' survive. C'mon," he nodded to Natalie to keep going.

"What the hell, you're gonna turn your back on a paying customer? You're gonna make me go elsewhere?"

Billy scowled and whipped around, covering the feet between him and the man easily before slamming him against the brick of the building.

"The fuck did you just say to me?"

"I'm just saying, if you're turning me away -" he shrugged.

"I'm not turning your ass away, I'm telling you to go to Heco. If you're needin' something and it ain't our regular time, you fuckin' call me ahead of time or you go to who I tell you. You **don't** show up when I'm in the middle of somethin' else and think ya run the fuckin' show. You hear me?"

"Right…who's the girl?" the man nodded at Natalie, who was standing there watching the altercation in surprise.

"She's none of your damned business, that's what she is," Billy growled, tightening his fist around the collar of the man's shirt. "Now take your ass over to see Heco or wait; I don't wanna see you 'round here again without a call first. Got that?"

"Sure, Billy; I didn't mean to piss you off. Just calm down."

Billy glared at him a moment longer before shoving him away and watched him straighten his suit jacket before sauntering back to his car. He shook his head at the other man's stupidity before rejoining Natalie to lead her to his car.

"Who was that?"

"Nobody"

"Well what'd he want?"

"What do ya think he wanted?"

"….drugs?"

"You sound surprised," Billy sneered. "What, you think the only addicts are junkies on the streets or livin' on my side of town?"

"Well, no…but I guess I am surprised," she admitted.

"Yeah, you'd really be surprised if you knew how many suits have illegal shit, either using or helping peddle it around to their office buddies," Billy chuckled at her naivety.

"Hmmm," Natalie took that in thoughtfully, looking over her shoulder to find that the man had yet to get in his car; he was standing at the door watching them go.

* * *

**Hope you liked. Shoot me a review to let me know =) Have a nice weekend**


	16. Their Warning

**Hey so sorry it's been so long =( truly i am, because i enjoy this story so I like to put up the up-dates. Between getting over being sick and working all week, I've been doing a lot of sleeping. **

**But anyway, here's chapter 16 and I'll try not to let it be so long between updates again. It should be.**

**Thanks for all the reviews; I'm glad you continue to enjoy and I appreciate the feedback**

* * *

Are you sane? Where's the shame?  
A moment of times passes by,  
You cannot rewind.  
Who's to blame and where did it start?  
'**World So Cold' by 12  
_**

Natalie was finally free to relax. She'd turned in her big paper and gotten her two tests out of the way already this week, and had no pressing work to do soon, which felt really good.

She was at the Four Roses and finally drinking since ditching her house .She'd had too much going on to do this whole week to be able to really be free to do whatever she wanted, but now she could do whatever she pleased.

"Shall we get another shot?" Paige offered Natalie her arm after they failed to beat Tommy and Bodie at a game of darts.

"We shall," Natalie snickered, linking arms with her friend to go up to the bar for a drink.

"You ladies look nice tonight," Sammy smiled across the bar to them, filling glasses for them as per their request.

"Thanks," Paige smiled. "Had to let loose, so we dressed up for a night on the town."

"And ended up here," Sammy laughed; he loved his bar but he knew it wasn't a ritzy place where college girls like them usually went.

"Funny how that happens, huh," Natalie laughed before they took their drinks.

She appreciated the compliment, though; they both did. Paige had had a hectic school week, too, with a few tests so they'd decided to actually dress up to have fun and unwind. She wore a short blue dress with some beading on the front and thick straps that went around her neck and crossed over her back.

"How much have you had?" Billy asked her when she found him at a pool table and wrapped an arm right around him, helping herself to some of his beer before setting it back on the corner of the table.

"Yea, where's our coy little butterfly tonight, huh?" Baggy teased from the other side of the table where he now had his arm slung around Paige.

She knew Paige and _ had broken up but she had yet to decide if she and Baggy were doing anything; Natalie was waiting to ask until she had more of an idea so Paige couldn't lie to her about it.

Natalie flipped Baggy the bird and Billy just laughed, ducking to kiss her. She slid a hand up his arm squeezing his upper arm gently.

"Hold that thought; I gotta win his money real quick," he quipped as he straightened up.

Tommy provided both girls with another beer while they loitered around to watch Billy and Baggy finish their game; Billy collected on the bet in the end.

"I almost feel bad for him," Billy chuckled, coming back over to Natalie, who smiled and slipped her arms around him to sway to the music that was playing somewhere.

Billy just grinned and watched her; he knew she was finally blowing off steam from the whole week so he was content to let her be and do whatever she wanted; if that meant she was getting drunk, then he didn't care.

"So how much **have** you had? Am I gonna feel like I'm takin' advantage of you tonight," he asked.

"No," she rolled her eyes, tugging on his necklace to pull him down into a kiss. "And this isn't how you dance," she pouted, disappointed her efforts to move to the song were futile.

"I don't dance…ya wanna stick around or get outta here?" he asked after checking his watch.

"….we can go," she decided.

"That's what I like to hear," he smirked

He took her hand and accommodated her wishes by twirling her "gentlemanly", landing his arm around her shoulders nicely to walk her back to the booth to grab their coats. She smiled brightly in surprise and snatched her coat readily.

"Hey, it's been a fun night; call me tomorrow, okay?" Paige checked, waggling her eyebrows at her friend.

"Right…get her home safe," Natalie ordered Baggy.

"Yes ma'am," he winked, saluting her with his beer.

"Coat?" Billy asked, grabbing the door.

"I'll put in on in a minute or two; I'm warm"

"I wonder why," he questioned sarcastically.

Natalie shivered when the cold air hit her skin but really it felt nice so she continued to walk without her coat for a while. She slipped her hand into his and tugged him closer to kiss her, which he immediately did, coming to a short stop there on the sidewalk.

"Hey…isn't that -" Natalie began when they parted.

"Billy!"

"What the fuck?" Billy spat, recognizing the voice before he even turned fully around. "What the hell did I tell you, huh?"

It was the man in the suit who'd stupidly stopped at Billy's apartment the previous evening.

"Thought I'd find you over here tonight," he nodded, slapping the side of his sleek black car.

The back door opened and a broad, scruffy man stood up from it.

"Mother fucker…."

"That the girl?" the raspy voice asked.

"Oh yeah…"

"Real cute…"

Natalie's heart was racing as Billy stepped in front of her, reaching into his coat for his gun. Before he had it out she felt an arm on her elbow and gasped.

Billy whipped around, gun drawn, but in almost the same second felt a gun at the base of his skull from the man who'd gotten out of the car.

Riley, that mother _fucker_.

Billy squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, slow breath. He'd gotten out of worse jams than this; he could do it again.

When he opened his eyes he set his eyes on the tall man who had Natalie by the elbow. Billy was getting the distinct impression that this was Ethan, the mother fucker Riley had named as his "boss." Billy didn't know how he and the boys hadn't been able to peg this guy down, but now Billy knew what he looked like and he was dead.

Dead.

"The **fuck** do you want?" Billy growled.

"Oh I've been waiting to meet you, Billy," the blonde man grinned. "And now I get to meet this pretty thing, too…wouldn't have known to find you with her if it wasn't for our friend Marshal there," he nodded to the man in the suit.

Billy turned his head slowly to pierce him with a long look.

He was dead, too.

"My cousin Riley had quite the beating put on him not that long ago…heard you had a lot to do with that…"

Natalie wasn't sure what they were talking about but she knew more than enough to be scared, what with the gun that was on Billy and the way the man holding her was stroking her arm slowly. Billy was clearly livid and it didn't look like there was anything either of them could do.

"I had everything to do with that; ya shouldda left like we told him cuz I don't give warnings twice," Billy stared him down.

"That's pretty confident talk for a man in your position," Riley spat from behind him, tapping the gun lightly on his head.

"Yeah, and you're only confident now that ya have your gun," Billy muttered.

"Like you weren't confident before just cuz ya had your buddies with ya…well, we brought some friends, too"

Another car pulled up a few seconds later and the front doors opened for two more men to get out.

"Marshal, you can get the fuck out of here now," Ethan ordered him.

"You better hide," Billy added as the man made for his car and shortly took off.

Natalie's heart was pounding and she was trying to look to Billy for some reassurance but his eyes were jumping around sizing everybody up and trying to assess the situation. When his gaze did fall on her, she didn't know what to take from his look. She could only tell that he was pissed, not whether they were going to be okay.

"Well now, I think Riley wants his revenge," Ethan sneered, waving Riley over.

Riley moved around Billy, who made to move but froze when the two new assholes pulled out guns and held them at their sides with pointed looks. His jaw clenched and his blood boiled as he watched Riley approach Natalie and Ethan stepped away.

"You're gonna like this, Darley," Ethan sneered.

"You look good in this dress," Riley told her quietly, tracing one of her straps and then along her neckline.

She pushed away his hands quickly, taking a quick step backwards. He laughed and grabbed her arm and turned to push her up against their car. She grunted when her back met the car and her eyes darted to Billy, who met her gaze for only a second before his eyes darted to the other men.

"The fuck do you want," Billy stared Ethan down.

"You thought you could run us out of town and you've got another thing coming; you thought Riley was a warning, well, this is **your** a warning. You're not the only badass in town….can't even protect your woman…"

Natalie tensed, imagining just what she needed to be protected from, but as Riley leaned in closer she was pretty sure she was getting a good idea. He grabbed her hips and pushed his hands down her thighs. She was too stunned to react for a moment but when his hands got past her dress and to her skin she jumped and tried to push his hands away. He laughed in her face and pushed his forearm against her neck, pushing her head back and threatening her airway.

Her hands quickly shot up to his arm, trying to tug it away from her throat. Riley's other hand was still up her dress and was soon fingering her underwear.

"Lace…nice," Riley smirked.

Natalie leaned away to no avail and squeezed her legs together when he started to pulled her underwear aside. He just chuckled and pushed her feet apart with his own, wedging his leg between hers to grant himself access.

"Please don't," she gasped, pushing at his chest.

Billy took an automatic step forward only to stop when guns were raised his way. His heart was pounding in his ears and he felt a little panicky even though he wouldn't show it; how could he be calm when he didn't know how far this was going to go? This was happening right in front of his face and he couldn't even do anything.

"No…no, don't"

Natalie's protests fell on deaf ears and she screwed her eyes shut when Riley shoved his fingers inside of her. He treated her roughly and she whimpered, continuing with little success to try to get his arm off of her. She could heard the other man, Ethan, saying something to Billy but she couldn't focus on that; all she could do was feel Riley's hands on her. Her mind was spinning and she got more scared, fearing how far this man was going to take this.

She finally reacted more fully, trying to throw a knee between his legs but he deflected the predictable move. With a frustrated gasp she hit his throat as hard as she could, which unfortunately wasn't as hard as she would've wished because of her position. Still, his arm left her to instinctively grab his throat and she straightened and tried again to knee him in the groin. She was more successful this time, though he was able to move in time to slight the blow to the side.

"Bitch!" he spat, grabbing her around the waist when she tried to get away from him.

He whipped her around and threw her bodily into the car, this time so her front hit the hood and she had to put her hands out to save herself from falling forward into it. He was on her again, harshly forcing his fingers into her while his other hand was tight on the back of her neck, pushing it forward to keep her head down.

Natalie's hair fell around her, creating a curtain around her face and she stared at her hands, which were palm-down on the hood of this man's car. She watched as a tear fell onto the paint near her hand and she sobbed softly.

Before too long he took his hands off her to turn her around and thrust a gun in her face. He pushed it into her cheek and laughed when she tried to turn her head away.

"Now you're gonna go exactly what I tell you, aren't you? …_aren't you?_"  
Slowly, Natalie nodded.

"Good girl…you really are a sexy little thing; Darelye's got good taste …and I can appreciate that…"

He showed her just how much he was appreciating it, grabbing her wrist so he could make her cup his crotch, where he was getting hard.

"I think you know what you need to do now," he sneered, twisting the gun into her face threateningly.

Natalie knew and she shook to even think about it. She couldn't even look in Billy's direction as she considered what she was going to have to do in front of him…

"So what exactly are you waiting for…?"

"Whoa, hold up…Eth, man, some cops just rolled by the end of the street and the stopped to check us out. I bet they're circling around to make sure everything's cool…" one of the other men spoke up, craning his neck to search the intersection as best he could.

"Let's go, Riley," Ethan ordered, waving everyone towards the car, gun trained towards Billy to keep him in check.

Riley cursed but let her go quickly, tucking his gun away before wrenching the door open to the car.

"You have a nice night, Darley…" Ethan mocked, getting in too as one of his boys fired up the engine and shot smoothly away from the curb.

Natalie watched and released a breath she'd been holding once the car finally turned the corner and was away from them. She finally looked to Billy then to see his pone was at his ear, staring at where the car had disappeared.

"Bodie. Get all the guys to my place! Every fuckin' one of 'em. Now!"  
He hung up abruptly and turned towards her, looking her up and down as he stepped closer to her. He reached for her and rubbed her arms lightly but she shrugged him away.

"It's not you," she told him quickly, when he scowled. "I just…I don't want anybody to touch me. I feel gross…"

"Fuck…"

She looked up to apologize but saw he wasn't looking at her; she looked over to see a cop cruiser slowing to a stop near them.

"There a problem here, miss?"

"No, there was just a misunderstanding but they're gone now," she managed to tell them.

The officers remained and talked quietly amongst themselves for a moment.

"Do you need escorted anywhere?"  
"No, home isn't too far"

"Have a good night then…be safe…"

As soon as the officers were gone, Billy ushered her along with him without actually touching her since apparently she wasn't fucking down with that. He was fuming still but they walked silently and hurried up and into his apartment. When Billy shut the door Natalie pushed her hands back through her hair shakily and finally some more tears fell. She swiped them away quickly and let her face rest in her hands a few moments while she tried to calm down.

Billy took a step forward but remembered she didn't want him to touch her and stopped, unsure what to do.

"…Nat," he finally started, simply holding up his hands; he needed help on this one.

She just shook her head slowly; she didn't know what was supposed to happen next either.

"I need to take a shower," she was able to decide.

"Alright," he sighed; he was only growing more and more frustrated that he couldn't do anything.

She turned away to get into the bathroom and turned back near the doorway, looking back at him.

"Ummm…I know the guys are coming but you're not leaving are you?" she checked, eyes desperate.

"Nah I'll be here when you're done in there," he assured her.

She entered the bathroom a little more comfortably then, fiercely getting out of all of her clothes, throwing them in the corner. She got hot water flowing and jumped straight in. She scrubbed herself down hard but rather quickly, stepping back out with red, fresh skin. She wrapped a towel around herself and left the bathroom, freezing when she realized the living room was full of people and all eyes were now trained on her.

She'd heard Billy's voice but hadn't realized people were over.

"Sorry, I…I thought you were on the phone…" she explained uncomfortably.

"It's fine….hey! Show some fuckin' respect!" Billy bellowed at the room.

Quickly, the guys averted their eyes elsewhere and Billy nodded her towards the room, where she scurried and shut the door to change.

"Alright, like I said…now I know what all those fuckers look like and we know what they drive. You all scour this fucking city looking for that car - you look in every corner of the streets. I'm going to visit my buddy Marshal. Baggy, you're with me," he jerked his thumb towards said man.

"You got it," Baggy nodded; he was ready to go along with whatever Billy's plans were for Marshal after hearing what had gone down.

"Bodie, you split them up and send 'em out. I don't want to see any of your asses until you have leads; I don't care what favors you have to call in or who ya gotta rough up….get news on that car or these punks. I'm fuckin' serious," Billy spat.

"You got it, bro. We ain't gonna let you down; this shirt won't pass"

"Yeah, that's fucked up man. We'll find 'em"

Billy nodded and planted his hands on his hips, watching with critical eyes as Bodie split up the guys and sent them to sections of the city. They all filed out in pairs or groups; Bodie was the last to leave with a reassuring yet manly slap on the shoulder to Billy. Baggy stood by quietly, waiting, and Billy shrugged his coat on just before his bedroom door opened.

"…you're leaving?"

She stood in loose sweats and a black fleece zipped up over a t-shirt looking puzzled and upset.

"I have to go take care of some shit," Billy explained, crossing the room to her.

He moved to cup her face but quickly diverted his hands to rest on either side of the doorframe.

"Billy, don't…I want you stay," she pleaded nervously. "You said you wouldn't leave," she reminded him, a little annoyed.

"I said I'd be here when ya got out of there," he corrected her, reminding her of his carefully worded promise. "Tommy's stayin'; I wouldn't just leave ya here alone right now."

"I don't want Tommy-"

"You like Tommy," he reminded her quickly. "He's gonna stay here and keep an eye on you…"

"Please stay…I'm scared and-"

"Shhh….I'll be back soon," he promised, brushing damp hair away from her face, still not actually touching her skin.

She nodded and watched him leave the apartment with Baggy hot on his heels. Tommy was sitting on the couch and once the door shut he twisted to give her a somber look, which he slowly turned into a smile.

"Hey girl"

"…hi"

She crossed the room and sat at the very end of the couch. Tommy turned the TV on quietly but she couldn't manage to actually focus on it. Her mind was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. She sat there, practically unmoving, for what seemed like forever. She and Tommy got through a few episodes of some show and she finally got up.

"Where you goin'?" he jumped, surprised by her finally moving without warning.

"I'm gonna take a bath"

"Aiight," he nodded; that seemed normal.

Natalie diverted her path to the bathroom to go pour a glass of wine - this wasn't something Billy'd ever had stocked until she came alone - and then went to fill the tub for a hot, hopefully long bath.

Tommy stayed in the living room watching TV. He wished he was out doing something to help, but he couldn't deny it was nice to just sit for a while; they'd been hitting the streets hard for a while now and it was exhausting.

He jumped again when Billy stomped in abruptly not that long after Natalie had abandoned the room.

"Where is she?" was Billy's immediate question, his icy eyes not finding her anywhere.

"Ran a bath; just got in. She ain't talkin'; like she's in a daze."

Billy nodded and dismissed Tommy with a simple look, and Tommy quickly did as he wanted. Once he was gone, Billy shed his coat and toed-off his boots.

They'd found Marshal with surprising ease; maybe he'd been under the impression Ethan would off him and Natalie; he hadn't even bothered to hide from Billy and the boys/ They'd found him at home. Billy was livid enough to want to draw-out Marshal's end, but he was also eager to get home to make sure Natalie wasn't pulling her damned hair our. So he'd beaten him quickly and brutally, pouring out his anger, and then put a bullet in the back of his skull quick and easy.

He let himself into the bathroom and Natalie jumped but relaxed quickly when she saw it was him and not Tommy. There was a magazine sitting on the edge of the tub like shed meant to start reading it but it sat neglected.

He spotted her glass of wine and helped himself, downing it in one go. He continued to study her and they each just stared at one another for a while. Finally he sighed and fluidly stripped his clothes off to step into the tub with her. He nudged her forward so he could sit behind her, legs bent around hers. The water level rose dangerously, but he was able to settle in and wrap his arms around Natalie's middle. The hot water felt good and he just concentrated on its comfort since they weren't talking. He leaned back, guiding her with him, and probably could've fallen asleep if he hadn't been so keyed up from the evening.

"Are you okay?" he asked, hoping she'd say she needed something so he could feel like he could do something.

"…just scared," she shivered. "I'll be okay…"

Billy sighed and kissed the top of her head before leaning his head back again. He sorely wished she'd given him something constructive to do; he knew she just wanted him to be there, but it didn't seem like enough. Offing Marshal had been good, but he knew Riley and those assholes were out there, so there was still mess to clean up.

"Nat, the water's getting cold"

"I don't care"

"Nat, c'mon," he pushed her to get up but she resisted.

"I just want to stay in the tub a while…I feel disgusting."

Billy frowned and after a moment leaned up to reach past her and drain the water.

"Billy"

"Just hold on a sec…"

The water quickly drained away around them and Billy stood, pulling her with him. He snapped the curtain shut and a few moments later had a hot shower running over them. He grabbed the soap and proceeded to wash her with his hands. From her ankles and up her legs, rubbing soapy hands over her entire body. He slipped a finger between her legs slowly and gently, quickly moved on before she could react. He stoicly cleaned her front before massaging her slick back. He rinsed her before speaking.

"Now you can't say you're dirty. And you're not disgusting; you never have been," he cupped her chin to tell her, looking her in the eye. "You fuckin' listening t' that?"

She nodded. Her eyes were red-rimmed so he knew tears mixed with the water on her face.

"I was scared"

"I know"

"And violated"

"…I know"

"…and now I just feel vulnerable and…and I guess I don't know what I feel… … …stupid, maybe."

"Hey, cut that shit out," he told her firmly. "Don't even say it - they had _guns_, what the hell could you have done, huh? Ya tried fightin' him and that was fuckin' brave, but they came out with guns and you're still alive; that's all that matters."

She nodded slowly. What had happened was horrible and wrong, but maybe she needed to remember she was lucky, in a sense; at least she was alive.

"That wasn't your fault…ya hearin' that?"

She nodded again and stepped forward to slip her arms around his waist and rest her forehead against his chest. He returned the embrace, turning the water off after a short time.

"C'mon; lets get to bed"

They dried off quickly and Natalie put on the sweats and sweatshirt from earlier and quickly dried her hair. Billy was slightly annoyed by that because he wanted them both to sleep and start a new fucking day already, but he waited patiently in the bathroom doorway because he knew he shouldn't be surprised. She hated sleeping on wet hair - it was one of the many subtle things he was learning about her from really living together. Just like she'd discovered he tried to make his food not touch on his plate if he could help it; this was a lifelong quirk of his that he was a little annoyed she'd picked up on.

She finished and then turned to look at him, looking him over carefully.

"Did they hurt you? I didn't even notice if they hit you or anything, and I didn't ask…"

"No, they didn't. They just tried to hurt me through you," he shook his head.

He entered the room and got to her, resting his forehead down on hers. He toyed with the ends of her hair, unsure how much her request not to be touch still stood outside of the bath.

"…and it worked better than they thought…cuz I fuckin' went and let myself love you…"

Billy had meant to say it; it wasn't a slip of the tongue, but now that it was out there, hanging in the air, he felt uncomfortable with the foreign declaration. It might as well have been a different fucking language he was trying to speak.

So when Natalie got over the shock and opened her mouth he placed a finger over her lips to stop her. He didn't want to talk about it any deeper yet; he was too tired and, well, too amazed with himself.

Instead he took her hand and lead her to bed, each crawling in and settling under the covers facing each other.

"…can I hold you?"

This wasn't normally something he asked, he just did it - hell, Billy Darley didn't ask permission for really anything, period - but he didn't know what was alright and that unsettled him.

Natalie smiled into the dark but nodded and took his hand to guide around her. She felt safe against him and tried to force herself to relax.


	17. After

**Hey thanks for all the reviews so far! I love 'em and i really appreciate them =)**

**Here's chapter 17; should have 18 up around mid week next week? I'm going to be out of town for the holiday, but i should be back to my computer by the middle of nenxt week. **

**Hope you enjoy; let me know what ya think**

* * *

**After**  
The worst is over now, and we can breathe again  
I want to hold you high, you steal my pain away  
'**Broken' by Seether  
_**

_"What are you doing?"_

_Natalie looked up in the kitchen to see a still-groggy looking Billy shuffling through the living room. He was shirtless, wearing only some jeans, but she liked that._

_"Making breakfast; just what it looks like"_

_"…but why're you awake? I know you slept like shit last night," he accused, dropping onto a stool. _

_True. It had taken a while for her to settle down and completely relax, and then Billy's phone continued to go off with check-ins from the guys, rousing them at random intervals. _

_"I know…I just have to __**do**__ something. Like…I don't want to just lay there. I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up so I wouldn't sit there dwelling on it…I figured cooking breakfast was constructive._"

_Billy nodded._

_"Thanks then," he shrugged._

_..._

That was a few days ago now and Natalie was still being as constructive as she could as often as she could. She preferred to stay busy with the incident always in the back of her mind rather than do nothing and have time to wallow in it. She focused on school even more, spent time doing things with Paige or Baggy and the guys when Billy wasn't around, or went out with friends from school to shop or grab dinner or something. Most of all, she did her best to ignore the result of that night.

She pretended not to notice that she wasn't left alone; _someone_ was always around.

They did a good job of keeping It casual, but she'd noticed…and then promptly began to pretend she didn't see how intentional it was. Guys had hung around the apartment before even when Billy ran out, but now someone always "happened" to stop in when Billy had to go somewhere. A couple times guys had even shown up at school. This was fairly common of Billy or Baggy, but now she'd given Bodie a mini-tour of campus and forced Tommy to stop hitting on college chicks. Even Dog, who she'd never really liked, she'd caught checking in, even though he'd wished to play it off.

_"…want to grab lunch then?" she asked, leaning over to talk to him through the window of his car - she almost hadn't recognized it._

_"Nah"_

_"Have you had lunch?"_

_"No"_

_"Then come __**on**__"_

_She grabbed his arm to pull on and he grumbled but took the keys and got out anyway. He refused to order anything in the food court but when she pushed half of her lunch in front of him he couldn't help it and practically inhaled the food._

_"So you __**were**__ hungry"_

_"Yeah…been doin' some extra work, less tiem to do basic shit - hey, knock it off," he ordered, seeing her guilty look. _

_"Well-"_

_"Shut it. It's fucked up, alright - those guys….fuckin' cowards, too. I'll feed 'em their god damn hearts if I can. I ain't down with that shit - messin' with girls. Fucked up," he muttered again._

_"Well …thanks…"_

_"Don't fuckin' thank me. I'd skip on sleep for a week if Billy needed me to on this. You're surprised…yeah, guess we've never hit if off," he sighed with a short chuckle._

_"Not really," Natalie agreed._

_"Well…some asshole fucked with my sister when we were just in high school - it messed her up for a long time. I ain't a saint and neither are my friends, but that's just one thing I'll never do and I can't fuckin' stand it."_

_Natalie nodded slowly._

_"Look…don't go talkin' to Billy about it, huh? I know it's not like he'll mind or whatever, but I don't talk to the guys about it…I didn't know most of them back then. It's my business."_

_"Yeah, don't worry. That's not my story to tell"_

_He nodded approvingly and they chatted idly until her class._

So now she was at ease with Dogg, which she liked, but she tried to just act like the guys' presence was nothing but casual.

Billy knew and was thankful. He'd worried she'd be resistant and want privacy and independence, but she was letting him handle things the way he knew how. She didn't ask - probably didn't want to know - just how he was handling things and he was thankful for that, too; he wouldn't tell her the whole truth if she did ask.

Honestly it was slow-going. Ideally he'd just like to storm their place (which they had yet to fine) and take most of the gang down at once, but it was looking like they might just stat picking bastards off. Everyone was fighting impatience; they knew it was best to just destroy the capital, so to speak -the heart - but that was proving difficult and they all wanted to fucking **do** something already.

"What're you doing?" Natalie asked, following her nose out of the bathroom to find Billy standing over the stove in jeans and a black long sleeve shirt.

"Makin' breakfast….well, trying?" he amended since he wasn't exactly sure this was going as planned.

"Really?"

"Sure. I'm competent," he shrugged, glancing over his shoulder to see she was ready for class. "You look good."

She took the compliment with a smile and dropped a hand to his waist to kiss his shoulder. This was typically the time Billy would turn around and give her a proper kiss - or he would have - but now he just continued to poke the eggs around. He was letting her initiate things as far as the physical, letting her ease back into things as she wanted them. He definitely wasn't about to try and get in her pants right now - he didn't even want to while damn Riley was fresh in her memory; he didn't want her mind going there while she was with him. And they hadn't discussed anything at length so he didn't know what was too far; therefore, he decided to let her decide and do shit about it. He figured it was good, right. It'd let her take control as far as what happened to her body. Sounded just Oprah-like enough to be right.

He didn't know if all the non-talking about it was healthy, but he sure as hell didn't want to talk about what he'd seen or the way he'd felt unless she made him. He wasn't sure if it was healthy for her, either, but it's not like she was denying it had happened, she was just trying to move on; plus, for all he knew, she talked to Paige about it. They were best friends, after all, and friends helped each other through things. Bodie had asked Billy more than once if he was okay, how he was dealing. He always got the same answer: that as long as they'd catch the fuckers and keep Natlaie safe, he'd be just fine. If he could off them and ensure they wouldn't touch her again, he'd be able to forgive himself…

"This is shit. Just say it"

"No it's not - hey, that's my plate," Natalie snatched it back, laughing, when Billy tried to take it.

"I can take you out to breakfast. It'll be better."

"This tastes just fine," she insisted.

Sure, there seemed to be something a little off about the eggs, but salt and pepper hid that, and the bacon was good, if a little charred.

"Ya don't have to pussy-food around me; it's pretty hard to hurt my feelings," he rolled his eyes, sitting back down to continue eating.

"Billy, it's good. **And** it was a nice thing to do"

"Guess you're rubbin' off on me some"

Natalie laughed a little and kept eating. She didn't even take Bill's insistence that his feelings wouldn't be hurt seriously. She was pretty sure he'd be a little wounded if he'd stepped out of his norm to make a breakfast only for her to refuse to eat it.

"Thanks again. It's nice to have a real breakfast before class"

She leaned over to give him a soft kiss on the mouth. Though surprised, he reciprocated and grinned into the kiss, even though he silently hoped for more.

Natalie, too, had hoped for more but pulled away and took her dishes to the sink.

"You remember I'm going to Julia's for dinner?"  
"Yeah"

"And **you're** the one who's insisted on driving me over so please don't be late."

"I won't," he rolled his eyes at her doubt.

"See you later, then. Behave."

"Shut up," he muttered, though she just laughed and grabbed her jacket and bag to go.

* * *

"Call or somethin' when ya wanna leave," Billy instructed, pulling up to Julia's house.

"Okay"

"Before I forget, Jamie wanted to know if you'll watch his brat this weekend. He's going to try and see what the hell's gotten into her damn mom; heard she'd outta the city."

"Still? Who watches her?"

"His old man during the day - I've let him off easy bout doin' night shit the last couple days; his sister was in town for a while to help but she had to get back home," Billy sighed, annoyed any of this drama was even at his feet. "See, his dad watches her at his shop during the day but he doesn't take her home because Jamie's mom pretty much disowned him when he joined the gang and wants nothing to do with him. Anyway, think about it"

"All weekend?"

"Depends how finding his ex-girl goes, I guess"

"Well I'm assuming you don't want me staying as his place"

"No"

"…so she'd have to stay with us…in your apartment…"

"Yeah"

"Maybe in Joe's bed…"

"Joe fuckin' loves kids; he won't mind"

Natalie smiled at that; everyone had been mentioning Joe more recently since he was getting out soon and she was getting excited to meet him.

"Then I'm okay with it if you are"

"I don't care"

"Yes you do," Natalie nodded knowingly. "Think about it. Tell him yes if you're good with it."

He nodded and she stepped out of the car and let herself up to the cozy little house with a small wave back at him.

"Hi!"

Logan greeted loudly, popping up at the end of the hall to wave wildly before running away to the living room again.

"Nat?"

"Yup, just me," she confirmed, finding Julia in the kitchen.

"Okay, good; I figured since I was sure I'd locked the door. How's it going? It's been a while now."

"It has, huh?"

"Yeah…you can't do that; I worry," Julia laughed.

"Aw, then call; phone goes both ways."

"But I can't be the nagging sister-in-law; I have to be a cool sister in law like Connor was the cool brother."

"Well don't worry about that, I think you're pretty cool," Natalie laughed. "What about you, Logan, do you think mommy's pretty cool?"

"Way cool," he confirmed, flashing the ladies a thumbs-up.

"Well there ya go," Natalie laughed.

"Nat-lee, where's Billy?"

"He's at his own home"

"How come? Doesn't he want dinner with us?"

"Well he's just busy; he has things to do and other friends to have dinner with"

"But I miss him," Logan pouted.

Julia rolled her eyes but Natalie thought it was kind of cute, even if it was misguided.

"I'll make sure to tell him that"

"Good"

Logan was then distracted and went off to play so the girls finished dinner and once they ate said dinner Logan ran off to his room to play.

"Door!" he shouted delightedly as they were loading the dishwasher.

There had been a knock on the door and then someone let themselves in.

"Grandma!"

Natalie froze and looked at Julia, hoping this wasn't happening. The blonde cringed slightly, having the grace to look just a little guilty.

"What did you do?"

"She's been nagging, Nat. She's **so** worried…I figured it'd be okay if she came over after dinner because I didn't figure you'd stay that late anyway since you have class and I have work…"

Natalie gave her sister in law a severe look and shook her head as she heard her mother coming down the hall. Logan was chatting quietly and finally her mother emerged from the little front foyer with Logan on her hip. She deposited him in the living room before coming into the kitchen, where Natalie was holding her breath.

Jennifer Shepherd released a breath and relaxed some of the tension she'd built over the two week's Natalie had been gone. It wasn't as if they'd never been away from each other, but she was pretty sure she'd never been so worried about Natalie…where she was and what she was doing. Now she could see her in one whole, healthy piece…and it felt great.

"Natalie…"

"Hi," she answered awkwardly, unsure what they were supposed to say.

"…look, don't be upset with Julia; I had to talk her into it. You never called after the last time we talked and I was concerned."

"Right…some stuff's just been going on," she answered tightly, eyes tearing.

"Oh, honey, don't cry…it's alright. I'm not mad but it's like I said; I just want to see you for a while…"

Her mom came to her and drew her into a hug, which Natalie surprised herself by eagerly returning. She held her breath for a long moment because she knew what was coming and as soon as she released a shaky breath she began crying. She couldn't stop and clung to her mother, who rubbed her back soothingly. She continued and eventually let go of her mother to slowly sink down to sit on the floor with her legs pulled up in front of her. She wiped harshly at her tears and hid behind her hands to try and calm herself.

"Natalie, what's wrong?…you're hysterical…hun…?"

Her mom squatted down with her, unsure what to say since she was unsure where this was coming from.

"Why is she crying?" Logan asked, hopping into the room.

"She's okay; let's go pick out a movie to watch," Julia told him quickly, directing him out to the living room to distract him.

"What's wrong?"

Natalie just shook her head; everything just kind of hit her and overwhelmed her in the moment. The fight with her dad that she'd been trying to just ignore, leaving home, and the more resent assault by the strangers on the street.

"I'm just…a lot's going on…" Natalie finally verbalized once she was breathing more normally.

"Like what? …baby, come on. Is something wrong with you and Billy?"

"No," Natalie rolled her eyes, unsurprised this was her mother's first guess.

"Then what's going on? Did something happen to you," her mom pressed, shifting to sit next to her and wrap her arm around her shoulders.

"No…well, I don't want to talk about it. I can't talk about it right now"

"…was it illegal? You're not in trouble are you?"

"Mom! No," Natalie inhaled shakily. "I'm not in trouble; just leave it alone."

"Leave it alone when you're bawling over it?"

"I've just been stressed out over stuff and now you showing up…I'm just emotional," Natalie sighed, trying to get control over herself so her mom would drop it.

"Natalie I can't let this go because you're so upset….have you gotten hurt? … .. You have, haven't you - let me help," her mother's smooth, confident voice soothed her.

Natalie cursed herself for not immediately dismissing her mother's worry about her being hurt."

"I don't need help. I'm not hurt; I'm fine. I'm just tired and stressed out."

"…then come home. It's comfortable, you can relax…"

"Not yet. I just don't want to," Natalie insisted; honestly, right now she wasn't sure if she'd feel as safe there as she did with Billy…not until the current situation blew over, maybe.

"…well, then, I brought you a few things. Some clothes in a backpack."

"Thanks"

Natalie rested her head on her mom's shoulder where they were both now sitting with their backs against the cabinets.

"I can't help that I worry"

"I know"

"And look…don't get upset, but if you do ever get in trouble you can come to me and your father"

"Mmmhmm…"

They sat quietly for a few minutes and Natalie appreciated her mother's presence, the familiar comfort of it.

"So I'm babysitting this weekend," Natalie sighed when she straightened up to wipe her eyes. "And I was thinking I'd ask Julia and Logan to come on some kind of play date so she doesn't get bored. I can call you if you'd want to come. It would be a nice girls' day…plus kids."

"Sure, of course…who're you babysitting for?"

"…a friend," she answered carefully, watching her mother decide it was someone from the gang. "She's the cutest, though; you'll love her hair. It's short and curly…the kind of curls I had when I was little."

"Ugh, so sad those didn't last," her mother reminisced. "But that sounds nice."

"Good"

They picked themselves off the floor and went to the living room for a while. When her mom started saying goodbye to Logan, Natalie excused herself to the bathroom.

_"Hey"_

"Hi…are you busy?"

_"No. Need me to come get ya?"_

"In like twenty minutes?"

_"Alright…didn't take as long as I figured. Thought you'd hang around."_

"Yeah, I'll explain later. Hey, when you get here can you come in for a minute to see Logan?"

_"What?"_

"He was telling me he missed you; he wanted to know if you're okay… …just for a second. I'm not asking you to play with him

_"Better fuckin' not," _he muttered. _"Alright. See you in 20."_

She reemerged to Logan trying to talk grandma into staying.

"Well who's going to make sure grandpa Chris has had dinner and cleaned up like a good boy if I don't?" Jennifer teased.

"Grandpa's a big boy," Logan laughed at the suggestion he couldn't take care of himself.

"I guess that's true. Tell you what, how about I have him call you when I get home?"

"Yes! Yes, yes; you can go," Logan cheered.

They all said their goodbyes, complete with hugs and kisses, and she left.

"You don't have to apologize," Natalie promised when Julia turned to her, looking worried. "You should've told me, but it did turn out okay"

"Okay…and you're alright?"

Natalie nodded and told Julia about the potential outing with the kid she'd thought of and was just wrapping up telling her what she knew about Abby when she heard Billy's car.

She met him at the door, unsurprised that he didn't look excited.

"What's wrong?" he frowned; he could see she'd cried.

"Nothing…my mom just stopped by and I was emotional."

"Oh…you fight?"

"No, we're fine"

"Good-"

"Billy!"

Logan happily scampered to them from the living room; so many people had visited tonight and he was obviously excited.

"Hi"

"Wanna see my room? You've never seen before."

"We can't stay," Natalie answered for Billy, not wanting to push him; plus, she didn't suppose Julia would be big on it.

"Awwww. Boo"

"Here, take this. Be happy."

Billy produced a Reese's from his pocket and Logan took it with a cheer before running off to show his mom.

"That was nice of you"

"If his mouth is full, he can't whine," Billy dismissed.

Natalie kissed him on the cheek regardless and Julia came back with Logan, who was seated on her hip nibbling on his candy already.

"I didn't hear you say thanks," Julia chided.

"Thanks Billy"

"No problem"

Julia gave Billy a smile of thanks, too, though it was somewhat forced - he made her uncomfortable but she was trying.

"Alright; we have to go, Logan, but I'll see you this weekend."

"Aw. Bye," Logan pouted.

"Put that lip away," Natalie laughed, poking his protruding lower lip. "Cheer up; grandpa's calling soon."

He brightened up and they left, driving back relatively quiet.

"Your mom, huh? If she brought that bag for ya, I'm guessin' it wasn't some coincidence"

"No, Julia told her, which was annoying…but it turned out alright."

"Kind of a bitch move"

"I guess…they were just worried, though. I had told my mom I'd call to go to lunch, but I've been, ya know…distracted."

Billy grunted and let that subject drop.

"Heard you tell Logan you'll see him on the weekend - somethin' I don't know about?" he asked, wondering if he'd be sharing Natalie with the chatterbox.

"I thought Julia and I could take Abby and Logan somewhere this weekend. She won't want to be cooped up in the apartment the entire time. That is if you said yes - I told Julia it wasn't for sure."

"I told him yes," Billy rolled his eyes, letting them into the apartment.

He was doing it partially for himself, too. He was already on edge so if he had to hear Jamie bitching about his "selfish, ditching, whore of an ex" one more time, he was going to blow up. He didn't want to hear him wondering aloud where the bitch got off to; he wanted Jamie to find out if she was coming back and then decide what the hell to do, not just mope around.

"Want a beer?"

She nodded so he grabbed a couple and brought them back over to the couch where she had already dropped to sit. He flopped down to sit next to her and as he browsed some sports scores she twisted to face him with her knees pulled up to her chest, toes brushing his legs. He wasn't troubled by this, and continued to work on his beer and watch.

"Billy"

"Hmmmm?" he hummed his acknowledgement without turning.

"Billy"

Now he turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow in question. It wasn't as if she'd never been on the receiving end of such a look; he often communicated without speaking. She'd grown used to it but suddenly she felt nervous, even somehow intimidated; he was always so sure and here she was…

"You, um….you sill want me, right?" she asked, picking at the knee of her jeans.

He narrowed his eyes at her, cocking his head slightly.

"The fuck kind of question is that?"

"I just…wanted to make sure…"

"Of course I want you; what the fuck?" he threw up a hand in frustration.

"I'm sorry; I just…I mean, you don't touch me anymore. Not really."

"…isn't that exactly what ya asked me to do?" he asked, straightening up almost indignantly where he sat.

"Yeah," she conceded, nodding slowly, tears stinging her eyes for the second time that day.

"That's right. I'm sitting back letting you take your time getting comfortable again, and that hasn't been easy. Of course I fuckin' _want_ you," he bristled. "I knew ya wouldn't wanna go hopping into the sack but I don't know what ya **do** want; I thought **you'd** show **me**…thought you'd want the control."

"Yeah…I've appreciated that. Seriously. I …it's not that I'm saying I want to have sex right now, but it's not just that; it's little stuff. Besides in the bath or when we sleep, you don't touch me, really….even casual stuff is rare. I initiate something but you don't initiate anything back and it gives me some doubt. It…well, it kind of discourages the 'don't feel disgusting about what happened" idea…" she told him honestly.

Billy cringed and glared off at the wall.

"I'm sorry…maybe I'm being stupid…."

"Don't say that," Billy glowered. .

"I've just been feeling anxious about it the last couple days," she explained, swiping at her damp eyes quickly before pushing a hand into her hair uncomfortably.

Billy snatched the hand and pulled it out of her hair, pulling it towards himself contemplatively.

"I don't say shit I don't mean, so I meant it when I said you're not disgusting. I do want you; I fuckin' want _everything_ about you," he insisted. "I just ain't gonna push you, not if you're thinkin' of Riley."

"I do appreciate that. I just want _some_thing. I still need you, and I want to be close to you…"

He nodded slowly.

"You _have_ to tell me if it's too much…I'm not gonna let myself make you think of that fuck. Ya gotta fuckin' tell me."

She agreed with a nod and he sighed, lounging back to circle an arm around her shoulders. He played with her hair and slowly curled his arm further to squeeze her closer and he kiss the corner of her mouth softly.

"Billy…I love you, too. We didn't keep talking about it the other night, but you know I love you, right?" she checked quietly.

He froze and almost forgot to breathe as he looked her levelly in the eye. Her eyes were still damp but they were soft, and his face melted, if only for a moment. He nodded in answer to her question and leaned in slowly to press his lips to hers fully. It was a slow, gentle kiss that didn't escalate into something hot and hard…it just was what it was.

Natalie traced his jaw and pushed her hand around to the back of his head, scraping over the short stubble. He cupped her cheek as well, ghosting down over her neck.

"Billy! You in, or - oh, hey"

Bodie was chuckling now after letting himself in, watching the pair pull back from each other. Billy was far from as amused as his friend; he clenched his jaw, annoyed, and twisted back around to lean against the couch again.

"Ya lost or somethin'," Billy drawled.

"Nah, man; Angela's just been bitchy lately so she invited her sister over to relax. You know how me and her sister get along," he rolled his eyes, dropping into the armchair.

"So you're making that our problem? Great, thanks," Natalie teased.

"She's gettin' feisty," Bodie laughed. "Better keep your girl in line, bro."

Billy ignored the comment and continued to play with Natalie's hair, twirling it around his fingers. He felt pretty shitty that Natalie had been feeling that way lately but relieved she'd said something; he was eager for her to _not_ feel that way and he'd be lying to say he wasn't also getting eager for more physicality. He understood why their physical relationship was clearly paused - really, he did - and he was okay with waiting it out until she was comfortable - really, he was - but that didn't mean it was easy. How could it be easy for him to deal with Riley's fucking aftermath?

Natalie got up momentarily to get some wine and grab a couple more beers from the fridge.

"Wine…man, this place is classy now that you got your girl up in here," Bodie teased.

"Alright, no beer for you then," Natalie decided, yanking away the bottle she'd been about to hand him.

Bodie only laughed and grabbed her wrist to force the bottle from her, twisting the neck out of her fingers.

Billy flinched when Bodie's hands flew out quickly and snatched Natalie's wrist like that. He couldn't say she liked seeing anyone grab her forcefully but he quickly reminded himself it was just Bodie. Regardless, he was glad Natalie relinquished the beer to him quickly and then sat back on the couch, leaning into him and handing him a new beer.

The trio put in a movie and Billy's annoyance that Bodie had barged in faded away. The night was casual and nice. No business came up and they all just got to relax together; it was the most normal-feeling night he'd had in a while and he wanted to savor it while he could.


	18. How Some Things Work Out

**Hey i'm back in town so i have a computer now, and you have an update =) Thanks for all the feedback so far; it's always good to see people are reading and liking.**

**Enjoy Chapter 18...and review!**

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****And Some Things Work Out**  
If I could find out how  
To make you listen now  
Because I'm starving for you here  
With my undying love and I, I will  
Breath for love tomorrow  
'**Until Tomorrow' by Paramore**

"Hey Sammy," Natalie greeted with a small smile. "Can I get a shot?"

"Course; what's your poison?"

"Surprise me"

"Make it two; pretty girls can't drink alone," Baggy laughed, stepping up to where Natalie was sitting at the bar.

Natalie threw him a grateful look, though part of her thought maybe it was a bad idea. Even though it was just Baggy, she didn't put it past Billy to get upset just because he was a _guy_.

'_Stupid_,' she rolled her eyes to herself.

"Aw, thanks," Paige cheered, popping up to grab the shot placed in front of Baggy; she downed it quickly. "Go away," she waved Baggy aside.

"You're bossy _and_ you're a thief," Baggy laughed, ordering up a beer before sauntering off to leave the girls to themselves.

Paige hopped up onto the stool next to her friend and waved over more shots.

"What's wrong with you and Billy?"

"…nothing really," Natalie shrugged.

It was Friday night and Natalie had made sure to go out since Jamie was bringing Abby over in the morning and she'd therefore be spending most of her time with a child for the next couple days. She almost hadn't bothered, though, since her and Billy were in a weird spot.

"Nothing, right," Paige scoffed. "You're such a liar; Joel already called me and told me."

"Shit," Natalie rolled her eyes.

The day had been so weird. Things **had** been pretty great since she finally voiced her anxiety and felt more comfortable, but then they both got riled up this afternoon.

It had started as nothing; it still seemed like nothing to Natalie. She needed some notes for class, that was it. A test was coming up and she had to make up for some information she missed before Thanksgiving Break, so she'd called Joel. No one was at the apartment with her, which was actually kind of strange as of late, so no one even made her think twice. He knew, now, who she was dating and even though he was disgusted with it he didn't say anything to her face, which she appreciated; she didn't need to be arguing with anyone else right now.

So it had been a nice visit. If Joel had felt weird about hanging out in Billy Darely's apartment he hadn't said anything. They sat up at the kitchen bar, Natalie in sweats and a fitted t-shirt, chatting casually while she copied his notes into her own notebook. She was telling him about how her family was peeved she'd skipped on family Thanksgiving.

_"…it would've been too tense to use that moment for showing back up with the family. I didn't want to make the holiday awkward for everyone," she defended herself._

_"Probably a good call; you know your grandma would say something about the awkwardness."_

_"Right," Natalie laughed quietly, turning back to the paper in front of her. _

_That's when Billy walked in, ruining the casual afternoon. _

_He froze in the doorway, hand still on the doorknob, and sized-up the scene before him through narrowed eyes. _

_"The fuck?" he finally spat._

_"I needed some notes for class, so I asked Joel to bring them over," Natalie explained, looking over her shoulder._

_"Invited him right on over," Billy muttered._

_He knew he shouldn't be threatened by Joel and, really, he wasn't, but he knew Joel had harbored a crush on Natalie. He'd recognized it the first time he'd ever seen the two, and if there was one thing he didn't want it was another man in his fucking home with Natalie without him knowing about it. So he just glared at Joel, who shrank slightly but didn't seem surprised. _

_"Hey man," Joel greeted to be polite. _

_"You were just leaving, right?" Billy suggested; in reality it wasn't a question_

_"Uh…"_

_"Billy, don't," Natalie sighed. _

_"I've had a bitch of a day; I ain't lookin' for company," Billy ground out. _

_"I'm almost finished, we'll be quiet"_

_"…why don't you give that shit to him later so he can get the fuck out."_

_"Billy!"_

_"It's fine, Nat; I'll go," Joel shrugged, rolling his eyes slightly as he slung his bag over his shoulder and got up. _

_"Joel, no…"_

_"Yeah. I'll see you Monday; call me if there's something in there you can't read"_

_Natalie sighed and got up to walk him to the door, resisting the habit of giving him a quick hug; she was pretty sure that would push Billy over the edge right now. _

_"Sorry," she muttered to Joel, a little embarrassed. _

_"It's cool; have a good weekend. Relax, hey?"_

_"Right, you too. See ya."_

_She closed the door again and turned to Billy with an exasperated look. _

_"What was that?"_

_"Me? What they hell were __**you**__ doing inviting some guy into my home, huh?" he spat right back. _

_"Billy, it's Joel. We've had this talk before; I've known him for years... it doesn't mean anything."_

_"I don't want him in my fucking house! How the hell am I supposed to feel walkin' in to see another guy with you? I can't fuckin' take that right now, so don't let it happen again," he thrust a finger in her general direction. _

_"But you know it didn't mean anything, right?"_

_"I'm not threatened by him if that's what you're saying," he readily defended himself. "I just don't want to see that right now just…fuck, why am I defending myself?" he dismissed, shedding his coat and throwing it over the couch. _

_"You just could've respected him; he's my friend"_

_"Your friend, not mine"_

_"What's wrong with you today?"_

_Billy narrowed his eyes at her once again but before he could speak his phone rang and he flipped it open. _

_"What?….yeah, so?…fuck"_

_He snapped his phone shut again and yanked his coat back on. _

_"I'll see you tonight at the bar; if I ain't back Baggy will pick you up"_

_"You're leaving?" she sighed._

_"Yeah…and don't invite his ass back over just because I have to go," he declared firmly. _

_"Oh, I won't be having him over again; I don't need a repeat of this," she assured him darkly._

_Billy rolled his eyes and stomped out, slamming the door behind him. _

In his defense, Billy really had had a shitty day. He'd started it off frustrated, pissed off with himself from the get-go.

He'd woken up with a hard-on and, not wanting Natalie to know, he got out of bed before she woke up and went to the bathroom to take care of it himself since morning sex was still out of the question. It was all well and fine since shit happens, but then she walked in on him. He didn't want her to feel bad and mostly just didn't want to admit he couldn't control his fucking body for her - he always had control.

He'd turned away, told her to leave and just give him a minute, but she hadn't listened; she'd come in and serviced him herself, sucking him off.

It had felt great, heavenly after the time they'd spent not having sex. He felt more satisfied that he would've with just his hand, and at first it made his morning, but he'd grown frustrated with the fact that he couldn't return the favor; they just hadn't gotten there yet. He'd secretly wondered if Natalie resented him for not being able to contain himself and just control it. He knew he was frustrated with himself; he was **always** in control….

So he'd fucking snapped when he got home. Maybe he shouldn't have cared, but he still considered himself justified in not wanting Joel at his place where he ruled.

He watched Natalie up at the bar with Paige, unable to keep his eyes off her ass in those tight jeans. He drug his eyes up and didn't have to see the halfhearted smile on her face to know she was upset about their altercation. He was, too, and the guys knew it, giving him a subtle berth as he glowered around.

"Well he's definitely been pissy," Paige muttered, glancing over her shoulder at Billy where he sat hardly interacting with the guys

"Yeah…I can understand him being annoyed or something, but he didn't have to treat Joel that way…"

"Hey, we all know Joel has a crush on you; it's bound to get to him. You wouldn't like it if **you** came home and he was hanging out with some girl?" Paige shrugged just to be fair.

"Billy doesn't have friends that are girls," Natalie shrugged simply. "But I get your point…he didn't have to take it out on Joel, though…"

"Don't tell me you can't see what's going on," Paige cocked her head.

"…what?"

"He can't be with you right now - ya know, have the sex he loves," Paige laughed, "so he probably doesn't want you around another dude. I mean, I doubt he's **really **legitimately threatened by Joel but he probably doesn't feel as close to you. I think we both know guys are most intimate through sex…."

"Great…."

"Hey, it's not your fault. I'm just saying…it can't be easy"

"You think I don't know that?" Natalie scowled.

"No, I know you do," Paige sighed. "It's not like I'm saying it was wrong to invite him over, I'm just saying why I think Billy acted that way…"

"Good, because it wasn't wrong to invite him over. I should be able to have friends…"

"Babe," Paige sighed.

"I'm just waiting for it to be over, to get better. It's been one step forward and then two steps right back ever since this whole attack. At this point, I don't even care what Billy's going to do to them when they find them; I just want things to feel normal again. Isn't that horrible?"

"No," Paige readily shook her head. "I've already told Baggy I'm okay with whatever **he's** going to end up doing. You look out for you and yours; that's the way it is in this part of the city….well, everywhere, but here especially. These guys who hurt you…he'd hurt you again if he could; he'd probably hurt me, Angela…any of the guys, too. It's hardly more than self defense to want him out of the picture."

"You sound so sure…"

"I am sure. I don't want this happening to you again; I definitely don't want it to happen to me. And these guys," Paige sighed, turning again to eye them. "They've grown on me the past few months and I don't want anything to happen to them either."

"Yeah…"

Natalie turned to look over at the table full of "their" guys, some of whom were playing pool or mingling about. Paige was right; she, too, had come to like them all and cared about them. She didn't want anything to happen to them; she wanted them to protect themselves. She found it unfortunate that this meant someone else might have to get hurt, but these were people she truly, genuinely liked and she just wanted them safe.

She caught Billy's eyes as she scanned the group and gave him a half smile before turning back to Paige.

"Plus, I'll also just add that normal was before you started dating Billy Darley; normal's over, sweetie," Paige joked to hopefully ease the tension.

Natalie did smile a little and rolled her eyes; she supposed that was somewhat true.

Billy watched Natalie; he knew she'd had a few but she wasn't mingling or doing anything…she wasn't having a good time; he could sympathize since he wasn't either. He hauled himself out of the booth without a word to the boys and sidled up to the bar with the two girls. Paige rolled her eyes and slid off the stool to go join Baggy, and Billy was silently grateful she'd known what he wanted without the words.

"How many's she had, Sam?" he asked, leaning an elbow against the bar, his other hand smoothing over her lower back.

He hadn't kept watch he entire time and knew glasses could've been cleared away and some of these were Paige's.

"Not too many; she's good, man," Sammy promised.

"Alright…ya wanna just go home?"

"No, it's fine; we can stay"

"Neither of us wanna fuckin' stay," he muttered, giving her a knowing look.

"Okay," she agreed, letting him lead her out to his car; he didn't bother with farewells because he was sure no one was surprised he was taking off.

They didn't speak throughout the short drive but Natalie turned to him expectantly when he stopped and turned off the car.

"Look, maybe I should've known not to invite Joel over -"

"Yeah, you shouldda"

"- **but**," she continued, "that doesn't mean it was okay for you to take it out on him and treat him like that. I don't disrespect your friends…and some of them deserve it sometimes," she added lightly.

Billy clenched his jaw, staring ahead for a while before getting out of the car, shutting the door harshly. Natalie sighed deeply and got out as well, following him up to the apartment.

"I think I understand, okay? And -"

"Shut up"

"What?" Natalie stopped.

"You were right and I was wrong, alright? Story ends there," he shed his coat, throwing it onto one of the chairs.

"No, Billy, it doesn't…we were both right and wrong. I really am sorry I invited him over without thinking about how you'd feel"

He tightened his jaw again and nodded slowly.

"…you do know it didn't mean anything, right?" she checked, approaching him and sliding her arms around his middle. "He's just a friend."

He nodded, head up but eyes down watching he closely as he kept his hands placed firmly on his hips.

"I won't have him over again if that's what you want," she promised, kissing his chest.

"Yeah, that's what I want," he nodded definitively.

"…okay…"

"… … but I mightta been a little rude"

"A little?" Natalie rose an eyebrow; she was slightly annoyed she'd truly apologized and he wasn't really doing the same.

Billy just shrugged; he had a short fuse, especially on more wearing days, and she knew that by now.

"…I am sorry for this morning though," he muttered; he still didn't like lowering himself to apologies, even with her.

"This morning?" Natalie frowned, leaning away from him to search his face, confused.

"Yeah…in the bathroom," he reminded her tightly.

Natalie frowned, still confused, and seemed a little amused almost.

"Why? It wasn't good for you? I thought you liked it…"

"Fuck that; you know I did"

"You sure? You seem a little confused…I can remind you if you want," she offered, bringing her hands around to the front of his jeans.

"Cut the shit, Nat"

"Well I don't understand what you're apologizing for; what's wrong?" she frowned, bemused.

"I shouldn't have put you in that position," he shrugged as if it was no big deal, even though he felt shitty about it.

"You didn't; you told me to leave. I **wanted** to…like I want to right now. C'mere," she grinned, tugging on the waists of his jeans.

She was happy this hadn't turned into a yelling-match and was instead a real conversation, and she hoped to unwind him as she guided him to the couch.

"Stop it," he pushed her hands away.

"What's wrong?" she shook her head at him, baffled; since when did he turn down anything sexual?

"…I don't wanna start shit if I can't return the favor, alright. Maybe I couldn't control myself this morning but I fuckin' can now. I don't want to use you," he forced himself to declare firmly, though in reality he very much wanted her mouth on him; what he **didn't** want was to long to do the same for her and then remember _why_ he couldn't yet…fuckin' Riley.

"…maybe tonight you can…"

He cocked an eyebrow at her, perhaps somewhat disbelieving, but she didn't take it back. She'd felt close to him lately; they knew they loved each other and they'd been able to talk to each other and move slowly. Granted, this afternoon had been a setback in communication, but it didn't undo how understanding he'd been with her otherwise. He hadn't pushed, which was actually a little surprising, and she felt like it was just more of a reason **to** trust him.

"I love you, and I trust you," she whispered, pulling his face down to hers to kiss him.

He responded readily, circling his arms around her and riding her of her shirt rather quickly. She was the one to guide him to the couch, nudging him to sit down. She bent purposefully so her chest would be open to him, almost spilling out of her bra, and she slowly worked her hands down his torso. She undid his belt but then moved to his thighs, rubbing them firmly and grazing his groin through his jeans until he lifted his hips off of the couch impatiently

She smiled playfully before she obliged, and Billy groaned gratefully when her hands finally closed on him. Looking at her, feeling her hands dance across his body, and thinking about finally making her cum again had gotten him ready for her quickly. He watched her work him with her hands and mouth and he fisted his hands in her hair, but didn't egg her on, and let her do her thing.

He wasted no time hitching his pants back up once he could think straight and he leaned forward to grab her and pull her into his lap. He kissed her slowly and sucked at her collarbone as he massaged her breasts in his large hands. He moved a hand between her legs to rub at her through her jeans and she whimpered his name, pressing herself closer to him.

Fuck drawing it out.

Billy slid forward onto his knees and leaned ahead to push a couple of Natalie's books and a empty beer bottle off the coffee table to lay her down on it. He tugged her hips to the edge and slowly unbuttoned her jeans, yanking them away to throw aside. He pushed his hands up her legs slowly and hooked his fingers in her underwear to peel them away at an agonizingly slow pace. He dropped them away and leaned over her to kiss her slowly, hands under her neck, and she wrapped her legs around him.

"You keep your eyes open," he whispered, nipping her ear.

Natalie nodded and watched him ease back and pull her hips further over the edge of the table. Her legs hitched over his arms where he was crouched down on the floor and she breathed his name as his mouth began to work her. He used only his mouth, no hands, and didn't enter her at all - not yet - but he didn't need to. He knew how to tease her with just his mouth; he knew what he was doing and his sucking and lapping at her was more than enough to make her lose it. She kept her eyes open, though, as per his request and watched him, one hand grabbing the edge of the table and the other clutching at the back of his head.

Billy lifted himself up and watched Natalie breathing heavily on the table, chest heaving slightly. She wrapped her legs languidly around his waist instead of letting them droop over the edge and she laughed, nudging Billy away, when he descended to her chest and nipped the side of her breast.

"Thanks again for being so understanding," she whispered softly, tracing the bridge of his nose with a finger.

He hummed his acknowledgement and nuzzled her neck, getting his arms under her to rise slightly to sit back on the couch again.

"I'm serious"

"I know"

"I wish you could understand how great you've been and how much it means. I know you act like it's nothing but it is," she told him again.

"It just wasn't a hard choice to make," he shrugged; he, too, spoke quietly as if someone might be around to hear him speak this openly. "You're mine and I'd fucking hate myself if I pushed you and made ya think of him when he hurt ya. He doesn't get to have space in your life, or in here," he poked her forehead lightly. "So let's not fuckin' talk about it right now."

Natalie smiled and kissed him deeply, nipping at his lip with a saucy grin before resting her forehead on his.

"…I didn't have much dinner. I'm hungry…you want anything?" she asked, pushing herself off of him after a few long minutes to pull on her underwear and pants.

"Aw, don't do that"

She just rolled her eyes and shimmied her jeans up to button them. With a frown, Billy snatched her shirt off the back of the couch to keep from her; she chuckled softly at him.

"Why'd you skip dinner?"

"I didn't, I just didn't eat a lot. I was a little anxious," she admitted.

"Sorry," he rolled his eyes. "…ya want me to take ya out to get some food?" he offered.

"No it's fine," she shrugged, shuffling off to find some kind of snack.

When she came back to the couch, Billy grabbed her hips and tugged her close to nuzzle her soft stomach. He nipped at her bellybutton and then tilted his head to lick the thin scar towards her side. He sucked at the puckered flesh lightly and then grazed his teeth over her hip before tugging her to sit next to him. It didn't make Natalie uncomfortable, though she'd been self-conscious about the blemished area at first. Now, though, they'd seen each others scars, touched them and were well acquainted with them; granted, Billy had many more than her, some she still didn't have the story on.

"Do you ever think about what if I hadn't gotten stabbed," she asked contemplatively, running a finger over the fine scar.

"Hmm?" he turned his attention from taking her food to her abdomen.

"Well that's the night we met; if it hadn't happened, we might have never even seen each other," she pointed out.

"Well, then, no; I don't want to think about it," he frowned.

"I'm just saying; it's kind of crazy…." she shrugged, thinking about how something bad that had happened to her was something she wouldn't change because of the events getting stabbed had put into play.

"Yeah, well, we're kind of crazy," he reminded her, tugging her closer to his side to keep her warm since he still sat on her shirt.

She laughed at that but didn't argue. They really were kind of crazy…she was right, though; if that one thing hadn't happened their paths would likely have never crossed. The Four Roses wasn't a bag she and Paige would have ever gone to uninvited and Billy would never have set food on their campus without reason…it really was funny how some things worked out sometimes.


	19. Musings and Compromises

**Chapter 19!  
Thanks for all the reviews so far - i love hearing what you think. **

**Read on, and I Hope you enjoy****

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**Musings and Compromises**  
And you're so far away  
What keeps you so far away?  
We can swim in silence  
'**Swim in Silence' by Paramore**

The weekend with Abby had been surprisingly pretty great. Natalie had been afraid that Billy would get annoyed with the little girls' constant presence or her toys laying about in the living room, but he stayed calm about it. He ignored Abby whenever he could, sure, but stayed reasonably patient. Maybe Natalie was just a little soft and emotional since she and Billy had taken another step closer to normalcy, but she'd very much enjoyed the weekend and some moments had warmed her heart.

_Abby was shrieking where she stood in the living room, pulling Natalie out of the kitchen where she'd been making lunch. She hurried over and even Billy stepped out of his room, where he'd retreated a after Jamie had dropped off the little runt; she'd been whiney all morning and Billy didn't want to be around it if he didn't have to. Now, though, she was practically screaming bloody murder and he couldn't __**not**__ come out to make sure everything was alright. _

_"The hell?"_

_Abby was hopping up and down and continued to yelp._

_"I don't know," Natalie looked around for a problem, spotting nothing for a moment. "Oh…a bug, I think."_

_"Christ," Billy scoffed._

_Natalie nudged Abby away from the beetle that had snuck in at some point and went to find a paper towel to get rid it with. Abby, still scared, scampered over to Billy and latched herself to his leg, tugging on his jeans frantically. _

_"Hey…cut it out…"_

_"She wants you to pick her up," Natalie chuckled, returning to the room. _

_"No shit," Billy muttered. _

_He tried to ignore her but finally sighed and picked her up, holding her out at arm's length; she continued to pout. _

_"Billy," Natalie rolled her eyes. _

_He rolled his eyes right back and pulled Abby to him properly. She immediately attached herself to him, squeezing his neck. He wasn't comfortable with her show of affection and he didn't get it. _

_"Take her, would you," he asked Natalie once she'd gotten rid of the bug._

_"I don't think she wants me," she grinned. _

_"Well she shouldn't want me; the hell's she thinking? I should scare her"_

_"You probably remind her of her dad"_

_"I don't look like Jamie," Billy negated quickly._

_"Well you're a guy, for one, and you have tattoos…maybe she' just generalized. I don't know."_

_Billy frowned and let go of Abby, but she was clinging to him so tightly that she didn't even begin to move. Sighing, he put his arm back under her appropriately. He didn't understand how he didn't scare the shit out of kids lately. _

_Logan wasn't scared of him either, though he was willing to accept Natalie's words that he just like to be around guys since he didn't have a dad. He wasn't buying this crap about him reminding Abby of Jamie...or at least he didn't want to; he wasn't her dad and he wasn't going to act the part for the weekend. _

_So, once Abby detached herself from him and began to play again on the now bug-free floor, he bailed. He didn't really __**need**__ to go check on things at the office, but he did anyway; besides, he could never keep too good of an eye on some of the halfwits he had working for him. _

Natalie hadn't minded his departure; she'd sort of expected it. He'd come back for a while in the afternoon but slipped out again when she and Abby started watching cartoons, which amused Natalie somewhat. He had some sort of aversion to kid-shows with Logan, too, as if he'd catch the kids' affinity for them or like it made him unmanly. She was sure Jamie watched cartoons with Abby and she hoped he and guys didn't give Jamie a hard time for the things he did with his daughter.

She got the impression, though, that he was only getting uncomfortable with Abby because it was someone else's kid.

_Natalie was giving Abby a bath Saturday evening after watching some cartoons and heard the front door open. No one hollered to check who was home, so she assumed it was Billy. _

_"Hey, is she aslee - shit"_

_Natalie turned from where she was crouched next to the tub in time to see Billy whip around so that his back was facing the room. _

_"What are you doing?" Natalie frowned, eyeing him like he was crazy even though she knew he wouldn't notice. _

_"Ya couldda warned me you were givin' the kid a bath," he sighed, throwing up his hands. _

_"Why? Who cares?"_

_"Well if you'd told me I wouldn't have walked on in"_

_"Billy, she's just a kid," Natalie shook her head. _

_"Exactly! Aren't there rules about this kindda shit? I can't fuckin' see her naked," he told her, flustered. _

_"Billy, she's a kid taking a bath. It's just like if you had to change a girl's diaper; it's not inappropriate"_

_"I ain't fuckin' changing' her diaper," Billy cringed._

_"She doesn't even have diapers anymore," Natalie laughed. "Come on in here, it's not a big deal. Keep me company."_

_Nothing against Abby's company, but she was more than capable of entertaining herself in the tub. She was humming contentedly and splashing around with the few water-friendly toys that had been brought over with her. Natalie had gotten a few bowls, too, that she and Abby had pretended were boats earlier. Now Abby was babbling to herself with the toys, likely playing some make believe game._

_"Nope," Billy shook his head assuredly. "Too weird. She's naked; I'm keeping my ass out here."_

_"Aw, don't feel bad, Abby; someday soon the guy will be running to you, not away from you," Natalie cooed._

_Billy snorted and stalked away while Natalie laughed quietly at his insistence that he couldn't be around the naked toddler. _

_She felt a little bad that she also found it amusing later when Abby ran out of the bathroom with only a towel draped around her before she was fully dried off. _

_"Nat, what the fuck!" Billy spat when she darted into the living room and zoomed around the room._

_"I'm sorry; I didn't think she'd leave the room," Natalie giggled, coming to retrieve her. _

_"It's funny? Fuckin' great"_

_"Billy, it's fine'_

_"No, I wouldn't want some guy seein' my little girl naked; geeze," he reasoned._

_Natalie took that comment in and smiled to herself as she scooped up the antsy girl and took her to go get her pajamas on her. As she did so Billy was muttering something about her making him seem like a perv letting a little girl run around without clothes on. _

She was sure he hadn't noticed he said anything about how he'd be protective of his daughter, if he had one, and she knew he probably didn't mean anything about it, but it was interesting all the same. Not that she was planning on getting pregnant right now, but it was endearing to hear how he'd take care of a kid. And even though she thought his discomfort with the issue wasn't necessary, she thought it was pretty cute of him anyway…not that she planned on telling him that.

_"Ah, there you are…"_

_"I thought you don't like seeing naked girls in bathtubs," Natalie teased when Billy let himself into the bathtub later than night after she'd put Abby to sleep in Joe's room. _

_"Shut up," Billy rolled his eyes, stripping off his shirt. "Besides, you ain't a girl; you're a woman."_

_Natalie just smiled and watched him shed the rest of his clothes and scooted forward for him so he could settle in behind her. He circled his arms around her and relaxed into the hot water and leaned his head against the shower wall for a while, eyes closed. He didn't want to seem weak or girly, but he'd really started to appreciate soaking in the heated water whenever he sat in with Natalie. He stuck to showers on his own but anytime Natalie ran a bath at night, he'd get in to warm the tension away._

_He rubbed her stomach lightly as he relaxed, breathing deeply, and after some time raised his hands to massage her shoulders._

_"Ow, too hard…there, that's really nice," she sighed in appreciation as she read the magazine she'd brought in with her._

_"Daaaaaad!"_

_Billy groaned when Abby's little voice reached them in the room and let go of Natalie, expecting her to jump up._

_"Can you get her?" she asked, looking over her shoulder at him. _

_"What? I ain't actually her dad, even if I remind her of him," Billy dismissed._

_"But it's __**my**__ bath…and she likes you"_

_"Cuz she's crazy"_

_"Billy, please"_

_"… …damn it. The fuckin' shit I do for you," he finally grumbled, standing from the tub. _

_"Daaaaaaddy"_

_"Thanks so much, babe," she smiled, watching him quickly dry off and grab his pants. "I love you," she added when he just continued to glower as he hitched up his pants and buttoned them. _

_"Ya better," he sighed, exiting the bathroom._

_Natalie just chuckled to herself and lifted her magazine to finishing the article she'd been reading; sitting with Abby for a few minutes wouldn't kill him. _

_Billy marched over to Joe's door and pushed it open. He could see Abby sitting on in the middle of the bed and he flipped on the light to see her eyes filled with tears. She blinked at him, perhaps in surprise, and he just stared back and planted his hands on his hips. He hoped he could stare her down and make her just go back to sleep but after a few silent minutes she raised her arms up to him pleadingly. _

_"Fuck you, Jamie," he muttered, crossing the room to hoist her up. _

_She cuddled in against him, burrowing her face sleepily into his shoulder. If she was tired, he didn't understand why she was up and crying but he just trudged out to the living room and flopped onto the couch to watch TV quietly._

_Natalie came out of the bathroom to find him this way, one arm keeping Abby propped up against his chest while the other flipped channels. _

_"See? Not so bad," she whispered, lowering onto the couch next to him, kissing his shoulder. _

_He merely grunted to that. _

_"Put her back in bed"_

_Natalie smiled and eased her off of him to lay her carefully in the middle of Joe's mattress where she'd been before. _

Billy kept a certain detachment concerning Abby the entire next day as well, but Natalie expected that even he, Billy Darley, had part of him that got a little soft for kids just like most everyone else.

_Natalie watched from the kitchen as Abby sat next to Billy on the couch. He'd been ignoring her quietly for quite some time but she was now giving him high-fives over and over endlessly and he didn't seem to mind. Natalie studied him curiously as he watched Abby's hand on his. _

_It took him some time but he eventually felt eyes on him and caught her watching. Since she didn't have to be discrete anymore she joined them in the living room, curling up in the armchair by the couch. _

_"How can a person even be this small? Her hands are fuckin' tiny," he shook his head, flicking her little fingers lightly before pulling his hand away. _

_"You were that small once too," she reminded with a small laugh. _

_"Like I didn't know that," he rolled his eyes, still studying Abby. "How's a mini-person even take care of themselves?" he muttered to himself. _

_"Well they can't …hence the parents and babysitters"_

_Billy didn't like the sounds of that. His parents had been flakey as shit; who the hell took care of __**him**__? He didn't remember being taken care of by anyone, not really. His mom had tried, sure, but she'd checked out way before she actually left them. No one had protected him sufficiently; after seeing some kids lately - Logan and Abby - he was realizing just how shitty that was. Who had killed bugs for him or came to him in the middle of the night when he was that little? Or had he known even then that you couldn't rely on most people? _

_"Billy, what's wrong?" _

_He just shrugged and flicked one of Abby's curls when she stopped to grab her sippy-cup off the coffee table for a drink. _

_"Kids are just weird," he shrugged, sitting back again. _

_He ignored the searching look Natalie continued to pin him with and was saved and possible further interrogation by a knock on the door. _

_"Probably Jamie," Billy muttered, checking his thick-banded watch. _

_"Abby, should we see who's at the door?" Natalie suggested with a smile, scooping the little girl up to accompany her. _

_She checked the eyehole in the door and smiled, opening the door to, indeed, reveal Jamie. It took a second for Abby to realize who she saw but she quickly giggled happily and reached for him excitedly. _

_"Hey baby girl," Jamie took her, landing a kiss on her forehead. _

_"Hi daddy"_

_Jamie nuzzled her nose with his own and kissed her forehead again before stepping in, closing the door behind him. _

_"Did you have fun this weekend? She behave for you guys?" he asked, looking up from Abby. _

_"Yeah, she was good…still a little shy"_

_"Dunno who she gets that from," Jamie laughed, mussing up his girl's hair. _

_"So how'd it go with Krista?" Billy asked, getting up off the couch._

_Jamie shook his head with a sigh, letting Abby get down again to run and get one of her toys. _

_"She's stayin' with her sister. Sounds like she doesn't wanna come back for a while. I told her she has some fuckin' responsibilities here but she wasn't really havin' it, and her sister hates me so she was no help."_

_"What're you gonna do?" Natalie asked. _

_"I don't know…my cousin wanted to move in with me a while back so I might see if she'd still interested. I told her no cuz I didn't want her brinin' guys back but I might have to rethink it…." he shrugged, not completely sure. "Billy, you cool to keep cuttin' me some slack at night?"_

_"Doesn't look like I have much of a choice," Billy scowled, gesturing between Jamie and Abby. _

_"Man, it ain't my fault. I'm figurin' it out the best I can but I never expected her mom to completely bail like this…"_

_"Yeah, yeah….as long as y' keep pullin' your share"_

_"You know I will, man," Jamie nodded quickly. _

_"Sure…you gonna help your kid pick up her shit or what?"_

_Jamie barked a short laugh and nodded. _

_"Bet you just loved having her leave a trail of toys behind her"_

_He went off and had Abby help him collect her things up and they left shortly after. _

_"See, that was easy"_

_"Couldda been worse," Billy agreed. "Lets get outta this fuckin' apartment; we'll grab dinner somewhere."_

_She brightened at the suggestion and followed him out of the apartment and they were off to the diner down the street where they stopped in from time to time. _

* * *

It had been such a good weekend but she didn't understand what was happening now. She'd hardly seen Billy the last couple days, with no explanation. He'd come home late the previous evening and proceeded to hardly say two words to her even once they went to bed. She went to bed before him and he didn't even hold her once he crawled in to join.

Now she'd woken to an empty bed. Her hand darted to the expanse of sheets next to her and they were cool…so he'd been out of bed for a while. She was pretty sure she'd heard movement in the apartment, suggesting he was still home, but she stayed laying where she was facing his side of the bed. Their little roller-coasters of emotions were a little tiring, but she supposed Billy wouldn't be Billy if he wasn't moody.

She heard her phone ring out in the living room and groaned, pulling the covers over her head. She was in a bad mood and had a feeling the day might stay melancholy, so she was in no hurry to actually get out of bed and start the day.

"Hey," a gruff voice grunted.

She flipped the covers off of her face and rolled onto her back when Billy held up her phone; she caught it when he tossed and she clicked to answer with a sigh.

"Hey Paige," she greeted tiredly.

Billy stayed in the doorway with his eyes on her so she watched him right back as the conversation went on in her ear. He was shirtless and she saw his razor in his hand, so she suspected he'd just come out of he bathroom. He looked good, as tall and broad as always. Each of his tattoos were on display and she followed their winding paths with her eyes.

"No, I said I could come so I'll come," she assured Paige again as the talk wrapped up. "Yes I'm sure," she laughed. "Alright. Bye."

She dropped the phone aside, on Billy's side of the bed. The side of the bed where he should still be laying. Instead he was just lingering in their doorway, eyes on her. She tilted her head and studied him but she got nothing.

"Come back to bed," she coaxed.

He shook his head slowly and began to retreat from the room.

"Gotta get ready," he excused himself, holding up the razor as he turned around.

Natalie rolled her eyes and gave up on not starting the day. She rolled out of bed and pulled sweatpants on over her shorts, running her hands through her hair to untangle it some.

She started some coffee, surprised he hadn't; maybe she'd get a cup of it into him and he'd actually loosen up.

Natalie padded over to the bathroom and leaned against the doorjamb but he wasn't acknowledging her as she watched him shave.

"Billy, what's going on?"

He looked away from the mirror long enough to raise an eyebrow at her but simply turned back to carefully maneuver the landscape of his face.

"Hey, I'm serious…"

"About what?" he checked with a sigh.

"…I want to know what's wrong. You've hardly been around, and since you got home last night it's like I'm not even here. What're you thinking right now?"

He didn't expressly answer but she heard him mumble something about "girly fucking questions."

"Billy!" she sighed exasperatedly.

She knew he was moody - fine. He didn't need to be in a good mood all the time but she'd prefer an explanation and she'd also prefer it didn't get partially taken-out on her when she didn't do anything. They'd hardly spoken lately - how **could** she have even done something.

"What? I've been busy and pissed off. Don't worry about it; I'll be fine," he insisted, eyes ahead.

"…busy with what? You can tell me," she promised, though she usually knew not to ask about anything pertaining to his "work."

"Don't start," he warned her, catching her eye in the corner of the mirror.

"…does it have something to do with Riley and them?" she checked; she quietly assumed that most of what the guys were keeping busy with lately did have to do with that, and his silence didn't dissuade the idea. "You don't think I have a right to maybe know about some of that?"

He glared at her via the mirror, razor paused in movement just above the sink. His eyes softened for a moment but narrowed again quickly.

"Fine. Yeah, we found some of Ethan's fuckers. I don't think you'll be needin' to worry about any of that," he told her flatly.

It was true. Him and the boys had finally rounded up a handful of the lackies, kept them shut away at the office for a little bit to pump them for information. Billy had to hand it to them, they were loyal to their own just like his boys were to him. They hadn't gotten much, but in the end it didn't matter; they were dead anyway. They'd had it coming for a long time now and the incident with Natalie had been the shove Billy needed to release unholy hell on their "gang." Fucking pussies.

He didn't tell Natalie about gang workings and hadn't wanted to taint her with the gory reality of what he'd done. Well, she'd pushed the topic and now she knew.

He was surprised that she only nodded.

Natalie knew something like this would happen and her talk with Paige the previous week had eased her feelings about it. She was suddenly thankful they'd had that talk because she was pretty sure she didn't want to have it with Billy. But she'd prepared herself for this reality and, like she and Paige had decided, wasn't completely broken up over it. She did feel a little safer, she had to admit.

She watched him in the mirror looking back at her. He'd pulled himself up to his fullest height and shifted his shoulders back in an almost defiant sort of way, as if he was expecting her to chastise him. He was ready for a fight, to defend himself and his actions.

Natalie only offered him a sort-of smile and moved into the bathroom to circle his waist and kiss his back. She didn't want to know the details, now or ever, but she'd made some sort of peace with it.

"Easy as that?" he questioned her, not believing her nonchalant acceptance of what he'd told her.

"…I'm not _mad_ if that's what you mean. I am sorry you had to do that for me…to have that on your conscience," she told him, kissing his shoulder blade.

"Don't be sorry," he shook his head. "Not for them, not after what they did."

These were the streets, and every action had consequences. They should've known that, should've known what was coming their way after they crossed him like that. He didn't have qualms about it; they wouldn't think twice about hurting him, his guys, or Natalie. Self preservation.

His eyes still held surprise as he continued to watch her in the mirror, but he soon returned to shaving when she didn't speak further on the topic. She eventually left to go grab some coffee now that it had percolated but returned to lean in the doorway to watch him finish up. He dried his face and ran a hand over his jaw to check his work.

"…ya gonna stand there all fuckin' day or give me a hand?" he inquired.

Natalie blinked in surprise; he'd never asked her to help before. She liked to watch - there was something inherently masculine about shaving …it was manly and just so _normal_ - but he was always the one with the blade to his skin.

"What? It ain't like you've never seen one of these before," he rolled his eyes, dropping the razor on the counter.

Natalie chuckled a little and blushed slightly, though unnecessarily; perhaps she wanted Billy to think she was naturally smooth.

Anyway, she moved into the bathroom and sat her mug on the counter while he knocked the toilet lid down and swung a leg over it to sit backwards and expose his head to her. She carefully went through the process of shaving his head. Slow and steady was her game plan, since the last thing she wanted to do was ruin the moment by cutting his scalp. Little by little, the short hair was scraped away and she was unsure if she was rueful or not. She sometimes liked the dark shadow of stubble and the scratch of it against her hands, but the smoothness was nice and welcoming as well.

When she finished she smoothed a hand over his scalp to check her work and leaned forward to kiss the top of his head to let him know she was done. He'd been still and quiet the entire time, moving only when she directed his head to tilt slightly here or there. Now he stood and double-checked everything in the mirror with a scrutinizing eye and hand.

"Looking good," she smiled, nudging him lightly with her hip.

He shrugged in agreement as if to say "well, duh" and downed the rest of her coffee before cleaning up the counter.

"How about you skip classes today," he suggested, finally speaking again.

"I can't," she sighed regretfully. "…at least not the whole day. I have a test coming up in one of my classes…."

Billy seemed annoyed, but they compromised. They went out to breakfast and then he dropped her off for her class around noon, but that was the only class she went to and he picked her back up for the afternoon afterwards. Joel had seen the car when their left their class together and took on a peeved air but said nothing.

"Hey Joel…"

"Yeah?" he asked before parting from her to duck into the student center for coffee.

"Thanks for being understanding about the whole Billy thing…"

"Understanding?" Joel chuckled. "I won't lie; I don't understand it at all…but if you mean me leaving you alone about it, then you're welcome."

"…you're a good friend," she smiled, pulling her coat a little closer around her; it was getting cold…she'd heard snow might be in the forecast anytime now.

"Ya know…I think if I was a good friend I **would** make more a stink about it. Maybe I'm a selfish friend; just don't want to rock the boat."

"Joel…."

"Sorry. No, you're right and you're welcome. I'm not your parent…but let me be annoying for a sec; if you need anything, let me know…like, if you're ever in trouble," he told her seriously, running a hand through his short brown hair nervously because he didn't know if she'd react poorly to that.

"Thanks," she smiled softly with a little nod. "And that's not annoying; it's nice."

"You got it…okay, I'm freezing," he laughed, taking a few steps backwards towards the building. "See you tomorrow, skipper."

She laughed and waved before hurrying her pace to Billy's car, hopping in. She was surprised to find Bodie and Angela in the backseat but she smiled happily nonetheless.

"Hey Nat…you're up for hanging out with us, right?" Angela asked.

"Course"

"Good cuz I bugged Bodie into going out to do something and bugged Billy into it too, told him you'd like it…"

Natalie watched Billy during all of this, a smile spreading across her face slowly because he was shaking head slowly at the whole thing since, even though Angela wasn't saying the words, what she was describing sounded exactly like a double-date.

"Oh…nice," she nodded, stopping herself from calling it 'cute.'

Billy caught the tone, however.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes.

"Aw, what…you're with some of your favorite people; it's going to be fun," she grinned, leaning over to kiss him; he responded readily, turning his head away from the windshield.

"Watch the road! I don't want to die," Angela shrieked, though she laughed.

Natalie sat back in her seat properly, pleased with the smirk on Billy's face.

"I love this coat, by the way, Nat"

She thanked the other woman and tried not to laugh as both men rolled their eyes, muttering similar things about "women."

Regardless of the guy's apparent reluctance, they did enjoy the afternoon. They convinced the boys to catch a movie, though more making-out went on in the theatre than anything else; it really was a waste of the money since no one could explain the whole plot of the flick when they left. They grabbed burgers from some dive diner and were the first ones to the Four Roses that night to start drinking before all the guys arrived.

"My goal in life this winter is to make Bodie go ice skating with me ," Angela announced.

Billy almost chocked on his drink, apparently enjoying the humor of the visual.

"Fuck that, woman. Who do you think I am?" Bodie spat, face screwed up unfavorably.

Angela just shrugged and took a drink.

"Don't even think about it," Billy warned, seeing Natalie's equally amused look.

"I'm horrible at ice skating," she shrugged and Billy's arm tightened around her shoulders; he was pleased his woman didn't have the plans Bodie's girl did.

"Aw, I love it," Angela sighed happily.

"Not happening," Bodie shook his head.

Angela didn't seem bothered but they did bicker about it a little with smiles on their faces.

"Ang, I'll go with you," Natalie finally offered with a smile.

"Good…least **some**body loves me"

"Don't start that," Bodie rolled his eyes. "We'll watch," he shrugged.

Billy was thinking that, no, he wouldn't be caught dead at some ice rink with happy families and screaming kids. Actually, maybe watching kids fall on their asses would be fun…

He shook his head. He wouldn't go; that was too much of a warm-and-fuzzy environment for him. Natalie could go with Angela everyday for all he cared - in fact, he liked that she hung out with Angie - but he wasn't going.

He glanced down at Natalie and some minute part of him recognized that he could very well find himself at some similar sort of place if she really had her head and heart set on it. It was the kind of compromises they were making lately. They'd meet somewhere in the middle or exchange doing things the other didn't like so much; she'd ignore dirty comments the boys made, and he'd plod along with what might as well be a double date…shit like that. Their comfort zones were different but they compromised and crossed over sometimes…he guessed that's what the whole relationship deal entailed, though he wouldn't know for certain because he'd never had an example of one play out before him.

Bones had never compromised with his mom…just took and took until she had to split because she couldn't give anything to anyone anymore…he hoped he wasn't slowly doing that to Natalie…

"Hey…cheer up," Natalie told him quietly, nudging his side. "The boys are here."

They hardly needed an announcement; he could hear them but he ignored them, staring down at her instead.

Nah, he wouldn't pull a Bones on Natalie…he couldn't.

He'd fucking compromise now and then if it meant she'd stick around. Hell, she did it enough for him. It's not like she'd be hanging around in a bar like this with guys like this if it weren't for him…so he'd fucking open up now and then or whatever else she pressed about. He just hoped she didn't ask him to go an ice rink; the only thing that was supposed to happen on ice was hockey as far as he was concerned.

"What?" she smiled up at him.

"I don't want to go to a fucking ice-skate rink," he muttered.

"Okay," she laughed, stretching up to kiss him soundly before the guys crowded to the table.


	20. Assuming

Sorry it's been so long since i've updated; I've been camping on and off so i don't have reliable internet access. But now i'm back!  
Thanks so much for all of the review and continued support - i really appreciate it!  
And without further delay, here's chapter 20. Hope you enjoy. =)

* * *

_ASSUMING  
And you're so hateful sometimes_  
_Throwing punches at lies_  
_Fall from somewhere above_  
_Just to say you're in love_  
**_'Throwing Punches' by Paramore_**

____  
_

A few week or so later and Billy was annoyed with her, and Natalie knew it. She was a little displeased herself but it wasn't her fault. She hadn't planned this, but there wasn't any telling him that right now.

Of course, it didn't help that things were already a little different since she'd moved back home almost a week ago now. That said, she'd still already stayed at his apartment a couple nights; her dad was acting blissfully ignorant about that, which she assumed was due to her mother's insistence. Billy had been peeved with it all as well because he didn't see why she'd want to bother leaving - why not stay? She'd rationalized it because, first of all, he'd really only offered her a place for a while; plus, Joe would be back soon and she didn't want the place to be crowded, or her company to be forced upon Joe until he got to know her. Billy told her Joe wouldn't mind, but she didn't want to impose, which he thought was stupid.

Still, he'd been as understanding as he could be, especially when she followed through with the promise that she'd still be staying at his place whenever they wanted. Plus, they'd started having sex again by this time and she had a feeling this fact was enough to boost him back into the unwavering security he'd held before.

What he wasn't nearly as understanding about was the holiday party she was basically obligated to go to with a bunch of her parents' friends. Well, he might have understood if it didn't also _happen_ to fall on the evening Joe was getting out of prison. They were having a little celebration at the Four Roses and she'd known that for some time…she just hadn't realized the conflicting dates.

_"The fuck?" Billy spat when he realized just what she was saying, why she repeated the date a second time for him. _

_"But I'm leaving early, just like I said," she reminded him quickly. _

_"Just don't fuckin' go, Nat; what the hell? Ya know this is a big fuckin' deal," he threw his hands up. _

_"Well this party is a big deal to my parents," she tried to make him understand. "People have already noticed I haven't been around the house and they can only offer up so many explanations, ya know? I don't want to cause more rifts."_

_"So you're going to some stuck-up dinner party," he sneered. _

_"If it's any consolation, I won't enjoy it. They're usually pretty boring," she told him honestly; save for one of her cousins, who was always at the same parties because their dad's worked together, she barely liked the people. _

_"Then fuckin' skip it; don't go just because your old man wants you to. He doesn't compromise for __you__," he threw at her. _

_"I really don't need to be reminded," Natalie huffed; Billy knew the fact that her dad had hardly talked to her lately irritated her. _

_Billy just shook his head slowly and planted his hands firmly on his hips. _

_"Don't get mad at me, I didn't plan it"_

_"Ya fuckin' agreed to go along," he argued. _

_"I promised I'd go way before I realized. Look, I'm leaving early and that's really the best I can do. You should have time with just Joe and the guys anyway."_

_"Oh, don't go an' try to fuckin' make it sound like this is the better deal for me," he narrowed his eyes at her. _

_"I'm still going to come," she repeated yet again. "I'm just going to be a little late…not even that late."_

_He continued to eye her harshly. It was on the tip of his tongue to forbid her to go to this little Christmas shindig, but he didn't see that going over well and he didn't need the damn headache. _

_"Giving-in to daddy," he muttered, running a hand over his head in agitation. _

_Natalie narrowed her eyes and the thought entered her head to remind him that __he__ gave into his dad pretty often, too, but she didn't let the comment anywhere near her tongue. She was shocked with herself for even thinking it, really; she didn't talk about Bones and had never entertained the thought of rubbing his power in Billy's face. Maybe Billy's argument tactics were rubbing off on her…_

_"Please don't push that point," she snapped instead. _

_He looked her over with an irritated look but kept his mouth shut as he turned away. _

_"Couldn't be any more un-fucking-convenient, Nat," he sighed. _

_"I know"_

_She did know, which was why she was telling him now so he had a few days to get used to the idea and get over it by the time it actually rolled around_.

But that didn't mean that, for now, he really wasn't annoyed with her. That had happened this morning and she hadn't gotten even a text message from him all day while she was in classes. That wasn't completely out of the ordinary; they didn't always keep in touch throughout the day, but usually. So she knew he wasn't texting her because he was pissed, and she wasn't initiating contact because she didn't want him to purposefully ignore her; that was just irritate her and she didn't want them to both be upset.

Billy was upset but he did know that it wasn't her fault. He believed her that she didn't want to go, and he thought that under different circumstances she'd probably find a way to ditch the whole thing altogether. Things with her parents were still a little tense right now though, but he knew she was trying to patch that up and going to this stupid dinner would likely go a long way. At least with her mom; from the sounds of it, it was mostly just her dad staying unwaveringly uptight.

And that was his fault, he reminded himself. If he were anyone else, her dad wouldn't care so much. Natalie was going through a lot of trouble for him…

So it didn't mean that he wasn't as peeved as shit, but he was at school that afternoon around the time he knew she'd be out. She'd driven herself to school after their argument so he had Bodie drop him off; he'd drive back with Natalie.

He waited around the appropriate building, nursing a cigarette as he shifted against the cold; there was a thin layer of white on the ground and it was supposed to snow more tonight. He was just starting to think he should've had Bodie stick around so he could wait in the warm car when the doors to the brick building opened and a stream of students trickled out. It was a while before he saw Natalie trail out behind most of her classmates, head down against the wind. She looked like she was heading across the lawn towards the student center, so he moved to intercept her.

Billy froze when someone called her name and she looked up, but not at him. He could see the wide smile that split her face when her eyes landed on the speaker. He frowned when he saw the person was a guy, and the frown turned into complete disgust when he heard how happy she sounded and how she practically ran to the guy - she didn't fucking run to him when he showed up.

"Vince!"

He threw his cigarette down in a rage when she threw herself at the guy in a hug. He could see the guy laughing and he spun Natalie around happily before planting her back on her feet to hold her at arms length as if to inspect her. Billy stared, fuming, and studied the man's face to commit it to memory.

The man was probably a little shorter than Billy but broad all the same with a darker complexion. He was scruffy and had dark hair past his chin that was curly and messy, and Billy never wanted to see it again.

Natalie remained oblivious to his watching presence and gestured towards the student center. This asshole had the nerve to toss his arm over her shoulders to steer her there and on top of that Natalie had the nerve to fucking let him. He had half a mind to barge over there and break up the little interlude but he whipped out his phone to call Bodie back instead.

Billy could've sworn the guy looked over at him, but wrote it off; he was probably just looking around.

"Hurry your ass here and pick me up. Now," he barked into the phone before shoving it back in his pocket and marching to the parking lot.

He didn't know what he was going to fucking do about that.

* * *

"Hey, Bodie, do you know what's up with him?" Natalie asked, nudging the man next to her to point to Billy where he was playing pool.

"Nah," Bodie shrugged.

Billy hadn't offered any explanation when he'd jumped back in the car that afternoon, and even if he had Bodie wasn't stupid enough to gossip about it behind Billy's back.

Natalie had decided to give Billy his space all day and then met everyone at the bar. Billy had given her the typical courtesy greeting of a kiss but had maybe said two words to her and that had just been to ask her to move so he could get out of the booth and shoot pool with Baggy. Even as the two were playing, they weren't talking. Baggy looked a little apprehensive, and after trying and failing to pick up the mood through light banter, he just shut up and shot.

She saw him finish off his beer so she got up to get one at the bar from Sammy and bring it over. The evening was pretty dull and Natalie was starting to wish she'd invited Paige along, but she hadn't called her friend tonight. She especially wished for the female companionship when she turned to see a blonde had moseyed her way over to the pool table to talk to Billy, stroking his arm. He looked at her in a bored manner and said something, but whatever the words were, they weren't deterrents because the girl didn't leave.

Rolling her eyes at how juvenile it seemed, she strode over and planted a hand on the girl's shoulder to firmly guide her away from Billy.

"Bitch!" the girl whipped around.

"Jen!" Billy barked before the girl could further protest. "Take the hint."

She stalked off and Natalie was at least encouraged that Billy wasn't enjoying this Jen's company.

"Haha, yeah; fight 'em off, girl," Baggy cheered.

Natalie smiled at him and handed the beer to Billy, which he took without a word.

"And she's a waitress; where's mine, sweetie?" he cooed, leaning on his pool stick.

"Baggy, shut the fuck up," Billy snapped at him, too.

Baggy nodded quickly and went back to shutting up and shooting.

"Are you alright?" Natalie sighed; the question seemed so old.

"…am I alright?" Billy narrowed his eyes at her, emphasizing his words in some sort of pointed way while Baggy took his shot.

"Yes, what's wrong?"

He just looked at her and Natalie felt like he was telling her she should know damn well what was wrong, so she assumed it was about the Christmas party thing. Maybe she'd come to meet him a little too soon…

"Uh, your go, bro," Baggy interrupted hesitantly.

Billy drug his eyes from her and turned back to the game moodily. Baggy gave her a "hell if I know" shrug, so she left them to their game and went up to the bar.

"What can I get you, Nat?" Sammy asked cheerfully.

"Ummm…I dunno; I'm either getting a drink or I'm gonna go," she sighed, trying to decide which one appealed more.

A drink certainly seemed needed, but if Billy needed some space it would be best to just let him have it. She could go to Paige's for a while and then head home; it didn't have to be a wasted night.

But she found a drink slid in front of her and Sammy winked.

"Stick around. We need pretty girls here to keep the men coming back," he joked.

She laughed but accepted the drink and pulled out her phone to call Paige and figure out what she was up to.

_"…aw, girl, I can't come out tonight. My sisters here with one of her little friends and my aunt's out and she'd have a fit if she knew I left them alone this late at night," _Paige told her ruefully when she invited her out.

"Okay, I understand…."

_"We can run out and pick you up to come over if you can't drive though," _Paige offered helpfully.

"No, I'm only on my second drink; maybe I'll come over soon"

_"Alright, cool…so maybe see you later then"_

"Okay, I'll call"

"How bout we get the girl another, _amigo_, yeah?"

Natalie was surprised to hear the voice slightly infused with Spanish accent and turned on her stool with a smile.

"You know this guy, Nat?" Sammy raised a skeptical eyebrow as the unfamiliar man took a seat next to her.

"Yeah, we go way back. Sammy, this is Vince. Vince, Sammy here is my favorite bartender," Natalie smiled.

"And a beer, too," Vince added when Sammy went to make her another drink.

"Billy ain't gonna like that," Sammy threw his two cents in as he set her drink in front of her.

He didn't mean he wouldn't like her drinking the concoction, of course; he meant Billy wouldn't approve of strange men buying her drinks. Natalie knew what he was getting at but shrugged if off; Vince was Vince.

"And who's this Billy? Boyfriend, right? You date guys that hang out here in a place like this?" Vince laughed, scanning the room as he spoke quietly. "Can I guess which one?"  
Natalie slapped his shoulder and rolled her eyes at him.

"What're you doing here? Stalking me?" she asked, genuinely curious how he'd happened upon her again.

They'd spent most of the afternoon together but never had she mentioned where she was going for the evening.

"No; you think I knew I was gonna find you _here_? Never knew you to hang around dives before," he laughed, nursing his beer.

Natalie was hesitant to believe it was a coincidence but what else could it be, really.

"It's not so bad; the people are nice enough and they're fun," she shrugged. "Actually, they're sort of your kind of people," she teased.

"Oh, that right?" he laughed.

He didn't bother trying to argue it, though. He'd had a look around and, yeah, it was his kind of place…more so than her, at least. He hadn't had the fancy upbringing she had.

...

"Yo, who's that?" Baggy asked, nodding off past Billy.

Billy was bent at the pool table to take a shot but looked over his shoulder first. He immediately straightened up.

"Mother fucker," he threw his stick down on the table.

It was that asshole from campus earlier that day. His gay ass hair was pulled back and secured at the back of his head, but it was the same jackass.

Baggy quickly put his stick down, too; after this reaction he knew he'd be backing Billy up in a moment. Bodie, too, slid from his seat without a word or being asked, and followed after Billy as he marched to the bar.

Billy wasted no time with subtlety and simply knocked the intruder's beer right out of his hands.

"The fuck," the man hissed, jerking away to attempt to not let it spill on him; Billy detected some sort of accent.

"Billy!" Natalie gaped, jumping back as well instinctively.

"Shut up," Billy pointed a finger at her fiercely before rounding on the stranger again. "Who the fuck are you? Get the fuck out!" he ordered.

"Whoa, I dunno who the hell you think you are, b-"

Billy didn't give him a chance to finish and punched him clean across the face. He was a little surprised and sorely disappointed that the man stayed on his feet, but it didn't matter.

"That's who the hell I am, you fuck! I make the rules here, now get. The. Fuck. Out!"

"Billy," Natalie protested again, but Baggy pulled her back to make sure she didn't get in Billy's way.

"Hey, don't you fuckin' touch her," Vince shouted, forgetting about Billy to head towards Baggy.

Billy punched him again but once Vince's attention was back on him, he was able to deflect the next blow and then aim his own, which Billy dodged.

"Baggy, let me go - make him stop," Natalie swatted at his arm.

Baggy didn't respond to her and chuckled a little as Billy dodged another fist and used Vince's momentum to shove him stumbling over a stool.

"Guys," Sammy groaned, though it was halfhearted; he wasn't about to get in the middle of it.

The brawl continued, though Vince resorted to mostly defending himself rather than attacking; he didn't need to piss Natalie off more, but he longed to seriously hurt this punk. Finally, Billy just pushed him away and he straightened, breathing heavily and wiping blood from his nose.

"Time for you to go," Billy ordered again, also breathing heavily.

"Billy, cut it out!" Natalie yelled at him.

"What'd I tell you? Stay out of it!"

"No, I -"

"Girl," Bodie warned, shaking his head; no point in pushing Billy further.

"What's the matter; need an escort, faggot? You got it," Billy growled, shoving Vince roughly towards the door.

Vince shot a look at Natalie, who was absolutely mortified.

"Don't fucking look at her!" Billy exploded, grabbing him roughly by the jaw.

Vince responded instinctively by swiping his hand away and aiming a fist at the side of Billy's head. Billy was able to lean away in time for it to only graze him and the resulting second scuffle sent them both stumbling out of the front door in a tangle of limbs.

"Shit yeah," Baggy whooped; it'd been too long since a fight had broken out there.

Bodie looked amused, but slightly less than his friend; this punk just wasn't going down easy.

Baggy's grip on her had slackened so Natalie freed herself of him and gave him a spiteful look before exiting. She was surprised to find the two men just standing and glaring heatedly at each other in some kind of stare-down.

"Billy, _please_…" Natalie approached him, taking his elbow lightly.

He wrenched away from her hand and whipped his hand out to grab her arm roughly.

"I'm gonna deal with you later; stay out of my way," he told her firmly, nodding at Baggy to keep a better eye on her.

"Vince, don't -" she started, causing Billy to whip around again.

Billy's eyes widened slightly, registering surprise that this punk would dare come at him, before he was barreled around the middle and tackled to the ground.

"Fuck," he grunted, falling to the pavement.

"Vince!"

Baggy grabbed her firmly around the waist, despite her protests.

"Don't. Fuckin. Manhandle her," Vince ground out, landing some hits to Billy's body as Billy tried to reorient himself.

Growling, Billy wrestled his way around so he had Vince pinned under him instead and began pummeling him.

"Stop it! Billy, cut it out! Grow up!" Natalie shouted, trying to elbow Baggy and get him to let her go.

Vince tried to get an eye on her but was more concerned with protecting his face from the large fists that were trying to get at it. He finally managed some leverage with his legs and twisted around. With speed that took Billy by surprise, he wrangled the taller man into a hold that offered him little movement.

Bodie almost stepped forward, but this was his leader's fight so he'd give him more of a chance…Billy would only be pissed if he stepped in unneeded.

Billy strained to push him away with one arm, grunting with the effort. In lieu of that not working, he managed his hand behind Vince and curled his hand into a tight fist to jab it into the approximate area he knew the kidney should be.

Eureka.

Vince gasped and went slack so that Billy could scramble to his feet, and once he was standing he swung his foot out into Vince's gut.

"Stop it ! Bodie, do something," Natalie urged, straining against Baggy's thick arms.

Bodie just shrugged; he knew where his loyalties were. He felt a little bad for Natalie as she cringed when Billy kicked this guy again, but if Billy didn't want this guy coming around then neither did he.

Billy stopped, chest heaving, to eye the man who was currently on his hands and knees gasping for breath. Time to get rid of him.

"Oh my God…" Natalie gasped when Billy pulled his gun from the back of his hands. "Don't!"

Vince knew exactly what Natalie was talking about when he heard the click of the gun. He knew that sound and squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head fall.

Shit.

"Billy, stop it; what're you doing? _Look at me_…"

Natalie's words went ignored and no one else made a sound. Vince pushed himself up, hands up at his side in innocence. As he slowly rose to his feet.

"Why don't you just calm down, bro," Vince spoke calmly.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up," Billy forced him to stop negotiating. "You come in here and you come at me in my place? In my city?"

Tears spilled out of Natalie's eyes. She couldn't even comprehend the scene in front of it. How was this even happening.

"Billy please stop. Please, you don't know what you're doing…"

Baggy gently placed a hand over her mouth, least she needle Billy too much. He, too, was surprised at Billy and exchanged a worried look with Bodie. Not that they wouldn't back Billy's play, but it was a little out there to shoot this guy in public right in front of their bar.

Vince shot Natalie a worried look but looked back to Billy quickly.

"On your knees…get down on your knees!" Billy yelled at him.

Slowly, Vince breathed deeply and did so, dropping to his knees.

He heard Natalie sob but kept his eyes straight on Billy. He wasn't supposed to die this way, but if he was going down he was facing his psychotic murderer like a man.

"Billy, man," Bodie spoke quietly, calmly.

Billy finally tore his eyes away to look at Bodie, his best friend.

"What?" he spat; didn't Bodie know he wasn't about to pull the trigger? It was just a scare tactic.

Bodie nodded to Natalie, who had sunk to the ground where she'd been standing. Baggy was crouched next to her, hands on her shoulders in case she tried to make a break, but she didn't look like she was going to move. Her hands were over her mouth in fear, tears wetting her face. Billy softened slightly but glared back at this Vince.

He rolled his eyes and stuck his gun back in his pants. He cracked his neck and eyed Vince fiercely.

"Get out of my sight"

Vince got up quickly and looked around before heading for his car, stumbling slightly. Natalie sobbed again, this time in relief, and wiped her eyes before pushing herself to her feet. She felt it was only natural to hurry after Vince, but Billy grabbed her arm.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"Let go," she wrenched her arm away. "You don't even know what the hell you just did," she shook he head at him, eyes still full of tears.

He got in front of her again and though he didn't grab at her again he blocked her way successfully.

"You go after him and I'm gonna fuckin' lose it," he told her, his voice low, and she believed him.

"I have to see if he'd alright," she sniffed.

"…two fuckin' minutes. That's what you got, Nat. Two, or it's his ass."

"You don't even know-"

"Two minutes," he repeated.

Finally she just nodded and was allowed to walk around him, hurrying over to where Vince was standing at his car. Natalie reached up to his face but he lowered her hand gently and shook his head.

"I'm s-so sorry," She stuttered out around her breath hitching.

"S'okay, he punches like a little bitch," he joked.

Natalie shook her head and cried. Vince rubbed her arm gently but didn't dare hug her in front of Billy right now.

"He just got the wrong idea…I don't blame you," he promised.

"He got so angry so fast," she whispered, trying her eyes on her sweater.

"…you wanna hop in? We can go," he offered. "I won't leave you here alone if you don't want me to," he promised her loyally.

"That's a bad idea," she shook her head. "You're okay?"

"I've seen worse," he threw his shoulder up in a shrug. "Nothin' some ice and Advil can't fix."

"Don't joke"

"I'm not, I'm serious… I'll be fine. I'm more worried about you with that _pendejo_," he nodded over her shoulder.

"Don't be"

"Nat!"

Billy was migrating their way, one hand on his hip as he waved her over.

"The offer still stands," Vince nodded to his truck.

Billy narrowed his eyes when he saw that gesture but Natalie shook her head and took her first step his way.

"See you soon, yeah?"

"I'll call," Natalie promised before turning away from him and walking down the sidewalk, straight past Billy.

"Where the hell you goin'?"

"To get my coat," she slapped his hand away.

Billy threw his keys at Bodie and waited stoically for Natalie to get back out.

"Keys," he demanded, hand out.

Natalie hesitated but did as he wanted resignedly. Billy lead the way to her car, opening the passenger door for her and slamming it hard enough to make her jump once she was seated.

"I can't believe you did that," she breathed as they neared his apartment.

Billy didn't react, just glared ahead as he whipped into a parking spot.

"Geeze, calm down," she cringed, grabbing the door.

He didn't react to that either, just got out and lead the way in and upstairs. He slammed the door to the apartment just like he'd been slamming everything else on the way. He was like a kid throwing a fit and she scoffed, shaking her head.

"Something funny?"

"You; you're being stupid"

She was sad and scared and mad. Everything was just jumbled together and she didn't know how to feel.

"Stupid?" he asked incredulously, striding over to her.

"Yes, you have no idea what you just did. How could you do that?" she demanded, hitting his chest now that he was close enough.

"Maybe I wouldn't have had to if ya weren't fucking all over him," Billy spat at her.

"What? Now another guy buying me a drink means he's all on me?" she threw up her hands.

"No, I saw you this afternoon at your school," he threw down his trump card. "That's right. All fuckin' smiley and touchy. Who the hell is he, Nat?"

"You saw us on campus? Well why didn't you say something? I didn't even see you," she frowned.

"Cuz you only had eyes for him-"

"You should've said something"

"-now who the hell is he?" Billy asked again as if she hadn't spoken.

"He's Vince; I've known him forever. He was Connor's best friend," she told him.

"Connor…"

"Yeah; they were like brothers. They were in the Army together."

Billy deflated a little at that.

"And if you would've stopped for two damn seconds, I would've told you that at the bar," she added.

"Well what was I supposed to think? We fight this morning and I show up to see him touching you and shit," he defended himself.

"We fought, so what!" Natalie insisted exasperatedly. "So I'm going to turn to the nearest guy? Is that what you think?'

"That's how everyone else in my life operates," he threw up his hands.

Natalie blanched.

"Is that what you do?" she demanded, thinking of that blonde at the pool table.

"No!" he snapped.

"Then why would you think that? I've never given you a reason not to trust me, and yet you pull this crap," she shook her head, rubbing away the dampness pooling under her eyes.

"It's all I fucking know; I try, alright," Billy snapped.

Natalie shook her head. It was a shitty excuse, though she knew he had a lot of negative experiences when it came to trusting people…everyone always let him down.

"It's not an excuse for how you acted tonight; you crossed some kind of line," she told him, releasing a shaky breath.

"Were your eyes open? He egged it on," Billy reminded her.

"No way; he was trying to protect me-"

"I wasn't letting anyone fucking hurt you!"

"But he didn't know that; he doesn't know them. And you pulled a gun on him," she nearly whispered the words; she still couldn't believe he'd done that.

"I was never gonna shoot his ass," Billy rolled his eyes. "He's just some damn pussy…"

Natalie hit his chest again and took a few steps away, digging her hands into her hair.

"I have to leave; I can't stay here tonight," she shook her head.

"Like hell you're leaving"

He made a step towards her but she immediately stepped back.

"…you scared of me?" he frowned at her.

"You just pointed a gun in my friend's face, what do you think?" she challenged. "Give me my keys."

"No"

She reached into his pocket for them but he didn't allow it and grabbed her around the middle when she tried to leave with them.

"Let me go; I want to go"

"You're not fucking leaving while you're scared of me, you hear that?" he laid down the law firmly.

First of all, he didn't want her scared of him. Besides, what if she left scared... maybe she'd never come back. He couldn't just let her leave; it'd be the perfect time to bail, she'd have the perfect excuse - he fucking gave it to her. Fuck.

She had things at his place, sure, but he was sure daddy Shepherd would be happy to replace anything she left behind as a reward for dumping his ass.

"What?"

"You can't fucking be scared of me," he tried to tell her, as if this was something he could order her.

"I know you're not going to hurt me, but I can't do this anymore," Natalie sighed, wrenching her body away from him to get a little space.

"What?" he blanched; luckily, she was turned away still so she didn't see the panic sweep his face for a moment.

"This back and forth in emotions…I know you have a temper, but…ugh. You go from zero to sixty so fast… ...it makes my head spin and I can't keep up. Why couldn't you have just come to me; you could've asked me who he was…"

Billy sniffed and rubbed his nose quickly.

Sometimes he forgot himself when it came to her, forgot to act differently with her. He didn't talk things out with other people, didn't have to think about their side. He didn't really think Natalie was going to walk out on him, but the mere suggestion of it - just thinking of it when she saw her hugging on Vince - was enough to trigger him to act the way he had.

"…say something."

Natalie knew they could talk about this. She knew he was used to being let down; people left him, disappointed him, backstabbed him, and fucked with him all the time so he had a reason to jump the gun (no pun intended) sometimes. She didn't want to be providing the excuses, though; he had to open his mouth and talk about it.

"What am I supposed to say? I don't know how to do this," he gestured between them. "It was smooth sailing for a while there but I'm still figuring this shit out."

Natalie watched him thoughtfully. That was true; a lot of things had gone relatively smoothly for a while. Billy was faithful, she'd figured out how to work around her parents - for a while - to be with him, she fit in with his friends, he kept his temper with her…it wasn't _perfect_ but the downs were relatively few. They'd even been able to live together nicely. Then she'd gotten attacked and now he was stressed out about keeping her safe, and now that he could understand why she'd leave he almost expected her to.

Natalie didn't know what to say but maybe leaving was the wrong thing to do to him right now. Instead she settled on taking a bath, shutting the door to the room to run hot water and slip in.

Billy stayed sanding in the living room for a while before going to the bathroom door. It was locked but he just reached up to the top of the door for the key and unlocked it; too many drunks locked themselves in there for him to not have an accessible key. Normally he'd be upset she'd tried to lock him out but he ignored it and sat down on the closed toilet to just watch her, look at her. He sat there for quite some time, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, until shifting to sit on the floor so he could relax his back against the side of the tub.

They were quiet for a long time and Billy closed his eyes and just listened to her breathe. He wasn't sure how he always managed to create situations he just had to fix in the end anyway.

He heard the water move and then a wet thumb trailed over the back of his head.

"…I know people let you down," she stated softly.

He didn't say anything to acknowledge that, just stared at the door.

"Part of you won't trust me…you have to give me a chance to not leave you"

Billy still didn't speak but instead reached behind him and grabbed her hand.

Natalie didn't want to leave him but sometimes she really wanted him to make it easier to stay. She loved him, everything about him, and she was willing to take his bad with his good, but she didn't want to be scared of him…she couldn't. She couldn't just stand for him hurting people around her, effectively hurting her.

Maybe she couldn't blame him for having negative assumptions about Vince…maybe seeing things in the conditions he had were suspicious. But he didn't have to overreact with such a tempter. The Darley Temper, according to the boys.

Natalie got out of the tub and dried off, scampering to the bedroom to grab some leftover clothes and change into them so she could get in bed. Billy was in the room by then and he stripped to his boxers before getting in. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead, trying to move on and kiss her fully.

"Mmm, don't," she turned away. "I'm still mad at you; you threatened my friend," she reminded him, turning over.

"I don't like him," Billy declared anyway, spooning up behind her.

"That doesn't matter. He's the closest thing I have to a brother now"

Billy grunted to show he'd heard but didn't offer anything else. Natalie didn't let that bother her. Billy didn't have to like him if he didn't want; she felt that he'd never really like any of the guys in her life that weren't his gang. He didn't have to like them if he didn't want to, but he couldn't treat them however he wanted. She thought he got it with Joel; he didn't have to be Joel's friend but he had to at least tolerate him…it probably wouldn't be so easy with Vince anymore.

_Assuming  
And you're so hateful sometimes  
__Throwing punches at lies  
Fall from somewhere above  
__Just to say you're in love  
_'

_Throwing Punches' by Paramore  
__


	21. What A Nightmare

**Alrighty, here's chapter 21 =)**

**Thanks for continued reviews, and i hope you enjoy the new chap=D**

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* * *

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**What A Nightmare**  
Free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been  
Then you came crashing in, like the realest thing  
Trying my best to understand all that your love can bring  
'**Half of Heart' by John Mayer  
_**

"Paige, don't tell him that!" Natalie laughed. "You'll only boost his ego."

"But I do like it. Let me feel," Paige demanded, stepping off the couch to run her hand through Vince's wavy hair. "_And_ it's soft."

Vince just laughed and combed his own fingers through his hair in an amused but somewhat cocky kind of way as Paige sat back down.

"What? You don't agree?" he challenged Natalie.

"It's very nice…if you're into the dark and grungy thing," she teased him.

"And Billy is nice if you're into the whole skinhead thing," he responded casually.

Natalie flipped him the bird but otherwise just took a long drink from her beer. She was at her house with Paige and Vince, just lounging around. She'd been spending more time at home the last few days or so. She wasn't trying to punish Billy or anything, she just thought they might need more downtime apart to really relax from what Paige liked to simply call 'the biggest misunderstanding of the year'. They still saw each other at least a little everyday, but she'd been coming home at night.

Plus, she was spending more time with Vince, and she felt that time with Billy and time with Vince should be mutually exclusive. In different circumstances, she might feel like she was choosing Vince over Billy, but she never knew how long Vince was going to stick around when he showed up like this. He kind of drifted around, staying wherever and doing whatever odd jobs kept money in his pocket. It's not that he'd gone crazy after the war…he just wasn't quite the same and he hadn't put roots down anywhere. If he left soon she didn't know when he'd be back again so she wanted to hang out with him while she could.

"That was low," Paige shook her head, but she was laughing happily - it was amusing to hear people make fun of the guys, even if it was behind their backs.

"See? _Mami's_ got a sense of humor," Vince laughed, pointing to Paige.

"Speaking of mommy…where's your parents?" Paige frowned.

"At my grandparents'…I'm surprised they didn't cancel the whole visit when they found out Vince was gonna be around; they love him," Natalie grinned.

That was definitely true. Maybe it was because he'd always been close to the family, or because he was like a link to Connor…or maybe it was just the air he always had about him that was reminiscent of a lost dog…a tough dog, but a lost one nonetheless. Whatever it was, he was like their surrogate son, and he had been even before Connor passed.

"Okay, I was gonna say: it's getting late, so your parents must know how to party," Paige teased.

"You think they don't?" Vince laughed. "They know how to drink. Let me tell you -"

He stopped when there was a knock…not a knock from the front door.

"Shit," Natalie hissed.

Vince jumped up quickly, sensing trouble from her tone, but Natalie rushed out of her seat before he cold make more of a move.

"No, no, sit down. Tell her the stories… …it's probably Billy"

Vince rolled his eyes but dropped back down and continued the few tipsy Christopher Shepherd stories he had in his arsenal of memory.

Natalie slowly edged into the kitchen, sighing when she saw Billy and Baggy on the back patio. Great, Paige had probably mentioned she was coming over to hang out.

"Hi," she greeted softly.

Billy ducked to kiss her despite his cold lips and Baggy made a gagging noise as he shimmied past, likely preparing to make a beeline for Paige, but Natalie reached back and grabbed him by the coat.

"Whoa, what? You want me to join in?" Baggy laughed as Billy straightened.

"No, but you both have to know that Vince is here"

Billy lost go of some of the easiness in his eyes and exchanged some kind of look with Baggy.

"Paige and I are just hanging around with him, drinking some beers and catching up. Paige has met him before, so we're just hanging out…"

Baggy just stood there, waiting for Billy to decide if they were staying or going.

"…we invited to this party or what?" Billy asked slowly.

"If everybody can play nice," she nodded in agreement.

Billy made a movement that was part nod and part shrug and took the bottle from her fingers, downing the rest of it in one go.

"I do get a beer, right?" Baggy asked.

"Of course," Natalie chuckled.

He loped over to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle before going out to the living room to Paige and this Vince dude.

"You look tired," Natalie observed when Billy lingered in the kitchen rather than go right in with Baggy.

He just grunted in response, scratching the back of his head in thought.

"Billy," she sighed heavily. "I really don't want a problem in there tonight."

"You don't think I can behave," he rolled his eyes.

"You can when you want to," she shrugged, unconvinced he wanted to.

She was pretty sure he got what her relationship with Vince was, but that didn't change the fact that Vince had fought back rather than succumb to him; hell, Vince had even restarted the fight that Billy had considered over. Never mind that Billy had started the fight initially - he was holding a grudge.

He nodded in reluctant agreement before going to the fridge to grab two beers, holding one out to her before leading the way back into the living room. Natalie took a deep breath and followed. She truly hoped this would be a regular old night but, then again, maybe Paige was right and "normal" was before she met Billy Darley.

"- yeah, so he's off jumpin' in the pool like any other _idiota_. Clothes on and all that," Vince was recounting, hardly batting an eye when they entered and Billy sat in the other armchair across from Vince's with Natalie plunking down on the arm.

"Shut up," Paige shook her head.

"_Si_, I'm telling the truth," he chuckled. "We were like 14 and sneaking their beers…they always wondered where Connor got his crazy, but it was all him. Only thing they ever had in common, besides the face…well, you've seen pictures," he shrugged, speaking of Connor's visage.

"Who we talkin' about?" Baggy frowned, wanting to join in Paige's laughter.

"Connor's her brother," Paige supplied.

"Talkin' about their dad," Vince added, catching what Baggy was really looking for.

"What? I thought he was some judge," Baggy cracked a smile.

"Well he was a lawyer still back then, but yeah," Vince shook his head, chortling. "He likes to think he's sophisticated and stuck up."

"Hope I don't end up in his court; won't be able to take him serious knowing he's some kindda lush," Baggy snorted.

"You better not end up in court at all ," Paige slapped his chest.

"Yeah, yeah…her mom do that shit too? Cuz she's definitely a MILF"

Natalie and Paige both gasped their disgust and Paige slapped his arm again. Billy just laughed and Vince, too, snickered like he didn't disagree.

"Nah, she'd sit back and watch; she was always classy - never as uptight as Chris, though."

"Amen to that," Natalie piped up, raising her drink in agreement as Billy snaked an arm around where she was sitting.

"…but you don't disagree - she looks good, right?" Baggy goaded.

Vince just sat and tried to hold in a smirk, but failed miserably, much to Baggy's amusement.

"Ew, Vince!" Natalie groaned.

He just shrugged.

"Calm down, Nat; some guys crush on teachers and some guys crush on their friend's ma," Baggy offered in his defense, still smirking.

Baggy was thinking maybe this Vince wasn't _so_ bad. He seemed pretty chill, and Baggy did usually get on with people really easy. He chanced a glance at his stoic leader, who wasn't joining in the banter and was mostly observing instead. Baggy went ahead and lost a little of his smile; if Billy wasn't okay with this punk, he wouldn't be either.

"I can't believe you guys just called her mom a MILF to her face," Paige cracked up.

"Shut up," Natalie complained.

"She'd take it as a compliment, Nat," Vince brushed it off.

"Billy…tell me you don't agree with them"

"…she spawned you; she can't be ugly," Billy informed her, pinching her side.

"Spawned, great," Natalie laughed, swatting his hand away.

"Aw, Baggy, tell me I'm pretty as romantically as Billy says it to Nat," Paige mock-pouted.

"You're fucking hot," Baggy stated simply.

"Don't mock his compliments," Natalie tossed a coaster towards the occupants of the couch.

"Bitch," Paige laughed, barely protecting her drink from spilling as she dodged the coaster.

"Yeah that's precious alcohol you couldda wasted," Baggy admonished.

"Then mind your manners"

Natalie turned back to Billy and found he was having some kind of stare-down with Vince. Billy's face was mildly disgusted and his eyes narrowed in a way that would have most people backing off, but Vince just stared back darkly, though he almost looked bored. She looked to Baggy and Paige, both of whom watched on in interest as well, neither doing anything of consequence.

She let them continue for some time, but decided they were ultimately being stupid and this was just some sort of pissing contest.

Men.

"How about more beer for everyone," she announced to no one in particular, pleased that Paige followed after her into the kitchen.

"Intense," Paige whispered.

They grabbed some more beer from the garage to put in the refrigerator and got out enough beers for everyone.

"Right," Natalie rolled her eyes. "If he picks a fight I'll kill him," she added.

"Nah, it's just some kind of wordless, manly throw-down. They're drawing lines without speaking…or some macho thing like that. Hell if I know; they're idiots," Paige laughed, grabbing another beer. "I'm crashing here, right?"

"Yes…probably in the guest room, though; I'm sure Billy will stay."

"Get to cuddle with Baggy - not complaining," Paige smiled brightly.

"…have you gotten a real name out of him?" Natalie asked curiously; she hadn't thought about it much before but knew it wasn't his birth name.

"Everybody calls him Baggy; how much more real do I need?" Paige shrugged carelessly. "But let me ask you something," she continued quietly, leaning on the counter.

"Okay…"

"About Vince…have you ever, ya know, gone there? I'll forgive you if you never mentioned it…it's just that he's pretty sexy…" Paige grinned wickedly.

"No," Natalie shook her head. "He's like my brother, Paige. I mean I can recognize he's got a nice body but I I've never had a crush or anything.."

"Never?"

"No," Natalie laughed.

"Good fuckin' answer"

Both girls turned and Paige cringed to see Billy walking in.

"Don't mind me. Silly questions; I've been drinking, ya know," Paige dismissed, exiting nonchalantly.

"Don't frown like that - I was telling the truth," Natalie promised.

"Uh-huh. You sure he ain't got some exotic thing goin' on that gets the two of ya all girly," he scoffed, referencing Paige as he helped himself to another beer.

"Don't. I've known him forever and when we were younger I was just like an annoying little sister," she explained. "We weren't really that close until after him and Connor graduated and we'd all grown up a little. He's always been like part of the family…he had a crappy home life so he didn't like being there and he was always here. He joined the Army right away while Connor tried out college, but then he dropped out and enlisted, too. By the time Vince got back from his first tour, Connor was through basic training; he signed on for another tour and they shipped out together."

She knew he wasn't asking to be filled in on Vince's min-biography, but she wanted to make Vince more real to him so that he wasn't just some random guy he'd fought with. She doubted he was genuinely interested but he nodded all the same, so at least he'd heard her.

"He was there when Connor got shot, obviously…"

Billy rubbed the back of his head for something to do; he was pretty sure he didn't want to hear this, for some reason…and it made him feel worse for overreacting. Damn, no one could guilt him the way she could.

"He felt really guilty about it for a while, I think. It took him a while before he could come back around much…it wasn't until last year that he really visited. He moves around a lot, wherever he has friends….he goes to New York sometimes, and I know he has friends in D.C…"

"…so don't scare him off," Billy summarized the moral of the story for her.

"So don't push him away," she nodded affirmatively.

Billy hesitantly conceded, wordlessly agreeing to resist starting a problem.

"Paige is picking out a DVD! Come stop her from picking some fucking gay movie!" Baggy hollered. "Vince and me can't contain her!"

"No chick flicks!" Vince insisted loudly as well.

"Come on; I have to go save everyone from Paige," she smiled, taking his hand to try to tug him to the living room. "Look…I won't be mad if you want to leave," she sighed when he was resistant.

"You kickin' me out?"

"No," she told him firmly, feeling slightly exasperated.

"Then I ain't leavin'," he told her with a sense of finality, throwing his arm around her shoulders so he was the one steering her to go sit.

Paige ended up doing an agreeable job picking out a movie, though the guys couldn't resist picking apart the technicalities; even Billy joined in pointing out and mocking some of the unrealistic points of the horror movie they'd settled on. Typical guys, not getting scared….of course, Natalie was pretty sure she'd die of shock if anything as simple as cinematic tricks could scare any of the these three.

As for her, she was in Billy's lap now, cuddled into his chest because she wasn't as brave in the face of mutilation and psychopaths

"Okay, help yourself to a guestroom," she told Vince after the movie was over. "No driving…you too, Paige. Baggy, you're welcome to stay…you get the couch or one of them to cuddle with."

"I choose Paige; no offense, bro," he laughed, clapping Vince on the shoulder.

"None taken; you stay far, far from my bed," Vince laughed, trudging off to a downstairs bedroom; he knew his way around.

Paige did too and showed Baggy where they were going to crash while Natalie held Billy's hand lightly to lead him upstairs.

"Hmmm, this was a nice night," Natalie smiled contentedly, twisting her arms up over Billy's shoulders to kiss him once they were off the stairs.

"…it was relaxing I guess," he somewhat agreed.

"Well I'm glad you came," she told him, resting her forehead on his chin.

She truly did treasure nights like this that were just so _normal_. Save for his tension with Vince, it had been a perfectly laid back and casual evening.

He made a noise that she took as agreement and he picked her up to carry her to her bedroom while he kissed her.

"Am I outta the damn doghouse yet?" he asked, laying her down and settling between her legs.

"I don't know," she announced, tracing his mouth with her finger.

He cocked his head at her, annoyed.

"You scared me for a little bit…"

"I have a fuckin' temper; we all know that," he defended himself, biting the finger by his mouth.

"That doesn't mean I like it"

"…pretty sure you told me I'm sexy when I'm angry…" he pointed out to try to divert the subject.

"Not **that** angry"

He glowered and looked for a distraction.

"Don't look away," she stopped him with a gentle hand on his cheek. "It doesn't mean I don't love you," she assured him since he had shaky ideas about how he was supposed to deserve love (as of late she was regularly damning faulty parenting and shitty environments). "I don't like you jumping to such big assumptions so fast."

"Yeah, I learned that fuckin' lesson," he muttered darkly.

She smiled a little at his near-pout and pulled him down to kiss her. She wasn't fully excusing his epic overreaction but they'd talked about it enough that she didn't feel like she had to dangle it over his head forever and ever.

They fooled around quietly and got down to business. Billy wasn't sure if he should be thanking the alcohol for her friskiness even though friends were in the house, but he welcomed the chance to make things up to her in a physical way, a way he was far more attuned to.

And he was fully ready to sleep-in…damn, it had been a while since he'd stayed over here and he'd forgotten how comfortable her bed was. Natalie, too, settled in for a restful night.

"AAHHH! AHHH!"

Natalie jerked awake almost as quick as Billy did and she was actually the first out of bed. She yanked a sweatshirt over her head and almost fell down the stairs as she tried to descend them and pull on her shorts at the same time.

"Nat, hold the fuck up!" Billy spat, yanking boxers on as he grabbed his gun and followed after her, thundering down the stairs to catch up with her.

Natalie knew the voice was Vince's and they heard yelling again from his room, but Billy roughly pushed her behind him as they turned into the hall. Baggy was standing in the carpeted hall looking confused. He too wore only boxers and had his gun held loosely at his side; Billy seemed more prepared, with his gun up slightly, ready to go. Paige was in the doorway to the guestroom she and Baggy had stayed in; she looked freaked out. The guys exchanged a nod and Billy abruptly shoved the door open so hard it bounced off the wall slightly.

"Connor, wha-!"

Vince jerked awake at the noise and shot up in bed, immediately patting himself down as if to check for injury. Billy instantly relaxed and tucked his gun into the elastic of his underwear, unsure what the fuck he was supposed to do now. Vince's eyes finally landed on him in the lit doorway and he scrambled out of bed, stepping into jeans and pulling them up quickly.

"Vince"

Natalie edged around Billy in the doorway to get in and approach the frazzled man.

"Don't," Vince knocked her arm away when she looked to be trying to pull him into a hug. "It's fine. It's nothing," he promised breathlessly.

Billy stepped back out into the hall; if a grown man was going to cry he wasn't going to stick around to be a fucking witness. Baggy looked equally uneasy until Paige tugged him back into the bedroom to give Vince his privacy and some dignity.

"It's not nothing, Vince"

"It is! It's just…I have nightmares sometimes, it's nothing. All the guys do."

"Do you talk to someone? Anyone?" Natalie asked, not sure if she was being helpful; she also didn't know how well he'd take the insinuation that he should seek a help.

"I talk to some of the other guys; we keep in touch sometimes. It's nothing," Vince repeated again, pulling his shirt on.

"Well then where are you going?"

"Out…back where I've been staying. I need some air; I'll go for a drive," he shrugged, leaving the room to find his coat.

"Vince, don't leave…you know you're welcome here," Natalie tried to dissuade him, following after him.

"Course I know that. I'll be back, no worries. Now I just need to go breathe"

"B-"

"Let him go," Billy interrupted her, taking her arm lightly to keep her from continuing after him. "It's easier that way," he told her lightly.

He looked up and met Vince's eye where he'd stopped, keys in hand. Their eyes locked in a gaze much different from earlier that night.

Vince gave him a courtesy nod in thank you.

Billy gave him the appropriate nod of "no problem" in return and watched him go.

If there was one thing Billy knew it was how to live with dark shit. Nightmares were par for the course sometimes, and it wasn't exactly the manliest thing in the world. It wasn't a boost to the ego to be scared by something that wasn't even real, just a figment of a nonexistent reality in your head. He wasn't going to be Vince's friends or be a pussy and bond over this, but he'd spare Vince his pride.

Natalie looked up at him, confused, as Vince shut the door quietly behind himself.

"He'd just feel worse the more ya nagged on it," he shook his head.

Natalie looked surprised but nodded slowly and let him lead her back upstairs. She stopped at the front door to peer out the window and watched Vince reach his car. He stopped next to it for a few moments, head hung as he collected himself, and then got in and drove away through the lightly falling snow.

She didn't want to see him hurt, it freaked her out to see him shaken like that, but she trusted Billy on this one and let him continue to lead her back to her room.

Natalie was a little shaken when she got back to her room and crawled into bed. She watched Billy set his gun safely back on her dresser and then just stared up at the ceiling.

"Stop thinking about it," Billy ordered her lightly, nudging her before laying down with her.

"It was just weird to see him scared like that…about the war and Connor"

Billy grunted.

"Guess he's seen some shit…"

Vince had been to war, just as Billy had seen his fair share of a different sort or war. Maybe Billy could respect him…well, not really….maybe just a little….maybe.

"…do you think he'll be okay?"

Billy sighed and contemplated his answers for a moment. He personally didn't care if he ever saw Vince again; it honestly made no difference to him, but that wasn't the answer Natalie wanted.

"I'm sure," he decided to answer.

After all, he'd been dealing with whatever daemons for at least, what, about two years?

"Yeah?"

"Sure…if he was going to lose it, he already wouldda. I've seen guys that can't hack it before and they unwind pretty fuckin' fast," he shrugged.

Natalie wasn't sure all what Billy was implying there but decided to trust his assessment of Vince's current state. She believed he'd be okay, too; maybe she just needed someone to say it for her. Vince had always been resilient; he'd muddle through.

Billy considered Vince for a moment as well. Okay, so maybe he **did** have a little respect for the guy; he's obviously see shit, been places…ya know, actually lived life. Alright, he had some credit; Billy was able to admit that only after deciding he didn't have to like the guy. He'd put up with his presence but if Natalie thought they were going to chum it up anytime soon, she could forget it.

**

* * *

End of Chapter. Let me know what ya think =)**


	22. Again

**Okay, here's chapter 22. I thought i put it up yesterday but i guess i only uploaded it to the site, not the store. Ha...these are the things i do sometimes lol. **

**But anyway, enjoy it.**

**

* * *

**_  
If you let me, I could  
__I'd show you how to build your fences  
__Set restrictions, separate from the world  
_'_**Fences' by Paramore  
_**_

AGAIN

Lots of chatter, but none of it pertained to her. It was always that way, so at least she wasn't surprised.

Natalie would get the cursory greeting at the beginning of the evening as people commented on how much she'd grown and how much she looked like her mother. She would smile and agree, perhaps a little embarrassed but pleasantly all the same. Then they might ask how school was and if she was making her old man proud. Well, no, she probably wasn't these days, but she didn't tell them that; instead she assured inquisitors that she was doing fine but wasn't looking forward to finals. That undoubtedly got one of two responses: a solid reassurance that she'd do fine - she was Chris Shepherd's daughter, after all - or it would get a laugh of agreement and a short anecdote of how, they, too, and dreaded finals.

It wasn't that her parent's friends and coworkers didn't care or didn't like her; they were always nice, they just didn't know her well and they were just being polite. Natalie knew their children enough to mingle nicely, but for the most part wasn't close with most of them by now. Anymore, she only saw these people at get togethers like this or when they were at the house for barbeques, which she only stopped in on politely now that she was old enough to skip out. It was the same with everyone's kids now, though; parents couldn't set up "play dates" anymore to create a social group for their grown kids, so they'd all drifted away to their own real friends.

"I heard you get to leave early"

Natalie laughed when her cousin Amanda cornered her with an accusing sort of face.

"Yup," she smiled.

She didn't feel bad; it was every son/daughter for themselves when it came to weaseling out of unwanted social gatherings.

"Bitch…where are you going and can I come?" she tried to persuade; her parents would probably let her go if it was with Natalie…Natalie was Natalie after all - what harm could come of it?

"To a bar with some friends, and not tonight," Natalie shook her head; it would be awkward to bring a new face to Joe's welcome home.

Amanda rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her blonde hair.

"At least one of us will be having fun then"

"You're turning twenty-one, soon; I'll take you out"

"Really?" she perked up.

Natalie nodded affirmatively. Amana wasn't completely innocent but she'd stayed pretty darn sheltered even now that she was off to college. Natalie certainly wasn't planning to take her to _The Four Roses_ but she and Paige would take Amanda somewhere to have a proper twenty first birthday…something most of the friends she hung out with probably wouldn't do.

"…or you could take me out now and sneak me drinks," Amanda tried her luck.

"Not tonight," Natalie laughed, though that would fly at the _Roses_ any other time. "I'll see you soon, though, okay?"

"Sure, sure," Amanda sighed in resignation, giving Natalie a quick hug before heading off to mingle elsewhere since her usual fallback at these events was leaving.

The dinner had been over for quite some time now and Natalie had just been waiting for her dad to detach to another part of the room so she could say good-bye to her mom and "accidentally" miss her dad.

"Alright, mom, I'm heading out then," Natalie announced with a sweet smile, giving her a hug.

"Already," her mom sighed.

"Oh, our kids are just growing up and always leaving now, aren't they, Jennifer" Mrs. Hogan chuckled in a nostalgic kind of way.

"So sad but so true," her mom nodded with a half smile of her own. "Are you coming home after?"

"No, I'm probably going to Paige's cuz I'll be late," she shook her head.

She knew that her mom knew that now "Paige's" basically meant "Billy's" but Natalie didn't see a reason to rub it in her parents' faces, nor was it Olivia Hogan's business where she went at night. Actually, with Joe being home maybe she would be crashing at Paige's…she was interested to see how the dynamic of another resident of the apartment was going to work out. Billy, of course, insisted that she stay whenever they wanted but she didn't want to if it bothered Joe at all.

"Alright, have fun, be safe"

Natalie nodded and left after another quick hug and walked off to the sounds of Mrs. Hogan starting up with "Oh, isn't that all we can do? Hope they're smart and safe now that they're independent…."

She rolled her eyes and went to get her coat from the coat room.

"Uh-oh, making an escape, are we?"

Natalie jumped and turned as she shrugged on her coat, but she smiled to see her Uncle Dean in the doorway; her father's brother.

"Yeah, I heard Amanda didn't manage it tonight"

"Oh, I'll be weaseling her into staying at these things for as long as I can," he winked. "Karen's always complaining, saying you kids will all learn to like these kinds of things again when you're older….I say I like it when Amanda would rather be out with the girlies; at least you guys have got friends, right?"

"Exactly. Remind my dad about that if he complains, would you?" Natalie chuckled

"Ah, now he's a tough egg to crack," her uncle pretended to cringe. "Go on, have some fun, kiddo…don't do anything I wouldn't do back in my college days."

"So do whatever I want?" she grinned.

"…within reason," he amended, waving her off.

Natalie laughed and headed for the door; her uncle had definitely remained the more mellow of the Shepherd brothers. Her dad had really sobered up with the job, though she knew in college they'd both played as hard as they worked.

She shook away all the thoughts of her dad as she left the building and hurried to her car; the winter wind was uncomfortably cold against her bare legs.

Maybe it was silly and needless, but she was a little nervous to get to _The Four Roses_ and finally meet Joe. What if they didn't along? Maybe they'd have clashing personalities or maybe they just wouldn't hit if off? This could be potentially very awkward…

So she drove a little slow, even though it seemed like a stupid thing to do.

When she did get there, she stepped in and shed her coat to shake some snow out of it. She heard a clear whistle from the back and spotted Paige sending her a wave and she hollered something Natalie didn't quite catch over the din of the place, but she assumed it was something dirty. Paige's noise caught Billy's attention and he turned, grinning slowly as he looked her over and got up to come over.

"Want a drink before ya go sit down?" Sammy offered, pulling her attention from Billy to the bar.

"Sure…something mixed, go ahead and surprise me," she trusted him.

"Yo, she gets served before me? I'm right here," someone at the bag complained.

"Looks like it, buddy," Sam shrugged.

"That's bullshit"

Billy was there by now and he slapped the man upside the head without giving him a second look, suggesting it was someone he knew.

"Well look at you," he smirked, ducking to kiss her deeply.

"Hello to you, too," Natalie smiled right back.

"If I knew you were dressin' like this, I'd tell you to do these hoity-toity dinners more often, damn…"

He looked her up and down approvingly. She was wearing a black strapless dress. It had a belt around the middle to offset its simplicity, but it fit her like a glove and stopped just above her knee.

"Thanks," she blushed slightly, tugging on his golden chain necklace to pull him down for another kiss.

"Hey, let's break it up; make room at the bar," Sammy joked, sliding Natalie's glass to them.

"Ah, fuck you…" Billy grinned. "Another round back there, yeah?"

Sammy nodded and Natalie grabbed her drink as Billy curled his arm around her neck and led her off.

"Ready to have a good time now that you're away from mommy and daddy?" he chuckled at his own little joke.

"Yup"

"Good, Joe's been waitin' on ya"

"Oh…I'm kindda nervous"

Billy scoffed at this; he saw nothing to be nervous about when it came to Joe. Natalie just pinched his side lightly, well aware his amusement was at her expense.

She could pick Joe out immediately. That was natural, as she knew all the other guys pretty well by now and he was the only stranger to her, but he also stuck out in the group. He was a little pale and he was smaller than the other guys….definitely Billy's _little_ brother. He had a cigarette in his mouth and drinks in front of him, but even these things didn't age him enough to look like he fit in with this rough crowd. Something about his face was different than the others…it hovered towards hardness but some sort of boyishness still lingered in his features in some unidentified place.

He looked up when he saw they were coming back and a smile split his face immediately and he put down his cigarette in the ashtray.

"The infamous Natalie," he drawled, standing up to give him a one-armed hug.

Billy stepped back to let him do this, and as for Natalie she was a little taken aback….apparently Joe didn't require a long warming-up phase. She returned the friendly gesture anyway.

"Take it easy, Joe; she's _nervous_," Billy outted her, fetching a smoke from his pocket.

Joe laughed easily at this.

"So you dressed up all nice just for me then?" he teased, looking her over.

"Watch it," Billy ordered carelessly around the cigarette dangling between his lips.

"Kidding," Joe rolled his eyes. "Heard you were at some fancy dinner; thanks for skipping-out for me."

"Not a problem; I'm glad we finally get to meet"

"Me too; Billy talked about you enough when he visited," Joe dropped the dime on his brother, perhaps in retaliation for Billy doing the same to Natalie moments before.

"Alright, alright…drinks are here," Billy ended that conversation as the barmaid showed up with a tray of shots just in time to provide the perfect distraction.

"To Joe," Bodie threw up a toast, which they all drank to enthusiastically.

Billy sat back down in his chair and tugged Natalie to sit on his leg while Joe took the seat next to him where he'd been before.

"So, Nat, how's all of your other best friends?" Paige laughed.

"Oh, super," Natalie rolled her eyes in much the same tone as Paige.

"And how is Corey Larson?"

"Oh she's still rubbing it in that she goes to Harvard, that's for sure"

"Haha, I still say she wants you. She's not fooling me - she's into girls"

This got a couple the guys' attention, causing Paige to laugh more and Natalie to just roll her eyes.

"We know why she wishes you went there, so you can live with her. This chick's been wanting Natalie ever since they made out for a free drink on Natalie's 21st," Paige announced.

"Paige," Natalie groaned, trying to kick her under the table - she misjudged and kicked Baggy, not that he seemed to notice.

"She hot?" Baggy checked.

"Tall and blonde," Paige led on.

"So…like, are you two gonna make out?" he asked, eyes a little wide at the suggestion as he gestured between the two girls at the table.

"No," Paige laughed.

"Definitely not, and none of that's even true; Corey likes to rub it in that her school's more prestigious, that's all," Natalie clarified.

"…is it true you made out with her?" was all Baggy wanted to know.

"I wouldn't call it making out," Natalie sighed.

"It was making out," Baggy nodded. "Fucking hot…you do that, babe?" he asked Paige, focusing down on her now.

"You'll never know…" Paige teased.

Baggy looked to Natalie for information but she wasn't paying attention; she was more interested in Billy's hand sliding up the side of her skirt.

"Kissing girls, huh?" he smirked.

"…it seemed like a good idea at the time, yeah," she admitted.

"…alright, I like that," he continued to smirk at the thought.

"Perv"

"Was she honestly good looking?" Billy lifted an eyebrow at her.

"She's cute I guess…it's not like it did anything for me," Natalie rolled her eyes; she'd never understand guys digging anything and everything girl-on-girl.

"_**I**_ can do somethin' for ya…"

She smiled but stopped his hand before it traveled too far.

"Not here you can't," she shook her head.

"Tonight," he told her simply - it was a promise.

"Should we if Joe's around," she asked quietly since Joe was fully distracted by whatever rowdy conversation the guys were having.

"I'm thinkin' Joe ain't gonna be around tonight…pretty sure he'll have some entertainment arranged elsewhere."

Natalie scrunched up her face.

"He's been in the clink, Nat; the boy needs somethin'," Billy laughed.

Natalie conceded to this, though she was still a little repulsed with the notion if Billy was implying Joe would be with a hooker. Billy seemed to see that but it only amused him further. She ignored what might've been him taking humor in her naivety and traced the crinkles at the corner of his eye caused by his mirth. She traced the lines of his face, and the fact that he indulged the tender touch in public was probably proof he'd had enough to drink by now to relax; plus, he was in a generally good mood over Joe's release.

She tilted him up for a kiss, which he responded to. His hand was now over her dress, rubbing his hand over her hip and side deftly. He was starting to wonder if he'd be able to get her to go in one of the back rooms with him, but immediately discredited the idea. Well, maybe if she was really drunk, but other wise he was waiting it out.

He broke the kiss to get back to his beer and distract himself from her dress. Maybe most guys wouldn't want their girl in a place like this wearing that dress, but for him It just made him a little cockier; guys might look a little more but he was Billy Darley so he was the only one touching. The way she looked was all for him and here in this bar, his place, everyone knew it.

"Yo, Billy; ya down to let me try to win my money back?" Tommy nodded to the pool table.

Billy agreed and patted Natalie's hip so she'd stand and let him up. He blew the smoke from his mouth before kissing her again quickly and straightening to join Tommy.

"Yo, Sammy!" Billy hollered for the head bartender's attention; when Sammy looked Billy motioned to Natalie's empty drink.

"You got it," he nodded.

With that, he was off to make some more money off his boy Tommy.

"Dunno why they bother, hardly anyone beats Billy in pool. He's been comin' here and shootin' around since he was, what, fifteen," Joe informed her, shaking his head at Tommy's persistence.

Natalie smiled at Joe's recollection. Fifteen seemed a little young but in Billy's case she wasn't surprised. She realized, then, that Joe's arrival on the scene would be giving her a lot of new insight on Billy. Not only was she going to get to see the dynamic of one of his closest relationships, but Joe had known Billy his whole life and would have more stories about him than anyone else.

"Wanna play some darts?" Joe nudged her to ask, nodding at the vacant board.

She agreed and they got up to go play where they'd be able to have an actual conversation.

"So you're the girl taming my big brother," Joe chuckled around his cigarette as he plucked darts from the board.

Natalie laughed a little. She wasn't sure how she like the word "tame," though, and told him so.

"Well, it's basically what you're doin'," he shrugged. "I mean, at least part of him. But it's cool, ya know. Billy's never been big about lettin' people in…likes to keep people are arm's length - less messy."

Natalie knew this.

"Wanna make a wager on this?" Joe propositioned.

"Like what?"

"Anything"

"Okay…how about dishes? Billy hardly ever does them and I don't want to"

"Sure…and I heard you moved back out. I don't mind you stayin', so it better not have had to do with me."

"Well thanks, but it wasn't really…we never agreed that I was _really_ moving in"

"Uh-huh, well don't be a stranger on my account"

"M'kay….So what about you? You as arm's length as your brother?"

"Me?" he scoffed. "I've been lookin' for a nice girl who'll have me and that shit always blows up. Billy ain't never been interested in that and then you come along. You sure ya stumbled across the right brother?" he joked.

"Pretty sure. Sorry."

"Don't apologize, woman," Joe laughed. "Just don't go anywhere. I'm stoked Billy's got somebody - makes me worry a little less."

They'd thrown their first round of darts and Joe frowned deeply upon analyzing what he saw.

"Shit. Ya didn't tell me you were good"

"You didn't ask"

"…you're hustlin' me," Joe nodded knowingly.

"Me and my brother used to play a lot," she shrugged innocently.

"Damn, you've got a brother? Let me guess, he'd like to kill Billy, right?" Joe laughed, finding the concept very funny indeed.

"Well, no…"

"No?" Joe frowned.

"Well my brother died a couple years ago - it's okay, you didn't know," she assured him.

"Uh…how'd he die?" Joe asked, fiddling with a dart in his hand.

"He was in the military and he was killed."

"Shit…sorry"

"Me too…you gonna throw?" she changed the topic.

"Yeah, gotta redeem myself," he rolled his eyes.

"But to answer your question…Connor probably would want to kill Billy," Natalie decided, throwing one of her own after him.

Joe laughed.

"Probably a good brother then"

Billy watched his brother and his woman between shots. He was pleased to see them getting along, but not surprised. They were both social and easy going; despite Natalie's nerves, he hadn't been worried. So while they got to know each other he continued to shoot around with Tommy.

"Yo, Billy, hey," Baggy got his attention as he walked over.

"What?"

"I know we're cool with him now or whatever, just thought I'd give you a head's up…"

"The fuck are you talking about?"

Baggy nodded up front and Billy followed his gaze to Vince, who he hadn't seen in a couple days since that night at Natalie's. Natalie clamed she hadn't seen him either.

"Finish this," he directed, handing the pool stick to his friend before turning on his heel towards the dart board.

"Hey, guess who's winning," Natalie greeted him with a grin.

"That's my girl," he nodded, slinging his thick arm around her shoulders. "I want him gone," he told her plainly, using the hold on her to urn her to face the bar.

Natalie's smile faltered in confusion when she saw Vince, then she turned a worried eye to Billy.

"Hey, I'm behavin'. I ain't doin' anything, but I don't want to put up with him tonight. Whatever he wants needs to wait. Not tonight - go tell him that, yeah?"

She nodded and handed him her darts.

"You better win; dish duty is riding on that game."

He nodded and took them before propelling her forward with a soft nudge.

"What was that? Who's he?" Joe nodded, flustered over being out of the loop.

"Just a guy"

"What's he want?"

"Hell if I know. Keep an eye on it for me; make sure it stays kosher."

And he promptly turned his back on it lest he become further annoyed with Vince's presence.

"Hey Vince…what're you doing here?" Natalie decided to cut straight to the point.

"That's my greeting?" he chortled. "Look at you, all dressed up - _que bonita_."

"Thanks - he thinks it's cute to talk Spanish to girls," she informed Sammy with a laugh.

"I do it too," the bartender smirked before tending to someone.

"So have you been okay?" she asked, only getting a dismissing wave in return from her friend. "Okay, look…what're you really doing here again? It's not a good idea…"

"Aw, not happy to see me?" he pretended to be offended.

"You know I always am, but -"

"Relax, I don't plan to stay - see, I even still have my coat on; I just knew you'd be here cuz of little Darley over there being free."

"How'd you know **that**?"

"…do you know why I'm here?" he sighed.

"No, that's what I keep asking"

"I don't mean **here** here….but here in the city"

"Because…you're visiting? I don't know, it's what you do - you show up."

"That's true," he grinned with a laugh. "But not this time. I mean we're catching up and that's great…but I guess I'm kind of here to keep an eye on you. Your dad called me a few weeks ago about this Darley thing…"

"Uh, she don't look too happy, man," Joe spoke up after watching Natalie's smiling demeanor drop straight off of her face.

Billy forgot the throw he was aiming-up and turned to look. True enough, Natalie was now frowning deeply at Vince.

It pleased him in a way to see their interaction not as easy and natural as usual - that always irked him slightly, and if he explored the feeling he might find it had a tiny bit to do with some possible jealousy. On the other hand, she'd never looked that way at Vince, had never even spoke ill of him, so something was wrong.

"She was smiling a second ago…who is this cat?"

"An old friend," Billy simplified, now watching them closely.

"He what? So, what, now **you're** playing spy? I'm sure you know all about the PI…"

"I do. Saw the picture - it's how I knew about this place," he waved his hand around, ignoring that this piece of news made her look like she wanted to throttle him. "But I ain't reporting back to big Chris, alright. I'm sure he wants me to."

"I can't believe him…or you!"

"Hey, what? It was a good excuse for me to drag my ass home to see ya…couldn't **not** when I head what you're been up to…he's just worried, Nat."

"Yeah about me or himself? Geeze…I need my own place…"

Vince laughed at that.

"…look, I promise I am not giving him any sort of play-by-play. The whole reason I haven't been over for dinner is cuz I'm waiting on my face to heal," he gestured to the faded bruise. "Didn't want him guessing what happened and having a coronary…."

"Thanks," Natalie muttered, hand on her hips moodily.

"Don't get attitude with me, _chica_," he swiped her hand of her hip teasingly.

"**You** should've told me right away," she pointed a finger bossily at him - dang, maybe Billy really was rubbing off on her a little.

"…how old of a friend?" Joe asked, watching the man carelessly catch her finger and move it aside.

"…like a brother," Billy answered, though through slightly tight lips.

"I said lose the attitude…I just agreed to come make sure you're okay…I'm mildly convinced you are."

"Mildly?"

"He _did_ manhandle you the last time I was here - him **and** Baggy….the fuck kindda name is that anyway?"

"I don't know, and they weren't **manhandling** me."

"Sure, sure…"

"You still haven't told me why you're here now"

"Well your dad called - hey! I said I'm not snitching so stop lookin at me that way," he told her firmly.

"Then why's my dad calling and giving orders that you're following?" she threw up her hands.

"Would you shut it for two seconds and let me tell you? Shit, girl - _silencio_."

Natalie rolled her eyes but complied.

"_Bueno_. I figured if he's gonna be tryin' to keep that good of a tab on you, I thought you should know. Originally I thought once I showed up he'd just be happy to, ya know, know someone was here who would really look after you; obviously **he** can't show up in a place like this. I thought we'd hang out, you'd never know, and it would never matter anyway. But now I had to have the "I am not your spy" conversation with him…."

"Bet he loved that…but why'd he call? How often does he do that?"

"Not since I've been here…but he knew something was going on so he wanted me to check and see you're alright."

"How'd he know that?"

"He's a judge. He knew Joey dearest was out and you left that dinner early…" Vince shrugged, letting her piece the information together the way her father had.

"Ugh, he's so paranoid…"

"Can you blame him? Look where you are?" Vince laughed. "I ain't judgin', but this is far from home, sista."

"Right," Natalie conceded.

"He just doesn't want you hurt or in trouble. I ain't another PI on your case…I'm just checking in on 'family.' No big thing…just thought you'd wanna know about Big Chris…we gotta fight the power together sometimes, right," he winked.

"I guess…"

"Problem here?"

Billy was at the bar now, though he didn't exactly intrude on them. He stood at the bar behind where Natalie was turned to face Vince. His hands were on the bar and his eyes forward to Sammy, but his comment was clearly for them.

"Another round for the table, a beer for me, and get Nat another of whatever she's been having."

"Nah, no problem. See you later, Nat; you both take care, hey?"

"Yeah, thanks"

Vince squeezed her elbow lightly and left.

Natalie watched him go before turning around to Billy and kissed his shoulder where he was still leaning forward against the bar waiting.

"The hell was that spat about?" he asked, looking down at her from the corner of his eye. "Don't roll your eyes at me."

"I'm not rolling them at **you**…Vince was just telling me how he only came to visit when he did because my dad called him and told him about us," she gestured between them.

"…and?" Billy rose an eyebrow; he could see this going a few different places.

"And…my dad, I guess, wanted him to basically be a personal little PI-"

Billy's eyes widened a little at that and he straightened, eyes darting to the door.

"Which he's not," she finished. "He's not like reporting back. He just thought it was interesting and came to make sure I was okay and to catch up."

Billy rolled his eyes now but relaxed.

"What made him decide to divulge that happy piece of information t'night?"

"It sounds like he started to feel a little guilty that my dad started to specifically call him to check on me certain times…like tonight after I left the dinner…"

"Your old man's a piece of work, huh?" Billy chuckled. "Ah, don't look so embarrassed about it; ain't your fault," he nudged her elbow.

"Mmhmm…so tell me you beat Joe at darts."

"Course I beat Joe," he scoffed.

"Good. I don't want to do your dishes anymore," she sighed.

She leaned against his arm for a moment but Sammy set their drinks down, letting Billy know drinks were coming to the table soon.

Back at the table and later into the night, the group had made their way through many more drinks.

"You sure you can drive?" Paige waved her hand at Billy.

"Perfect - _you're_ the lush," he chuckled, watching her stumble.

She made a face and then gave Natalie a hug before Baggy led her out.

"You ready to go, Joey? Sounds like you're going to be having a good night," Natalie smiled, hooking her arm over Joe's neck. "Are you _ready_?"

"Damn straight…"

"Make sure you're safe," she reminded him with a wink.

"Alright, I think my baby brother knows how t' get with a girl. C'mon," Billy tugged her away from Joe.

"Aw, you just want to get home," she smirked up at him, sliding her arms around his middle.

She wouldn't really consider herself wasted, but she'd was definitely in a good mood…

He grinned and did nothing to negate this, steering her towards the door.

"We'll swing around and pick you up in front," Billy told Joe, who was saying farewell to he few guys who were still there and hadn't yet run off with a girl.

"Babe, he can't join," Natalie shook her head as they headed for the door.

"Fuckin' right he can't," Billy rolled his eyes. "We're dropping him off."

"Oh," she laughed.

Once they were outside, the winter air whipped around her and she tensed up and sobered up some.

"Oh, shit, my coat"

"Got it," Billy raised his hand that was hanging on his other side, handing it to her.

"Hmmm, I knew there was a reason I loved you," she joked, nestling it around her shoulders.

"Mmm, just one, huh?" he snorted, flicking away his cigarette and letting the cold air fill his lungs.

"No," she laughed, moving closer to his side to get warmer.

"That's what I thought…it won't take long to take Joe where he's gotta go," he assured her, stopping her in front of his car to slid his hands past her coat and duck to kiss her.

"Too cold," she shook her head, breaking the kiss before it went on too long,

Billy allowed this and unlocked the car so they could get in their respective doors. Natalie hopped in the back so Joe could get in and out quicker. Joe was talking to Heco in front of the bar so they had to idle for a few minutes. Natalie smiled to herself and squirmed down in her seat.

"…the fuck ya doin'?" Billy grunted when she hit his seat.

"Sorry," she giggled.

A moment later she leaned forward and draped her arms forward over the seat to run her hand over his chest.

"Here, this is for you," She whispered, just as Joe was circling the car.

She pushed something into his chest and he brought his hand up to it, frowning at the fabric until he straightened it to see that it was her panties…a black lace thong, to be more precise. He raised an eyebrow and looked back at her, glancing down at her lap, and a smirk quickly grew on his face.

Joe opened the door and he quickly stashed her underwear away in his coat pocket before his brother could get in and see. Natalie just laughed and leaned back in the seat.

It was a short drive to drop Joe off somewhere and he was in such a rush to get out that he forget to let Natalie up to the front but she didn't care; the last thing she needed was to struggle getting out in her skirt and flash him a peek. She did, however, want to see the girl Joe was talking to, so she leaned forward to look out the window, but she couldn't get a good look in the dark.

"What're you doin'?"

"I want to see - is she cute?"

"Hell if I know; it's some broad he kindda knows," he shrugged before taking off.

"Am I more than just some broad **you** know?" she asked coyly, sliding over to the seat directly behind him to lean forward and massage his shoulders slowly and kiss the side of his head.

"Ya know you are," he muttered back, tilting his head to give her access to his neck.

She accepted the offer and sucked on the nape of his neck, stroking his throat with one of her hands. She found his ear and sucked on the lobe before grazing the shell lightly with her teeth. Her lips worked their way slowly back down his neck, biting the skin just above his shirt collar. He grunted and curled his arm backwards to bury a hand in her dark hair. She snickered and continued to suck along the side of his neck and then onto his jaw.

"Mmm, eyes on the road babe," she whispered when he turned his head to try to kiss her.

She pulled away when he rounded into the parking lot and shrugged on her coat correctly. Billy quickly flipped his seat forward and helped pull her from the back and ushered her inside since he'd already heard about how cold her dress was in this weather. He would ask why she wore it if it was so cold, but she looked good and he wasn't about to question that.

"Ya know how much of a fuckin' tease ya are in that thing?" he complained, working his door open.

"Me?" she smiled innocently, shedding her coat slowly.

"Yeah you," his eyes raked over her.

He ripped off his own coat while she shut the door and then he was on her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and kissed her hungrily, finally groping her the way he wanted now that they were in privacy. She moaned softly as his hands squeezed her breasts and he pushed her against the closed door.

His mouth owned hers, working expertly. She wrapped her arms securely around his neck and he grabbed her waist, pulling her flush against him to grind his hips against her lower stomach so she could feel him ready for her.

"Somone's rough tonight," Natalie panted when he moved one hand up to her hair and gave it a good pull to tilt her head so he could latch onto her neck.

"Better fuckin' believe it," he growled. "You ready?… …ya feel ready," he smirked after he slid a hand up her skirt to feel her.

"I've been thinking about you all night," she smiled.

She was so innocent but damn if she wasn't a little temptress sometimes.

She kept her eyes on his and worked his belt open and then his jeans, letting them fall to the floor. He just kept that smug look on his face and pushed both of his hands up her thighs to hike the bottom of her dress up. Once it was over her hips he lifted her up so her legs were around him, heel-clad feet crossed behind him, and entered her smoothly. He pressed her back against the door to help keep her up and kissed her hard. Everything about it was hard and Natalie dug her fingers at his scalp, and when she found no purchase there she clung to his shoulders, fingers in his shirt.

Billy kept one arm under her and his other hand found her throat, circling it easily. It was a little something of his; he was into necks - well, **her** neck now. He applied pressure sometimes, but never enough that it scared her. She didn't really get the impression he was into the literal act of choking - she never had bruises…that would be hard to explain - but more the power of it. **He** had the power, he had the control. It had made her nervous when he first did it and she hadn't let him, but had since grown to trust him more and allowed it…hell, it even turned her on some more now. Natalie had tried to do it to him once, just to see if she could; to her surprise he'd let her, staring her intensely in the eye as she rode him. She never did it again but she enjoyed knowing she could have that power if she wanted.

"Ya like that?" he grunted, breath purposefully trailing behind her ear because he knew it gave her chills.

He knew she did but she squeezed her legs around him slightly just to show she did. He growled and gave her throat a squeeze as he continued to thrust into her forcefully. She moaned and dropped her head back, eyes half shut, and squeezed his shoulder; her nails were only a dull pressure though his shirt.

She was done for fairly soon, crying out and panting. Billy groaned at the feel of her and pressed her harder into the door. Damn but she felt good; apparently a night of watching her waltz around in the dress was well worth it because here he was, taking her all he wanted.

He knew they were in a relationship, and when he said he loved her he meant it; sure it was foreign to him but he really did love her. He wanted her, everything about her. He needed her, her presence, just….everything. Still, he couldn't deny how damn good it felt to just clam her, to physically make her his. He wouldn't use the word "owned" her, but he marked his claim pretty fucking well - to hell with it if it wasn't a PC kind of phrase. He was the only one who did this to her, she was his…which, consequently, made him hers - this was a fact that he'd quietly realized but had yet to really explore it. Billy Darley just didn't belong to anything/anyone but himself…but with her, with Natalie, it was alright…

He came hard, groaning loudly and shuddering. His legs felt weak for just a moment but he kept them where they were, leaned against the wall. He stayed there for a while, letting her run her hands over his scalp and rub his neck. Slowly, he straightened and circled his arms under her properly to pull away from the door.

They held each other's gaze and Natalie smiled, tilting her had in a thoughtful sort of way as she traced the scar on his chin. Billy had never been ashamed of his scars - they were his life story, times he's survived - so he had no qualms about letting her do so. She kept her eyes on his, though, as he walked to the bedroom. She was still smiling…always full of fucking smiles and little grins - she was starting to pull more little smiles out of him, too, besides his smirk. God, he loved seeing her face light and free like that.

Yeah…free. Pretty fucking free and innocent, she was. And that was the way she needed to be. He danced an intricate dance of getting her to conform to some things - mostly the kinds of things that he only meant to keep her safe now that she was spending a lot of time in his part of town - and yet not changing her from her. He just won't let himself change her completely even though he was confident he could…she needed to be like she was right now, with that free kind of look in her eye. He needed to know there was something in the world that he could _not_ taint…he needed her to be something white in his dark, dark world. He liked her that way…she was something good he could try to consume himself in whenever he could so that he could get a taste of what it was like to be fucking **normal**.

They got to the bedroom and he dropped her lightly on the bed. She made quick work of his shirt and he slowly removed each of her heels, dropping them aside. Her dress took a little more work, fumbling with the belt and then the dress and then the bra, all while she did her best to distract him with her hands and mouth. She bit her lip to hide giggles at his impatience and he growled at her attempts to fight dirty, using her mouth to draw his attention from her belt.

Damn it, but it felt so **normal** and so, so good.

He got her clothes off, tossed them away heedlessly, and pinned her beneath him to continue their night. Good fuckin' party indeed.

* * *

**Alrighty, hope you enjoyed =]**


	23. Time

**Hey sorry there was more of a delay than i planned on. I worked some extra hours this week so I've either gone or beat when I am home. =(**

**But now here's an update - cahpter 23 is here! Enjoy**

* * *

**TIME**  
I was made to believe Id never love somebody else  
I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself  
Lonely was the song I sang, 'til you came  
'**Half of My Heart' by John Mayer  
_**

"What're you doin'?" Billy muttered.

Natalie was laying on top of him and had just pulled the sheet from where it was draped around her waist to tuck up over there heads.

"It's bright out," she explained, referencing the fact that even though it was morning the sun was bright off of the snow.

"The sheets white; light's getting' though," he informed her, though he didn't care; he'd let her do whatever the hell she wanted - starting the day off with some morning sex usually put in him a more favorable mood.

Natalie shrugged, though this was true; his bed consisted of white sheets, a thin black blanket, and a black comforter. She grazed her teeth over his nipple for questioning her decision and he grunted softly, squeezing her side. She just chuckled and propped herself up on elbows to look down at him.

Sun may be getting through the sheet but it was muted and fell across his face lightly. She dropped a kiss to his mouth and just kept watching his face. He was relaxed - as relaxed as he could manage while awake - and she liked it.

"What?" he questioned her, hands skimming along her back contentedly.

She shrugged and traced part of the tattoo on his shoulder for a moment.

"…don't you wish we could just always stay like this?" she sighed.

"What, naked? Hell yes," he smirked.

"Not that, just…here. Just us, away from everything."

He made a semi-agreeable face and nodded a little.

"What're you sayin'?"

"Nothing…just that it's nice. No gang…no _parents_…no school for me. It's peaceful…relaxing. Like our own little world for a little bit…"

He nodded more fully now, seeing what she was getting at. Like a little sanctuary, he could relax when they were alone and just…well, just **be**. She allowed it, drew him out. It was like there own little bubble, like nothing else existed for a while…but the bubble was easily breakable. You can't shut out the world for long, not in his life.

"What time's it?" she murmured after a few quiet minutes.

"…10:30," Billy informed her, raising a hand to tug part of the sheet down. "You gotta get to the library?"

"…I want to stay here," she sighed, turning her face into his chest.

"Go ahead," he chuckled.

"I can't," she groaned.

It was exam week; she didn't have all day to waste, though she certainly wished.

Billy threw the sheet away to get her started, smirking as her naked form was exposed. She sighed exaggeratedly but climbed out of bed to throw on clothes. She watched Billy do the same, straightening his shoulders and checking his phone - his peace and relaxation slowly fading away as he prepared himself for the day.

"Hey," she cut him off when he reached for the door, stepping in front of him. "I love you."

He grinned and dipped to kiss her softly, planting his hands on the door to either side of her.

"You could say it you know," she teased; she knew he'd rather show it than say it but it was nice to hear sometimes.

"You know I do," he grumbled in her ear.

She nodded and kissed him before getting the door for them. He caught the hem of her shirt and pulled her backwards into his chest when she stepped out.

"I love you," he growled in her ear, biting her neck lightly before letting her go.

He liked that she didn't whine and nag him about his shows of affection, which interestingly made him more prone to give-in to what he knew she quietly wanted.

Natalie smiled and waved good morning to Joe and slipped into the bathroom.

It had been a few days now that Joe had been out and she still liked him a lot; she was fairly confident the feeling was mutual. She'd found that he and Billy had a lot of the same physical mannerisms, but their personalities weren't very similar; though she loved Billy, she was thankful for this because two of him would be too much.

When she got back out Joe had moved from the couch to the table and Billy was rummaging around in the cupboards.

"So are you not making breakfast," Joe pouted.

"Nope. No time, and I'm not your maid"

"Ain't askin for a maid; I'm asking for a chef

Billy snorted at that, dropping boxes of cereal onto the table and then milk - milk could always be trusted to not be expired around here these days.

"Well I'm not that, either, smartass," she flicked his ear.

"Hey," he grabbed her wrist and kicked her leg lightly.

Thus ensued some kind of sibling-like roughhousing, which Billy merely rolled his eyes at. He allowed it, though, because Joe was Joe - he could be trusted to hold back appropriately.

"Alright, alright. Cut the shit," he finally shook his head when stools started to teeter dangerously. "Christ…"

They both laughed but did stop and Natalie kissed Billy's cheek and poured herself some cereal.

"Wheaties? …big fuckin' surprise," Joe chortled.

"I know, right," Billy snorted, feeling in line with that comment.

"…what?" Natalie looked between the brothers.

"All-American college sweetheart eating her breakfast of champions," Joe explained, waving at her bowl.

"What's that even supposed to mean?"

"Ain't nothing' bad, just a joke," Joe shrugged.

Natalie frowned, unsure if she'd be eating Wheaties with them again, and grabbed the cigarette Joe had just lit and stubbed it into the ashtray.

"Hey - bitch," Joe groaned.

"Watch your mouth," Billy warned in a bored tone, digging into his own cereal.

Joe only grumbled and got a new light.

"So, I think Paige and I are going to get our own place sometimes this semester. Just some little apartment," Natalie happily informed, pleased with their planning.

"What?"' Billy rose an eyebrow.

"Yeah, we've been talking about it and it'll work. We found a place"

"Found a place?…where at?"

"Right by - what?" she frowned, catching Billy's less-than-pleased look..

"Nothin'; I just didn't know you'd planned on movin' out," Billy shrugged. "…why don't ya just move back in here?"

Joe pretended not to pay attention but his eyes widened. His big brother was asking a chick to move-in - he internally smiled.

"Well…I just don't want to go from living off my parents to living off you. I want my own place for a while, ya know?"

"Ya don't fuckin' live off me," Billy scoffed.

"C'mon, you know what I mean," Natalie sighed, turning fully in her seat to face him. "Besides, I know you like having a place to stay to get away from everything sometimes…"

Billy said nothing - he couldn't deny that.

"…and now you don't have to sneak in the window.

He gave a curt nod to that and rubbed his chin.

"Can you two afford a safe place?"

"Yes," Natalie chuckled. "We found nice apartments near the campus that are reasonable prices cuz they're right by a bunch of students. I have money saved from summer jobs and I'll get a job to keep up."

"Where you gonna work?" Billy not questioned, trying to get all the details.

"Well I thought you and Joe could show me how to sell drugs…"

Joe choked on his milk and Billy pinned her with a severe look.

"Whoa, I'm **kidding**," she assured him quickly. "Of course I'm joking. My Aunt said I could do work at her office - filing and answer phones and stuff."

Billy nodded at her real, acceptable answer.

"So you've had a job before?" Joe commented.

"_Yes_ I've had jobs before," she rolled her eyes.

"Why? You're family's pretty loaded."

"So? They help me with stuff, but that doesn't mean having my own money for my own stuff isn't nice."

He conceded to this and she turned back to Billy.

"Are you upset? Sorry about the bad joke," she offered.

He shrugged if off; he supposed it was funny now….actually the visual was ridiculous - not that he'd actually ever let it happen.

"Are you mad me and Paige are getting a place?" she asked him seriously.

"…just surprised," he decided. "Ya moved back in with your parents just to move back out…"

"I'm thinking it's probably a good time to…get some more independence since it looks like I'm stuck on a plateau until I get away from my dad," she rolled her eyes. "Look, babe, it's not that I don't love that you offered I could stay here - I do. This'll give us both places to get away to…you know, if you're upset you can come over and I can come over to get away. You'll always be welcome over.."

He nodded and waved away her need to explain.

"Alright"

She quickly finished the last of her cereal and went to go take a shower.

"Babe, I love that you offered," Joe crooned with a grin.

"Watch it," Billy pointed at him from where he was perched on the stool lighting a cigarette. "But speakin' of work…"

"Yeah?" Joe coaxed him.

"We haven't talked about what you're gonna be doin'…I'm assuin' you still want in, yeah?"

"The fuck kind of question is that? You know I do," Joe threw his hands up. "The hell did I get locked up for if I didn't!"

"Okay - keep it down," Billy settled him.

He glanced at the bathroom door but the water was running so they were good.

"I just needed to check, geeze. Now don't bitch, but you know I'm startin' ya light for a while; the last thing I want is you getting' picked up on a parole violation."

"Yeah yeah"  
"I ain't shittin' with you, Joe," Billy told him sternly. "They'll be hard on ya, especially at first, so ya need to watch yourself."

"Okay, so what am I doin'?"

"…I need you to sortta keep an eye on Natalie between helping' at The Office," Billy informed him.

"Sortta keep an eye on her…what ya worried about, Riley and those fucks?"

"Nah, I think we run that problem outta town…it's Bones"  
"Huh?"

"He's hinting he knows I got some girl…I don' know why he gives a rat's ass but I don't like it."

"Damn…"

"Yeah, so I just want you following' her a bit, ya know?"

"…ain't that what her old man's kindda doin'?" Joe frowned; he didn't want Natalie mad at him.

"No! I ain't askin' you to spy, Joe; just make sure Bones ain't around. I'd tell her but she already had to worry about Ethan and his halfwit friends, so I don't want her worryin' about this, too. Not if I don't know if there's even a reason to."

"M'kay," Joe nodded slowly.

"What's your problem?"

"I dunno; I just feel kindda bad is all"

Billy rolled his eyes in annoyance at his brother. It was simple, so what the fuck?

"Ya feel bad about, what, helping me keep her safe?" Billy narrowed his eyes.

"What? No, that's not it! Don't accuse me like that," Joe rolled his eyes.

"Look, it's not a big deal. You feel bad tailin' her, then just hang out with her, alright? If she says she's running off somewhere, tag along or somethin' if she doesn't mind," Billy simplified for him.

"Alright, yeah; Billy, don't worry. I can do that. I'll hold it down for ya," Joe assured him.

"I know you will," Billy nodded, clapping him on the shoulder fondly. "Thanks."

"You got it, man. So…babysitting and weighing out drugs, that's me for now?"

"Don't call it babysitting, but yeah…that's you. Just for now, bro; don't worry. We'll just give your PO time to get swamped and focus on somebody else."

"I get it," Joe nodded.

"And you really are helpin' me out in a big way"

"I know…gotta keep little Shepherd around for ya. And you told me you weren't gone over anyone," Joe snorted.

"Shut the fuck up"

"What?" Joe laughed. "Don't worry; it's adorable," he joked, patting Billy on the head.

Billy slapped his hand away with a grunt.

"No, seriously; what? What's so wrong with it?"

"Nothing's wrong with it, but I don't need ya hasslin' me about it. Got it from Bones last night; I don't wanna hear it."

"Whoa," Joe defended himself; holding up his hands. "I don't mean anything by it, not like him. I think it's great; she seems great."

Billy nodded, staring forward at the wall as he sucked on his cigarette.

"She is"

"And you thought I was weird for wanting a girl," Joe smirked.

"Yeah, well…she ain't most girls," Billy shrugged.

She certainly wasn't like girls **he** knew, who were always backhanded and always wanted something.

He heard the shower turn off and then Natalie took a while getting around. She dressed, dried her hair and muddled around. When she came to join them again they were sprawled on the couch getting ready to head out to The Office.

"So whattcha doin' now?" Joe asked when she approached and stood behind the couch, caressing Billy's scalp.

"Hiding in the library," she chuckled, trying not to get too stressed. "I have a final paper to finish and tests to study for."

"Sucks to be you," he snickered.

"Yeah, I don't want to go," she sighed.

"You're almost done," Billy reminded her; he'd found that telling her to blow of exam studying only got him a mini-lecture about how she had to **make** herself because it was important.

"Mmmhmm," she sighed, leaning forward to nuzzle his neck. "What're you guys doing today?"

"Work," he answered simply. "How long are you gonna be hittin' the books?"

"I don't know. Probably for quite a while and I'll probably go home after"

"Ah, why bother?"

"I'll probably study a little more tonight and I have to get up early for my test"

"You can do that here"

"I shouldn't. I have to make sure I get good sleep -"

"You can do that here, too"

"- and get up early. I don't want to wake you up or get kept up if the guys come over."

"You know I'd kick 'em out, but whatever gets you through the next few days without losing it is fine by me"

"I'm not losing it," she scoffed, straightening up to go get her things to go.

She came back, kissed Billy, and waved to Joe. Once she was on campus she holed up in the library at a table on the top floor. She ventured out for lunch with Joel, and then was back at it for a couple hours. She went home and had dinner with her parents, then. Vince was there, too, so she hung around with him for a while before going to her room to finish a paper and then finally take time to relax before bed.

Natalie curled up on her bed watching TV, taking time to not think through her school work so that she'd actually be able to sleep. She was almost getting ready for her self-imposed bedtime when her phone rang; she smiled to see Billy's name flashing.

"Hey"

_"Hey yourself. Whattcha doin'?"_

"Watching TV and I'm going to bed soon"

_"Already? Damn."_

"My exam is at 8:00am"

_"…ya never have class that early," _she could practically hear his frown.

"Exam schedule isn't like the normal course schedule"

_"…fuckin' weird._"

"What're **you** doing?" she smiled.

_"Just got back to the apartment; we were out gettin' Joe a tatt_"

"He wanted another one?" Natalie chuckled; he already had various tattoos scattered about.

_"Nah, __**the**__ tattoo_"

"Hmm?….oh," she stopped her question, realizing he meant that Joe finally got a tattoo formally symbolizing his gang affiliation.

_"Yeah. Oh_," he chuckled.

"…I'm glad you guys had fun," was all she could really say to that.

_"Yeah we had a few drinks to celebrate"_

"Jealous," Natalie groaned; she couldn't wait to relax again since she'd been uptight the last few days.

_"Quit worryin; you're done studyin'."_

"For now, yeah…" she sighed.

_"Fuck; you studyin' all day tomorrow, too?" _he muttered darkly over the line.

"No," she chuckled. "No, I'm not as worried about my other exams as I am this one…plus I had that paper. Why - you miss me?" she smirked to herself, feeling a little pleased with the idea.

_"Yeah, I want ya here_"

"…why, because you're horny?" she snorted, flicking channels on her muted TV.

_"The fuck kindda question is that?"_ he snapped. _"You know I just like having you with me…," _he muttered_._

"I know - sorry. Is something wrong?"

"_Nah - Tommy, what?"_

It went quiet on the other end of a few minutes before he uncovered the received her again, cursing under his breath.

"Do you have to go?" Natalie asked understandingly.

_"No, he's just being an idiot - came in to see if we were having phone sex," _he snorted.

"Oh…so are you going to ask me what I'm wearing?' she laughed.

_"…is it something interesting?" _he felt compelled to ask just in case.

"No," she yawned, stretching where she was laying.

_"Alright I'll let ya go. Come over after your test"_

"I will. Bye"

_"Later"_

Natalie rolled out of bed to get ready to sleep, washing up in the bathroom before changing and crawling into bed. She wasn't really one to get overly anxious about tests, but Genetics was probably the hardest class she'd taken yet and she was pretty antsy about it, so much so that she didn't sleep well.

She didn't feel better until after she was done with the exam; at that point, there was nothing worth worrying about because she couldn't change it. That was here only test of the day so she headed over to Billy's, and she wasn't surprised when she let herself into a silent apartment. Quietly, she set her things down and eased Billy's door open. He was sprawled on his stomach taking up a good majority of the bed with his face on her pillow. She left her shoes on the floor, shed her coat, and softly crawled onto the bed.

"Hi," she whispered with a soft smile when his eyes snapped open.

He made a sleepy sort of noise and curled his arm around her and pulled her towards him where he was laying. They didn't talk just then; Billy closed his eyes again and Natalie cuddled in, securing the blankets up over her shoulders.

A few hours later they were both awake and she kissed his chin, torn between hunkering back in for sleep and getting up to get some work done.

"How'd the test go? Kick it's ass?" he asked, voice groggy.

"Jury's still out"

"At least you can relax"

"No, not until all the tests are over," she shook her head tiredly.

He hummed to let her know he heard but didn't have a comment - hell if he knew what it was like to care about grades. So instead of empathy he twisted out from beside her to sit up and nudge her to lay properly on her stomach. He straddled her waist and massaged her shoulders and back.

"Shit…that feels so good," she told him with a contented smile.

"Good"

He continued for quite some time and it both relaxed her and woke her up; she felt a little readier for the day as her body loosened.

"Billy, can I ask you something? I was thinking about it the other day when you were talking about Heco…" she ventured.

"Oh, this is gonna be great," he scoffed. "Go ahead."

"You don't **do** drugs, do you? I mean, I feel like I would've noticed by now but I just wanted to ask…"

"No, I don't mess with that shit. I used to, when I was younger but never serious enough to get hooked hard. Can't keep an eye on everyone and run shit if ya can't think straight."

"Good," Natalie nodded.

"Yeah…most of the guys dabble but sometimes Heco can't keep his shit together," he muttered, trying not to get upset thinking about him.

Natalie hummed her acknowledgement of his comment and he ducked to kiss her shoulder before getting off the bed.

* * *

The massage helped but didn't stop Natalie from getting anxious for her other tests as well. She didn't get to truly unwind till they were over at the end of the week, which was a cause for celebration. She went to dinner with Paige and some other friends from school, but promised to meet Billy and everyone at the bar afterwards.

So it was happily that she entered the bar and shed her coat, ordering drinks at the bar with Paige. She waved over to Billy while they waited and he raised his beer in greeting before looking back to the game of cards he had going with the guys. She wore black leather boots which reached over her jeans and a thin, V-neck sweater; she was in a good mood and, well, she was ready to have a few drinks…or more.

"Hey guys"

"Sup college girls; whattch gonna do with three free weeks?" Heco laughed.

"We'll find something to do, I'm sure," Paige shrugged. "Joe, I heard you got inked; let's see!"

Joe smirked and got up, peeling up the back of his shirt to show the tribal tattoos spanning his shoulder blades and partway down his back; Natalie knew they curled up onto his shoulders, too.

"Finished or getting some more later?" Paige asked after nodding in approval of the artwork.

"Probably get more added on later," he shrugged, dropping into his seat again.

Natalie and Paige left the boys to play and they sat up at the bar for a while before making their presence known with the guys again.

"We had to sit by ourselves with a bunch of old boozers cuz you wouldn't pay any attention," Paige laughed, sitting herself in Baggy's lap.

He ignored the comment and pulled her into a kiss.

Natalie was about to sit with Billy when Bodie and Angela finally showed up, and she stayed standing to give Angela a hug instead.

"I'm so glad you're done," Angela laughed. "You were so frickin' antsy about your test last night when we stopped over; c'mon, I'm getting you a shot."

Natalie let herself be led back to the bar and Billy decided not to be annoyed; she was going to be free for weeks and, effectively, all his.

Natalie got pretty drunk relatively quickly and was rather enjoying herself. She, Paige, and Angela sat at their own little nearby table for a while as to not crowd the boys' too much, talking and laughing over their drinks.

"Wanna dance?" Tommy asked, stumbling into Natalie when she got up to finally make her way to Billy again and hopefully actually settle in to sit with him.

"Not with you she don't," Billy answered for her, pushing Tommy aside - Tommy hardly seemed troubled and wandered off.

"Hey babe," she smiled dazedly, sliding her arms around his middle.

"Hey lush," he teased, dropping his head to kiss her.

"Don't make fun; I get to relax. It feels good," she smiled, eyes somewhat glassy.

"Oh I bet you feel good; let me get you a drink…everyone else has"

He guided her to the bar and they each had a shot. Natalie leaned into him and kissed his neck, nipping his throat lightly.

"Aw, no PDA at the bar; you're scaring away customers," Sammy laughed.

They ignored him and went off to the back table again, sticking around for another hour or so.

"We're heading out Joe; if ya want a ride, grab your shit," Billy ordered, standing with Natalie at his side.

Joe hopped up and grabbed his coat, shrugging it on to follow them. Natalie wasn't exactly walking straight and held onto Billy's arm to keep it less noticeable. There was one step outside the door of the bar and Natalie stopped, staring at it for a few long moment, much to the brothers' amusement.

"It's cement, Nat; I don't think you can stare it down," Joe teased her.

She huffed at him and took the step carefully, still holding Billy's hand. She held it loosely now, the tips of their fingers playing over each other before he squeezed her hand tighter and guided her in the right direction when she just continued walking down the sidewalk.

"Mmmm, sorry," she murmured, swinging their hands now.

"For what?" he rose an eyebrow.

"Drinking this much…are you mad?"

"Why the hell what I be mad?" he asked with a short bark of a laugh, as if he hadn't gotten far more shit-faced than she was right now.

She shrugged and walked carefully on the slight heel of her boots.

"In you go, Joey," she gestured grandly, opening the passenger door of the car for him.

He just agreed and climbed into the back. The short drive was quiet and they stepped into the elevator once they got to the apartment since Natalie wasn't going to bother with the stairs.

"Did you know **this** is the first place we ever kissed," Natalie informed Joe.

"Classy," he smirked.

"He thought I had a boyfriend back then," she snorted.

"Cuz you're a fuckin' liar," Billy reminded her.

"I guess so," she shrugged, leading the way out once the elevator slid to a stop at their floor.

She flopped onto the couch, shimmying out of her coat while Billy and Joe milled around and eventually settled in, too.

"Hey…what do you guys do for Christmas?" she asked after eying the small little tree she'd gotten and put on the end table as a reminder that Christmas was calling.

Both brothers just kind of looked at each other and shrugged.

"…do you guys get each other anything?"

"A drink…? Maybe a lap dance - back in the day," Joe added hastily.

"…that's it?"

"Nah, we usually get each other _some_thin_'. _Just…I dunno," he shrugged_._

"What're _we_ doing for Christmas?" she asked, twisting in her seat to look up at Billy.

"…you gonna be around for it?" he checked.

"Well during the day I'll be with my parents but I can come over after. What do you want? I've been trying to decide for a while now…"

"Guess not many of your girlfriends know how to give ya advice about what to get a gang lord boyfriend," Joe laughed.

"Ya don't gotta get me anything. We'll just do somethin'," he shrugged, highly unconcerned.

"I'm getting you something," she decided definitively, dismissing his claim that she needn't bother.

He didn't seem surprised by this but rolled his eyes.

"Don't bother; it's not a big deal"

Natalie promptly ignored him and scooted to sit closer to him on the end of the couch.

"…you are a big deal to me," she informed him, kissing his shoulder.

Billy grinned and watched her yawn and rest her head on his arm. He gave it a few minutes before he stood and scooped her up to carry into his bedroom and drop her lightly onto the bed. She moved up to lay against the pillows and watched him through hooded eyes as he studied her for a few long moments - before Billy she'd never been on the receiving end of such intense looks.

He bent over the bed and made efficient work of her boots, dropping them to the floor. He crawled onto the bed to pull her sweater off next, and then moved backwards to unsnap her jeans and carefully shed them, caressing her legs when he moved back up her.

"Billy, I'm tired now," she whispered, though she was sure he could convince her otherwise for a while if he wanted.

He nodded and settled his weight lower on her, laying his head just below her breasts. He tucked his hands beneath her, sliding them up towards her shoulder blades slightly, and just laid there, breathing steadily.

Natalie was surprised but content with this and rubbed his head and neck lightly while she rested her eyes.

Billy was tired, too, and was alright with just laying there and being there with her tonight. She was school-free for a few weeks now and, for the most part, could be his if they wanted, and he liked that. He was very much looking forward to the increased time he'd get to see her and she wouldn't be stressed about exams or papers or group presentations or getting up for class. For the most part, besides the holiday, he was assuming she'd just be staying there almost all the time - he didn't see why she wouldn't.

More importantly, he wasn't only assuming this, he **wanted** it. He never got sick of her. Sometime's he'd get impatient or a little annoyed, and yes he'd lost his temper with her before, but he hadn't ever wanted her to just leave his presence. Even when she was frustrating him for some random reason, it was better with her there.

Besides, he'd been noticing lately that some of the things he'd roll his eyes or scoff at were some of the things he really did love about her. He'd roll his eyes if she and Joe slapped at each other in some brother-sister-like disagreement, but he enjoyed that she was carefree enough to just laugh about it. He'd act a little annoyed when she reminded him to be careful or stopped to make sure he was alright, but those moments of selflessness were what made her different from everyone else he'd known - they were part of the reason he loved her.

Fuck. Billy Darley wasn't supposed to fall in _love_. It had never seemed worth it to him; his parents' relationship had definitely never been worth it - his mom had blindly loved his dad and look at the shitty life it had gotten her. He'd discredited "love" early on …it was far too ambiguous and, given what he knew of human nature, couldn't be real because everyone was always using you or lying about something…anything.

But Natalie had broken down his preconceived ideas of relationships and here he was, six months later, and found it completely acceptable to just lay with her. They were in no rush. It still blew his mind a little, and seemed a little weird, but that was alright - he liked it.

Billy felt Natalie's breath slowly even out and her hand stilled on his neck after a few minutes. He stayed where he was for a while longer just feeling her softness and taking in her scent. He turned his face into her stomach and kissed her through her shirt before carefully pushing himself up and getting off the bed slowly.

Standing, he surveyed Natalie where she lay in only her underwear and a tank-top. He grinned and shucked off his pants, followed by his shirt. He slid into bed and pulled the covers up over them before getting his arms around her and tugging her to him. She roused slightly, but only enough to make a small noise, and let him move her closer. He wanted to wake her up but remembered she'd had a stressful week, like he sometimes had stressful weeks, so he let her sleep.

Again, no rush.

* * *

**Done. Let me know what ya think =)**


	24. Christmas Experiences

**Hey...so sorry about the delay of updating again. I'm moved back to college (for my last year! yay!) so i've been getting back into the swing of school, and accidently fell OUT of the swing of updating. Anyway. Sorry...but here's chapter 24! Kindda short, so maybe the next one will be sooner =) Thanks for the reviews! =D**

**Pinkshirt: ...it's not exactly AU. in CH 1 i did reference the Nick Hume thing, but the incident ended differently. obviously. So the movie happened (differently) already. **

* * *

**Christmas Experiences**  
You've begun to feel like home  
What's min is yours to leave or take  
What's mine is yours to make your own  
'**Look After You' by The Fray**

"You're just like your cousin," Joe laughed, watching Amanda blush at something he'd said. "Nat blushes easy, too."

They were at her cousin's house. Natalie was there just to hang out and help Amanda finish wrapping her presents and Joe had tagged along. He'd been complaining about being bored and asked to come along with her, so she'd taken pity on him and brought him with. They'd been doing that pretty often. During the day he didn't have much to do so she'd invite him along on errands or over to her house for a while watching movies or whatever.

"Well, we're just young, innocent girls; what do you expect," Natalie laughed.

"Right, get this," Joe turned to Amanda with a smirk. "A few days ago I walked in on her and my brother getting busy -"

"Joe!"

"And I mean they were really going at it. He had her on her hands and knees on the bed, ya know. Face down and ass up, that kind of thing, while he's going at her from behind. Hot shit -"

"Joe, seriously!" Natalie punched his arm.

"Ow," he laughed. "Anyway, once they were done and I saw her again she was **so** embarrassed. Man, it was great. And now you're both doing it," he laughed at the pair of them with tinges of pink in their faces.

"Next time I make you dinner, I'm poisoning it."

Joe just shrugged and pulled his back of cigarettes from his jacket on the back of the chair.

"Do that outside," Natalie requested.

He rolled his eyes but obeyed, stepping out the back door to smoke it.

"So…face down, ass up, huh?" Amanda rose an eyebrow.

Natalie rolled her eyes.

"So you guys, what, are into it rough?"

"Sometimes," Natalie shrugged. "When we want to, yeah."

"…even with Joe around?"

"Well it's kind of hard to avoid since he lives there," Natalie shrugged. "It's not like I'm ashamed of the fact we have sex; it was just embarrassing for Joe to see. Anyway, we know how to be descent about it."

"I bet it _was_," Amanda chuckled.

"Your roommate's never walked in on you then?" Natalie teased.

"Well Jared and I broke up…"

"Oh, sorry," Natalie cringed.

"It's okay…we only really fooled around usually and the only time we had sex was at his place, so no my roommate hasn't had to see," she shrugged.

"I knew my favorite cousin wasn't so innocent," Natalie winked.

"Well I mean we only really had sex the once…it was awkard"

"Aw, babe, then the two of you weren't doing it right…or he was just the wrong guy," Natalie sympathized.

"I take it that this Billy…he's the right guy…"

"Sexually?…hell yeah," Natalie admitted.

"I don't mean **just** sexually….do you, ya know, love him?" Amanda asked hesitantly, as if she felt that she was going to sound naïve implying they ought be in love.

"…yeah," Natalie smiled back.

"Really? When do I get to meet him then?" Amanda smiled happily.

"I don't know…sometime, I guess. Hey, Joe, you missed the sex discussion," Natalie teased him.

"Well shit…let's rewind and have it again, shall we?" he grinned.

"It was a one time sort of thing," Amanda playing along with the teasing; she was getting more used to him.

"Yeah…Joe, why don't you make yourself useful and help wrap something?" Natalie suggested.

"I will, but only if you want it to look like shit," he told her in a matter of fact way.

"Never mind," she decided as he took a seat with them at the dining room table.

"So, Mandy - can I call you that?"

"…I'd prefer you didn't," the blonde told him honestly. "Only my grandma does, and I have to pretend to like it."

"So, Amanda," he started over, unperturbed. "How come I haven't seen you around?"

"Well I wanted to come hang out with her and ditch our parent's dinner party, but she likes to go to _bars_and I'm not old enough - yet," she sighed.

"Aw, shit, Nat; Sammy'd serve her if she was with us," Joe complained. "When you turning the big twenty-one?"

"The 28th," she announced happily. "And Natalie's taking me out…Paige too, yeah?"

"Of course," Natalie agreed.

"Sweet; I'll buy ya a drink - you're bringing her to _The Four Roses_, right?"

"No," Natalie scoffed simply.

Amanda was a young college girl and should spend her 21st birthday off where normal college kids hung out, not in a smoky bar with a bunch of gang members.

"Why the hell not?" Joe frowned deeply.

"Yeah, why not?" Amanda asked a little flirtatiously.

"…you do **not** want to spend your 21st birthday there, trust me. That wouldn't be normal," Natalie laughed.

"I'll have Billy convince you," Joe decided.

"Oh please, why would he bother?"

She knew Billy picked his battles - she did, too - and he wouldn't find this worth arguing about. He might take Joe's side, but wouldn't get all persuasive like Joe was trying to imply.

"…why don't I want to go there?" Amanda frowned.

"For your 21st? Well, it's just…pretty rough," Natalie tried to describe it nicely; after all, **she** frequented the place and she liked it. "I'll bring you sometime, though; don't worry," she compromised.

"New Years," Joe decided for both of them. "You're coming on New Years Eve, no backing out."

"Okay," Amanda agreed with a laugh that may have been a little nervous.

"Keep wearing her down bout your 21st, though, and I will too," Joe winked.

Natalie watched their little exchanges and noted the interactions. She'd never pegged Joe as having much "game" but he was charming in a boyish kind of way, and apparently he knew it and knew how to use it.

They left a couple hours later, Natalie giving Joe a knowing look.

"What?"

"…she's a nice girl, Joe, so no games. That's all I'm saying."

"Oh please, it was innocent," he shrugged, fiddling with the radio; true, it had been, but Natalie definitely had a hot little cousin.

She dropped Joe off at the apartment and then headed home. It was Christmas Eve day so she was going home for a short holiday. She'd said goodbye to Billy that morning because he didn't plan to be in until later. According to him, junkies didn't take a break for Christmas…or any other holiday for that matter.

So she spent the evening with her parents and Julia and Logan, who were spending the night, too. Logan was old enough to understand the buzz about Christmas, so he was a little ball of energy.

"Nat-lee, why isn't Billy here for Christmas?" Logan pouted while they ate a late dinner that night.

The table grew quiet. Vince was over for dinner and he, for one, was trying not to laugh. Natalie's dad's eyes were about to bug out of his head, but she pretended not to notice.

"He's celebrating Christmas with his brother," she explained casually.

"Aw, he should be **here**," Logan complained before returning to his food.

"He's met Billy?" her dad asked through his teeth.

"A couple times…"

"Yeah, yeah; I like him. He gives me candy sometimes"

Christ's eyebrows rose a little higher and Natalie imagined he was now picturing Billy as a creep driving around in a big van handing out spiked candy to kids like some pervert.

"And…and when he picked me up it's way up high! He's tall," Logan merrily continued obliviously.

"Dad, don't have a stroke. It's okay. He's never been in danger - it's not a big deal."

Not a big deal. Those were her father's least favorite words regarding Billy….not that they every discussed Billy after the night Natalie had walked out. In fact, they didn't talk a whole lot about much anymore since she moved back in.

He opened his mouth but shut it after seeing his wife's warning look. He only shut up because the more he pushed the Billy topic the less she'd be around, which meant he was pushing her right to Darley when he got mad. He'd just have to sit back and wait for the damn fling to run it's course. When it came to a crashing halt he'd throw in an "I told you so" and count his lucky stars.

"You knew about this?" Chris asked Julie.

"Uh, yeah," she responded casually; she had, after all, though she was hesitant about the entire thing.

And then the topic of Billy was dropped - thank the Lord. Natalie really didn't want that tension clouding the whole holiday.

Their Christmas was enjoyable, but Natalie left after their late lunch that day. Her parents weren't too please but they didn't put up a huge fuss, just a few comments trying to persuade her to stay. She was ready to go, though, and see Billy and Joe.

They were both sitting in the living room lounging about as if this wasn't a huge holiday.

"Box by the tree's for you," Joe announced without getting up.

She looked at the little tree on the table and, sure enough, a box wrapped in red paper sat next to it with _"From Joe"_ scrawled on it.

"Aw," she smiled, shedding her coat before snatching the box and sitting on the arm of Billy's chair to open it. "Oh, wow, these are cute," she praised, pulling the purple heels from the box.

"Paige picked 'em out," he shrugged a little sheepishly. "Didn't really know enough yet to get ya something' too neat but she said you like shoes."

"I do, and these are great. Thanks."

He nodded with a satisfied smile and a few minutes alter Billy got up. He was rustling through the cupboard so it surprised her when he came back and handed her two boxes.

"So you **did** get me something…." she grinned.

"Yeah I fuckin' got ya something'," he rolled his eyes, sitting back down and pulling her half into his lap.

His presents were wrapped in simple brown paper but it was done rather precisely, which surprised her. Although, he **was** very dexterous….she grinned and stopped that thought, pulling the paper away. The box's lid had no identifying writing so she pulled it open to find what she knew very well was a knife. She rose an eyebrow as Billy picked it up and flicked the side latch, springing out the blade.

"It's a knife to carry on ya"

"I knew what it was," she informed him, still eying it nervously. "But why?"

"Cuz ya can't bring a knife to a gun fight - that kind of shit. Gotta be prepared," he explained. "Bodie talked me out of the gun - said Angela flipped when he tried to get **her** to carry one or at least keep it in her car."

"Good for Bodie," Natalie told him, watching as he deftly closed the blade again.

"He even got girly colors for ya," Joe grinned, finding her uncertainty humorous.

True, the handle was black with some pink design on it. Still, a knife was a knife. "…and what am **I** supposed to do with it?"

"Just take it, huh? It'll make me feel better knowin' ya got it…ya never know…"

Natalie didn't like the sound of those words but leaned over to drop the knife in a pocket of her purse anyway. She opened the next present curiously, because, hey, what could be better than a knife.

This box was significantly larger than the first and did prove to be what she considered better than a knife. It was a leather jacket.

It wasn't a long trench coat like Billy's, but was black and cropped around the hips. It was different from all the boys' - as it was distinctly feminine - but was leather all the same which was like saying "Hey, you're one of us so you might as well dress like it sometimes."

Smiling, she hopped up and tried it on. It fit well and felt heavy enough on her to keep her warm. She scurried to the bathroom to take a look at herself in the fitted jacket. She'd never had a leather coat before but she liked the look.

"I like it…what do you think?" she asked, walking back out.

"You look good in leather," Billy smirked.

Natalie grinned and kissed him again before going to the bedroom, returning with two envelopes. She grabbed a box from the bag she'd brought in from the car, too, and dropped that in Billy's lap.

He eyed it curiously for a moment before moving to open it. It had been a long time since he'd gotten a legitimate present. Birthdays were celebrated out drinking with no real presents included, except a stripper or something, and any presents given between him and Joe - sometimes Bodie - were just forked over without pretense of wrapping paper.

He opened the box and on top of the tissue paper sat a _Reese's_, which he rolled his eyes at.

"Logan wanted you to have it - he was with me and Julie when I was shopping."

He sat it aside and plucked up the paper to find jeans…three pair on further inspection. They were a dark wash, his usual…everything appeared acceptable as he inspected them.

"Yes, they're the right size," she chuckled when he flipped the waist band to see. "I noticed you were at least a pair short so I got some…."

True. He'd gotten a pair caked in some blood a while ago, so he'd thrown them out rather than explain that to her.

"If they're too new, throw them in the dirt a little," she teased. "I just knew you don't like to go shopping…"

"Got that right"

She'd thought about it a lot and jeans didn't seem like the best Christmas present but there was also the time and effort she saved him from doing something he found annoying. Plus, she'd been able to balance how he liked his jeans and a better fit she picked.

"Thanks for savin' me the trouble"

"You're welcome," she nodded, accepting the less-than-eloquent gratitude. "And I got you both something else…they're kind of tradable or sharable…."

She handed them each an envelope and Joe pulled out his four tickets first

"Hey, the Bruins! Awesome. Never have gone to a real game…" he smiled brightly at the hockey tickets.

"I figured you could wrangle a free evening and take some guys," she told him, watching Billy pull out different tickets.

"_MaxTap_"

"Do you know what it is?'

"I've heard of it, yeah - how the hell did you know about it?" he rose an eyebrow.

"A magical invention called the internet," she grinned. "I wasn't sure how legit it was but I know some guys at school who are into it and they said the fighting is good," she told him about the amateur MMA venue she'd found out about.

"Someone did their research," he smirked.

"Well I do go to college," she grinned back.

"Right"

"So you've never been there?"  
"Nah, but me and Bodie have talked about it before, though - thanks. These are sick," he gave her a kiss.

"Good - you're hard to buy for"

She'd considered getting him hockey tickets, too, but decided this way each brother would probably be attending both events with each other. They'd get to get out for some fun and also just spend some good time together.

"You did good…the multiple tickets mean you want to be invited?" he asked rather than play games.

"No, don't bother. Take some of the guys; they'll be more into it"

She's seen it enough on TV with him and the guys around that she knew it wasn't her favorite sport.

"We'll see," Billy decided, tugging her fully into her lap.

"So how was your Christmas this morning? Get up early around the tree and shit?…what's that like?" Joe questioned in a semi-interested tone.

Natalie cocked her head at the question and eyed him sadly. Had he and Billy really never had a family Christmas?

"What?" he frowned.

"Um, nothing…but it was fun. Logan was a spaz…"

"When isn't he?" Billy muttered, earning a pinch on the arm.

"Who's Logan?" Joe checked; it was annoying to be behind so often now after behind locked up.

"My nephew - and don't talk like that, Billy; you like him."

Billy scoffed. The runt had grown on him, maybe, but "like" was a bit of a stretch.

She told Joe a little more about what they'd done and he seemed casually interested until she mentioned the food, at which time he scolded her for not brining leftovers.

"If you're that hungry, go order us all something," she laughed.

He considered this.

"Chinese?" she encouraged.

"Hell yeah"

He went off to dig in a drawer for a take out number to figure out what he was going to order.

"So did **you** decide on my gift all on your own?"

"Yeah. I know what you like," Billy nodded confidently.

She smiled her approval and kissed him.

"But let me ask ya something…you ever mad I don't take ya out places? Like to some swanky place or some shit?"

"No," she laughed a little. "Why? Was that going to be your present?"

"I thought about it just cuz it wouldda been a hell of a fucking surprise, but I ain't about to go to some fancy place," he frowned in distaste. "But I know you're used to that kind of shit."

"Well…I kind of like that we don't do that."

He gave her a dubious look; clearly he wasn't buying it.

"No, really…I've been to those kinds of places for different reasons growing up; those places just seem fake a lot, I guess, like it's just an act sometimes," she told him honestly. "I mean, do you have to go to an expensive place when you can get good food and nice service somewhere more comfortable? It's just a bunch of people pretending for each other"

"Well that's what **I **think, but you don't have to lie…"

"I'm not," she laughed softly. "Nice or casual - it's just kind of all the same to me at this point most of the time. I would never want you to take me there if you were going to be uncomfortable about it - it's not worth it. You know it's one of the things I love about you…you let me be who I want…"

"Yeah?"

"Mmmhmm…anything goes with you - almost anything," she decided to amend with a laugh. "And it's freeing. I can just **be** and live, ya know?…sometimes I'm not sure how well I knew how to do that before you…." she opened up, feeling perhaps slightly sheepish about that last quiet confession.

Billy just stared and listened. They'd talked about these things before - about how she felt like anything went with him and how she found it intimidating and yet still exciting and right to be reveling in her autonomy. She'd come to find it liberating. Yes this had all been brought up before but he listened closely anyhow.

There he'd been, opening the door for criticism, leaving himself vulnerable to a personal attack, and instead she'd praise him and opened up in return.

It's not like he wanted to make every moment an emotionally touchy-feeling one, but he'd learned to appreciate the security of them mutually opening up to each other.

He grinned and stood with her, carrying her to his room and laying her under him on the bed. Maybe he wanted a little bit to hide his moment of insecurity behind sex, or he just wanted to solidify the close moment with physical intimacy. He was much more confident expressing himself **that** way, after all. One sort of closeness begot another, and he was more than content to get them closer and closer…the more a part of each other they were, the less likely he was to lose her.

They got down to business and emerged sometime later when Joe looked almost done with his current helping of food. Could've been his first or second, but neither cared that they'd missed the fresh food.

They lingered in the kitchen warming up food and exchanging pleased grins.

Merry fucking Christmas indeed.

"Yo, Billy!" Joe called over, breaking the peaceful mutual content they'd fallen into.

"What?" Billy sighed.

Their periods of peace, just the two of them, really never did get to last. If it wasn't one thing it was the other - not always bad things, just things…always something to do.

"Tell Nat to bring her cousin to _The Four Roses _for her 21st"

"Ya want to?" Billy shrugged, unbothered.

"No," Natalie sighed. "It's kind of a rough place for her when it's her first time out drinking. Don't take Joe's side and nag on it, please."

Billy just shrugged again and got the food from the microwave. Natalie chuckled, knowing she was right and Joe was wrong.

"She's hot then, huh?" Billy smirked, dropping to sit on the couch between his brother and Natalie.

"Yeah"

"Be good," Natalie pointed a threatening finger past Billy at him.

Joe ignored her and Billy bit the finger that was hovering around his face. She laughed and tried to pull it free, but just pulled his face closer in the process, making him duck in for a long kiss.

"Ugh," Joe grumbled, getting up to move to the armchair.

The other occupants of the couch just chuckled at his expense before digging in. Natalie was close to Billy's side feeling awfully content. It wasn't a conventional Christmas day, but she liked it that way. She was definitely beginning to appreciate the fact that not everything you're doing has to be the same or the way you planned as long as you like the people you're with.

* * *

**The end. Hope you enjoyed.**


	25. New Years

_**Sorry there was once again a delay with updating. I'm still really busy getting back into the swing of school. It's my last year so i've been pretty busy...i've either been distracted with work and seeing old friends again. But here's chapter 25 - hope you enjoy.**_

_**Thanks for the continuing reviews**  
_

* * *

_New Years  
Lets just fix this whole thing now  
__I swear to god we're gonna get it right  
__If you lay your weapon down  
_'_**Heartbreak Warfare' by John Mayer  
_**_

Natalie headed to her car in slight frustration. She'd waited for Billy for a while but was leaving because she didn't want to keep the kindly landlord stuck waiting, too. She and Paige had gone to check out the apartment building they wanted to move into, and Billy was still irked at the thought of her and Paige living alone and potentially unsafe so he wanted to see what the deal was with the place. Problem was he never showed.

They'd looked at it anyway and decided it was, indeed, ideal. Paige had left and Natalie had waited a little longer before bailing. It bothered her that he'd made a point about wanting to come and check it out only to ditch without a word.

"Natalie, right?"

She jumped and turned to see a rather heavy-set man with thick, out-dated glasses hefting himself out of a car idling by the sidewalk near the parking lot.

"Uh…"

"You are Natalie Shepherd, right? Billy's Natalie?"

Natalie blanched a little at that and blinked.

"Uh, yes…"

"Well he described ya to a T, then. Ya best come with me, sweetheart. There's been a bit of an emergency and Billy sent me for ya…."

"An emergency? Is he okay?"

"Fine, fine, but he didn't want ya by yourself. C'mon," he waved, trying to usher her forward.

This man was a little gross but, then again, none of the guys were exactly the most clean-cut.

"Umm…okay…"

She wasn't sure just how she felt about this but moved closer to the car anyway and he pulled open the door just as she was processing what she was hearing. A rumbling and then tires squealing to a halt across the street….

What was Billy doing here?"

That didn't make sense and she watched as Billy, wide-eyed, threw open his car door.

"I thought you s-"

She stopped when the stranger grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her closer to him.

"Ya really have no clue who I am, do ya sweetie?" he chuckled.

She shook her head and tugged her hand towards herself but it did no good. The shiver that passed through her then had little to do with the wintry air.

"Hey there, Nazi - nice day, ain't it?"

"The fuck are you doin here?" Billy glowered, stepping onto the sidewalk with Joe and Baggy with him.

"Just thought I'd come meet the little princess. Ya see how easy this was? All I had to do was follow her and she never even knew. Look at me right here and right now, fellas - see how easily I got your woman," Bones yelled, raising her arm to show-off his hold on her.

"Ya made your fuckin' point," Billy spat.

"Good, that's good:

His thick hand was holding her wrist tighter and tighter and Natalie wince from the pressure on her bones but couldn't pull free.

"Let her go," Billy ordered.

Not many people disregarded his warnings but this man didn't seem to care.

"I want you to remember this, Billy Boy. I've got the power. I could kill this bitch and you'd just have to stand and watch. You remember that and keep deliverin'."

Billy just glared, jaw clenched.

"And you," he whipped Natalie to face him, ignoring the tears threatening to spill over. "Ya might as well move on. He ain't worth it. None of 'em are; ain't worth a damn thing."

And with that he shoved her forcefully from him and she stumbled a couple steps before Billy darted forward to take her arm and quickly tuck her away behind him.

"I'll see ya soon for a delivery," the man spat out at Billy before going around to get back in his car.

Natalie took a shaky breath and wiped at her damp eyes. Joe patted her back sympathetically and once the car was gone Billy did a 180.

She expected some compassion, him to check if she was okay, but he still looked mad.

"Were you gonna get in that fucking car with him?"

"Uhh…"  
"Were you?" he repeated, grabbing her shoulders for her attention.

"Well….yeah, I guess"

"Are you fuckin' stupid?" he spat, shaking her violently, making her head snap at the sudden movement.

"Whoa, man," Joe stopped him, pushing his shoulder lightly.

Billy let her go and she took a step back, feeling a little dizzy for a second.

"…was that Bones?" she guessed from the things he'd said to Billy.

"Yeah, that was fuckin' Bones," he bit, hands scrubbing the back of his head.

"Well I didn't know that," Natalie defended herself. "He just said something happened and you sent him. This isn't my fault."

"No," he shook his head. "You should've been there," he rounded on Joe.

"I was with **you**," Joe insisted. "Ain't my fault we were late. And I can't be watching her and doing errands with you at the same time…"

"Watching me?"

"No," Billy denied quickly. "Watching for Bones. I knew he found about you and I didn't want him near you. I was being cautious for a while…."

"Why didn't you tell me? I never would've gone to his car…."

"I didn't know if he'd actually do shit, so I didn't want you worryin'….you've been stressed out enough. And ya shouldn't be getting into **any**one's car you don't know anyway."

"Don't make this my fault," she frowned at him.

They all stood there, quiet but tense, for a while.

"We should get out of here," Natalie announced.

"Right. Everybody back to the car"

"I have mine here," she reminded him, turning away towards the lot while she dug in her purse.

Billy threw his key at Baggy and followed Natalie. She shrugged him away when he tired to take her arm and he sighed deeply, accepting his place in the passenger seat.

"It wasn't your fault," he promised dully once they were on the road.

"I know that"

A couple of quiet minutes passed.

"I was scared"

"….I saw," he nodded.

"Then you shouldn't have treated me like that"

He simply nodded again, rubbing a hand over his head and looking to the window.

It was getting on in the evening by now so Natalie went to the apartment with the guys. They were going out for New Years that night - out meaning _The Four Roses_, of course. She had half a mind to go to Paige's to get ready but there wasn't much of a point. She showered and got ready quickly while the guys sat around in the living room.

She was in the bathroom in faded tight jeans and a bra, examining her hair.

"Leave it down," Billy requested, pushing open the door to see her holding hair away from her face and studying the reflection thoughtfully.

"Can you shut the door - I don't have a shirt on"

"They ain't payin' attention," he shrugged, leaning to rest a shoulder on the doorframe.

Natalie rolled her eyes and dropped her hair to hang past her shoulders again. A few unruly, wavy pieces needed to be straightened so she did this quietly despite the audience.

"I know New Years is a reason to get drunk, but can you make sure the guys aren't too out of line with Amanda?' she asked of Billy, eyes on the mirror.

"You're worryin' too much about it," he scoffed.

"Babe, I'm serious," Natalie sighed.

"Alright," he sighed right back. "I'll tell 'em to leave her alone," he conceded, stepping into the room and shutting the door.

"Thank you"

Part of Natalie couldn't believe she was bringing Amanda to the bar. She'd half expected Amanda to forget the offer and make other plans but apparently she was very curious and hadn't forgotten at all.

Billy moved behind her and rubbed her shoulders, probably a wordless way to tell her calm the fuck down about it. He'd already told her the guys would show her respect since she was family, but Natalie was worried Amanda would get uncomfortable and not say anything.

Billy gently caressed her neck, leaning forward to kiss the back of her head.

"Sorry if all I did was scare you more earlier," he mumbled into her hair.

She looked into the mirror but couldn't meet his eye because his head was down; she took that as a sign of submission, that he'd been wrong.

"You did…but I forgive you"

"….Bones is the quickest way to piss me off, and seein' him with you…."

"I know"

"You're pissed," he said knowingly, straightening up again.

"I forgive you, but that doesn't mean I liked it"

He nodded.

"…and you can't touch me like you did," she elected to tell him, watching him in the mirror.

His face tightened.

"I know that; I just -"

"I know why you did it, but you just can't"

"Ya know I'm not lookin' to hurt you," he nodded agreeably.

She knew that but she had to tell him. She supposed what he'd done hadn't been all that bad but it could've easily gotten so…she'd certainly been scared for a moment and had had the feeling that she would've been shoved into a wall and cornered had a wall been available. She'd been in that position before - granted, the guy hadn't been her boyfriend - and the déjà vu scared her. She couldn't let this be that kind of relationship, she really couldn't. He had a temper, fine, it as alright. He got angry about stuff sometimes and they'd argue, but it was communication; he was never simply demeaning to her, just angry. The way he'd grabbed her…just didn't sit right.

Billy ducked and kissed her bare shoulder, seeing she was deep in thought for a moment. Her attention turned back to Billy as his hands skimmed down her back and around to her stomach. She watched his hands dance across her naked skin and looked up to watch his mouth, which was working across her collar bone to suck at her neck. She found it kind of hot to watch him at work and he must've noticed the hitch in her breath.

"Ya like that?" he grinned, pulling her flush against him.

She flushed and dropped his gaze for a second.

"I have to finish getting ready," she told him reluctantly, leaning forward to put on some make up.

"Not right now you don't"

"Yes," She laughed. "I have to go get Amanda, too."

He grumbled about this, tracing the line of skin just above her jeans. She shivered but swatted his hand away with a soft smile.

"Want to go grab a top for me?"

"What am I, your fucking personal stylist," he muttered, exiting.

She wasn't even sure she expected him to actually comply with her request, but he returned momentarily and tossed her a black shirt - of course it would be black. It had enough of a V-neck that he'd get some cleavage and was short-sleeved since it got hot in the bar. An acceptable choice overall.

She quickly finished getting ready and left to pick up Paige, then out to Amanda's. The poor girl didn't know what to wear since she didn't know the people or the place, but they got her into some dark jeans and a red top with ¾ length sleeves that wrapped around her shoulders, leaving most of her collar bare.

They stuck around for a while before making an exit and getting a mini-interrogation from Amanda's dad. Natalie assured her uncle that there were guys there they knew to keep an eye on them, and Paige's boyfriend worked there so it was cool. He let them walk out without a hassle.

"Why didn't you tell him about your boyfriend too? That would've made him feel better don't you think?" Amanda asked on the way to the car.

"Um, I didn't want him mentioning it to my dad," Natalie admitted.

"Oh, right," Amanda laughed, getting it.

It was mildly late by the time they got to the bar and Natalie didn't get out of the car right away.

"Amanda, look…I was serous when I said this wasn't a club like we went to the other night. If you're uncomfortable it really is okay; we'll go somewhere else if you tell us."

"Yeah we see these idiots all the time," Paige laughed.

"Right. We can leave."

"I want to at least meet these secret guys. They're obviously important to you…"

"Alright. Just don't feel obligated to want to stay"

Amanda agreed and they hurried inside out of the cold. Natalie watched her cousin study the place with a careful eye, but she wasn't running away so that was good. The boys caught sight of them and hollered over, whistling playfully. They waved but directed Amanda to the bar, both for some liquid courage and, as Paige put it, to pace her

"Your friend better be 21, girls," Sammy laughed, approaching them.

"Oh, I am," Amanda promised.

"He's kidding," Natalie informed her, stopping her hand that was reaching in her pocket for her ID. "He doesn't actually care, but she **is** 21."

"Sorry, didn't mean to give new girl a hard time," he chuckled.

"This is my cousin Amanda. Amanda, Sammy"

"Nice to meet you, sweets; what can I get ya?"

They ordered and hung up at the bar to talk and relax.

"Boooo!" Tommy yelled at them for staying away.

Paige flipped him off.

"Feisty! I like it!" he hollered at her, earning a smack from Baggy.

"So which one is Billy?" Amanda asked quietly.

Natalie twisted to gesture to him where he sat next to Joe. As if he felt her attention, he looked over, smirking when he saw he was the focus of he girls' attention.

"Holy shit….guess the bad boy thing really was no joke," Amanda didn't know whether to be impressed or nervous.

"Told you"

Natalie was still watching him and he crooked a finger at her to invite her over but she held up a finger for him to wait. They finished their drinks first and ordered seconds before heading back. Billy snapped his finger for Joe's attention and said something. Joe hopped up and grabbed two chairs to put between him and his brother; Natalie and Amanda sat there while Paige grabbed a seat with Baggy.

Joe happily greeted Amanda and introduced her to the guys while Natalie greeted Billy with a kiss.

"…this is Amanda," she pinched her cousin's leg to get her attention even though general introductions had been made.

"Ow! - nice to meet you, Billy," she blushed for the outburst when Billy chuckled at her.

"Don't worry; she does that pinching shit to me, too," he grinned.

"Only when you're bugging me," she laughed, pinching his side lightly in jest.

He rolled his eyes and she snickered at that, too.

Amanda watched in disbelief as her cousin joked with this rough beast of a man. He was too hard to Natalie's soft…it didn't look right and yet it looked perfect at the same time.

Joe got her attention again before she could waste too much time trying to figure them out, and she got caught up in conversation with him.

"Honey, you sure you're in the right place?" some redhead inquired of Amanda while her and Natalie were up at the bar with Angela later.

"Huh?"

"Hey, back off," Natalie ordered, leaning around Amanda to shoo the skank away; sure, Amanda still looked slightly uncomfortable there, but the women didn't have to point it out.

"Don't be a bitch. It was just a question," the girl sneered; she looked high.

"Yeah, well we don't want to look at you," Angela waved her off.

"Tough. I'll do whatever the hell I want," the girl planted her ass on the stool.

"Dumb whore," Angela muttered.

Natalie rolled her eyes and maneuvered her surprised-looking cousin over between her and Angela in case the woman had anything else to say.

"You get used to it," she promised.

"I figured from the way you talked to her," Amanda giggled, still looking startled.

"Eh, she's on something; you have to be firm," Angela dismissed.

"On something?"

"Yeah…ya know; drugs. Meth or something'," Angela nodded as they took their drinks back to the table. "Plenty of pros are doin' **some**thing."

"…was that a hooker?"

"Wouldn't be a surprise," Angela shrugged.

"I don't know if I've ever actually seen a prostitute before…" she admitted.

"Well take a good look," Angela laughed.

"What's so funny?" Bodie inquired.

"Nothing," Natalie answered quickly to save Amanda embarrassment, for the guys would surely laugh.

She watched Amanda get up later and go play darts with Joe. She was glad Joe was invested in keeping her attention; it meant the other guys would leave it alone. Besides, Billy had been right; they were being nice since she was there with them.

As for her and Billy, they were okay if slightly tense because of the incident earlier. It was better since they'd talked but it kind of hovered around, lingering in their minds.

"Come get a drink with me," Billy coaxed once her drink was gone.

"Um, I don't know…I'm driving Amanda back tonight"

"So?" he shrugged airily. "It ain't even midnight; you can have a shot with me."

He was well on his way to drunk already but he was right, so she allowed him to pull her from the table.

One shot turned into two and they stayed at the bar talking and Billy even freely made a comment about how Joe was going to nail Amanda.

"Billy!"

He caught her hand as it approached him.

"Always fuckin' pinching…."

"Well I figure you'll take that better than hitting," she joked.

"**You** can do anything you want to me," he informed her.

He used his hold on her hand to tug her closer to kiss her. Before Sammy could make his usual lame joke about PDA at the bar, they stumbled away blindly, arms around each other. Natalie was pretty sure they meant to get back to the table but soon Billy was backing her down the dim side hallway.

"What're you doing," she detached from his mouth to breathe once they stumbled into the girl's bathroom.

"What I wanted to do earlier," he decided, ducking to look for feet in the stalls before twisting the bathroom lock.

"Billy…"

She sounded unsure but couldn't deny a flame of excitement flickered to life when she heard the lock snap. Billy grabbed her and kissed her again, hoping he'd caught her in the right mood because he wanted to touch her.

"You were saying?" he pulled back to ask.

He'd had enough alcohol by now to be easy and relaxed; he was certainly pleasant tonight.

So she shrugged and kissed him again, just letting go this evening. Maybe Paige would prove right and sex in a public place - or semi-public since the door was locked - was something worth trying at least once.

Billy kissed her hungrily and eventually backed her up until her butt hit the counter. He turned her around and smirked at their reflection.

"You wanted to watch earlier…" he reminded her playfully.

She smiled a little and blushed looking at her flushed visage and her hair that was mussed a little from his hands.

"Don't be embarrassed. You're beautiful…fuckin' sexy," he ground out into her ear as he slid his hands up her shirt.

Her shirt rode up slightly and she watched his hands explore her skin. Her breathing increased some in anticipation and he didn't waste a lot of time getting his fingers to her jeans and easily undoing them. She watched him push them down her hips a little bit and then one arm wrapped around her, one hand squeezing her breasts while the other pulled aside her underwear.

She moaned softly as he touched her, rubbing between her legs and slipping fingers inside of her. She watched him with his mouth on her neck, one hand groping her, the other disappearing between her thighs. She could see it like it wasn't happening to her but it most definitely was because she could sure as hell feel it, too.

"Oh my God…" she breathed.

He built her up quickly but stilled his hand for a moment, though he continued to suck on her neck and explore her body elsewhere. One of her hands rested on his forearm and she clawed it lightly as she arched into his large hand on her chest. He slipped his finger back inside her then, earning a pleasured gasp. He was loving it, too; she could feel him growing hard against her back .

Someone knocked agitatedly on the door, startling them both.

"Fuck off!" Billy yelled, not even stopping.

Natalie chuckled, head tipping forward a little, but he gave her hair a small tug to lift it back up to look in the mirror. She met his eye in the mirror and didn't even bother flushing in the face of his grin. This felt too damn good to be embarrassed about it now. Maybe later she'd blush about it, but now she found herself groaning as he added his second finger again; she leaned forward to plant her hands on the counter, head falling forward.

He tutted playfully and pulled her back to him, his hand curling around her throat. Her breath hitched and he chuckled deeply against her neck. She concentrated on his hand working inside her and her eyes drifted closed, lips loosely parted.

"Open 'em," he growled, his breath hot on her ear.

She did so and reached a hand back to grab at his shirt, whimpering as his finger curled inside her. He did this again and rubbed her with his thumb. She moaned and her eyes fell shut again as she began to breathe heavier. She heard Billy grunt and then he squeezed his hand against her neck quickly and tighter than usual. Her eyes snapped open again, knowing that's what he wanted, and she grabbed his elbow instinctively. He loosened his hand once he got what he wanted and she trailed her hand up his arm to grab his thick upper arm.

She studied the mirror, never before knowing it would be a turn-on to be able to watch themselves. She leaned forward slightly to get a better peek down at his hand below her waist but he pulled her back again, head against his chest, and held her neck more firmly.

"They're open," she breathed with a quirk of the corner of her lips.

He smirked and pushed his fingers further into her. She gasped and her toes curled; she knew she'd be falling apart soon.

She watched herself give herself to him, marveling at her trust in him. He dropped his head to nip at her jaw and massaged her throat, applying and releasing pressure. She stared at the hand on her throat and it occurred to her that she'd never let anyone touch her quite like that, had strangely never trusted anyone as much as she trusted Billy Darley. She knew it sounded backwards but she was suddenly filled with an overwhelming feeling of trust. Why else would she let her touch her whenever he wanted; why would she give him so much control? She didn't think twice anymore about letting him wrap her neck in his large hands and felt comfortable letting him manipulate her throat, essentially threatening the air that gave her life.

Natalie groaned again and continued to watch, staring at his hands on her. She wasn't sure how they'd gotten here, how she'd ever learned to trust a gang lord with her life but she didn't care. She knew a year ago she'd never believe that she'd fall in love with this man, but she had and she liked it.

"Billy," she gasped, trying to turn her head to kiss the lips that were traveling her face.

He didn't let her just yet, firmly holding her head in place by tightening his hand slightly on her throat. She moaned and rested her head back languidly, continuing to watch through hooded eyes. She felt a rumble of a laugh in Billy's chest but didn't care. She knew he liked to think it was "kinky, and sexy as fuck" that she was into letting him choke her sometimes, but she also knew that he got it. He got off on the power of essentially holding her life in his hand and she just as well appreciated the authority of allowing him to; there was power in some kinds of surrender, or so she'd found.

She felt the pleasure in her stomach building and she reached her hand from his arm up to the back of his head, scraping his scalp as her body tightened and she watched as she lost it in his arms.

He let go of her neck and turned her head to kiss her finally as he worked her down. When he removed his hand from her she turned fully and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him deeply even though her breath was still short and panting.

"Damn," he chuckled when she finally let go. "What?" he asked when she just settled back down on flat feet again and gazed up at him.

"Nothing," she decided; she didn't want to make the mood sappy right there in the bathroom of the bar.

They kissed again and she pushed her hands down to feel him through his jeans. Slowly, she started to sink down but he pulled her back up by the arms.

"Ya don't have to; I know ya don't wanna do that in here," he told her, well aware of her previous feelings on fooling around back here.

"You caught me in a good mood; besides, what I **really** don't want is my bare ass on that counter," she teased.

She wasn't a fan of the floor once she got down there so she knelt on the toes of his steel toe boots, which he seemed to find mildly amusing. She kept one hand on him while she undid his belt and then his jeans.

A long, deep groan pulled out of him when she got her mouth on him and he buried one hand in her hair, though her tried not to push on her, and the other planted firmly on the counter. She glanced up a few times to watch him staring intently at her, chest heaving. She worked him efficiently and his knees buckled slightly when he came, but he straightened again quickly. She secured his jeans back up and redid his belt before slowly rising. He slung an arm low around her waist and nuzzled her neck as he regained a normal breathing pattern, thoughts lingering on her tongue and her throat….

When he straightened he took a deep breath and righted her jeans for her, too, as they were still left unbuttoned. Natalie skirted him to actually use the bathroom for it's intended purpose. When she emerged, zipping her jeans, she found him washing his hands. She caught his eye in the mirror and winked, kissing his shoulder before washing hers too. She wiped at some makeup in the mirror and then let him usher her towards the door while she ran her hands through her hair to smooth it.

She unlocked the door with a self-satisfied grin and stepped out, only to freeze in the doorway, which caused Billy to bump into her. There she stood, mouth dropped open slightly as she watched Joe and Amanda make out in the dimly lit hallway.

"That's my boy," Billy laughed loudly once he saw them too.

The two pulled apart and Amanda blushed quickly, biting her lip.

"What're you lookin' at?" Joe shrugged.

"You, jackass; it's not midnight yet," Natalie grinned, deciding to go with being amused for now.

"Oh yeah, and what the hell were **you** doin' in there," Joe smirked knowingly.

"Joe, let's grab a beer," Billy nodded out towards the bar.

"What?"

"Let's grab a beer," he repeated.

Joe made a childish face but followed his brother anyway and Natalie sent Billy a thankful look that he nodded blandly at; Joe should go ahead and get some as far as he was concerned, but he knew Natalie felt Amanda was her responsibility.

"Are you drunk?" Natalie checked.

"No… are you mad?" Amanda cringed.

"About Joe? No. I was just making sure you knew what you were doing," Natalie grinned.

"Oh, yeah…Joe's nice," Amanda shrugged a little shyly.

Natalie nodded and glanced out at the brothers before looking back at Amanda's knowing look.

"We have sex in normal places, I promise," Natalie laughed, as Amanda had only heard of some of her and Billy's raunchier escapades.

Amanda laughed along with her now that she knew Natalie wasn't upset and they joined the guys at the bar.

Joe wrapped an arm around Amanda and held a hushed little conversation with her, likely asking what that had been all about.

"Sammy, a drink for my girl," Billy ordered.

There was a beer in front of him, along with two shot glasses, one empty and one full.

"Just a coke, Sam"

"Fuck that," Billy shook his head.

"I have to drive later; I'll have a drink at midnight but I don't want to even push it"

Despite what Billy had said Sam slid a Coke to her rather than alcohol.

"Sure ya don't want this?" Billy asked, raising his glass.

"I'll survive without," she grinned, watching him throw it back.

"My man," she crooned teasingly.

"Got that right"

He slung his arm around her shoulders and took them back to the table. They made out heavily at midnight; everyone did, regardless of the girl they grabbed to get it done. Paige cheered when she saw Amanda and Joe kissing and many of the guys joined in, making Amanda blush but Joe was far too used to them to be effected.

"When the hell did you do this?" Billy frowned, tugging her ponytail a few hours later.

"Like five minutes ago," Natalie laughed; she'd been sitting right there next t him while she pulled it back. "It's hot in here."

He grunted with a nod; he liked it better down but he supposed he like being able to see her soft, sleek neck.

Everyone else could see it too.

"Well looky here," Tommy laughed sloppily, reaching over from the chair over to rub his finger over the bite on her neck that Billy had left earlier that night.

She slapped his hand away and the guys laughed; Billy just looked smug about the whole ordeal. Amanda was happy to witness the exchange as well, getting to see that the guys weren't making fun of her earlier; they just gave everyone a hard time in a good natured way.

"They're just jealous," Billy murmured, kissing her cheek. "I love you," he added slowly, nuzzling her neck.

Natalie smiled.

"Aw, say it," he told her quietly.

"I love you too," she assured him, turning to kiss his cheek in return.

"Yeah…I fuckin' love you," he repeated, somewhat slurred, continuing to leave his face against her neck.

She just smiled; Billy was a happy drunk tonight and out to play. He straightened after a while and finished off his beer.

"You do know I love you right, cuz I fuckin' do…" he told her again, running his finger down her nose, watching the progression with glazed eyes.

"Yes, I know," she nodded, taking his finger to pull his hand down and rest it in her lap. "You're happy tonight."

"Why wouldn't I be?" he shrugged contentedly, twirling her ponytail around his fingers.

He leaned in and kissed her jaw and let his lip graze across her cheek.

"Billy," she laughed, leaning away.

"Huh? Nobody cares…you don't mind do ya Tommy?" Billy lifted his head a little to look up.

"Nah bro," Tommy chuckled.

"He's a good man," Billy pointed a finger in his general direction.

"Maybe it's time to leave," Natalie suggested with a grin.

"Nah, it's cool. It's fine

"No I have to get Amanda back anyway…if we're **too** late her dad won't trust me," she laughed.

"…**I** trust you," Billy shrugged.

"Good to know….c'mon. Amanda, we should go…Joe, you comin'?"

He nodded quickly and got up with Amanda while Natalie tugged Billy from his seat.

"You need help?" Bodie offered from where he was lounged with Angela.

"No, Joe's here if I have trouble"

"Yo, why doesn't Amanda just crash at our place?" Joe asked as they made their way to the door.

"Then her dad would be suspicious of me…the last thing I need is her dad talking to my dad and figuring out where I brought his baby girl," Natalie laughed.

"Sad but true," Amanda nodded.

The younger two were in front, Joe's arm around her waist. Natalie was bringing up the rear with Billy, who's arm was over her shoulders while he leaned on her a little heavily.

"I think …I drank more than I thought…" he decided after stumbling down the front step of the bar.

"Teaches you to think then," Natalie teased.

"Hey," he warned, though the threat fell flat as the finger he pointed was unsteady. "Ah, fuck it," he shrugged. "You're just lucky I love you…"

"We heard that already," Joe threw back at them.

"Ah, fuck you Joe," Billy shrugged again carelessly. "I really do though…I'd do anything for you," he whispered, head a little unsteady.

Natalie just smiled up at him and managed to get him to the car, pushing him in the back seat with Joe.

"You're good?" Natalie checked when she pulled into Amanda's driveway.

"Yup"

"I'll walk you up," Joe offered quickly.

"No, my dad"

"I'll be sneaky," Joe winked, getting out of the car to meet her and walk her up the driveway.

Billy was mumbling something unintelligible about that exchange but Natalie watched with a small smile as Joe kissed her just outside of the light from the front porch. She didn't know what she thought about Joe and Amanda together, but she'd figure that out later.

"Billy!" she gasped when he was suddenly pulling his large frame up into the front from the space between her seat and the passenger seat.

"What?" he grunted.

"This is the most difficult way you could've gotten up here," she groaned, turning her head away lest she get hit with a disoriented limb.

He managed the feat, though, and settled into the seat, straightening his coat with a pleased look about him.

"You're pretty," he announced after gazing at her for a while.

He traced her face with a finger and traced her bottom lip before leaning in to kiss her. The kiss was slow and short before he leaned back to his side of the car and rested his head back.

"Fuckin' beat, though…"

"We'll get back and get you to bed…"

"I'm not a kid," he sighed, though he didn't protest the idea or the hand rubbing his arm.

"I know…" she agreed.

"Fuuuuuuck"

He leaned forward quickly and laid on the horn.

"Billy, my uncle!" Natalie screeched, pulling his arm away.

"Oh yeah….oh well, Joe'll come now," he grinned in triumph.

Sure enough Joe waited like a little gentleman while Amanda hurried inside before jogging back to the car.

"What the fuck?" he spat.

"Shut it Joe," was Billy's easy reply. "You pissed I did that?" he asked Natalie.

"No," she shook her head with a short laugh, backing out.

"Good….cuz I love you, ya know that…"

"Christ…" Joe breathed; happy drunk was better than the pissed-and-drunk-Billy, but this continuous line was getting ridiculous.

"Yeah, I know Billy," Natalie smiled, reaching over to take his hand.

"Good," he nodded, twining his fingers with hers.

And it was good.

* * *

**And that's that; let me know what you think. R and R**


	26. What Did You Say?

_**Hey, so i know it's been another week between posts...it's starting to look like weekends are the only real time I'm going to have to go through a chap, edit it to me content and post it. I mean my weeks might end up opening up a little more butt i know for a fact this coming week is a mess..two exams, a quiz, a paper, and metting with my advisor - what! School apparently wants to kick my ass this semester =( haha**_

**_Anyway, i just didn't want you guys to think I've forgotten about this story because i certainly HAVE NOT. It's one I've spend more time on than other fics I've started and left half-done. In fact i'm surprised it's taken me this long to be getting so many chapters actually posted because I've been pretty ahead of myself for quite some time =)_**

**_But now you have a heads up that there might not be an update until next weekend...or thursday or friday if you're lucky because by then my week will be slowed down enough for me to get back on here, since it's a nice activity for the downtime. _**

**_Hope you enjoy; let me know =)_**

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* * *

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**EDIT: I apologize that this was originally posted center-spaced. i didn't intend to do that and didn't realize it until Leeseelee pointed it out (thanks!). So that should hopefully be fixed as a repost this in...sorry for the inconvenience to any readers**

**What Did You Say?**_  
I won't be held responsible  
____She fell in love in the first place  
__For the life of me I cannot remember  
__What made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise  
_'_**The Freshmen' by The Verve Pipe  
**_

"Skip class," Billy murmured against Natalie's neck where he was laying next to her on his side.

"I can't…it's too soon to start that habit," Natalie told him, as he knew she would.

It was the first week of classes, and Billy knew he should just be happy she'd spent the night. She wanted to at least make a good first impression on her new teachers and make classes on time, so she'd been staying at her parents'. Her and Paige were now in the process of actually making the apartment happen, so her options were still here with Billy or at her house. She'd been picking home so that she couldn't be persuaded to miss her first class or something, so Billy reminded himself he just needed to let her figure out a routine…and then figure out how to strategically disrupt it.

Still, he had to at least throw the idea out there.

He didn't push it, though, rolling onto his back to let her out of bed. She scurried out to wash up and when he came back he watched through hooded eyes while she looked around for some clothes.

"You remember I'm going to see Vince after classes, right?…don't look like that," she sighed when he scowled.

"Am I supposed to act like it's fuckin' peachy?" he grumbled, looking for a cigarette.

"You _could_….you know I'm worried about him"

Billy just nodded, ruing the fact that he'd let this conversation start. She hadn't seen Vince much lately and hadn't heard from him either, which worried her.

"I still haven't seen him and I've barely heard a peep from him," she said just as he knew she would.

"He does have other friends," he reminded her; this was an idea he was thankful of lest Vince only look to spend time with Natalie while he was in the city.

"Yeah I know…he's just been weird lately …like sad - sorry, I know you don't want to hear about it," she muttered, pulling her hair back.

"It's fine," he shrugged, sitting up to lean against the headboard as he lit his cigarette.

"…I think he should see someone, but I don't know how to tell him that," she confessed, planting her hands on her hips thoughtfully.

Billy studied that look; she was always fucking thinking, that was for sure. Did he want her thinking about Vince? No. So he paused for a moment to remind himself that he **liked** that she was a generally caring person so he shouldn't get pissy about this.

"What do ya mean talk to someone?" he humored her.

"Like a counselor or therapist or whatever"

Billy snorted.

"Ya can't tell a man he's gotta go talk to a shrink," he shook his head, blowing smoke out steadily.

"I know; you guys all think therapists are girly and emotional - that's crap. It's good for people," she insisted, throwing her hands up and continuing the hunt for clothes.

"Right, right, all those psych classes," he chuckled, more interested in her ass when she bent to rifle through clothes than the actual topic at hand.

"And what's wrong with that?" she threw over her shoulder. "Why _shouldn't_ Vince go see someone?"

"Maybe he should - to hell if I'd know about that shit. I'm just sayin' he won't like it."

"I know"

"Why're you so worried? So he's been through some shit, he'll deal with it," Billy waved her worry away.

"It's obviously effecting him; maybe he just needs to get it out," Natalie grumbled, peeling off her sleep shirt to put a bra on.

"Women…"

"Sometimes people need to talk about thing. Sometimes they need to get it out and get advice," she told him frustratedly. "It's not girly and stupid - its healthy. Geeze."

"Don't get mad at me," he frowned, studying her.

She just rolled her eyes and tossed aside the shirt in her hand in frustration; she was flustered and now she didn't want to wear that one.

"…you've been to a counselor before, huh?" he realized, reading her well.

"Yeah, so?"

"So….when?" he interrogated; he liked hearing about her life before him on the occasion that it came up…it was different than his; sometimes interestingly so.

"Whenever"

"Ah, c'mon…what'd ya go for then?" he asked, wondering if she'd had some eating disorder or something at some point that he didn't know about.

"…issues with my dad," she admitted.

Billy tried to hide a grin; somehow he wasn't surprised by that.

Natalie gave him a look.

"What?…what, I'm sorry, alright? It's just ironic that big judge Shepherd was the reason his baby had to go to therapy."

Natalie shook her head at him and went back to digging for a shirt; she still hadn't decided on one and it was pissing her off more than it should.

"What? It's not a big deal; I probably shouldda been in therapy for shit **my** dad did, too - me and Joe both," he muttered around his cigarette, still calmly leaning on the headboard.

"Whatever"

She didn't want to write-off the acknowledgement that his dad had messed him and Joe up some, but she also didn't want to talk about this right now.

"You're mad I'm interested? C'mon," Billy drawled out.

"No, I'm frustrated because it's kind of a touchy subject right now and you're joking about it"

"…right now? When the hell did you see this therapist?" Billy frowned.

"She's not a therapist; she's the school counselor… …I went a couple months ago"

Billy's eyebrows popped up at that while he inhaled.

"…ya didn't tell me that."

"I know. It wasn't that big of a deal"

"…I thought we just established that people go see a shrink when something **is** a big deal," he twisted the discussion on her.

"…it really wasn't. My advisor told me he thought I should go-"

"Advisor?" he frowned.

"Yeah…the professor that helps me with scheduling and stuff….Dr. Holmes, I've mentioned him before…? He's -"

"Yeah yeah the tall guy who tells the same stories over and over," Billy nodded, waving her on.

Natalie nodded at the proof that he listened to her stories.

"Well…he noticed when I started missing more classes because I never really did before - that was because of you," she grinned. "And then I had that bruise, and I couldn't _completely_ hide it so he asked me about it…and he gave me the school counselor's number."

"And ya went…but ya didn't have to?" Billy squinted his eyes at her.

"Yeah; like I said, sometime's it's nice to talk to someone," she shrugged, pulling on a t-shirt finally.

"What am I - a wall? I got ears," Billy frowned; he didn't like the insinuation that he wasn't _good enough _for her to talk to.

"…it's more than listening. She's trained to give advice and help out. It's not that I couldn't talk to you…but would you have known what to tell me about how I felt about my parents? I mean, you took care of me - and that was great - but when Dr. Holmes said I should talk to her it sounded like a good idea."

"…guess you got a point," Billy decided after a few contemplative drags. "So what'd you talk about?"

"Why does it matter?"

He shrugged.

"Why can't you tell me?"

"…well she asked me why I was missing classes, and I told her it wasn't a big deal, just running around with a boyfriend," she winked at him, trying to ease his mind about whatever he was fussy over - maybe it was too soon after waking up for serious conversations. "She eventually asked about the bruise and I told her the whole deal with my dad…so then I had to explain you weren't exactly a dad's dream - don't worry, I didn't tell her your name," she added before he could ask.

"I fuckin' figured"

"So then we just talked about how I felt towards my dad for acting the way he did, and how he's hindering my autonomy."

"Aut-what?" Billy tilted his head.

"Autonomy…like, me trying to become more independent," she defined. "And then we just dialogued about balancing a relationship with my parents and pursing the romantic relationship that I chose."

"So you discussed me and us," he nodded slowly, gesturing between them.

"…I guess, but that's not why I went," she promised, stepping into a pair of jeans.

"Well what'd ya talk about?" he continued to pester.

"…she just asked the kinds of questions I'd ask myself to verify that the relationship is worth the problems it was causing. That way I had to say it out loud and acknowledge how I felt."

"…and?"

"…what do you mean "and?" I'm still here, aren't I?" Natalie smiled softly.

Billy narrowed his eyes, thinking this over.

"Go ahead and ask," Natalie sighed, leaning against the dresser.

"…forget it."

"Billy, go ahead; we already opened this door…"

"No, you're right; you're here, so it's fine," he decided; maybe it didn't matter what she'd told some shrink months ago.

"Good…cuz it's basically stuff we've mentioned by now anyway," she smiled, pulling on a hooded sweatshirt. "And she obviously didn't talk me into bailing on you," she added, crawling up the bed.

He lowered his bent knee so she could get to him and kiss him on the chin while he inhaled deeply.

"She try to?" he checked, blowing the smoke to the side when she settled to sit back on his legs.

"Well she was worried when I mentioned you might be in a gang…but who wouldn't?"

Billy conceded to that and thought for a few moments.

"…can't believe ya didn't tell me…."

"I only saw her twice and it didn't seem like a big deal…" Natalie shrugged. "And there was a lot going on at the time."

"Fuckin' shrink tryin' to make ya run out on me," he smirked, shaking his head.

"I wouldn't have even let her try," Natalie winked. "And she's not a shrink…it wasn't _real_ therapy with diagnosis and stuff. I just wanted to be validated by someone impartial that what I was feeling was okay."

Billy nodded even though he wasn't sure how much he understood, but her mentioning that a lot had been going on then reminded him that, yes, there certainly had been. He supposed he couldn't be annoyed that she'd found the most convenient way to cope and ran with it.

"… …so what do you think about Vince?" she asked after a few quiet minutes.

"What about him?" Billy sighed, cracking his neck.

"…I probably shouldn't mention it, huh?"

"…I doubt he'd like it," Billy forced himself to tell her nicely.

He didn't particularly care what Vince liked, but then he could remembered empathizing with the guy when he'd had that nightmare. Okay, so maybe the guy **should** talk to somebody, but Billy knew he and Vince were a little alike - something he would **never** be telling Natalie - in the way that they'd had to harden up. Billy wouldn't respond well to the idea he should talk to some damn stranger about personal shit, so he doubted very much that Vince would be any more keen on the notion.

"You're right…he knows he can go to the VA; I'll let him take care of himself. And he says he talks to some war buddies, right?- sorry. You don't want to talk about him," Natalie remind herself with a grin.

"Not really," he admitted with a semi-amused look.

"Sorry, I'm just worried"

"I can tell," he nodded, squeezing her leg.

She held in a squeal and pushed his hand away, tugging her sleeves over her hands as she contemplated the Vince situation. It was hard to tell sometimes if something was wrong or if he was just being himself…plus there was the fact that he wasn't hanging around as much as he might if Billy weren't around.

"Stop thinkin' so damn much," he ordered her, stubbing out his cigarette to pull her closer and thoroughly distract her.

Natalie leaned into him, hands resting on his shoulders, and kissed him back equally as passionate. She pulled away eventually, reminding herself she still had to finish getting ready.

"…I wish I had time to make you breakfast….well, Joe too."

"Why?"

"…I just feel like doing something nice," she shrugged.

"Skip class and I'll show you somethin' nice you can do," he smirked.

Natalie giggled and crawled off of him reluctantly.

"I can't…you're trying to teach me bad habits"

"Skipping class is child's play," he joked, throwing the covers off to finally get up once she laughed and walked out.

"Joe, get your ass up," he hollered from his room, not spotting Joe in the living room. "You're goin' to the office with me."

"That wasn't very nice," Natalie snickered when he entered the bathroom.

He shrugged and lifted the seat of the toilet.

"…you want me to step out?" she rose an eyebrow.

"…this is me caring either way," he shrugged, unzipping his pants to take a piss.

She shook her head at him and looked back to the mirror to throw on some makeup and then muddle out to the kitchen. Joe was there now, looking extremely haphazard.

"Good morning"

"Fuck you," he muttered, scrubbing hard at his eyes.

They all ate a quiet breakfast of cereals and Natalie was the first to have to go.

"I'll see you tonight," she gave Billy a quick kiss. "I love you."

He rested his forehead on hers and started at her a moment.

"Love you"

She straightened with a smile while Joe pretended to gag into his cereal. Billy frowned and kicked his stool, making it teeter dangerously. The younger Darely was none too pleased with this and was still muttering under his breath when she pulled her coat on and grabbed her bag to leave.

* * *

Vince and Natalie ended up getting talked into dinner with her parents, so they were there for a while before going to lounge around his place. He was staying at a semi-seedy apartment in a semi-seedy little area…the place looked like more of a glorified hotel room. That was Vince, though; he wasn't dirty but wasn't exactly clean either. He just…was.

They had a couple beers and lounged around, just doing nothing and killing time. It was kind of late but relatively early, given that it was a Friday, when Natalie started feeling a little tired. Sure it was early for that but that's what a week full of classes will do to you after you stayed up as late as you wanted everyday over Christmas break.

"So where've you been, V?" Natalie asked; she'd been beating around the topic of himself all night but didn't want to leave before she at least asked if he was doing okay.

"Around…you know," he shrugged.

It wasn't really an answer, though that's what Vince did…he was just around. He was probably picking up odd jobs helping people he knew here and there…whatever shit would keep him afloat.

"I just haven't heard from you, so I worried."

"Ah, well you're with Billy a lot"

"You know I'd make time for you - I always do," she reminded him, sitting forward in the armchair she'd been curled up in.

"…it's a little different with Billy, we both know that. I can't just hang out with you and your friends….gotta pull you away from 'em to hang out with you," he shrugged, picking at the label of his beer bottle.

"That's not true; Paige thinks your great, Baggy likes you alright, and my friends from school that you've met like you."

He shrugged and sat back.

"It's okay…ain't nothing'"

"It is too. I want to hang out with you while you're here and I want to know you're okay"

"I'm fine…I always am," he grinned reassuringly.

"I know….you should be more than fine, though. I wish you'd come around more…" she told him.

"And hang out with you and Billy? Nah, I don't think so," he declined, shaking his head.

"I know he's rough sometimes…"

"I just don't want to see you with him," he told her bluntly, shaking his head.

"…what do you mean?" Natalie frowned.

"What do you think I mean, Nat? It ain't like I don't know how to be around guys like him; I've known guys like him my whole life. But I'm not gonna sit around and watch you with one," he looked a little disgusted.

"Vince…you don't know Billy"

"I don't have to know Billy; I know the type. Bad for you, _mami_," he continued to shake his head. "You're just hurtin' yourself and everybody can see it. Maybe your dad ain't dealin' with it right but that don't mean he's wrong."

"Don't think I haven't thought a lot about it…I know it's not…conventional"

"Not logical, more like it. I can't quite figure you out…I don't know if you just want a taste of danger or if you're blinded by, what, how he is in bed?"

"Vince! Don't patronize me like that…I'm not some whore"

Was the sex good? Yes. But it went beyond that.

"Do you know that's not what you are to him? Geeze, what would Connor think, huh?'

"Don't," Natalie shook her head, face falling flat. "Don't say that like he's some trump card you can play."

"But you're not telling me I'm wrong. You _know_ he'd be first in line to kick his ass," Vince told her quietly.

"Connor wouldn't want me to be with any guy," Natalie rolled her eyes, thinking of her conversation with Julia some time ago.

"No he wouldn't want you with _that_ guy…"

"He wouldn't want me to be happy?"

"Were you happy when he pointed that gun in my face, Nat? Quite the fucking temper he's got…"

"Shut up…don't talk about him like you know him," she shook her head.

"Connor would be disgusted, just like I'm disgusted. He'd be disappointed in both of us," Vince sighed, leaning back in his seat.

If she was in a better mood towards Vince she might've wondered what he really meant by his last statement, but she was too upset.

"I don't know when you decided you could talk to me about Connor like that, but I'm leaving," Natalie glared at him, getting up and grabbing her purse off the floor to leave, slamming the door behind her.

All the apartments faced the outside so she walked down the cement walkway and down the stairs to the parking lot. She was pissed so she just stalked around for a few minutes in the cold night air before really realizing she was stuck there; Vince had driven them so her car wasn't there.

"Shit…."

Tears had been stinging her eyes since leaving the apartment and as she dropped to sit on the steps of the building they finally fell out of her eyes. She didn't like hearing Vince talk to her that way but he mostly didn't like Connor brought up and used against her like that. She'd wondered herself many times how her brother would have reacted to Billy…if they ever would've gotten along. She couldn't deny that, no, Connor wouldn't have accepted their relationship without a fight, but he was hotheaded and stubborn like that. She didn't need Vince, or anyone, throwing it in her face.

She let herself cry for a little bit, half wondering if Vince would come out, and finally just took a deep breath and pulled out her phone.

_"Hey"_

"Billy….what're you doing right now?"

_"Just got to the bar with Tommy and Baggy…why, you comin'?"_

"…I just need you to come pick me up - I can call Paige," she sighed, getting up to walk down the stairs and stroll the parking lot, more calmly this time.

_"No, I'll come right now - why do ya need picked up?" _he asked suspiciously.

"I got in an argument with Vince and I left…'

_"…ya bring up that therapist thing?"_ Billy nodded to himself.

"No!" Natalie spat into the phone. "This isn't **my** fault," she sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

_"…the fuck happened?"_

"I don't want to talk about it…"

_"Nat"_

"…he just said some stuff and I didn't want to stick around"

_"So he fuckin' let ya waltz out on your own? Jackass…" _

"It's fine. Whatever. I wasn't going to stay," she sniffed again.

_"Christ, what the fuck did he say? I thought Vince did no wrong…"_ he tried to lighten her up.

"Please don't," Natalie sighed. "…you said you were coming?"

_"Yeah, I'm on my way," _he assured her; he'd dropped her off there once so he knew the building.

"…okay."

They stayed on the phone quietly, the only real noise now their breathing and the radio she could hear still playing quietly in the car.

"…is that you already?" Natalie squinted when a car pulled up on the sidewalk.

_"What? No"_

"Mmm, never mind," she shrugged.

She supposed it had been a bit of an assumption to think it was him; plenty of people came and went from there after all.

What she didn't know was that one of Ethan's buddies frequented a young woman who lived in Vince's building - a curvy, blonde little thing. Natalie had visited or picked up Vince from there a couple times already, so it was really just luck that she hadn't been recognized. Well, hadn't been recognized until tonight.

Natalie heard a whistle behind her and sighed deeply; maybe it would've been smarter to stay in Vince's room…she could've just ignored him until Billy got there.

Common sense said not to turn around but something made her, and she froze.

"Oh my God…"

_"…what?… …what?"_

Billy could hear a shaky breath across the line and then a muffled "Hey!" from somewhere, and then a "fuck!" No words came after that, just rustling around the phone.

_"Nat! What the hell! Hello?"_

Natalie was a little too busy running and panicking to think about the phone clutched tightly in her hand for a minute.

_"Nat!" _Billy screamed into his phone again; all he could hear was commotion and he needed a damn explanation.

"Billy - it's _him_," Natalie raised the phone as she ran; she registered that he needed to know….if he didn't get there in time he had to know.

…would he get there in time? And in time for what?

_"What?"_

"Ethan, he's here," she panted into the phone. "Ow! Shit - I'm okay," she breathed after tripping over an uneven bit of sidewalk.

"Not for long, bitch," someone behind her cackled; there was a couple of them.

_"Fuck! What the fuck!" _Billy raged. _"Nat, you have a knife!" _

"I can't…"

_"Yes you can! Ya fucking can - you have to!"_

Her purse was bumping along on her shoulder; she'd almost thrown it down but she supposed it was a good thing she hadn't. She fumbled with it, trying to run and reach into it at the same time - thank God she'd at least worn sneakers today. Unfortunately her phone got dropped in the frantic fight with her purse. Her panic worsened - that had been her only connection to help. The phone was promptly kicked by other running feet and Natalie's hand was close to the black handle she was looking for.

She wasn't sure how she'd know what to do with it and she never got to find out because a car raced past and whipped into the street she'd been about to cross, cutting her off. A body ran into her, the momentum throwing her into the car. And sending her purse to the ground.

"Look what we fuckin' got here, boys…" Ethan leered down at her.

All she could do was stare at him and shake her head, as if that would dissuade him. He and his cousin had made themselves known in a couple nightmares after she'd first met them, but they'd since faded away…now he was back and he was real.

"This is gonna be real fun, sweetheart"

He grabbed her shoulders roughly and one of his companions opened the back door to the car. She struggled in his hold, knowing it would all be downhill once she was inside the vehicle, but it did little good and she was thrust inside anyway, between Ethan and a nameless man.

"Bodie! Get the fuckin' car and get to Clyde St. now!…don't fucking ask me why!" Billy yelled into the phone. "Ethan and his halfwit faggot friends showed up again that's why…yes that's where Vince lives, Natalie was there. We're searching the place. Get your asses there!" he ended his tirade and threw his phone into the passenger seat in disgust, flying down the road.

He stopped short of the dingy apartment complex suddenly and got out, racing around to the curb to stare down at a very familiar black purse. For a moment he couldn't pick it up, he could only look at it. It's contents would be familiar…a brown wallet with a pink stripe…that damn camera she liked using…gum that she liked to joke and tell him he needed to chew after he smoked…yet there was also a lighter she'd taken to carrying with her since he might leave his sitting somewhere and often didn't pay attention to whether his was almost out…plenty of knick knacks were in that thing.

He knew it was hers but he picked it up slowly and peered in just to be sure.

"Fuck!" he yelled at the empty street.

He opened the car to throw this in the passenger seat and he grabbed his phone, dialing her number. Her ring tone went off not far from him - some slow rock song he still didn't have a title to but by now knew the chorus of - and he whipped around, seeing the small light of the screen on the ground. He let it keep ringing and strode over, bending to pick it up. The screen was cracked, distorting the name **Billy** that was flashing.

He tapped it off, fuming, and pocketed both phones. He stood there for a while and it took less time than he'd even expected before his car's twin pulled up and guys piled out.

"The fuck's goin' on?" Joe demanded, looking around wildly; they'd likely all expected a brawl.

"They took her; they had to have. They fucking took her and we're gonna fucking find her!" Billy raged. "I want you to search the whole area. Anything that looks like hers, you grab it. You see anyone out loitering the street, you get some fucking answers. They don't crack, go ahead and bring 'em to me. Now."

Everyone hopped to it, spreading out to scour the area.

"What, Joe?" he snapped.

"You alright?"

"…am I _alright_?"

"What're you gonna do?" Joe tried again, kicking himself for the first question.

"Paying Vince a fucking visit…see where his ass was"

"I'll go with you," Joe nodded; he wasn't sure if he trusted Billy to not wring Vince's neck right now.

"I don't need a fuckin' babysitter. Grab my keys and go search the area"

Billy marched off to drop in on Vince and Joe did as he was told, turning Billy's' car off before disappearing. Billy knew which room was Vince's from dropping Natalie there once, so he didn't even bother knocking, just barged right in.

Vince jumped, startled from where he sat, but he eased back when he saw who it was.

"She complain and send you in? What, you gonna straighten me out?" Vince rolled his eyes.

"What the _fuck_ did you two fight about?" Billy demanded.

Vince ignored him, watching the TV instead, so Billy ripped the cord out.

"I got your undivided attention now, douche bag? Now, what the hell did you do that had her hightailing it out of here, huh?"

"…look, didn't we already play this game? This pissing contest is old. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself," Vince shook his head.

Billy fumed and crossed the room, grabbing Vince's collar to haul him up closer to his face.

"Yeah, she's a big girl," Billy agreed. "She's also a fucking **missing** girl, cuz you ran her outta here!"

Vince deadpanned.

"The hell did you just say?"

"That's right; she got picked up off the street, motherfucker. Where the hell were you?"  
"Aw, man, it was just an argument. How do you know what happened?" Vince demanded answers.

"She was on the phone with me…I was on my way to pick her up cuz of your ass"

"Ah, she didn't have her car…" Vince remembered now.

He stood up, which forced Billy back a step, and he started pacing, running his hand through his hair agitatedly. Spanish was spewing out of his mouth and Billy only gave him a moment of crazy.

"English, asshole!" he demanded.

"Man, I crossed a line, man…I said some shit…"

"I noticed," Billy glared daggers at him.

"That's between me and her," Vince shook his head, knowing the question that Billy left unspoken - he wanted to know. "So what's goin' on … you know who took her?"

Now it was Billy's turn to drag a hand over his head.

"Yeah, I fuckin' know"

"…so wha're we doin' _**here**_?"

"My boys gotta find 'em…and **we** ain't doin' shit," Billy shook his head.

"Bullshit, you're letting me help"

"Fuck you," Billy spat back.

"Who are you to turn down help, bro? Huh? Obviously you got a situation you can't control; let me help you…"

Billy eyed him up. No way. No fucking way.

"You know I can help. I'm not some pansy-ass, white-collar bitch. I'm what she's got left - I'm supposed to be protecting her for Connor, yeah? Who the hell else is gonna want her safe more than me?"

"Me," Billy challenged. "…I ain't gonna let you help me just cuz you're harboring some fucking hard-on for her," Billy doubted Vince's reasons.

"What? I ain't lookin' at her like that, bro - she's the closest thing I've got to Connor; that's all I care about…"

Billy reeled back slightly at that in surprise, wondering if that was some unexpected homosexual confession.

"Oh, fuck you," Vince spat, reading it in his face. "He was like my god damn brother and he died right in front of me. You try losing that brother of yours…you latch on to anything you can. I'm hanging by threads here, man, with whatever connections I got left. I can't lose more family."

Billy had seen friends die…maybe he could empathize.

"…you got that crazy post-traumatic shit?" he checked; he didn't have time for that.

"Nah"

"…ya got your own gun?" Billy checked.

Vince had a point; Vince **did** know what he was doing and had loyalty to Natalie to get her ass back.

"Yeah"

"Grab it"

Vince sped to the bedroom to the gun case and retrieved what he needed, extra clips shoved into his coat, which he pulled on. He returned to the main room tucking his handgun in the waist of his jeans.

Billy stepped in front of him at the door, pointing at him harshly.

"I'm calling the shots, and don't get in my way. This ain't the army - it ain't legal. If you got a problem with that, don't fucking bother," he stated sternly.

"Ain't a stranger to illegal," Vince promised.

Billy nodded. Natalie had filled him in on some of Vince's past with his shitty parents and worse numerous foster homes. He'd apparently been able to jive back when he was a kid, so they were about to see if he still had it.

"This doesn't mean I like you," Billy decided to clarify when they got to the parking lot.

**"Same for you, fucker," Vince responded casually.**

Billy would've smirked at his balls any other day but walked stoically down the street now. They waited by Billy's car, silently waiting for the guys returned. They boys hadn't found anything except one little street urchin who'd seen three guys shove some chick into a car and showed them the direction - he'd wanted $20 for the information, but he got Baggy's fist in the gut instead.

"Alright. In. Now, c'mon," Billy ordered, pointing everyone back to the vehicles.

"So…what? He's one of us?" Joe raised an eyebrow, skeptical of this Vince character.

"For now," Billy nodded once, waving Joe into the backseat.

* * *

**And that's that. R and R.**


	27. Not Anymore

**Okay so i know i said i'd get this up over the weekend...but Monday is pretty close to the weekend, right? I sat down to skim through the chapter and post it on Saturday and i started rethinking something about it...so i mulled it over a little since then but ultimately decided to keep the chap as it was. I wrote it this way back when i came up with this whole part, so i'm leaving it.**

**I thikn maybe i'm just getting apprehensive because, alas, we are nearing the end! what what! This story has kind of been my little baby for quite a while...my past time that I've plugged away at, and I know I'll miss it.  
Do not worry, though, if you're a fan...i'm 99.9% sure there's a sequel. i've contemplated leaving it but have already started typing up a sequel so I'm pretty sure I'm going with it because, well...I'm just not done...? lol, craziness heehee**

**But enough of that, on with chapter 27...**

_

* * *

_

**Not Any More**_  
I'm so far down, away from the sun  
__That shines to light the way for me  
__To find my way back into the arms  
__That care about the ones like me  
_'_**Away From the Sun' by 3 Doors Down**_

Natalie sat on a cement floor shivering. Her hands were cuffed behind her back securely as they had been the entire time she was in there; she wasn't sure how long that may be. She sat in only her bra and underwear as her clothes had been discarded not that long after she was forced inside.

She'd been treated roughly but hadn't been violated like she had been the last time. Ethan said something about not being into forcing chicks, and she hadn't seen Riley yet…hopefully it'd stay that way. She had been knocked around some, though; she had some bruises and scrapes. Mostly she'd been yelled at and threatened. The threats on her life obviously hadn't been carried out yet but she wasn't in much of a position to doubt them.

One of the doors slammed open and she jumped.

"Come to check on ya, princess," Ethan strolled in casually, squatting down in front of her.

She was already huddled up to stay warm and she pulled her legs tighter to her chest to block herself from him.

"Aw, now don't be like that," he chuckled, rubbing her legs with his rough hands. "Aw, ya really are soft…if you let me at ya, I might let you go, huh?"

Natalie blinked away tears and shook her head.

"What's that? Couldn't hear," he smirked, pushing his hand up her thigh.

She shook her head again more urgently since she couldn't talk because of the tape over her mouth.

"Ungrateful bitch, aren't ya?" Ethan spat, slapping her across the face before grabbing her jaw to slam her head against the wall and make her look at him. "Bet you thought your boy would be here…guess he ain't comin' for ya, doll face," he laughed at her. "So you might be changing your tune pretty damn soon here."

She shook her head as much as she could in his hold.

He'd constantly been telling her Billy wasn't coming, that she wasn't anything and she was stuck, but she refused to buy into it. She couldn't let herself. Besides, if Billy didn't give a shit, why would they have bothered with her? They wanted Billy to show up because they wanted revenge after he'd killed their boys…they were just fucking with her.

Billy would come. He had to. Right?

* * *

24 damn hours. That's a long ass time. Billy wondered if it felt longer to him or Natalie…maybe he didn't want to know.

He was sitting in the chapel of the abandoned mental hospital - The Office. Heco had found the junkie friend of another junkie, and this tweaker dealt with Ethan directly more than once. The boys were down the hall pumping every bit of information he had out of him. Billy had been there, naturally, but the more it dragged on the more he just wanted t kill the druggie, and that wouldn't help.

Natalie's purse was on the floor in front of him; he'd gone through it a couple times by now, just to see her stuff and convince himself she was okay. She had to be. She'd been a little fighter though everything, had trooped right through, so she had to be alright.

Christ. She didn't deserve any of this shit…she didn't do anything. All she did was give two shits about him and look where she ended up.

He wasn't sure what he'd been thinking going and dragging her into this life. He just couldn't leave well enough alone.

The girl was fighting her parents, saw a counselor, got molested on the street, and now she was kidnapped - and for what?

He was going to make it right. He was going to get her back and kill every last one of them. He never should've let up after sinking the first couple bodies. They thought Ethan and his guys had run off to an easier city, but clearly not. How could he have been stupid enough to make that mistake…

_'That's rookie bull shit_,' a voice in the back of his mind scolded him; the voice sounded suspiciously like that of his father.

He was lucky Bones hadn't shown up yet raising hell about empty corners, but he just didn't give a shit right now. Not one.

The chapel doors flew open and Billy hardly blinked.

"We got it, man," Bodie called to him. "Billy?….yo, you comin'?" he asked frantically; he was ready to roll because he knew this could have just as easily have been Angela - he needed Natalie to be okay, too.

That was a stupid question so Billy didn't even respond. He just stood up and folded the picture he carried, tucking it back safely into a pocket. It was the one he'd taken from her father's PI folder, and he'd been staring at it - the girl in that picture better be in one piece when he found her.

They hurried downstairs and out front where all their cars were waiting.

"You," Billy pointed at Vince, waving him over.

They held a hushed conversation and Bodie watched, figuring he was making sure, again, that this outsider knew the score.

"You good?" Bodie rose an eyebrow when they got in the car.

"I'll be fucking good when we get these fuckers"

Bodie nodded and they raced off to the warehouse.

They cursed the fact that they hadn't found it sooner. They should've known, really. The shit-hole was dilapidated, past condemned, but their latest informant happened to know the two-level basement had transformed into a new drug den. They manufactured there and a bunch of the guys lived there, which was why they hadn't been able to track all of them based on living in the city. Billy knew he should've thought of something like this - they themselves used the abandoned hospital for the same reason: no one was going to come poking around places like that.

Heco led the way and Billy had to admit he'd really redeemed himself from a lot of shit by finding that rat.

The warehouse was almost out of town. Nothing looked unordinary about it. It was almost perfect. Perfect until the fuckers inside decided to invite hell in on themselves. Well, Billy had found them and he was sure going in.

"Best way in?" he demanded, checking his guns.

"They park their cars over there where the roof ain't caved in and there's stairs," Heco pointed. "But there's an exit 'round the other side leading straight to the basement…like cellar doors of whatever they're called."

"Good. Split 'em," he pointed at Bodie, who quickly told everyone who was going where. "Alright, don't bother showin' mercy; they've been up our asses for too long. If you can leave Ethan alive, do it; if Natalie ain't in there I'm beating him to an inch of his life til he talks. Everybody clear?"

They nodded.

"Watch your asses then," he added before they wall wordlessly split.

They knew what had to be done. No one took their turf, and no one touched what was theirs.

No one.

* * *

Natalie could hear guns and she was panicking. Her heart raced first with excitement that someone had come for her, and then in fear because she didn't know how this was going to turn out. She'd been waiting for this but now she was realizing this could end badly….very badly. People were going to die but there was no telling who. Not yet.

She could hear shouting and gunfire and the racket of things breaking. The continuous nose frightened her but she tried to remind herself that if people were making noise it meant there were people alive…she just hoped it was the people she wanted.

She longed to be able to scream, to yell for help so they'd know where to find her more quickly but the long strip of tape stopped her. For a moment she told herself she should get up and get out of the room, but she had no protection against stray bullets and probably wouldn't be able to move too fast, so maybe it was smarter to stay where she was.

One of the doors sprang open again and she jumped, eyes widening in fear when a tall man with long hair who she had only see once thus far stalked over to her with long, purposeful stride. He grabbed her and hauled her to her feet, reaching behind her to unlock the handcuffs. She swung out at him but he grabbed the fist before it touched him and backhanded her roughly.

"Don't push me, bitch! You're lucky Ethan wants to kill you himself…more trouble than your worth," he shook his head, grabbing a fist full of her hair to force her across the room.

Her hands flew to his hand on the back of her head, clawing at it to try to get him to loosen his grip - it felt like he was about to pull the hair clean out of her head. Her eyes watered even more and she grunted when he pushed her back to the ground, her knees slamming into the hard floor.

Piping ran along this wall and he quickly secured her hands again so that the chain of the handcuffs was around a thick pipe.

"Can't have ya getting away," he sneered at her before making a quick exit.

He left the door open behind him and the melee sounded louder than ever without the barrier. She soon registered that noise was getting closer; most of the action must be on the same floor as her now. Frantically, she raised her head towards her hands and got her fingers under the tape, peeling it away.

"Help!" she began screaming, repeating herself over and over.

Natalie knew there was a chance no one would even be able to hear her but she was sure she'd go crazy if she just kept sitting there listening. She clanged the metal of her handcuffs against the pipe but wasn't sure if this, either, would be heard.

"Help?…what do you need help from?"

Natalie sighed in a defeated way when Ethan came back in. He tried to look measured and in control but he was panting…it really must be chaos out there. He closed the door behind him and came right over to her, his suntanned face covered in thin perspiration.

"So what do you say, we leave your dead body for your boy Billy to find? Hmm?" he grinned sickly. "Or maybe I shoot you somewhere so you'll bleed out slow…maybe you'll even be alive when he gets you, but you'll just bleed to death chained to that wall while he watches. Which do you prefer?" he asked, squatting down next to her. "What it comes down to is do you want to feel no pain, or do you want a chance to say goodbye…" he toyed with her mind.

Natalie looked away from him but he grabbed her neck and wrenched her closer to him.

"Well, what'll it be, bitch?" he spat in her face.

Natalie sputtered for air as he pinched her airway dangerously tight. He let go when she started to worry for her consciousness and she blinked rapidly, sucking in air deeply.

"It'll be a shame to kill something so pretty," he sighed, stroking her throat softly with his thumb and shoving his gun under her chin. "Should've had better taste in men, sweet thing…."

He grabbed her hair to yank her head back and trace the column of her throat with the barrel of his gun. She shivered uncontrollable from fear and cold, and a tear fell down her cheek when she blinked. She heard some commotion but it seemed so far away; she supposed she was past caring. She was waiting, wondering if she'd feel anything…she hoped she didn't hurt too much.

"Look who came to join the party," Ethan drawled, pulling her hair to jerk her head to the left.

Billy stood in the doorway, door wide open and gun raised out in front of him. His face was hard and emotionless, but she still sobbed in relief to see him. His eyes darted down to her and his mouth twitched before he looked back at Ethan.

"Whattcha gonna do, Darley?" Ethan challenged, shifting so he was mostly behind Natalie.

Billy just stood there, arm still out as he sized up the situation. He wasn't exactly in an ideal position in the room…

"Your girl and I were just having a little conversation," Ethan continued to talk, forcing Natalie to look at him again.

Natalie grunted and was upset that Billy wasn't in her line of vision anymore because he was a sense of security even though she knew she was still in danger.

"Talking about how she's gonna die"

"Hiding behind girls now?" Billy ground out.

"Whatever works," Ethan shrugged carelessly. "Your boys killed my cousin…maybe I take your woman and we call it even…"

"Better fuckin' think again"

"…she is a sweet little thing," Ethan sighed, pressing the gun into her cheek. "She was happy to show me just how sweet, weren't ya? We had a lot of fun together; I see why ya keep her around," he taunted Billy.

Billy's jaw clenched and his fingers tightened around his gun .

"So lower the gun, Darley; we both know I've got the advantage here," Ethan instructed. "I'll blow another hole in her face, you know I will…"

Billy slowly lowered his arm some, conceding to the face that Ethan had him in a bind here.

Ethan chuckled and slowly stood, gun still pointed straight down at Natalie. She wanted to run, to get away, but all she could do was shrink back against the wall.

_BANG!_

Natalie gasped audibly but felt no pain, so her eyes automatically went to Billy. He was standing as rigidly as ever but as she whipped her head back in front of her, Ethan was crumpled to the ground and blood was pooling.

"Oh God," she breathed, crowding against the wall.

She didn't understand what happened; Billy's gun still wasn't fully raised. She looked to him again and he was staring across the room; following his gaze she found Vince in the other doorway with his gun raised straight in front of him.

"Vince…"

What was he doing here? He looked at her but then someone shouted behind him and he ran off down the hall.

Billy was in front of her now, standing near Ethan's body. He kicked the gun away from him and made sure he was dead, though Vince's shot looked thorough.

"Billy," Natalie whispered, reaching towards him the best she could.

He finally looked at her again and took the hand that was trying to extend to him, and he squatted down next to her.

"You're okay…" he exhaled deeply.

"Yeah, I'm okay; I'll be okay," she nodded, squeezing his hand.

He stroked her face, wiping away the long streak on her face from her tears, and she didn't even care that the gun was still in his hand and was now near her face. Billy was there and that's what mattered.

He circled an arm around her and pulled her to him tightly. Natalie melted against him, a feeling of safety starting to settle into her. She sighed shakily, willing herself not to cry.

"Thank you for coming," she sniffed, burying her face in his chest.

"Oh course I fucking came," he pulled back and cupped her face to make her look at him.

"…Billy, what he said…what Ethan said, it was a lie. We didn't…we didn't do that," she felt the need to assured him.

"I know," he told her firmly.

"He didn't…I mean, nobody even touched me like last time. They took my clothes, but they didn't…"

"Okay. It's alright," he promised, dropping a light kiss to her lips. She tried to reach to him but couldn't, whimpering in frustration; she just wanted to hold him and get out of there.

He turned his attention to the handcuffs now and yanked on them in frustration.

"Does he have the keys?" he asked, looking back at Ethan.

"I don't think so…some guy with long hair; I don't know him," Natalie sniffed.

"Alright…I have to go find him," Billy told her slowly.

"No…no, please don't leave," she shook her head quickly.

"I ain't leaving; I'm coming back. But I need these keys…"

All new tears welled up but she nodded and didn't let herself protest when he stood up away from her. He shed his coat quickly and draped it over her.

"Don't look at him," he instructed, catching her glancing at Ethan's lifeless body.

She nodded and he paused, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead for a long moment. He stood up then and hurried out.

Natalie closed her eyes so she didn't have to see Ethan, and the scent from Billy's coat surrounded her. Smoke, maybe some alcohol, and just…Billy. Whatever smells made up his life, his essence, she could take it in and maybe relax a little.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, though she was sure I had to have been quiet a while. She just kept her eyes closed and focused on breathing steadily.

"Nat…"

She gasped and jerked up. Vince was hurrying to her side, kneeling down beside her and producing the little silver key to unlock free her hands. He hugged her quickly and she hugged him back with her now-free arms.

"Vince, you're here; oh my god…"

"Yeah I'm here…I'm sorry about what I said; I'm so sorry; I'm just glad you're safe…"

"I know - wait, where's Billy? Where is he?" she demanded, pushing him away.

"They're having a little issue - two guys barricaded themselves in somewhere; he's helping' 'em out. I'm just gonna get you outta here where it's safe, okay? C'mon."

Natalie nodded and rose slowly, puling the coat on the right way. It was too big but it kept her warmer and covered her…and it was Billy.

"You can walk right? You're okay?"

Natalie nodded affirmatively and he curled his arms around her shoulders to lead her out. She jumped when she heard yelling but Vince's tightened his arm on her.

"It's okay. You're fine; I got you," he promised, moving them cautiously down the hall.

They almost literally ran into Tommy rounding a corner and she jerked violently; even Vince raised his gun in caution.

"Just me, bro. Hey baby girl. You get outta here, yeah?" he winked at her before loping off to the others.

They didn't see anyone else as they slipped upstairs and then up through some cellar-like doors. Her feet were freezing as Vince led her across the frozen ground but it really only mattered that she was out of there. He helped her into a car she knew was Jamie's, and they took off without a word.

She relaxed into the seat; she was safe…finally so safe. She was exhausted, though, but she could barely close her eyes because she was so on edge. They continued for quite some time….kept driving and driving.

"Vince, where are we going?" Natalie sighed.

She knew they had been driving for over an hour and she was getting tired against her will.

"Goin' to a little motel. The plan was get you out of the city quick just in case, you know? Ain't takin' any chances this time…I got an outline of what happened before."

She nodded slowly and soon drifted off in her seat.

"Natalie…girl, we're here"

Vince prodded Natalie gently and she slowly opened her eyes. Her head was resting against the cool window and she sat up slowly, looking around. He held up the room key he'd just retrieved and she nodded tiredly, letting herself out of the car to follow him inside to their room. It was small but it had two beds…oh, wow, a bed. She wanted to sleep for hours…days, even, and forget this whole thing.

She used the bathroom first, and then eyed the shower…maybe she needed a shower first. Natalie stripped her minimal clothes and basked in the hot water. It stung her scrapes and lifting her arms hurt her side, but the fresh feeling of washing off compensated for that. When she exited, sweat pants and a t-shirt were sitting on the counter; she didn't even question the fact that planning had gone into this and clothes were here.

"Hey…was that Billy?" she asked quietly when Vince was hanging up the phone upon her reentering the room.

He shook his head.

"Well…has he called? Is he on his way?" she blinked slowly, sitting on the bed that Vince wasn't perched on.

"He ain't coming, Nat…"

"What? Oh my god, is he okay?" she jumped back up.

Vince was silent, staring at the floor.

"Vince!"

"…he's fine…he just ain't coming."

"…what?"

"He had me bring you here rather than bring you himself. You're safe here, you can recoup, and then we'll go home…but not with him. Not with him anymore…"

"You're lying," Natalie shook her head, backing up to lean against the wall.

"Nat…"

"…you're lying, and he's going to be so mad at you," she continued to shake her head.

But his eyes were earnest and tears slowly made lines down her face.

* * *

"So what now," Heco asked Billy as they headed up the stairs of the warehouse to get outside.

"We torch it," Billy told him, face set.

Burn the collapsing, unused warehouse. No one would give a shit. It would burn level to the ground, nothing but ashes, and no one would care…no one would even look beneath the burnt remains.

He was decided, his face a detached mask.

"Let it burn…it'll be like none of it ever fuckin' happened"

* * *

**So i hope you liked the update; shoot me a review to let me know. I appreciate all the review i've gotten so far - thanks for the support =)**

**Also, since I mentioned a sequel earlier, I'll just let you know that when i come up with a title for it, I'll be sure to post it on this story for a head's up...and then maybe a link to it when i finally start getting it up here...that way anyone who's subscribed to the story and would want to read the sequel will be able to find it very easily. I'm very reluctant to let this story stand alone and create a whole new story...like i'm afraid people won't find it or something lol. Because everyone's who's been reading/reviewing on this story has been really great so i want to keep you updated if you want updated!**

**Anyway, the next chap shouldn't be too long in coming. **


	28. Adult

**I'm SUPER sorry it's been weeeeeks since i added the last chapter. I've been crazy busy and also...i think i'm just a little sorry to be done with this...well, for now anyway. I've really enjoyed the story so i'm bummed for it to be done-ish... ... ...but i'll say more at the end...**

**dah, i feel very nervous uploading this...**

* * *

Adult_  
Maybe if my heart stops beating  
____It won't hurt this much  
__And never will I have to answer  
__Again to anyone  
_'_**Never Let This Go' by Paramore  
_**_

The next couple days passed in a blur.

Vince had guided Natalie into her bed that night and, despite her crying, she'd fallen asleep almost instantly. She'd felt numb when she woke up, and even though Vince felt uncomfortable with crying he didn't like seeing her blank face either. It was probably better to show emotion….right?

Well he got his wish that afternoon after he ran out to get some food for them. He walked back in to see her throw her phone down, tears pouring over her cheeks.

"Aw, girl, what happened?" he asked, quickly setting down the food.

"…Billy wouldn't answer," she sniffed, sinking to sit on the corner of the bed. "What's he doing?"

"…doing what's right. After everything that's happened even he's smart enough to know the score…" he explained, squatting in front of her to be able to look her in the face.

"I didn't mean to - it just happened…" she cried, wiping at her eyes.

"What happened?" Vince asked, wondering if she'd left a bad voicemail or something.

"Everything that's happened…with Riley, with Ethan - I know I've caused a lot of trouble and-"

Vince threw a finger over her lips and looked at her sternly.

"You shut up right now with all that," he ordered. "That ain't your fault - it's his. That's the whole point, _chica_. He knows. He knows what he's done to you….shit, Nat; no it's not your fault. He hasn't been cleaning up _your_ messes, he's cleaning up his own!"

Natalie shook her head but then rethought and nodded instead. She knew it wasn't her fault…Billy would be pissed at her for even thinking that.

Billy…

So she cried some more and Vince didn't have much choice but to just hold her; he still didn't fully know how to react to the tears, but no one else was there to do if for him so he sucked it up.

Natalie thought somewhere in the back of her mind that she was being a little melodramatic…but, no, a man she'd loved broke it off with her. Not to mention he'd done it unceremoniously **and** just following one of the scariest times of her life. The weight of Billy being done with her on top of the emotional rollercoaster she'd gone through in that basement was too overwhelming.

So there were a lot of tears for the few days they stayed holed up in the hotel. Vince patiently muddle through the role of comforter - it wasn't as though he'd been expecting her to like this. He didn't blame her for thinking he was lying at first; he hadn't expected it to happen either…..

_They hurried downstairs and out front where all their cars were waiting. _

_"You," Billy pointed at Vince, waving him over._

_Vince strode to Billy's side, sure he was going to get the "You do as I say" talk again before they left. _

_"Man, I'm ready to back your play…let's just go get her," Vince cut him off, itching to just go already._

_"Yeah, we're gonna get her…you're gonna take her outta the city," Billy nodded confidently._

_"Huh?"_

_"Where it's safe…just for a few days or somethin' to be sure," Billy continued, shoving a wad of cash into Vince's coat. "Don't let anything happen to your ass, cuz you're the one who's gotta take her away…"_

_"…away…" Vince narrowed his eyes, unsure if this was going where he thought - it couldn't possibly be._

_Everyone was milling around and Vince saw Bodie watching, waiting impatiently, but Billy was being quiet enough that no one else was involved in the conversation._

_"Yeah - away from here, away from me. Give her a few days, let her forget about me, and take her to her parents'," he spat._

_"Forget about you?" Vince's eyes widened._

_"That's what I fuckin' said," Billy snapped. "She shouldn't be anywhere near me, god damn it. Don't pretend ya don't fuckin' know that; you're not stupid. I'm fucking trusting ya to get her out and keep her safe," Billy shoved his finger into Vince's chest. _

_"She ain't gonna like it, bro," Vince told him warily._

_"No shit, but who gives a fuck. You don't. Just do it!" Billy snarled._

_Why was the moron arguing? Shouldn't he be fucking ecstatic? They didn't even get along, surely he knew Natalie was better off as far away from Billy as she could get. _

_"Alright, man…I can do that," Vince nodded in the affirmative. _

_"Good. Here's extra keys to Jamie's car," Billy pulled out a key ring and tucked that in Vince's coat, too. "His is the white one; take that when you leave. I'll tell him later."_

_"Okay…"_

_Vince started at Billy, took in his hard face, his set but slightly wild eyes._

_"…you gonna be alright?"_

_"Like ya give a shit; let's go," Billy shrugged, leading the way to his car and motioning Vince into the back before he got behind the wheel. _

_"You good?" Bodie rose an eyebrow when they got in the car. _

_"I'll be fucking good when we get these fuckers"_

And that was that. Vince had his assignment from Billy and to hell if he wasn't going to follow through. He was shocked Billy had come to the decision, but Vince didn't disagree. Natalie, too, should find in time that it would be better this way.

Better to let someone like Billy Darley be a memory.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Jennifer Shepherd gasped, hurrying down the hall when Natalie and Vince let themselves inside the house.

She got one look at Natalie's face, which still had a fading bruise on it and a thin cut on her cheek bone - the cut was from being backhanded by a man with a ring, but she wasn't going to tell her mom that.

"We just got in an accident yesterday, we're okay," Vince answered with a calm look.

Jennifer examined Natalie's face and then pulled her into a hug.

"Mom, ow," Natalie muttered, pulling back.

She'd been transported too roughly and shoved into walls enough that her body was sensitive and sore…but she wouldn't tell her mom that either.

"What?"

"Just whiplash; I'm sore…" she explained, easing back.

"What's going on…the hell?" her dad entered, stopping, glaring at the marred skin on her face.

"There was a car accident, Chris; both of them," her mom fussed. "Vince, are _you_ okay?" her mom asked, examining the gash along his chin.

"Yeah, just glass…no body was seriously hurt," Vince promised.

"…did you go to the hospital?"

"…no"

"Oh, well, we need to disinfect this," Jennifer insisted; she needed something to do with her hands or she'd flip out.

Vince happily let her lead him to the guest bathroom to fetch the first aid kit and see what she could do for the wound; he'd had worse, but he'd humor her.

"You sure you're okay?" her dad asked, eyes scanning her in concern.

She nodded.

"You should've called us, honey; we should've come to get you…."

"We were with some of Vince's friends, so we got a ride. We crashed at Vince's last night night"

"Vince's…not Billy?"

"No. Vince," she nodded, scratching her head for something to do; she didn't want to talk about that.

"Alright…why don't you come sit down and rest," her dad nodded, giving her a light hug before he took her to the other room.

Natalie returned the hug earnestly, wrapping her arms tightly around him. She couldn't help it. Maybe they didn't always get along - they **definitely **didn't always get along - but he was something constant in her life. As the father figure, he was the pillar of protection and security…and she was just feeling really small right about now.

He started in surprise but continued to hug her in return, careful of the body she'd announced was sore.

"…this wasn't a car accident, was it?" he whispered after several long moments without pulling away.

"… …no," she admitted just as quietly.

"Natalie, did he do something do you? Did he hurt you - is that why Vince is here?"

"No"

"…if he did something I can protect you; I can make sure he goes away," he promised, still not pulling away lest that break the moment she was choosing to be honest with him in.

"Billy didn't do anything," she promised, voice hitching on his name. "Something happened but it wasn't him - he's the one who came and got me. Him and Vince…"

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it"

And for the first time since this "Billy thing" had started, Chris let those words go. She felt too fragile to him right now to question it further. Besides, she was there…and she wasn't keen on the Billy subject; maybe it was done.

He was ruefully impressed, however, to hear the man had protected his daughter. Still, without all the details, there was no reason to give the hoodlum too much credit.

"…should we just let your mom think it was an accident?"

Natalie tried not to smile, since it wasn't funny, but she nodded as she pulled apart form her dad.

"Alright"

* * *

The next day Vince let himself into _The Four Roses_; he'd probably never be back, but he was alright with that. He spotted "the guys" in the back but he didn't go chum it up with them. They'd all been alright with each other while they all worked together to find Natalie, but he didn't think he counted them as friends. Allies for the time, but they weren't much more than that.

"Can you make sure Billy gets these, _amigo_, yeah?" Vince asked Sammy, pulling keys from his pocket that belonged to a white car that wasn't his.

"…you already got his attention, buddy," Sammy nodded to the large table in the back.

Vince swiveled his head around and, sure enough, Billy was staring straight at him with a cigarette in his lips, face blank. Some of the other guys were watching, but said nothing. Vince held the keys up to indicate them and then set them on the corner of the bar before draping Billy's coat over a stool. Billy ticked his head up in a nod of acknowledgement, and with that Vince left. He didn't look back, didn't care to try and stay attached to any of them. He'd bonded-in with them to do what had to be done; now it was over and he could move on. Move on like he always did. He'd be staying in the city, though, to make sure Natalie was alright.

"The hell?" Joe muttered.

He knew the keys had to be Jamie's; this Vince had used the car to get Natalie out of dodge the other night. They'd all gotten rowdy upon realizing the absence of the car, Vince, and Natalie, but Billy hadn't batted an eye. Instead he told them to forget it.

So then they'd assumed Vince had taken her to the apartment or, worse case, the hospital. But he wasn't anywhere…neither of them were. Still, Billy wasn't freaking out the way he should've been. Three days, now, and not a word on any of it; the guys all exchanged looks and quite words when Billy wasn't around, but they weren't damned stupid enough to question it to his face.

Only Joe had braved that, and Billy had promptly told him to mind his own damned business.

"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up, Joe?" Billy glared at him across the table.

"B-"

"Fuck off!" Billy barked.

Joe still felt a little defiant but Bodie nudged his shoulder, shaking his head slowly. No good could come of it, not right now.

* * *

Natalie had returned to school quickly; she wanted something to feel normal. Maybe if she pretended enough then she'd snap out of the daze she was in and pull it together.

She'd soon realized school would be a little hard, though, and couldn't deny it after a few more days of class. She had books at Billy's, and her laptop was there, too. She didn't know what to do about that, though her first instinct had been to call Vince. That made sense…Vince was obviously in on the whole thing so Billy would let him finish what he started and help sever their connection permanently.

So she wasn't sure why she was parked at Billy's building, staring at his Mustang next to her car. This wasn't the easy way, wasn't the painless way to do thing. But Billy had her things…school supplies and clothes. If this was his choice, then she needed her stuff back.

She swallowed heavily and grabbed the duffle bag from the back seat before trudging up the stairs slowly. This place had a lot of memories, mostly good ones, and she wasn't sure if she could even handle being in his apartment right now.

She knocked, never mind that she still had an old copy of the key. It didn't feel right to let herself in.

"It's open"

She almost turned around when she heard his voice; maybe she didn't want to do this.

She knocked again; she didn't want to let herself in…the action would be too familiar. She heard movement, stomping around and then a hand grabbed the handle roughly.

"I said it w-"

He froze, eyes wide in shock. He quickly narrowed them, waiting silently.

"I, uh…need my stuff," she explained; she hadn't felt this nervous in front of him since she first met him.

Billy tilted his head and then turned to look around the apartment. Well, fuck him, her stuff was wherever she'd left it. A couple books sat on the coffee table and her laptop was sitting at the edge of the table. Her clothes were in his room, too; he just hadn't thought about it because he hadn't opened that drawer. He hadn't noticed her things because, well, he was used to having them there…like they belonged.

They didn't belong there.

He stepped back and opened the door wider to let her pass. She did, not letting herself edge closer to him. She looked around, unsure where to start. So she just started closest to her at the coffee table because she had to start **somewhere** -she couldn't just keep standing there like an idiot. Billy just watched her drop books into the black bag she'd brought.

He silently followed a few feet behind when she went to the bedroom. She set her bag on the dresser and started to pull out the clothes in the middle drawer, which had at some point become hers upon unspoken agreement. She folded the clothes and set them away, but she soon wasn't bothering to straighten anything and was just tucking them away without a word. It took him a minute to realize it was because she was crying. Her eyes were full and tiny tears leaked past her eyelid.

Natalie didn't like being in there. She didn't like seeing the bed where they'd made love, the place they'd just spent time just laying together, where Billy had said a lot of things she didn't know gang lords could even say.

"…Joe can bring you your stuff," Billy finally spoke, throwing her a lifeline.

She stopped and thought about it for a minute but shook her head, and shoved away a pair of jeans.

"I should do it," she responded quietly, wiping the dampness away with a finger.

He sighed and she squatted to grab the couple pair of shoes she had there tucked under the end of bed. She dropped them into her bag, trying not to look at Billy. Why the hell was he just standing there anyway?

"What's the matter with you?" she turned to him, throwing her hands up because anger had bubbled unbidden within her.

Billy's eyebrow jumped at the turn of emotions but he remained impassive.

"Answer me…can you?"

He just stood there, crossing his arms over his chest.

"…well, you have the worst timing. If you were going to drop me on my ass you should've done it a long time ago - it would've saved us all some trouble," she shook her head at him, grabbing the last few articles of clothing and shoving them in her bag in one big heap.

"Worst timing," she continued to mutter. "You could've done it before - you could've told me," she changed her sentence, not wanting to mention anything that had happened. "I don't even remember our last kiss cuz, ya know…you never expect it to be the last one. And the last person to have their hands on me was Ethan so, ya know, that was great," she bit sarcastically, wiping away tears that betrayed her and slipped down her face. "You just should've told me."

She dried her eyes and grabbed her bag to brush past him but he grabbed her arm before she got far. He turned her quickly and kissed her, deepening it quickly.

"Now you'll remember," he informed her, pulling her back to continue kissing her.

They both poured passion into it; it was almost frantic. Billy's hands slowly skimmed her sides and rounded under her butt to slowly lift her up around his waist. He settled her there and one hand stayed under her while the other rubbed her thigh, then moved up to cup her face and continue to kiss her. Her arms were wrapped loosely around his neck and she was breathing raggedly by the time his mouth descended to her neck.

"…this doesn't change anything, but I can take him away," he whispered when he was close to her ear.

He'd gladly take Ethan off her skin, out of her memory, but that didn't change his decision.

Natalie didn't speak right away, just let him continue to suck along her throat. He was touching her so carefully and their kiss had been so passionate…it was perfect. Or it would be if it wasn't heartbreaking. Each movement was so sweet, but it tore her apart.

"I can't," she forced herself to say, even if she wanted to.

She'd want to stay even more if they did this. If they wound up in bed, she'd never want to get out…it would make leaving harder than it was.

"Billy, I can't"

He stopped and slowly lowered her to her feet, turning away and rubbing his nose agitatedly.

"It doesn't have to be this way," Natalie told him after taking a step back to give their bodies space.

"I made my decision," Billy shook his head.

"Bu-"

"You should just get your shit, Nat, and go. I shouldda sent Joe with your stuff by now; you shouldn't be here. Ya never shouldda been here…..fuckin' stupid," he shook his head.

"Hey, I-"

"It ain't worth it; it never was. Just go ahead and get your shit," he instructed, waving his hand towards the apartment.

She could see something different about his eyes now. He was sure; this was his final decision, and everybody knew there was no arguing with him when his mind was made up. She used to have sway with him but If she "wasn't worth it" like he said than she doubted she had that influence now.

She shook her head and went to the bathroom to grab her small bag of things, and she packed up her computer and put it on the top of everything in her bag. She took in the alcohol bottles sitting in the sink….more than typical, but it didn't look like that was her problem anymore.

She knew the way out so she opened the door for herself, but she couldn't quite get herself to step over the threshold.

"Billy…" she turned back around, hand still on the door.

"Just go…c'mon, get out," he told her firmly.

He didn't want to get in a rage to get her out but he really couldn't look at her right now. Couldn't fucking face her. He didn't want this to end in a hideous way, but he just wanted it to fucking **end**. Didn't she get it?

And she did go, clicking the door shut behind her. He wished she would've slammed it - that would've fit better with his fucking mood.

Natalie took the elevator down with her bag. She could picture the first time she'd been in the building…he was standing right where she was now, watching her, goading her…kissing her for the first time.

She hurried out when the doors opened with a "ping" and she walked briskly to her car.

"Nat!"

She jumped but relaxed to see Joe jogging over. He had that infamous brown leather sack swinging on his arm. Billy had that on him now and then - stupid thing.

"Hey Joe," she nodded, unlocking her car to drop her bag inside.

"You got your stuff…." he eyed it remorsefully.

"Yeah I needed some of it," she nodded.

"Well…well…" he couldn't seem to spit the words out.

"Well…what?"

"…I didn't think it was for real," he muttered, scuffing his foot on the ground.

"Whatever," Natalie tried to shrug if off.

Joe didn't buy it and he didn't like it. He didn't want her to go. He liked having her around; she was a fun girl and most of all he liked what she did for Billy. Billy was different with her around, and Joe just liked her. She was like a sister and he could be real with her…nonchalant and just…something.

"I should go, Joe," she sighed; she didn't want to hang around. "I'm sure I'll see you."

She wasn't positive of that, of course, but if anything happened with him and Amanda then she was sure she'd hear about it and see the two.

"Hold on," Joe spoke up, reaching into his sack.

Natalie's eyes widened. From what she'd gathered there were only ever two things in there: drugs or money. She wanted neither from him.

So she was surprised when he pulled out her little black purse….the one she'd had that night by Vince's house.

"Oh…"

"Yeah, I was gonna give it to Paige…or Baggy to give to Paige, whichever came first," he explained. "You're phone's there, too…Billy had me take it to get fixed cuz the screen cracked."

"Thanks Joe," she smiled, taking it.

"Yeah, it wasn't a big deal…see you then I guess…"

"Bye," she smiled, getting in and going straight home.

She didn't cry like she thought she would….though she knew it would happen later, maybe when it was dark and she could curl up in her bed. She wouldn't say she felt at "peace" but she felt calm for now.

Unfortunately her dad was home when she walked in with the large, filled duffle bag with her clothes, school things, and whatever else she'd seen and grabbed of her own.

"What's that?" her dad frowned.

"My stuff," she answered simply.

"… …oh," he realized after a moment. "…that's a lot of stuff to have had at an apartment that's not yours," he felt the need to point out.

"Yeah, well, I'm an adult, and adults live together all the time, dad," she responded, not caring if it was rude, before she lugged it upstairs.

Yes, they were adults. They'd made their decisions.

Adults could cope…deal and move on. So she'd be an adult and move on.

They'd both have to.

Natalie wasn't sure what she'd ever had planned as far as a long-term future for Billy and herself, hadn't really thought out the details. She was certain she hadn't foreseen this, though; she hadn't seen the sudden split. But it had happened and she'd have to move on.

She'd been adult enough to make the informed decision of being with Billy Darley. Now she had to be adult enough to pick up the pieces and move on.

* * *

**Ahhhhh, i know! It's an ending that would make me do an "Ugh, what!" buuuut...i've kind of liked those kinds of stories lately...ones that end in a way you don't expect or just don't end ideally. Because, let's face it...not everything is ideal =( awww. EEK. Don't be salty of this ending... this is just where the story took me...FOR NOW. Because i like this whole thing, I plan to BE BACK when i actually get some damned time. the last year of college really is running me down, as much as i try not to let it**

**BUT i shall return eventually! .**

**Mostly i just want to thank everyone who has followed the story and shown some love! I am so completely thankful! It's been so great to have some support for my little creative outlet =) I don't know you all but i love all of ya =)**


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